Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Feb 21, 2005 - 14:05 |
 
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Kami returns to the festive town of Snorriheim to find it eerily quiet. Home to the Krasherz, the Vanguard and the Old Gaffer's lads, the only festivities it seemed, were being enjoyed by ghosts.
Only a few weeks ago it had been a hive of entertainment and a bustle of bodies. The Krasherz had made it to prem! The Vanguard were on a roll at last. The Gaffer's too, were hot to trot, having finally worked out how to tinker their machinery best for the game of blood bowl! Fans had been flocking to the stadium in droves! Now, in a space of two weeks, the teams have won just one match in nine at the Snorriheim Bowl. The fans have scattered, down an official 6ff in ranking and gate sales have been abysmal! The Krasherz are in the red (10k from three matches!), the Vanguard are risking bankruptcy (finding it difficult to stay solvent under the qualifying cap and despite once having a ff of 19!) and the Gaffer's are wondering if they'll ever have anyone live long enough to become a star player (certainly a problem when you recruit old farts).
Rumours have been flying around saying that head coach Snorri has been looking for jobs - this probably explains the abysmal performances and who can blame the players for their apathy as a consequence! Worse yet, there are conspiracy theories that elaborate in so much realistic detail of contracts being signed, relocation fundings (is selling one's soul to the Unseen One in return for the opening of a couple of handy chaos portals a good idea?) and a working agreement with a short people (oh, how could the good coach stoop to making agreements with such a bb-unchallenged bunch of bearded bums?).
Kami wonders how the meat pie vendors in Snorriheim will survive the transition. |
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Sp00n
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Feb 22, 2005 - 04:34 |
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<b><u>Soft n Fluffy 2 - 1 Metibe</b></u>
Coach sp00n was in shock after last nights thriller at Gru'sh Ug Stadium, where his team pulled off a miraculous play in the dying seconds to score a 2-1 victory.
<i>"Miller ish ta bestest throwa I ever sawd. Pass was like elf skum"</i>
Obviously distraught with the death of the Horde champion Hakeem, the coach took the apothecary into the rooms soon after the game and he has not been seen since.
Hakeem played 30 games for Soft, surpassing the feats of former captain Kemp and leaving a lasting impression on all players and fans.
One fan had this to say: <i>"Hakeem wash my hero, I remember he once catched a dwarf in dive an crushed him pieces before he hit da floor."</i>
The game was a dirty showdown between the Horde and the Khemrians, with much injuries, mostly to the horde who suffrered 2 deaths, including the captain. The Khemrians also lost their second throw-ra in 2 games.
THe final play saw orc thrower <b><u>Miller</u></b> pick up the ball after teammate <b><u>Carter</u></b> knocked over the Khemrian blitzer and under heavy duress squeeze a pass half the field to <b><u>Kobe</u></b> whom managed to catch the bomb and cross the line.
THe Khemrians could not believe the manouvere had happened and coach Mijjy had deserved a draw with good solid coaching throughout.
The Soft now have the perilous journey to the Undead lands with a 10 man roster and without captain Hakeem. Their chances of upsetting the Western Confernce still alive, but highly doubtful and I for one hope to see a new apothecary appointed during the week lest the team not return from the game at all.
This is Gri Noze reporting, out. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Feb 22, 2005 - 08:26 |
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Mesage found in a wine bottle floating in a puddle outside of the Black Crowes locker room
Dear readers...assuming someone finds this hastily scribed missive...once again the Crowes find themselves in an upheavel! The GREAT UNSEEN was all misty hatred and clouded scorn after the draw against the Orcs from Snorhieim. I will spare you his vitrol...but it is enough to know this...he is, in a word, PISSED! As you can assume from this message he has shut down the printing press at Herd and Hoof. All communication between players and ANYONE has been cut off. There is to be NO more words from this team until after the last game of the season against Wanna Beatin. All horns were drooped as it was explained what may happen if the unthinkable comes to pass...RELAGATION! I can't explain all the gruesome details but it was suggested that the board of directors has been tinkering with a Void squad in a most heinious experiment! If I heard the thunder correctly dear readers...and it seems too horrible to be true...but (and I shudder again to even scribble this) it seems the board has discoverd a magic so black, so VILE...they...how do I say it....They may have found a way to TRANSFORM the herd into *gasp* HIGH ELVES!!! Yes dear readers!!! They are threating to turn our beloved Black Crowes into "Red Crowes" and unleash them on an unsuspecting conference! All this is highly speculative....and may not even be possible...but the Shadow Void possesses powers that are beyond this reporters comprhension...let us simply hope that the Herd win their last match and all the other results go their way so that our blessed warriors and beasts can avoid such a sordid fate. Stay strong true fans...we shall overcome this blackest of moments..and find ourselves in the Premier League for Season 9. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Feb 26, 2005 - 12:46 |
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Hi there sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here, giving a report and tips on the upcoming games in the Western Conference.
Pro Losers II(1-2-1) vs Metibe(0-2-4) The Pro Losers are a new team, brought in to fill the gap created by the disappearence of the Peno Pancakes, so far they have a good season, with a 1-2-1 record. Metibe however have struggled all season, with their best result being a 1-1 draw vs the Asgardians. Only the strength and experience of the Khemri gives them a chance of victory here, Pro Losers by 1.
Brouhaha's Revenge(4-1-1) vs Angry Asgardians(0-3-3) Brouhaha's Revenge has been difficult to stop all season long, their charge to the top of Western conference only really delayed by the Manic Mammalians, the Angry Asgardians however, have struggled to win games, however much carnage they may cause. The Asgardians will need to cause some early casualties to have a chance here, and against heavily armoured chaos dwarves that's difficult to do. Revenge by 2 in a bloodbath.
Bills Beaut Battlers(3-0-3) vs Creepers(3-3-0) The Battlers owe their conference position largely to the fear of some of their opponents, with both Metibe and Soft and Fluffy failing to show to their games, the Creepers have also had opponents fail to show up, so both of these two teams have not shown their full potential this season, but I think the better record of the Creepers for the games that were played show them to be the better team. Creepers by 1.
Manic Mammalians II(4-1-1) vs Soft n Fluffy(3-0-3) The Mammalians would probably top the conference if they showed up to their match against the Creepers, but they are still one of the three contenders for the Conference title. Soft n Fluffy would be up there also if they hadn't forfieted 2 of their games, but nevermind that. The Mammalians have had injury problems all season long, situation normal for any elven team really, but they are not the powerhouse team they were in seasons past, Soft n Fluffy have had injuries also, but they are Orcs, and Orcs shrug off whatever doesn't kill em. But the speed of the wood elves should see the day won, the only question is if any of them live to see it. Mammalians by at least 2.
Well that's it from me today sport's fans, I hope this rundown of the final week has helped all you betting men/women/things out there. And remember to keep BRINGING BACK THE BIFF! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Feb 26, 2005 - 13:23 |
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Eppo Longshanks Retires!
Keen Channel BB subscribers would have noted the story of Eppo Longhanks, star of Mr Whippy's Donut Boys breaking the records set by Isumbras Underhill.
Well terrible news today, in a match against the Skye Knights, Eppo was dealt a sickening blow early in the match.
Stretchered off with his knee seriously out of shape, Eppo was bravely hopefull of returning to the fray.
But alas, his recovery will be long and hard, so he has retired and taken up a coaching position on the Donuts staff.
Mr Whippy, League Commissioner, Team Owner, and entrepeneur extradinair was too upset for words. It is not often that Mr Whippy shows such emotion, particularly when Donuts are on the table, but today was a sad day for Flings everywhere.
Nevertheless, Blood Bowl goes on, and Channel BB will be here to see what Fling now steps into those massive shoes... I mean feet. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Feb 26, 2005 - 15:11 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well dear readers what a match to end the season, and perhaps our run, here in Premier league. Sadly a number of senior players missed the match due to a virus. Unlucky...as it was the game of the year for the herd from a fun factor. 1st half was a game of keepsy offs that somehow ended with a Troll scoring a TD!
Second half though was all Gone He had a blinder of a half to remind everyone why he DESERVES to be in the top league! I will spare you the retelling..but watch the second half replay to see a champion in action!
And thus it ends friends...our fate is in the hands of Nuffle now. It will take other results now to keep us up here. But they looked so fun tonight...even relagation may not see the herd pack it in yet. Until next season dear readers...where ever we are.
Black Crowes 1 vs 1 Wanna Beatin |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Feb 27, 2005 - 12:02 |
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Bash D have defeated the hideous hypocrisites from Gumbeast United, and are now only one game away from the promised land of Premier division. The win was a costly one however, with fan favourite Byrock killed by a nondescript skeleton kick.
As expected, Gumbeast played directly against the passing game they pretend to espouse, taking down Bash D players left right and centre. Only Bash D's hopeless expectation of death allowed them to play on in the face of such an onslaught, but the Khemrians had hired the services of the Head Houngan of the Southern Wastes, who cast a glamour over the ko box that convinced knocked out players that they had in fact died. Despite this atrocity, a couple of players still decided to come back back for more, but many more were lost.
The game began with a lightning quick TD for bywoodies, who was able to score very early on against the kickoff. Gumbeast United then spent half of the first half grinding upfield for a TD. At this point, bywoodies managed to twice trip over and break his collarbone, and after the second time, the apothecary send him to Lord N'Sha early in disgust, administering the coup de grace with a blunt spatula.
There was little time left in the first half, but there was a glimmer of hope for Bash D. Driving down the right of the field, Bash D were able to put multiple players in scoring position, and Gumbeast Uniteds bloodthirstiness saw them kill byrock instead of defend against the passing game. This proved to be a big mistake as bythosedamnrats and byorcs combined for the deciding TD.
The glamour cast on the KO box meant things were looking grim for Bash D however, as they began the second half down men to the rampaging skeletal hordes. This was compunded when bythosedamnrats was sacked with the ball in the backfield. Somehow though, Bash D managed to scramble and get the ball to the right hand side of the pitch into the hands of ByPI and ByDP. Then it was Gumbeasts turn to scramble, and though they were able to prevent Bash D from scoring once more, they were not able to secure the ball and convert on the tying TD. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Feb 27, 2005 - 15:39 |
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Welcome back folks, im Bob Borc,
and if you have just joined us, we are at the half time break in the big Sunday Night Football clash between the Beasts of Bowl and the Brothers in Bloodbowl. Its 1 all in this game of the round for the North Conference. The Beasts must win to stay in contention and the Brothers need the win to have a chance to avoid a do or die final game of the round against the powerful Zen Adepts.
Several players for the Brothers are down with a mystery virus and have not been able to take the field and rumour has it that at least one is in the gaurdhouse under questioning leaving this powerful team seriously understrength.
Fortunately for them Main Attraction for the Beasts the Ogre Rolf “The Bloody Other” who came down with a strange off field injury after last game has been ruled out by the team Doc and is not playing.
It was a thriller first half fans, the now seriously undermanned Brothers holding the beasts to a 1 all score line despit some serious setbacks. Its still a long way to go before the fat lady sings in the big game of north conference though.
Opening turn saw the Deathroller go down for the game with a burst steam valve.
The plucky dwarfs held on though to force through for a score in turn 6
The gallant beasts replied in turn 8 with Dumpy II and Blacker Angus combining for a 14 square td pass.
The beasts have lost their top gaurd though, the speed demon Chelsea on the first drive leaving them seriously weakened as we go into the 2nd half.
Heres the Kick and the crowd have swarmed from the stands smashing down several players on both sides though i do think the Brothers have copped the worst of it. Brisk blocking by the Beasts has set up good field position though..Dumpy II gathers the ball and hurls it downfield..no hes dropped it.
Hudguar slips the line to grab the ball but then loses it,Dumpy scoops and fades back for the pass but is run down by Thragan. The ball spills free but is scooped up and passed by Hereford but Friesan II drops thecatch, Freisan II is clobbered by a Stonecrafter and off the field, the Stonecrafter goes for the ball and trips splling it free. Hereford dashes forward, scoops the ball and passes to York who slips pursuit and runs it home for the score, well thats it folks, its all over bar the post game riots here as the Beasts take out must win against the Brothers. We go to our special comments team for a discussion on the stats for tonights game....... |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Feb 28, 2005 - 05:19 |
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Barbara Bandages faxed us this statement from the exclusive relaxation retreat & dayspa owned and operated by the Southern Mothers Association for tired mothers everywhere.
‘The brave and noble mothers of Gumbeast United are taking a well deserved rest after their beating at the hands of Bash D, this loss looks like it has dashed their chances of taking the title in the South Conference for season 8.
The caring khemri’s agility game was not at its usual best, possibly due to slippery fingers after preparing the half time snack before the game, with multiple ball handling errors and poor marking allowing Bash D to steal an early touchdown. An excellent passing play from Norbert Kardos saw Mauri Roukala slip in for a touchdown late in the first half. Mauri adds 'What a great touchdown, one straight from the Gumbeast United playbooks! It was like watching my young Ted score his first touchdown in little league'.
The chaos squad had obviously been attempting to emulate the performance of the Gumbeast United squad. Their passing and dodging game was exceptional, providing them with an elfish second touchdown. Unfortunately despite getting most of the opposition off the field United were unable to score a second touchdown. The final score was 2-1. The mothers are shattered, the agile Norbert Hámos was heard sobbing 'I really thought we could take the conference out this year, I had even organised a babysitter and picked up a new outfit for the presentation ceremony, you just never get to let your hair down as a single mother'. I am happy to say Norbert has recovered well after a few days of pampering and mudbaths at the SMA retreat.
Injury wise we wish farewell to Will Balucinska-Church, who has retired to enjoy her grandchildren. Will was brutally scarred by a pack of the Chaos mutants. We welcome her spawn in the form of Balucinska-Church Jr. Several of the Chaos players were sent off the field by the Mothers for their poor behaviour. ByWoodies unfortunately was running around in a silly fashion, after tripping once he was rushed by the mother mobile to the team doctor who patched him up, but the second time there was little the doc could do to prevent a nasty back injury. ByRock suffered a fatal injury when a crowd member threw some shopping coupons onto the pitch, and a young mother fell on his prone form in the middle of a pack of Gumbeast United ladies.
It is good to see other teams embracing the passing and ballplay aspects of bloodbowl that makes Gumbeast United so entertaining to play. The Southern Mothers Association commends this attitude towards the game. A recommendation of the Bash D team is to look into some lavender for the KO box, its heavenly fragrance hits the spot when nursing a nasty headache.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.' |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 01, 2005 - 03:05 |
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Barbara Bandages has rushed back from the retreat to attend to new mother Mrs Ozjesting. She made this release from the Ozjesting household.
‘The Gumbeast United squad has fully recovered after their shock loss to Bash D, so I have taken up my other duties. I was asked to help with young Mrs Ozjestings transition back to the real world after her hospital stay, with great joy I accepted. There is nothing more important to the Southern Mothers Association than the mothers themselves.
The recently named twin amazons are known as Ava Mae and Zara Dane. Both are beautiful but the SMA has taken an interest in Zara, who has taken an early interest in bloodbowl making heaps of friends in a recent training session with the Red Crowes, who are coached by her father. Rumour has it she scored her first completion for that valuable SPP. The SMA is proud that she is interested in the passing and agility aspects of the game and hopes she will be the anti-Zara, to show what good parenting can achieve compared to the drug & sex addicted nemesis of the SMA.
Let us not forget young Ava Mae who im sure will succeed in bloodbowl using her ArmourValue and MovementAllowance to take herself to the top.
Of course tier 3 membership has been extended to Mrs Ozjesting on the birth of her 3rd child. Let us hope that one day she can reach tier 12 as I have - Tim, Ayesha, Alfie, Isabell, Julia, Wendy, Betty, Alexander, Ben, Simone, Thomas & Daniel are the most precious and rewarding things in my life.
Now, Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves in these special times  .' |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Mar 01, 2005 - 13:13 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
APPALLING!!! That is all we have to say about the recent Round 6 forfeit by the Wicker Men. Not including the honourable season long forfeits of Carlton United THIS mob of semi-wrapped Undead have commited the ONLY forfeit of Premier League Season 8! BOO we say to them and BOO again! In what was shaping as a decider for the Black Crowes chances, the Wickless Minis, most likely out of spite for their round 1 DEFEAT to the Herd, simply decided to stay in their crypt instead of face the Warlizards...thus handing them a free pass into Season 9. The hope is gone Herd fans...but in his fury at such blatant manipulation of the standings the GREAT UNSEEN has sworn vengeance against the Undead and as such will seek them out during the Chunkathon. Thats right Wicker Men..YOU HAVE BEEN NAMED! The VOID is all a swirl with its vitrol and your bandages will not be enough. Season 8 is over...but the WRATH HAS JUST BEGUN!
Stay tuned dear readers... |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Mar 01, 2005 - 14:47 |
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League Announcement From Your Favourite Commissioner, Mr Whippy
Heya all my fine SWL readership! 'Tis I, Mr Whippy esquire, your fine Commissioner and Team Owner of the one and only Mr Whippy's Donut Boys.
Hang on a sec.... excuse me, can you pass me that Donut please.... yes that one, the Choc Ice... thank ya kindly....
**munch * munch **
Ah, yes where was I... yessir...
Yes, I wanted to take a few moments here on Channel BB to make a couple of importent announcements....
Firstly, I am humbly proud to announce a new batch of donuts, erm I mean coaches to the SWL. Season 8 has been somewhat of a boom year in terms of recruiting, and I am sure that the new temptations of a few sticky buns and lemonade has seen the fine establishment of the SWL attract like Halflings to the Donut Box a number of new coaches.
So a big Donut Welcome to Doubleskulls, foolwholaughsatdeath, bartgoon, Flipper170, savsta, Dravaal, eganra, kiwi and Symmetrical. If I have inadvertantly missed anyone, my humblest apologies and a box of Donuts to you and your kinfolk.
Secondly, I know it has been said by that good samaritan charity group the Southern Mothers Association, but welcome to additions to the SWL fold in the form of offspring in Zara Dane and Ava Mae Ozjesting! Relax Ozjesting, rumours of me signing up the little tackers for the Donuts are totally untrue... I'd wait at least they were 2 feet tall, not one foot long before I did that... a SWL Commemorative Box of the finest Donuts is on its way to you and your exploding family as we speak.
Thirdly, as Season 8 is drawing to a close, I would like to pay tribute to the adminsitration staff on hand here at the Donut Shoppe with Snorri and Toonie joining young chunky04 doing an admirable job. Many thanks and Donuts to you fine upstanding members of the Fling Community.
A reminder, for those keen viewers of SWL's Channel BB that the Chunkathon is soon upon us. We here at SWL headquarters hope it is a time to let off some steam, relax from the competitive stresses of the Premier and Conference Leagues and really take time to get to know your fellow coaches in the SWL. By all means as well, take the time and the opportunity to kick the Vanilla Custard out of someone you cant stand as well! This is what the Chunkathon is for, and as a starter, I am offerring to challenge the final winner of the SWL Season 8 Premier League, who currently remains unknown, with the Donut Boys.
It will be a match one would not want to miss!
Well thats it, I believe I have said enough, and those scones over yonder are calling me, so have a pleasant evening and may all your dice be Pows.
Mr Whippy esq,
Commissioner - SWL
Team Owner - Mr Whippy's Donut Boys
SWL Business Franchisee of the Year - The Donut Shoppe Emporium |
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Miyuso
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Mar 08, 2005 - 12:23 |
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Dun Dun, Da Da Dun Dun Da Da Dun Dun Dun Daaaa. <News Style Music>
C: This is Carbine, Reporting Live from the Change rooms of The Castlemaine Breweries. With me I have Captain Travis Tvarn
T: Glad to be here Carbine.
C: I understand your team has made a Rather Interesting Challenge, Care to tell us about it?
T: Sure. While most teams in the Chunkathon are only Challenging one Team or 2, mainly those from the Lofty Premier League, We have something more Special In mind. As of now, Castlemaine Breweries Challenges Every team in the Chunkathon to a Match.
C: (In Shock) Everyone?
T: Yep, No matter the TR or STR, we will play you.
C: Have you Begun on this Momentous Task?
T: Indeed, we’ve played a rather bland 1-4 loss to Good Old Days Return, and a Foul-a-thon 0-2 loss Vs The Glanlode Journeymen.
C: This is Carbine, Keeping you up to date with the Chunkathon, and I’ll be back with more news from the Breweries Heirachy soon
Brad |
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Symmetrical
Joined: Jan 15, 2005
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Mar 08, 2005 - 18:16 |
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Miyuso,
Wir, die deutschen Schädlinge nehmen diese Herausforderung an. Ratten des Vaterlands, vereinigen, um diese Menschen zu zerquetschen, die unsere Wirtschaft ruinieren, einsetzen sie in Lager und benutzen SIE in UNSEREN Experimenten!
Symm |
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The people's champion. |
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Sp00n
Joined: Feb 03, 2004
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Mar 09, 2005 - 02:55 |
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translation anyone? |
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Vamps win another ma...
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