ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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May 06, 2005 - 07:51 |
 
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Crowes v Smashers Update
Due to ongoing time flucuations which are most likely the result of the TER machines presence in this land...The match scheduled for today has bene postponed til tomorrow or sunday. All depends on the Herds finding a proper plug in small hotels in the Badlands  |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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DoubleSkulls
Joined: Oct 05, 2003
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May 05, 2005 - 11:32 |
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G'day sportsfans and from the Southern Conference I can report that the notorious Rotter team, Smellier Socks Than You were really reeking last night as the crushed the German Vermin in a real stinker.
Mr Green was taken out early by a vicious rat foul, and the boys decided to exact cruel revenge. Boots went flying and all rats showing some deformaties were quickly removed from the pitch by the maladourous beasts. The smell was so bad that the skaven healer refused to attend to his comrades on the pitch!
First half saw a classic rotter cage rolling up the field and as the rats got removed from the game it quickly become obvious that Riper was going to walk into the endzone virtually unopposed. Then the rotters were so busy congratulating the newboy that they forgot about the incredible speed of goethe and the world record sprinter sprinted into the Sock's endzone just as the whistle blew for half time.
Second half the rats were looking ragged and a dropped catch gave the Sock's a great opportunity. The rats managed to recover the ball but in their desperation tried to throw the ball downfield but were overcome by the smell. Once again Riper recovered the ball and ran downfield for the winner. Sock's fans were jubiliant at the victory, their first in living (rotter) memory. |
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Ian 'Double Skulls' Williams
Eucalyptus Bowl |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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May 05, 2005 - 10:02 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well Herd fans...it was a bleak week in Horn Hollow. Seems the Brothers in Bloodbowl had a family reunion or some other picnic affair as they completly forgot to front up for their match! Gone was filthy!!! As can be expected of such a star. His chase for HoF selection is the sole reason to play in this last Premier season. The horse has bolted it seems for any hope of a title...but pride is on the line and the kidz have been training hard.
This week sees the last chance to have a go against their fierce rivals Southside Stone Smashers! The Herd has only won 1 of their last 4 meetings...and it would be a brave bookie that would offer long odds against the Smashers. Denied a repeat in their title defense by some strange goings on in ladder land they are fired up and looking dangerous again this season! But Amorica is back on deck...and Gone and Taller are fired up! Even Lions has stayed out of the studio and concentrated on this game! Should be one for the ages!
Game time is Tomorrow Friday May 6 at around 3pm AEST.
Report to follow straight after the game. |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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Twahn
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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May 04, 2005 - 11:34 |
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Edi the Birk: "Howdey Sportsfans, I'm Edi the Birk and you're tuned in to Carlton Vision for a quick wrap on the last couple of weeks of action from our boys at United as they continue their Assault on the Northern Conference. Welcome aboard kids!
Well after a hard fought win against the hard hitting pretenders Gumbeast United, the brave young lads were in for another tough one in Round 2 as they drew a game against the even harder hitting bad boys of the North, the Beasts of Bowl! A well grounded team, with a good kill record to back up their winning one, was gonna be no easy task for United, especially when the announcement was made that Team Captain Duke Snakefield and Superstar Gordon Lau would both be involved in a vital and extensive blood testing program, devised and conducted by one time Team Manager and Bronze Shield holder Mr. Swan as part of his plan to, in a quote from the man himself last week "revamp his once mighty team and enable them to rein supreme once more".
Our boys showed the heart that has made Carlton the team it is today though despite the absense of their two key players, many times battling on, as they're famed for doing, though reduced to a mere handful of players with legs left for fighting. A draw was the best they could hope for however, and a draw is what they got. A good hard match that would leave both teams in the hunt for the title this season...
Next up Round 3, and it was gonna be another punishing matchup for our boys. Wanna Beatin, another hot favourite to contend for the title this season and certainly another team to make them 3+ dodges look pretty tempting! Carlton were confident heading into this one though, with an injury free roster and a full stock of superstars, what could the dumb greenskins do? Well, there turned out to be one thing they could certainly do, and that was Block! Not waiting to ask whether we did wanna beatin', the Orcs just got to work and it wasn't long before Carlton were floundering.
1-0 down at half time and with the Orcs to receive, the Duke made a stirring speech at the break. His boys would need to stand toe to toe with the wretched creatures and simply give them what for. "No block? No strength? No matter!!" were the cries heard from the Carlton rooms before they ran back to the field for one final roll of the dice. The dice rolled... double 1s. Carlton were in trouble again. The second half of the game turned into a nasty scramble for the ball with both teams desperate. Orc fists and Carlton faces were everywhere as chaos consumed the pitch...
The ref checked his watch as the final seconds ticked down and some greenskin chucker ran back to collect a ball that most everyone had forgotten. Scooping it up, the creature looked up and spied himself a juicy longbomb. His arm stretched back as his eye caught a 'Flash' of God-given Brilliance out of the corner of his eye... too late his springloaded arm let fly, as too did the legs of Gordon. Both sailed through the air as the once tumultuous stadium fell to deathly silence.
Many would swear after the match that the Flash leaped clear from the line of scrimmage to land in the endzone as he delivered that ball to its home. Others will tell you that he never landed; just delivered the ball mid flight... either way, another draw for Carlton and a couple of much needed league points taking them to second on the ladder.
Edi the Birk, doing the work. Night all." |
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Founder of the Southern Wastes League
DonTwahn's Dungeon = Cheap Miniatures! Check it out... |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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May 01, 2005 - 16:05 |
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And the Vanguard rock the Snorriheim Bowl yet again!
They needed to make some luck to come through this game unscathed, and they made the most of the wagonload that came their way.
Unfortunately the exciting matchup that was expected wasn't to be, as the Wicker Men, fumbled, fell and found life damn awkward in an uncomfortable blizzard for the first five turns. With the elves blocking the wickermen senseless and helped along by two blitzes, the score had raced away to 3-0 at the half and the game was already wrapped up. The second half played out much more evenly, but the elves had dropped back to survival mode by this stage and there were few heroics to get excited about. The final siren saw the elves through for the win, but more importantly at full strength for their next round battle against the Zen Adepts.
Vanguard of the Southern Ark 4 vs 2 Wicker Men |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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May 01, 2005 - 06:32 |
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Kami (old cap'n and occasional assistant coach of da Karaz Krasherz) decided to swing by the Snorriheim Bowl this week and check out the action there for the first time since the Krasherz left on their Vet's road trip.
Well, lads and...lads! The Bowl is back! When da Krasherz left on a road trip for da Vet's League, the Snorriheim Bowl was almost as quiet as a church graveyard, but it didn't take long for the home town to become enthusiastic for the young lads that took their place! Despite the Vanguard having trained for so long under the Krasherz, it was always going to be a quandary to see whether the folks here would take to these strange elves. They play a different ball game, but in some ways its not so different.
Having heard of the Krasherz reputation as a bunch of agile ball players (ed. by Kami: aka pansies!) they dropped anchor in the port to train under Coach Snorri - to take the ball game to a new level beyond even what the Krasherz could ever hope to achieve (true to form, 5 +AG's and no +STR, just like the Krasherz!).
First game into the season, they played their hearts out against Snorriheim's most dastardly foe on the BB field (dwarves) and came up trumps! This more than anything got the crowd back, especially given the excitement after last season's resounding win against the Smashers. Their second game saw a solid game against the rotters. What initially appeared as an easy game on paper quickly disolved into a hard game as niggles and handicaps took their toll before the game. Fourteen turns of cagebusting later and the Ice Wolf finally finished the game off with some comic brilliance as he danced his way past the foe and into freefall (on a gfi) over the line with a cocky swirl. It sure didn't impress the coach, but the crowd loved it.
Soo...with everything abuzz here at Snorriheim bowl, the Vanguard look set to make a run at the divisional title this season. Already three teams are shaping up for it: They are the Vanguard, Zen Adepts and German Vermin. They'll certainly need a bit of luck to get there. With a particularly tough division, one bad game could spell the end of their running, specially with the three games to come vs the Wicker Men, the Adepts and rounded off with a game against the deadly Vermin. It will be interesting to see the game they play against the Wicker Men.
Will they go for the win at whatever cost or will they be forced into a game of survival, hoping to reserve their strength for the big games against the Adepts and the Vermin that will follow? |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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May 01, 2005 - 04:48 |
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Welcome sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here to give you the Sunday Night Regional Betting Tips for Round Four. Like last week, I'm going to try to help all those of a betting mind out there. Firstly the Commissioner Twahn Memorial League.
Form Guide (0/0/3) v Creepers (3/0/0)
Form Guide are yet to get a win this season, while the Creepers are coming off their third straight win. The Creepers will be hoping to win this one to stay on top of the division, while Form Guide desperately need to win this game to get off the bottom. The rotters have suffered lots of injuries to key players while the undead are only missing a zombie. The mass of injuries coupled with their inability to do much with the ball will give Form Guide little chance to win this one. Creepers by 2.
Soft n Fluffy (2/0/1) v Women Who Wear Little (2/0/1)
Coming off their loss to the Creepers last week, the Women Who Wear Little have a few players missing this game, while Soft n Fluffy defeated Form Guide last week, and are looking stronger by the week. Both these teams are in contention for the Division title, but first they must win this game. The missing players will make it difficult for the amazons to win this one, and the strength of the orcs will probably see them the victors. Soft n Fluffy by 1.
King's Park Rangers (1/1/1) v Bogan Yobs (2/0/1)
The King's Park Rangers had a good game with Good, Bad, Furry last week, but weren't able to pull off a win and so slipped back to sixth place. The Bogan Yobs however, won their second straight game last week against the Sinister Duskriders, and will look to make it 3 in a row to stay in near the top of the division. With the Rangers short a player due to the death of Dancing Toonie, they will probably struggle against the more resilient Humans. The Bogans are only getting stronger and should win this match. Bogans by 1.
Good, Bad, Furry (1/1/1) v Sinister Duskriders (0/0/2)
Good, Bad, Furry have had a slow start to this season, and probably should've beaten the Rangers last week. The Sinister Duskriders are still trying to build up their team. The Skaven need this win to keep their promotion hopes alive, while the Dark Elves are probably hoping to just survive this season without any major injuries. The Skaven should have no problem seeing off the Duskriders, and should win by at least 2.
And now the Donut Emporium Regional League, and again some of the teams have played their games already, so I will just cover those that are yet to be played.
BrisVegans (2/1/0) v Minor Deities (3/0/0)
A real top of the table clash this week, and with both teams coming of wins last week this game will certainly be one to watch. The Elves are yet to be beaten this week, but this is probably thir first real challenge this season. Neither team is suffering any injuries, and both teams will be fielding their full squads. This game will be a real challenge for the defence, but I think the speed and skill of the elves will see them through this match. Deities by 2.
Arnold's Avengers (0/0/3) v Mr Whippy's Donut Boys (0/2/1)
And we move onto the bottom of the table clash. The Halflings have had a bad start to the season, but not as bad as the ogres. Both teams need this win to move off the bottom, and the lack of ball-handling skills will not help the Avenger's chances in this game. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but the superior skills of the 'Flings should see them the winner at the end of this one, but whether any of THEM see the end of this one is still up to debate. Donut Boys by 2.
I hope this helped those who like a bet. This is JaHosh Gawwad saying goodbye, and reminding you to keep Bringing Back the Biff! |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Apr 30, 2005 - 10:33 |
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Welcome Sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here to give you the results of a recent Regional Division game, the Creepers defeated the Women Who Wear Little 1-0. The Creepers played very aggresively, and beat the poor Wimmin into the turf at every opportunity, before Doctor Feeldead walked in to score the only TD of the game. The Women are likely to struggle in their next game, with Denise Richards and Jenna Jamison to miss the next game, and with Anna Nicole Smith moving on to a higher place.
This is JaHosh Gawwad, asking for a minute silence to commemorate the passing of Anna, before remembering to Bring Back the Biff! |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Apr 29, 2005 - 18:07 |
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"Cor Rolf, would ya look at what dat Commish as gone and dun, hes taken away da sal...da sal...da gold limit. Yous knows what dis means eh Rolf?"
"Sure doz I'z Chuck, I'z sure doz, meanz wez canz statz iring again once we gets some more gamez and gets some of da moniez from da folkzez who come ta watch us snot dem other players into da field"
"Yeh butz de udder teams , they mostly sayz dey thinks we too hardz to play against, we being Ogrez and allz Rolf"
"Bah youse leaves it to mez Mack, Iz gotz da cunning plan see. Wez tellz em wez can only fieldz nine playerz see, boo hoo sad is us, wez needz recovery game ya see"
"Yeh butz we's only got 9 players Rolf"
"I know dis Kev, I knowz dis, but they dontz do theys? them Humies and Elfses and Orcses and Chaos boyz, day dontz need to knowz that untilz we getz on da Field. Then we haves at em and grab da liddle pigs bladder thing and run it down da field mashing up alla dems in da wayz and den we ses polites after , tanks for da recovery game and elpings us work to buying a new teamz member..ows that sounds eh Lads?"
-Rolf Da Big Captain Coach of "Da Big Ladz" as overheard discussing the qpool changes with his players. |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 27, 2005 - 11:43 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium:
And is immediately confronted by a horde of questions concerning the malfunctioning of his TER device, resulting in a horrid performance from Bash D.
"#%^& you mother$#^%ers I don't need to answer these #$%&ing questions about the TER, its all bull%%$&. Anyways, apart from your inane questions, the lads are actually the happiest they've been since I took charge of em. A fair few of em got bashed, which is after all what they're in this game for, so they're happy as a pig in ^$#&." |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Apr 25, 2005 - 12:24 |
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Hi there sports fans, JaHosh Gawwad here and today I'm gonna help all those of a betting mind with my tips for next weeks Regional games.
First up, the Commissioner Twahn Memorial League games for the coming week:
Form Guide (0/0/2) v Soft n Fluffy (1/0/1) Soft n Fluffy has improved over the last week, defeating replacements Sinister Duskriders. Form Guide however, have had a terrible start to the season, losing both their opening games. With the injuries the Rotters have suffered recently, I can't see their losing streak ending. Soft n Fluffy by 2.
Creepers (1/0/0) v Women Who Wear Little (2/0/0) The Creepers are another team with a game still to play, but their first game against Soft n Fluffy was very impressive. They face division leaders Women Who Wear Little who won their 2 games convincingly. With neither team suffering from any major injuries, both teams will have their full squad to use. But I think the agility of the Amazons will see 'em through. Wimmin to win by 1.
King's Park Rangers (1/0/0) v Good, Bad, Furry (1/0/1) well, the Rangers haven't actually played a game yet this season, so unless they actually get their game with the Creepers played, they're gonna struggle against the more experienced Rats. This is gonna be a fast-paced game, but the skaven should come out on top, if barely. Furry by 1.
Bogan Yobs (1/0/1) v Sinister Duskriders (0/0/1) The Duskriders are the team brought in to Replace the SWL Avengers who failed to appear for their opening match, they lost their first game with Soft n Fluffy, and they will struggle against the Yobs. The Yobs should have an easy game, and win it by at least 2.
And Now the Donut Emporium Regional League, some of whom have gotten a little ahead of themselves and played their 3rd Round game already, so I'll just go over the games yet to be played.
Good Old Days Return (0/0/2) v Pestilent Freaks (2/0/0) Well, these Humans are propably wishing that they were back in the good old days, cos they've had a terrible start to the season. The Freaks however, have had a great start, winning their first 2 games. The rats are missing 2 of their players, but they aren't vital players and their loss shouldn't bother the skaven too much. The Freaks are favourite to win this games, yet somehow I see the good old days returning, and the humans winning by 1 in a thriller.
BrisVegans (1/1/0) v Arnold's Avengers (0/0/2) The BrisVegans start to the season has be better than some this season, their draw with Mr Whippy's Donut Boys was a little disappointing, but their win over Good Old Days Return got their season heading the right direction. The Avengers however have struggled due to a distinct lack of ball handling skills, and the ogres will struggle to ever win a game this season. I can only see this game going one way, with the BrisVegans winning the game, but it remains to be seen how many skinks will live to see it. BrisVegans by 2.
And that about wraps it up, this has been JaHosh Gawwad telling you to BRING BACK THE BIFF! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Apr 19, 2005 - 19:31 |
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Bob Borc making an enigmatic appearance after his recent disappearances.
Will ya look at dat prem! All da hype and excitement at the end of last season seems to have burned them out. One dropout and already a lacklustre bunch amongst the rest. Sad to say, but already da Twahnlow Medal tally is running slower than one of the Gaffer's gnomes without updates coming in from Sandune, Sparticus and Faulcon. C'mon boyz! Anyone would think bein part of the Premiership was like goin to a funeral. Well, maybe it is...but!
(Bob's considering rigging the twahnlow awards night in light of these events...just lettin' that thought escape early in the season so everyone's aware) |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Apr 18, 2005 - 17:18 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well after the big funeral last week the Herd just couldn't get going against the Skinks. 3 MNGs, plus a wicked bunch of hang overs from a night on the piss at Morleys Bar and Grill saw only 10 Crowes start the game...and we had to get the Apoth to jump start BlackBerry on the starting siren! A wall of Saurus flesh just got in the way of some early fun...ball finally bounced their way...and the super skink (name too hard to type) swooped for the score.
A chance to even it at the whistle was wasted when GreasyGrassRiver burned a RR on an unneeded block and HorseHead dropped the pass from Gone.
Skinks recieved and scored to start the half. Then it was a flash back to vintage Crowes as a ripper of a switchback pass scores one for the fans! 1-2 and the slightest of hopes for a draw.
But the Skinks were only here for the win dear readers. They pitched a picnic rug in the centre of the field and simply snacked for 5 turns while goats bounced off their security guards. But who can blame them really...the devilled eggs looked tasty from where this reporter was.
Now at 0-2 on the season and with the GREAT UNSEEN spending most of his time in the "secret" labs of the Void...the only real question is can Gone get the points he needs to make the Hall of Fame? This alone will be worth the price of admission folks!
See you next week at the paddock!
Black Crowes 1 vs 2 Slumbering Skink |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Apr 18, 2005 - 12:03 |
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Coach Chunknanimous steps up to the podium:
"Well folks, I'm here today to tell you about a wonderful new product I've decided to sponsor. Pepto-Abysmal (TM) will keep your stomach from churning at the carnage we're about to loose on those unsuspecting tree hugging bastards. Once we boot the Target and make kindling out of woody, the weak stomached pansies amongst you people can just take a couple of Pepto-Abysmal (TM) and get right back to baying for more snooty elven blood!" |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Apr 13, 2005 - 13:52 |
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Donuts Score 3 In Regional League Debut!
(but the fact that we conceded 3 matters nought....)
Yes, well it has happened folks. The SWL's Commissioner has entered his own team, Mr Whippy's Donut Boys into the SWL's Donut Emporium League. Sure, it wasnt bad enough that the Commissioner has sponsored the newly formed league, but the fact that he placed his own team into the mix smells of high collusion, corruption and of conflicted interests!
Whilst the first game against the skanky skinks from Bris Vegas was an absolute cracker, the fact that the Donut Boys could benefit from "dubious" league rule interpretations from their benevolent owner means that the SWL has a serious credibility problem.
When asked for a comment, Mr Whippy claimed ignorance and how could "his Boys" be a threat to the league... and that they were "so small, sweet and delicious"... unfortunately this reporter now realises he was talking about the half dozen Choc Ices in his fat mits...
Signing Off
Ray Blusterton. |
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