ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Apr 06, 2005 - 03:24 |
 
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Ed Harsh here for a special report
A quiet day in Crowe land as we say goodbye to another fallen friend. Angels was a quiet fellow who didn't really rack up the stats...but was always in the thick of the action. He eschewed glory for team unity. A classic Beastman on the line. Block-Mighty Blow-Guard, he was in it for his mates til the very end. He joined the Herd not long after they began...44 games in total. It was a touching ceremony indeed. Team Capitan Gone gave a rousing eulogy, members of his family spoke of his gentle upbringing that belied such an unassuming warrior, and Lions sang his latest hit Bye Bye Funny Face
In Black Crowe tradition the newest Crowe GreasyGrassRiver carried the coffin to represent that life goes on.
Sad times indeed dear readers...but here's hoping the kidz can put this behind them and really train well this week in preparation for the Slumbering Skink match of Premier Rd 2. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Apr 09, 2005 - 10:51 |
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Hi there sports fans, I am Jahosh Gawwad and I shall be here all season long to give you news about the greatest team in the Regionals, Women Who Wear Little.
They have had a great start to the season, defeating Form Guide three blot, and defeating Good, Bad, Furry 3-2.
Their only serious injury so far as been a fractured leg on Paris Hilton, who has sworn to get back onto the field as soon it heals.
This has been Jahosh Gawwad, reminding you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Apr 10, 2005 - 02:56 |
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A quick snap from the Kazikam
The Place: The Chunkathon
The Game: Karaz Krasherz vs Wanna Beatin
The Play: Da Wall!
The Snap: Sweet trollish love!
It's a wonder dose trolls ever get past the staring stupidly at each other stage in the long flowering of a trollish romance. |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Apr 11, 2005 - 16:31 |
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More Kazikam snaps!
The Place: SWL Veteran's League
The Game: Karaz Krasherz (Snorri) vs AFL All Stars (Sp00n)
The Play: Crowd Riot!
The Snap: Kickoff! (Turn 1)
Desperately trying to get over there embarrassing 2 game losing streak (biggest they've ever had), the Krasherz lined up against the All Stars pumped up on snotling juice.
Wasn't very long before the crowd let the lads know just what they thought of having elves come and visit and show the elforcs up for the wannabe's they were. Kazi managed to take this quick snap from the safety of the dugout box after the incident. |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Apr 12, 2005 - 04:26 |
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This is Micky Ellem, bloodbowl reporter for the channel 6 news. Our hidden cameras take us into a Southern Mothers Association meeting, in this shocking expose on the naughty side of the mothers...
'A group of ladies of all ages have filled the Drunken Donkey tea house, with groups of all ages gathered on stools in the tea-bar area, at the rear of the bar we find the lovely tea garden, where the Gumbeast United coven are gathered sipping their lemon tea and nibbling on scones with jam and cream.
They are discussing a recent article in a newspaper which claims that women are looking for more... intimate contact in their lives. Star thrower John Gascoigne cannot agree more 'I envy you girls up the front getting some hands on action on the pitch, It is just so hard to find a man who is looking for the same things as me...' her team mates agree, 'Man Eater' Anders Hansson comments that 'My favourite match was against those young lads from I-House, gave them a nice cuddle and they went crying home to their mummies' the table erupts into nasty giggling, *Cant handle the Gumbeast United Magic*. 6 of those poor lads were seen limping after encountering the Gumbeast United squad in a heated game.
The discussion continues, and the attention turns to tonights big game, against Carlton United the main focus of discussion is that the Gumbeast squad are sorely missing their experienced positional players, who have retired after crippling injuries. At least we have some nice boys up first chimes in Leif 'Rabbo' Svensson, who is tipped to be facing retirement after struggling through even more plastic surgery, 'I have wanted to get my hands on that scrumptious Duke or his little friend Flash, just a bit of action on the field' she smirks.'
Star lineman Edward Worraker turns to the camera and screams 'Who is that! Thats no Southern Mother - 'Lets get him girls!', the camera falls to the ground, the mothers gather round and Edward lines up for one of her famous 'special massages'... the view fades to black.
It will be interesting to see how the naughty Gumbeast United squad recover after their shocking recent injury run. The Southern Mothers Association - the teams unofficial voice, have been keeping quiet over their plans.
This film comes from the late Warren 'Rabbit-Hole' Teggles. RIP. |
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Twahn
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Apr 13, 2005 - 04:13 |
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Edi the Birk: "Howdey Sportsfans, you're listening to Edi the Birk and we're coming live from the aftermath of the recent Carlton United vs. Gumbeast United Northern Conference clash! Carlton have just made their return this season, having been absent for the entirety of last season as the club spiralled into near ruin after a ticketing scandal had them banned from competition. All alledgedly fraudulent earnings have now been donated to Mr. Swan's favourite charity 'Future Children Lost Through Fouling', and the disgraced club has been allowed reentry to the conferences.
I'm speaking with the man himself, who for the first time in Carlton's long history was not playing or even coaching Carlton today."
The Birk turns to face his guest...
Edi: "So tell me Mr. Swan, welcome to the show. Tell me, why is that we won't be seeing you take the field for Carlton any more and where exactly is it that you and your coaching staff have taken off to?"
Mr. Swan: "Hi there Edi, yeah its a pleasure to be speakin' with ye mate, been a while. To answer you're there question, it's age mainly, and also with these new 'ere salary cap business going on, well it just isn't in my interests to be a 'player' any more. It just ain't fiscal, if you get my whatsit. So, for tax reasons too, sure, but mainly I was just thinkin' that I'm getting too old for this caper.
I've been thinking about this whole age thing a good bit lately, Edi, and I'm not ashamed to tell ye, and it's been getting me down y'know? It don't seem right after all I've done for the good town of Carlton and for the SWL and for all them women out there, that I'm just gonna get old and keel over... so anyways, I been thinking as I was saying and I think I've come up with an answer to the whole problem. I'm still working on ironing out the finer smidgeons but I really reckon I'm onto something here Edi."
Edi: "Please, tell us more..."
Mr. Swan: "Well, okay... it all started when I was 'aving a bit of a drink a couple of moons ago... drowning my niggles... thinking about oldness... drinking a long neck of Bloodweiser I was, when I looked up from me aforementioned bottle and I catches me a glimpse of the long, pretty neck of the barmaid serving me. Well, I gets to thinking... if ye could call it that... I'm enjoying me bottle of 'Blood' so much... I wonder what the Blood's tasting like in that there long neck? Ay? Don't tell me you 'aven't wondered yourselves? So... I went and found out, and I tells yes, I made a discovery that night that I'm thinkin' might just change the face of Blood Bowl in the SWL forever! And I mean forever... like... eternally."
Edi: Well, that's certainly exciting news for lovers of beer, Swaney, good luck with that eh? We have to leave you now though as we're out of time. Stay tuned for more of the same next time around. Edi the Birk, doing the work. Night all." |
_________________
Founder of the Southern Wastes League
DonTwahn's Dungeon = Cheap Miniatures! Check it out... |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Apr 13, 2005 - 05:31 |
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Jahosh Gawwad here again sports fans, to tell you about the results in the recent Veterans League competition. The Pro Losers II have shown that they had what it takes to make it in the big leagues, if only they were allowed to get that far.... ah well. They played six games, and only lost one to the Maniac Mammalians, due to critical players being forced to miss the game. However age is starting to catch up with these elves, and how long they can keep up their winning ways is unclear.
This is Jahosh Gawwad, telling you to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF! |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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Apr 13, 2005 - 07:20 |
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Well fans of mayhem and murder the notorious and rather noxious rotter team, Smellier Socks than You kicked off their first every SWL game today - and boy did those boys have fun on their debut. The opposition was the once mighty Good Old Days Return and I can tell you they are wishing for those good old days now. With the forced retirement of several big name players including the awesome Kevin Sheedy to fit inside the league cap, the humans just couldn't seem to get the hang of the game.
With Socks choosing to receive a well placed sock (with boot) managed to knock star lineman Rodney Eade out - and the odour must have been bad since he never game back. With fellow muscle man Grant Thomas tripping over his own feet the Good Old Days were in real trouble. Forced to use guile instead of strength they just couldn't hold the rampant rotters and Perspiration II put them in the lead at the half.
Second half and Gary Ayres managed, somehow, to forget about the stench coming from the line (the wind must have been blowing the wrong way) and ran up to the line to throw - only for the stench to overcome his senses. Although recovered the drive was stalled and the socks managed to pour the pressure on the out numbered and out muscled humans. Odure eventually recovered the ball for the second. As the match drew to a close the heavens opened and it began to rain - this didn't managed to damped the smell and Toxic ran in a thoroughly undeserved 3rd.
Praag Chronicle |
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Apr 13, 2005 - 13:52 |
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Donuts Score 3 In Regional League Debut!
(but the fact that we conceded 3 matters nought....)
Yes, well it has happened folks. The SWL's Commissioner has entered his own team, Mr Whippy's Donut Boys into the SWL's Donut Emporium League. Sure, it wasnt bad enough that the Commissioner has sponsored the newly formed league, but the fact that he placed his own team into the mix smells of high collusion, corruption and of conflicted interests!
Whilst the first game against the skanky skinks from Bris Vegas was an absolute cracker, the fact that the Donut Boys could benefit from "dubious" league rule interpretations from their benevolent owner means that the SWL has a serious credibility problem.
When asked for a comment, Mr Whippy claimed ignorance and how could "his Boys" be a threat to the league... and that they were "so small, sweet and delicious"... unfortunately this reporter now realises he was talking about the half dozen Choc Ices in his fat mits...
Signing Off
Ray Blusterton. |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 18, 2005 - 12:03 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium:
"Well folks, I'm here today to tell you about a wonderful new product I've decided to sponsor. Pepto-Abysmal (TM) will keep your stomach from churning at the carnage we're about to loose on those unsuspecting tree hugging bastards. Once we boot the Target and make kindling out of woody, the weak stomached pansies amongst you people can just take a couple of Pepto-Abysmal (TM) and get right back to baying for more snooty elven blood!" |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Apr 18, 2005 - 17:18 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well after the big funeral last week the Herd just couldn't get going against the Skinks. 3 MNGs, plus a wicked bunch of hang overs from a night on the piss at Morleys Bar and Grill saw only 10 Crowes start the game...and we had to get the Apoth to jump start BlackBerry on the starting siren! A wall of Saurus flesh just got in the way of some early fun...ball finally bounced their way...and the super skink (name too hard to type) swooped for the score.
A chance to even it at the whistle was wasted when GreasyGrassRiver burned a RR on an unneeded block and HorseHead dropped the pass from Gone.
Skinks recieved and scored to start the half. Then it was a flash back to vintage Crowes as a ripper of a switchback pass scores one for the fans! 1-2 and the slightest of hopes for a draw.
But the Skinks were only here for the win dear readers. They pitched a picnic rug in the centre of the field and simply snacked for 5 turns while goats bounced off their security guards. But who can blame them really...the devilled eggs looked tasty from where this reporter was.
Now at 0-2 on the season and with the GREAT UNSEEN spending most of his time in the "secret" labs of the Void...the only real question is can Gone get the points he needs to make the Hall of Fame? This alone will be worth the price of admission folks!
See you next week at the paddock!
Black Crowes 1 vs 2 Slumbering Skink |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Apr 19, 2005 - 19:31 |
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Bob Borc making an enigmatic appearance after his recent disappearances.
Will ya look at dat prem! All da hype and excitement at the end of last season seems to have burned them out. One dropout and already a lacklustre bunch amongst the rest. Sad to say, but already da Twahnlow Medal tally is running slower than one of the Gaffer's gnomes without updates coming in from Sandune, Sparticus and Faulcon. C'mon boyz! Anyone would think bein part of the Premiership was like goin to a funeral. Well, maybe it is...but!
(Bob's considering rigging the twahnlow awards night in light of these events...just lettin' that thought escape early in the season so everyone's aware) |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Apr 25, 2005 - 12:24 |
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Hi there sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here and today I'm gonna help all those of a betting mind with my tips for next weeks Regional games.
First up, the Commissioner Twahn Memorial League games for the coming week:
Form Guide (0/0/2) v Soft n Fluffy (1/0/1) Soft n Fluffy has improved over the last week, defeating replacements Sinister Duskriders. Form Guide however, have had a terrible start to the season, losing both their opening games. With the injuries the Rotters have suffered recently, I can't see their losing streak ending. Soft n Fluffy by 2.
Creepers (1/0/0) v Women Who Wear Little (2/0/0) The Creepers are another team with a game still to play, but their first game against Soft n Fluffy was very impressive. They face division leaders Women Who Wear Little who won their 2 games convincingly. With neither team suffering from any major injuries, both teams will have their full squad to use. But I think the agility of the Amazons will see 'em through. Wimmin to win by 1.
King's Park Rangers (1/0/0) v Good, Bad, Furry (1/0/1) well, the Rangers haven't actually played a game yet this season, so unless they actually get their game with the Creepers played, they're gonna struggle against the more experienced Rats. This is gonna be a fast-paced game, but the skaven should come out on top, if barely. Furry by 1.
Bogan Yobs (1/0/1) v Sinister Duskriders (0/0/1) The Duskriders are the team brought in to Replace the SWL Avengers who failed to appear for their opening match, they lost their first game with Soft n Fluffy, and they will struggle against the Yobs. The Yobs should have an easy game, and win it by at least 2.
And Now the Donut Emporium Regional League, some of whom have gotten a little ahead of themselves and played their 3rd Round game already, so I'll just go over the games yet to be played.
Good Old Days Return (0/0/2) v Pestilent Freaks (2/0/0) Well, these Humans are propably wishing that they were back in the good old days, cos they've had a terrible start to the season. The Freaks however, have had a great start, winning their first 2 games. The rats are missing 2 of their players, but they aren't vital players and their loss shouldn't bother the skaven too much. The Freaks are favourite to win this games, yet somehow I see the good old days returning, and the humans winning by 1 in a thriller.
BrisVegans (1/1/0) v Arnold's Avengers (0/0/2) The BrisVegans start to the season has be better than some this season, their draw with Mr Whippy's Donut Boys was a little disappointing, but their win over Good Old Days Return got their season heading the right direction. The Avengers however have struggled due to a distinct lack of ball handling skills, and the ogres will struggle to ever win a game this season. I can only see this game going one way, with the BrisVegans winning the game, but it remains to be seen how many skinks will live to see it. BrisVegans by 2.
And that about wraps it up, this has been JaHosh Gawwad telling you to BRING BACK THE BIFF! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 27, 2005 - 11:43 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium:
And is immediately confronted by a horde of questions concerning the malfunctioning of his TER device, resulting in a horrid performance from Bash D.
"#%^& you mother$#^%ers I don't need to answer these #$%&ing questions about the TER, its all bull%%$&. Anyways, apart from your inane questions, the lads are actually the happiest they've been since I took charge of em. A fair few of em got bashed, which is after all what they're in this game for, so they're happy as a pig in ^$#&." |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Apr 29, 2005 - 18:07 |
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"Cor Rolf, would ya look at what dat Commish as gone and dun, hes taken away da sal...da sal...da gold limit. Yous knows what dis means eh Rolf?"
"Sure doz I'z Chuck, I'z sure doz, meanz wez canz statz iring again once we gets some more gamez and gets some of da moniez from da folkzez who come ta watch us snot dem other players into da field"
"Yeh butz de udder teams , they mostly sayz dey thinks we too hardz to play against, we being Ogrez and allz Rolf"
"Bah youse leaves it to mez Mack, Iz gotz da cunning plan see. Wez tellz em wez can only fieldz nine playerz see, boo hoo sad is us, wez needz recovery game ya see"
"Yeh butz we's only got 9 players Rolf"
"I know dis Kev, I knowz dis, but they dontz do theys? them Humies and Elfses and Orcses and Chaos boyz, day dontz need to knowz that untilz we getz on da Field. Then we haves at em and grab da liddle pigs bladder thing and run it down da field mashing up alla dems in da wayz and den we ses polites after , tanks for da recovery game and elpings us work to buying a new teamz member..ows that sounds eh Lads?"
-Rolf Da Big Captain Coach of "Da Big Ladz" as overheard discussing the qpool changes with his players. |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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