gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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 Posted:
Feb 01, 2005 - 00:04 |
 
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Following some badmouthing in the press recently regarding its members Barbara Bandages from "The Southern Mothers Association" released the following press announcement:
We have been hearing popular players say that the khemri teams in the SWL are only in this game to cause damage to other teams. This is just not true, while we may have to discipline opposing teams, we are acting well within our rights as mothers to educate the young members of the SWL in proper behaviour. The true playing style of the khemri race is an elegant passing game, such as the lightfooted Gumbeast United demonstrated in their victory over the German Vermin, while several of the skaven players misbehaved and were sent to their rooms without dinner, the only serious injuries were caused by their continual running around. Star mother Anders Hansson was heard early in the game warning them that they would cause themselves grief if they keep running around like a headless chickens.
There has been some talk of teams employing the famous teen-princess Zara specifically to hurt the mothers of this prestigious league. The mothers association regrets that Zara has such a bad relationship with her mother after her parents messy divorce, and has turned this hatred to all mothers. While the role of a mother is to guide rather than instruct, we urge all teams not to invest in this troubled teen. The gold she obtains from her career is funnelled directly to a drugs and rock&roll lifestyle, she is a bad influence on the game, and a poor role model for young girls. We mothers have heard the rumour that she has been seen at a local clinic seeking advice regarding STDs, so boys please be careful, the Mothers Association doesn't want to see anything happen to you.
Recently several coaches of the SWL have become very nasty towards coach Gumbi and his distinguished Gumbeast United squad. He has been very upset by these hurtful statements, and after intensive councilling in the Mothers Associations country retreat he is ready to move on with his life. He hopes other coaches have the maturity to curb the suggestions he and his family are bloodthirsty and interested in only one thing. They have worked very hard to develop their game and hope you can admire their sporting approach towards the game.
Please ring your Mothers & look after yourselves.
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Last edited by gumbi on %b %01, %2005 - %01:%Feb; edited 1 time in total |
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Smegish
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
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Jan 31, 2005 - 15:50 |
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Hi there sports fans, this is JaHosh Gawwad reporting for Channel BB, and I'm here today to talk of the surprise entry to conference this season, the Pro Losers II.
They have been put into the Western conference to replace the Peno Pancakes, who mesteriously haven't turned up to a match all season, I would have organised an Interview with their coach, but they cannot be found anywhere on the continent, so instead I asked what the Pro Losers Head coach and Captain, Paul "Fatty" Vautin had to say:
"Now look, I reckon we had a great showing in the Qualifying pool, and that was why we were chosen to replace the Peno Pancakes. Now I heard mutterings that we shouldn't have been put in because other teams would've been more competitive, but we'll show em that we can compete with the teams in our conference, and maybe next season work on advancing to the Premier League" |
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Satans_mechanic
Joined: Jul 17, 2004
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 Posted:
Jan 31, 2005 - 14:37 |
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Today coach Stan McKhanic of Southern Conference Stunners Forza Ferrari called a press conference to discuss the recent allegations of nefarious dealings following the mysterious dissappearences of rival teams The Gold Valley Tigers and The Horny Toads.
When questioned about rumours he had been seen in a back alley exchanging an undisclosed sum of Gold Coins with well known Druchii Slave Trader Snorri he had this to say:
"Looks use paper razzi's..... I's an honest man I is and I can't be bein eld accountable when dem woosy woos bag Yoomans n Lizzies see's me team of Dead 'Ard Sorts and flees de Continent now can I? Dat bein said me girls are so dead ard that I reckon we's gonna trounce dem panzy high falootin High Elves in da Lords o' Wart or whatever dey be called, an den, I is 'appy to announce, dat our teams Chief "Negotiata" is moments from securing da services of dat well fit sort Zara da Slaya for when we give them ol rotters Gumbeast United a damn good seeing to"
"Hey uh, off da record mate, ow much to av you shut up bought dis lil misunderstandin, er... wot, dat recorda fingy still rollin? Why I..... STOP IM!" |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jan 31, 2005 - 04:22 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Welcome to the second issue of the PREMIER EDITION
Holy Hollarin' Horns Herd fans!!! What a game 2 we had here this afternoon! No one on the team was quite sure how to handle the Warlizards...but NO ONE could have predicted THIS outcome. Lizards recieve and sweep with little resistence. In fact Struttin Blues was out (and wondering what happened to his ST) in the first salvo from the tanked up Saurussss. All we could do was roll back and hope. The cold bloods kept flowing forward and suddenly ball lizzie was tucked away safely in the opposite corner just waiting to score an easy TD. The kids did what they could to get over but there was too much space...then...(and I can't be sure of this dear readers) the GREAT UNSEEN must have finally re-joined the squad...for monster Saurus Michael decided to have a crack at Gone before the TD..and double skull/double skull!! It had all the hall marks of the UNSEEN for sure. Taller took his chance (and his Claw) and whacked the ball free and the lizzie from the field. HardToHandle swooped on the ball and returned it a monster 24 squares for TD! 1-0 halftime.
The Saurus must have had a hell of a pep talk as they opened up with a Blitz! Once again the herd were back peddeling. Some clever cover saw MorningSong with the ball..and he hightailed it under scant cover up the sideline. It was tooth and nail as the War machine had a few chances..but it just wasn't enough to stop us. 2-0! One for the record books folks. And BRUTAL to boot! 2 SI's against the kids (apoth the only one NOT doing his job today) but we responded with 5 SI's on them. Serious bizness this Premier div 
As if that wasn't painful enough we face the StoneSmashers next round...makes you want to shiver.
For now though readers we delight in a perfect start to our Premier campaign..until next round!
Black Crowes 2 vs 0 Warlizards |
_________________
Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jan 30, 2005 - 12:06 |
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Crisis In The Blue Mountains
exclusive by Mr Whippy, esquire.
Well Donut lovers, it seems that there is again trouble brewing (and I don't mean the local ale) up at Mt Victorious as the Blue Mountain Dragons have crashed to two heavy defeats in the opening rounds of SWL Season 8.
It appears that the injuries are mounting up and the cash flow is drying up as many norse folk are switching allegience to the new flavours in the Mountains such as the Fyord Frollikars.
Aging team captain of the Dragons, Vladim Oslobahn was asked for comment on the injury crisis and whether the Dragons were a spent force in the SWL.
"Ya vell, tis nicht the best at zee moment, but weev hast the very bezt of confidenze in our coach who vill lead us to glory at seezons end. But ya, the boyz are stretched and weev got zee Zen Adepts next. Zee fans haf too realise dat with just myzelf, Blax und Lapi left from zee Season 1, tis hardz to keeps on da pitch. But vee will try and vee vill see da season out"
But will the Dragons be in the SWL Conference League come Season 9? Will the great players such as Vladim, Blax and Lapi give it away and the team relegate to the QPool?
Only time will tell, but it seems as though the Dragons are well and truly past it folks!
Signing off with a Choc Ice,
Mr Whippy |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jan 28, 2005 - 14:29 |
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<SWL_Bob_Borc> Welcome Fans to Season 8 Round 2 of the Premier!! First game of the round, and the first of our late night special live called games for the season is Wicker Men vs Karaz Krasherz
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Joining me tonight is guest commentator DaemonicLazoth
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Hi DaemonicLazoth
<DaemonicLazoth> Thank you this should be an intresting match
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Two of the heavy weights of Premier facing off tonight
<SWL_Bob_Borc> the much fancied and powerful Karaz Krasherz
<DaemonicLazoth> oh and there has been a technical problem
<SWL_Bob_Borc> what problem would that be DaemonicLazoth?
<DaemonicLazoth> snorri hasnt updated to the current version of 8.2b
<SWL_Bob_Borc> aaah i see a disagreement over the current rulebook printing
<SWL_Bob_Borc> always controversial
<SWL_Bob_Borc> a trap there for an unwary coach.
<DaemonicLazoth> Coach Snorri doing a bit of quick reading to catch up
<SWL_Bob_Borc> well in the meantime how about we continue with a preview of these two sides.
<SWL_Bob_Borc> what are your thoughts on the Wickermens chances here Dae?
<DaemonicLazoth> the Krasherz looking pretty strong here with only a Black Orc Blocker missing the game after a nasty "accident" on the field last week
<SWL_Bob_Borc> aah i think we have the teams coming out on to the field now so we will switch to our live Cabalvision Feed...
<DaemonicLazoth> the wickermen having won the toss have elected to recieve
<SWL_Bob_Borc> I notice Bomba and Kazi II are out for the Krashers whilst the Wickermen have their full roster today, do you think the depth of the Wickermens roster is going to count today Dae?
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Heres the Kick!!!
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and the crowd have swarmed the field
<DaemonicLazoth> stunning a key Blocker
<SWL_Bob_Borc> looks like the crowd were looking to ensure a clean game and took down several rather nefariously reputationed players...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and joining us today is as well is Karl_Christenson
<DaemonicLazoth> oh and the first foul gives us a fractued arm
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Bombastik off the field,
<DaemonicLazoth> Bombastik is out for the rest of the match and next weeks match
<SWL_Bob_Borc> he didn't look so good there Karl..
<Karl_Christenson> hi Bob and DaemonicLazoth
<Karl_Christenson> no he doesn't
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Venetia Nola Fumbles the grab on the ball spilling it loose
<Karl_Christenson> one of the strengths of this Wickermen side is their mulitude of dirty players
<DaemonicLazoth> indeed
<DaemonicLazoth> Red Streek running down field
<Karl_Christenson> expect to see plenty of greenskins in the injury box today
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Red Streek goes deep looks like the Krashers are going to try one of their patented Elf inspired plays to clear the ball and send it down the field
<DaemonicLazoth> Bonza delivers a stunning hit to Airell
<Karl_Christenson> Rock'ead II with a useful blitz there taking Briana Ardrason away from the play
<Karl_Christenson> and Red Noggin showing some elf-like skills there gathering up the ball
<DaemonicLazoth> and his looking for a clear pass to Red Streek
<SWL_Bob_Borc> oooh
<SWL_Bob_Borc> he fumbles the ball
<SWL_Bob_Borc> grounding it in front of Tremayne and Nola of the Wickermen
<Karl_Christenson> better with his feet than his hands it seems
<SWL_Bob_Borc> And Bongo is grounded by Breandan and Tremayne sweeps Rock'ead away from the ball..
<DaemonicLazoth> and its cleaned up by Venetia Nola
<SWL_Bob_Borc> only just looked a little unsteady still there.. good recovery though
<Karl_Christenson> and Venetia has taken shelter behind Breasal
<DaemonicLazoth> and a nice hit by Gimp floors Briana Ardrason
<Karl_Christenson> and if the crafty ghoul get's a clear run to the line we'll see the Wickermen put the first points on the board
<Karl_Christenson> Queer comes to give Stompa a few words of advice
<Karl_Christenson> and he takes notice by knocking Catbad prone
<SWL_Bob_Borc> They will have to scramble to cover Nola, the way is still clear there for the wickermen to go up on the board
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Red Noggin covers Nola, Streek goes for the hit
<Karl_Christenson> Red Streek trips on the blitz
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Stumbles at the last
<DaemonicLazoth> And finds a spare rib cage left by the wickermen
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Tremayne again clears a hole for Nola
<Karl_Christenson> well Bob, do you think the Krasherz have done enough to cover their opponents here?
<SWL_Bob_Borc> its still early in the Half Karl they are all still fresh for the most part and still scrambling
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Ulason lays in the boot for little effect, the ref called him but Coach Covertfun has harangued the ref into reversing the decision
<DaemonicLazoth> Oh some hot words there after that foul
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Nola goes down
<SWL_Bob_Borc> on the dodge spilling the ball free
<SWL_Bob_Borc> looks like that answers your question Karl
<DaemonicLazoth> and Queer fails to clean up the ball
<SWL_Bob_Borc> that could be a costly error ...
<Karl_Christenson> leaving the door still open for the Undead
<Karl_Christenson> Sven knocks out Gimp!
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and the Orc kicker gimp is taken from the field for a nice lie down
<Karl_Christenson> the numbers for the orcs are starting to dwindle here
<DaemonicLazoth> yes it appers as though they may have to pull something extraordinary here
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Nola Dodges, fades in grabs the ball..
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and trips
<Karl_Christenson> and again Nola falls on the dodge out
<DaemonicLazoth> tripped up by Queer
<DaemonicLazoth> Bongo gives Sven Christenson some revenge hitting and also a nice rest
<Karl_Christenson> Sven out for the rest of the drive
<SWL_Bob_Borc> looks like the Krasherz are digging deep now Karl
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Ulason is hurt on the blitz
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and fails to rejoin the team hes out for the game
<SWL_Bob_Borc> And again Queer drops the ball
<DaemonicLazoth> And an almight hit form Breasal Breandan floors Bonza for the game
<DaemonicLazoth> We have players falling left right and centre here folks
<Karl_Christenson> and don't the crowd love it
<DaemonicLazoth> they certainly do
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Bad ball handling is costing both these teams so far tonight
<Karl_Christenson> and now the Wickermen have changed tactics and are getting players in around the ball
<Karl_Christenson> trying to apply a little prssure on the orcs
<SWL_Bob_Borc> When a troll gets an idea in mind he just won't let it go
<DaemonicLazoth> Stompa winding up for the hit and gives Cathbad a thump on the head
<Karl_Christenson> seems to be getting personal between those 2
<DaemonicLazoth> stunning the zombie
<DaemonicLazoth> indeed but who will come off 2nd best
<DaemonicLazoth> Tanguy Tremayne saved by block skill.
<DaemonicLazoth> Redd'n Roll'n
<SWL_Bob_Borc> pulls off a risky double play
<DaemonicLazoth> Tanguy and Redd'n both clash heads and other then giving each other slight head aches nothing happens
<SWL_Bob_Borc> without upset
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Queer makes the hit on tremayne
<DaemonicLazoth> sending him to kiss the dirt
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Rock'ead goes deep to receive
<Karl_Christenson> looks like Rock'ead is clearing out leaving Bongo to hold off the 2 mummies
<SWL_Bob_Borc> His team don't even have the ball yet
<DaemonicLazoth> Oh we have orcs falling down all over the place
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Some stunning play from Beeandan and Fenella
<SWL_Bob_Borc> allows Ardrason to sweep the ball and score!!
<DaemonicLazoth> Briana Ardrason puts the first point on the board for the wickermen
<Karl_Christenson> yes some nice work there by the wight
<DaemonicLazoth> Sven awakes for his nap ready to start the 2nd drive of the half
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Gimp musta got lucky and found the fluffy pillow
<Karl_Christenson> Leaving his team short handed
<SWL_Bob_Borc> The two team reset for the restart...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Krasherz to receive...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> its a wobbly kick bu it stays in..
<Karl_Christenson> well that was different to the normal style played by the Wickermen
<DaemonicLazoth> Redd'n gives Moyna Gitta a uppercut that leaves him out like a light
<Karl_Christenson> not the usual stall and foul tactic that they have made their own
<DaemonicLazoth> Konondrum effortlessly scoops up the ball
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and it seems Konumdrum has steadier hands than limp wristed Queer.....
<SWL_Bob_Borc> And Breandan drops the Red Streek face first inna turf
<SWL_Bob_Borc> hes off for the game
<Karl_Christenson> this is quickly turning into a war of attrition with the Krasherz on the losing end
<SWL_Bob_Borc> not a place they are used to being...
<DaemonicLazoth> perhaps they are suffering for elven fragilty
<SWL_Bob_Borc> well the side effects of elven hormone abuse are well documented Dae, could we be seeing some of that here today?
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Queer goes to dodge clear!
<SWL_Bob_Borc> hes down
<SWL_Bob_Borc> wait
<SWL_Bob_Borc> hes not moving
<SWL_Bob_Borc> oh nuffle say it isn't so!!
<DaemonicLazoth> wait the medical staff are rushing to his side
<Karl_Christenson> oh that was a nasty fall there
<DaemonicLazoth> I dont think he survived that
<SWL_Bob_Borc> i don't think there much they can do Karl
<Karl_Christenson> Snorri has called them back
<SWL_Bob_Borc> well his head has come off the field but we will need to wait for a stretcher to clear the rest
<DaemonicLazoth> It is a sad day for the Krasherz here today with the passing of Queer
<Karl_Christenson> but they have hit back
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Its fired these lads up
<DaemonicLazoth> Rock'aed II scoring the equaliser
<Karl_Christenson> some nice blocking there opens the way for Rock'ead II to score
<SWL_Bob_Borc> off a superb konumdrum pass
<Karl_Christenson> and now the undead players are slumbering in the dugout
<SWL_Bob_Borc> well its almost half time so we will replace one of our callers here in the booth
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Welcome Xanatos
<SWL_Bob_Borc> bye bye DaemonicLazoth
<Karl_Christenson> and what an exciting match we have here
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Thank you
<Karl_Christenson> this has got me thinking Bob, do undead sleep?
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Apperntly so with 3 players still snoozing
<SWL_Bob_Borc> thats liking asking if Androids dream of electric sheep Karl, bit pointless and whats an Android anyway?
<Xanatos_Axhorn> I think its some fancy dwarven machine
<Karl_Christenson> can't say i ever heard of an android
<Karl_Christenson> never really hang out with dwarves
<Xanatos_Axhorn> The only time I meet them is on the field
<Xanatos_Axhorn> whether its the battle field or the pitch
<Xanatos_Axhorn> after some minor delays the Wickermen are coming out for the 2nd half
<Karl_Christenson> the only good dorf is a dead one
<Karl_Christenson> well we are just about to get the second half underway
<Karl_Christenson> and the Krasherz get the jump on their opponents with a quick snap
<Karl_Christenson> a lot of pushing happening on the los
<Xanatos_Axhorn> gimp moving to give stompa instructions
<Xanatos_Axhorn> but he doesnt listen
<Karl_Christenson> not a wise move by Stompa there
<Xanatos_Axhorn> a female troll in the crowd grabbing his attention
<Karl_Christenson> here comes the counterattack by the Wickermen
<Karl_Christenson> Ardrason brings down Buttsnot
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Landthar covering Rock'ead II
<Xanatos_Axhorn> well the wickermen have the orcs nicely tied up
<SWL_Bob_Borc> And Stompa is still watchin that female troll
<Karl_Christenson> yes things are getting messy on the los now
<SWL_Bob_Borc> he must be really taken
<Xanatos_Axhorn> He must really be intrested in her
<Karl_Christenson> Coach snorri doesn't seem impressed by the troll's antics
<Xanatos_Axhorn> She is wearing the latest fling fashion
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and considering the game breandan is having it could cost him mightily
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Breasal trips Gimp on his dodge out
<Karl_Christenson> and the failure by the orcs to ground their opposition cold end up being costly here
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Looks like Konumdrum could have his hands full in a moment and no one to dump off too
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and Donia delivers stunning blow to Bongo
<Karl_Christenson> he really has been left out in the cold by his team mates
<Xanatos_Axhorn> gave him a kick in the groin
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Nola Blitzes Konumdrum pushing him back towards his own TD line
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Nola driving konumdrum back
<Karl_Christenson> a brave move by the ghoul there
<SWL_Bob_Borc> a bit in your face but he's feeling cocky, hes had a good game so far..
<Xanatos_Axhorn> looks like stompa has gathered his wits back into the game now
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Rod Noggin flooring Sven
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Konumdrum dodges clear...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> but no pass
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and decides not to pass
<Karl_Christenson> surprising that
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Redd'n driving Cathbad back
<Karl_Christenson> he has Red Noggin in range to dump off to though
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and gimp just recieved a stunning suggestion from Donia
<SWL_Bob_Borc> lot of pushing and shoving ...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Nola on the running hit..
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Nola going for the blitz
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and skulls out but the ball is thrown clear
<Karl_Christenson> the Wickermen are starting to play man to man defense now
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and leads head first into the orc brickwall
<Karl_Christenson> Stompa with another ineffective block there
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Konondrum going for the pass and neatly caught by buttsnot
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Konundrumsteps up recovers, passes..its good to ButtSnot
<Karl_Christenson> nice gather and pass by Konundrum to Buttssnott
<Xanatos_Axhorn> thats his 2nd completion this game
<Karl_Christenson> who races clear down the field
<Xanatos_Axhorn> fancy footwork by goon see him clear
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Goon moves to cover his run
<SWL_Bob_Borc> followed by Rock'ead
<Karl_Christenson> Cathbad getting some more attention from the orcs
<Xanatos_Axhorn> He must really love it
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Redd down, Fenella in position to put the boot in
<Xanatos_Axhorn> but will he?
<Xanatos_Axhorn> aside from the first 2 fouls we havent seen much fouling
<SWL_Bob_Borc> no he moves to cover the orc wall
<Xanatos_Axhorn> the coachs must be scared of the ref
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Ardrason dodges dodges goes for it and goes down with a ill timed block
<Xanatos_Axhorn> oh and briana hits the orc wall
<SWL_Bob_Borc> failing to take out the ball carrier
<Xanatos_Axhorn> buttsnot with a clear run in
<Karl_Christenson> worst looking blitz on a ballcarrier we've seen this game
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Run Lad Run!!
<Xanatos_Axhorn> yes things have started to fall apart for the Wickermen
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and Buttsnot waltz into the end zone
<Karl_Christenson> Buttsnott has broken the deadlock
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and Buttsnot scores to send the Krasherz 2-1 up
<Karl_Christenson> but did he score too early?
<Karl_Christenson> can 9 orcs hold off the undead?
<Xanatos_Axhorn> indeed that is the question
<Xanatos_Axhorn> the orcs are deploying deep to cover any outbreaks
<SWL_Bob_Borc> The Krasherz aren't exactly a brute strength side and have been noted for their ball handling, unusual for a orc side
<SWL_Bob_Borc> the teams line up again wickermen to receive...
<SWL_Bob_Borc> unorthodox formation there..
<SWL_Bob_Borc> heres the Kick!!
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and the crowd go wild
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and the fans are really revved tonight for the Krasherz
<SWL_Bob_Borc> they wanna see their favourite Greenskins win tonight
<Karl_Christenson> and the mummies lead off for the Wickermen bringing 2 orcs down
<SWL_Bob_Borc> coverage formation...
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Buttsnot receiving a nasty thump to the head
<Xanatos_Axhorn> making him see stars
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Nola fumbles the ball...
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Nola failing to pick up the ball
<SWL_Bob_Borc> shocking ball handling tonight
<SWL_Bob_Borc> far too many unforced errors from both these teams
<Xanatos_Axhorn> did someone cover the ball with grease tonight?
<Karl_Christenson> anyone would think they're playing in the rain here
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and Stompa starts drooling at that female troll in the stands
<Xanatos_Axhorn> again
<Karl_Christenson> he really is having a shocker tonight
<Xanatos_Axhorn> both teams are having a shocking game
<SWL_Bob_Borc> I think someone should look into who bought that young lady her ticket for tonights game, might have been something of an underhandedness there eh....
<Xanatos_Axhorn> truely or maybe its the Stompa Fan Club, membership: 1
<Karl_Christenson> and now Red noggin botches that block there,this game is going downhill fast
<Xanatos_Axhorn> a bit of hesitation with the block there
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Nola cleanly picks the ball off the ground
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and moves into deep coverage
<Xanatos_Axhorn> moving into the final stages can the Wickermen pull off a draw?
<SWL_Bob_Borc> with the young lady off to the concession stand Stompa returns to the game
<SWL_Bob_Borc> and covers Breanadan
<SWL_Bob_Borc> is gonna be tight here folks
<SWL_Bob_Borc> can the Wickermen pull offf a draw here
<SWL_Bob_Borc> they have the ball but thats not all...
<Karl_Christenson> the orcs are making a mad scramble to bring there defense together here
<Xanatos_Axhorn> but will it be enough to save them?
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Bongo is looking awfully lonely there surrounded by undead
<Xanatos_Axhorn> gimp scrambles to cover Nola
<Karl_Christenson> and get's into position next to the ghoul
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and a nice hit by Bongo brings Cathbad down
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Donia has Bongo at his mercy or rather the crowds
<SWL_Bob_Borc> no means certain..
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Breandan downs Stompa who gets carted off the field
<Karl_Christenson> Breandan is having a blinder
<SWL_Bob_Borc> mind you is that his lady friend in the dug out...
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Breasal KOs Stompa perhaps maybe that young lady could give specialist attention to him now
<Xanatos_Axhorn> oh and Donia skulls it
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Bongo avoids the grasping crowd
<Karl_Christenson> the tension is building here folks
<SWL_Bob_Borc> i don't like how Tremayne is loose up there in a scoring position...
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Konondrum gives Noland a stunning blow to the jaw
<Xanatos_Axhorn> He would have to scramble for that td
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Goon goes to cover him
<SWL_Bob_Borc> a Green wall of Orc flesh is holding on grimly here
<Karl_Christenson> looks like the only player in scoring range is Tanguy now
<Xanatos_Axhorn> and it maybe enuf to hold the undead away from the equaliser
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Redd'n and buttsnot give extrea coverage for Tanguy
<SWL_Bob_Borc> Breandan to block Gimp
<Karl_Christenson> looks like they'll try and push Nola into scoring range here
<SWL_Bob_Borc> but its still gonna be tight
<SWL_Bob_Borc> its one hell of a small hole
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Nola going for the break out
<SWL_Bob_Borc> he scores
<SWL_Bob_Borc> what a play
<Xanatos_Axhorn> AND SCORES THE EQUALISER
<Karl_Christenson> amazing stuff that!
<SWL_Bob_Borc> its a draw folks
<SWL_Bob_Borc> awesome play there
<Karl_Christenson> caught the orcs unaware
<SWL_Bob_Borc> well we go now to our sidelines reporter Rage Bloodcry for a check on the games injuries.........
<Xanatos_Axhorn> Ahhh Stompa will have a very plesant face to wake up to |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jan 25, 2005 - 12:43 |
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Assistant coach Kami caught in the act of yet another headbanging session...Stompa da troll would probably have a headache on the morrow if only his 'ead wasn't made of rock.
"Lads, lads, lads. When are ya ever going to learn about taktics? And I dont mean dodging out and running 'eadlong down the field like an elf, only to leave Kon da thrower to look after the ball while facing off half a dozen saurii! What tis it wif da elf loonacies? Yeah, we love elfs, we love *bashin* elves! Fullstop! And no more +AG's on a limbersome troll! Git your spelling right Stompa - it's lumbersome yer supposed to be, not limbersome!".
Rant finished, Kami went and found a relaxing bar room brawl to start. As far as rants went, that was a chilled out rant for Kami. No broken bones. Maybe he was gettin soft. But then again, maybe not - they did actually manage a pretty good game apart from that one play. Very exciting start to the premiers and a good warmup all in all!
Karaz Krashers 2 - 2 Warlizards |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jan 22, 2005 - 13:28 |
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We have a quick scribble here from Bob Borc, who's just thrown his gobbo sidekick and journo team mate all the way from the land of the Kim Chi Monster (Korea).
"Da Latest News! Da Twahnlow, Mr Lord Malice is ded! (slight gap in the message where Bob's obviously taken time out for a belly laugh at an elf's tragic misfortune - he hasn't worked out yet that you dont actually need to leave a gap when you've taken time out in writing a note) Oh and done in by an ignobble skelly on the line! Be intewesting to see who steps up for the award dis season."
| Quote: | | Did the ghost of Twahnlow whisper a curse into the shadows as he departed? |
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Faulcon
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jan 21, 2005 - 04:31 |
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Slumbering Skinks Scale Summit - by Ltrrl, Enforcer (Retired)
50 games we score good get smashed!
Edited and annotated - by Aouoedllphss, Sprinter (Retired)
A historic moment for the skinks last night as they fought their way through their 50th swl game. Only Zen Adepts have played more matches (51) in the big leagues, those wretched Norse Asgardians hardly count as they spent several seasons cutting their teeth in qualifying.
True to form, the skinks went into the match badly outnumbered by lumbering orcs but after the orcs had opened the scoring they held on grimly with Krss a rock anchoring the line for Xies-ler-aym and Zrndgeuaieu to scamper in for touchdowns either side of the half time whistle. A dashing backfield blitz by star skink Thshltraeeay prevented the equalizer and he ran rings around the slow moving orcs before delivering the ball to Xies-ler-aym who easily broke away from the pack to finish the scoring at 3-1.
Also true to form, the skinks took 3 casualties (including a hasty and successful call for the doctor when Ghsrss tried headbutting the fist of DaBludga and killed himself) while causing none. But hey, from a skink's perspective, we outran and outscored those green meanies to pick up a win in our 50th, so it's all good! |
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andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
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Jan 19, 2005 - 23:25 |
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<Kooshee, in an amazing array of "We luv Beatins" merchandise - green hat, red #11 "DaLobba" shirt, blue replica training shorts, and one overly large "Beatin Glove" (tm) on his left hand> Howdy sports fans! This WargSports Channel news update is coming from "Beatin Kamp", the training camp for Wanna Beatin. I'll be following coach andycapp and his lads throughout the SWL's Premier League's Season 8, thought it must be said that some of those lads don't take too kindly to my constant presence. Let's see here - I am wearing some of the team's merchandise, available at the merchandising booths scattered around the stadium on match days. I'm told the "Beatin Glove" here packs quite a punch, but I don't know ...
(KOOSH! Kooshee punches himself in the side of the head, sending him sprawling off camera)
<Kooshee, picking himself up, rather dizzily> Urgggh ummm, well, that will definitely be a favourite in the crowds this season. I pity the opposition crowds who may well get treated like punching bags before, during and especially after each game. I don't feel so well, so I'm going to sign off, and go back to some footage I taped earlier. From "Beatin Kamp", this is Kooshee...
(the tape kicks in, with Kooshee in the Studio. "SWL Season 8" is dubbed over Kooshee's left shoulder)
<Kooshee> Howdy sports fans! This is Kooshee NOT reporting live, but from a studio. This means that I've most probably been beaten up by those darn Orcs of Wanna Beatin again.
<Kooshee> This is my Southern Waste Leagues Season 8 preview, though some first-round games have already been decided. Tipping this year has become a little easier for me this season, with the shock withdrawal of initial founder Twahn, due to "real-life" issues. I don't know what that means, because BloodBowl is my life, and THE life. I tip that every game Carlton United play will go to the opposition as a forfeit. Well, that's a quarter of the games out of the way. Now for the other teams. In the first round, I tip the Black Crowes over the Wicker Men, but only because that has also been decided already. Yes, they made round 1 a little easier on me. Let's get to the teams.
<Kooshee, camera 2> There are no certainties this season, viewers. All teams currently stand with both TR and TS over 200. I will start with crediting the champions of Season 8...
The Southside Stone Smashers are a feared team. The amount of skills this team has is testimony to many a won game, and crushed opponent. Their awesome match record proves this team's calibre. Although short, these dwarves are by no means small. A truly champion team here folks. The highest-strength team in the league, but will handicaps hurt them in any way?
The Chaos caused by the Black Crowes is a sight to behold. A few current injuries, but not enough to stop this team stampeding to their opponents' end zones. A full team lineup, so if one does happen to fall, there's a herd of them to follow up. Will those injuries be telling come season end though?
The ancient Wicker Men also have a full team sheet. This horde of Undead have outlived, outplayed, outscored, and outCAS'd the vast majority of their opponents. Currently the lowest-ranked team in the Premier, but that is not an issue with this team. However will their bones become brittle under the heat of the big lights?
Karaz Krasherz came running, leaping and bounding into the Premier League for this season. Sometimes dubbed "green-skinned elves", these Orcs are now true allrounders, and a sight to behold. What an amazing match record, too! But will the lack of Strength skills throughout the team hurt them in the end?
The Slumbering Skinks are by no means slow or lethargic. These lizardmen know how to mix pure speed and agility with the required strength at the line of scrimmage. Totally unpronouncable names are mixed with high stats across the team. Starting with a few injuries, will they prove to be too much of a hurdle for this team?
The other Lizardman team, but in no way the same, are the Warlizards. A very rounded team that early rumours once stated were fielding two Kroxigors, but it was found to be false accusations. If experience plays a key role this season, this team will be there at the end. Or will their age finally catch up with them?
The second Orc team, and one I know quite well now, is Wanna Beatin. Watch for DaWall being employed at the start of each play. Coach andycapp has informed me he will be scouting for recruits throughout this season, as he looks to bolster the already bulging roster. Will the lack of players fail this team's rise to the top?
<Kooshee> Well folks, there's no easy way to tip the season's winner, so I'm going to stay with last season's champions, the Southside Stone Smashers. Certainly favourites in our viewer polls here on WargSports. Stay tuned as we bring you live matches here, on your favourite sporting channel.
And a HUGE congratulations to all Twahnlow medal winners from Season 7. Hopefully Season 8 is bigger and better!
<Kooshee, hurried voice over> News just in ... The match between Wanna Beatin and Slumbering Skink is scheduled for 8pm Thursday, Sydney time! Tune in live, or watch the highlights in our late-late-late-night review program after the big match. Signing off, this is Kooshee (and I hope I recover from that beatin soon). |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Jan 14, 2005 - 01:19 |
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Bob Borc staggers up to the stage after two weeks of hard partying at the Twahnlows.
"And finally!" (speaking to an audience almost completely off their feet - luckily there was one barely affected beer guzzling dwarf still sober enough to report this) "da Twahnlow Award dis season goes to Lord Malice of the embattled elven lads from the Lords of War!"
With that, Bob promptly fell flat on his face, signalling the end of the party and the conclusion to Season 7 of the SWL! |
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Toonie
Joined: Jun 03, 2004
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Jan 13, 2005 - 12:33 |
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Straight from the Norse's Mouth
Lars Nielson here bringing you all the exclusive news on the Angry Asgardians live from the Asgardome(tm).
And what an exciting match we've had today bowl fans. Thousands of Norse and a lot of unsavoury Undead packed the stadium to watch the Asgardians take on the Creepers.
Winning the toss the Asgardians decided to recieve the ball and was surprised when the Creepers launched out of the gate with a blitz.
Suddenly zombies and wights were surrounding the area where the ball was landing.Then a ghoul tried and push his luck getting to the sweet spot and tripped,allowing the Norse to recoverand try and get to the ball.
The trio of blitzers,assisted by throwers and a couple of linos surrounded the undead,allowing Frozen Tauros to blitz and push a zombie onto the ball forcing it out into the open.
The ball was gathered up by the Asgardians.
While this was happening, on the LOS,catcher Lodi Torkonnen delivered a nasty block on Pretty Boy,killing the unfortunate zombie and finally laying him to rest.
After a bit of sloppy play by both teams, Horst Gutomir gained posession of the ball and ran it down the left side of the pitch and finally into the endzone.
The half time siren sounded and both sides ambled into the dugout after a tough fought half.
The home side kicked off the second half and again they were caught by surprise.
The undead gaining some momentum with a quick snap,got down the field quickly and within reach of their opponent's endzone.
It was during this movement that the Asgardian's kicker Lani Snowdrift met his untimely demise.
The Undead ended up scoring and sometime in the reset of the game,they had stolen his body and brought him back on the field as a zombie!
The norse,helped by a bad kick got the ball to Horst again as a result of a touchback.Some great coverage allowed to quickly race in a td,regaining the lead for his team.
Again the Undead surprised everyone with another quick snap and the Norse once again scrambled to cover the breakaway ghouls.
During this fracas,Frozen brought down Ziggurat and lino compatriot Baldur Thorsen gave him something to carry for the rest of his undead life.
The scrambling was not enough,as once more the home side's endzone was breached.
Horst rallied his side for one more shot to break the deadlock and assure victory for the fans.
But due to some poor insight by the coach,the setup was all wrong and the drive failed.
The final siren sounded and the crowd left feeling somber but still happy enough to see their team play.
Until next time Norse fans this is Lars Nielson signing off.
Angry Asgardians vs Creepers |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jan 13, 2005 - 03:26 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Welcome to the Premier Edition as the kids get tough and kick off their first season in the bigs! And what a kickoff it was...a Pitch Invasion to welcome both newcomers to the top flight of SWL Blood Bowl! A "stunning" beginning to be sure (4 us- 2 them). The fight was on...just a massive slug fest on the line. Toe to toe with the gauzzey types...all the while Gone did his thing up the back with the ball. A T5 long pass to Boomers Story was a tad off the mark though...but not to worry...Gone simply kept running and regathered to score in T8!
2nd half was a close affair with the ghoul sweeping wide...but a big hit by HorseHead quelled that attempt. Lucky for us a Wight failed his heroic play after some good blocking to set him up. Fumble! BoomersStory raced in with the blitz/pickup/dodge play to clear...and raced away untouched for the 2nd TD!
An excellent start to the season...only sad note was a foul (one of 6!) broke BlackBerry's leg for a niggle.
Roll On Herd!
More notes in the game report..
Black Crowes 2 vs 0 WickerMen |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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andycapp
Joined: May 26, 2004
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Jan 12, 2005 - 06:27 |
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<TV Director> You ready Kooshee? This is your big day. Seeing that coach andycapp has promised YOU sole access, we have to go with you. Mind you, if I had my way, I would have gone with that top Ogre reporter, Biff Bonehead - now HE can take care of himself, AND he's smarter than you to boot!
<male Makeup Artist, in a tizz> Now now director, what did I tell you? That sort of non-supportive comment cannot do us any good here. We want to succeed in this venture, so praise, praise, praise only thankyou!
<TV Director> As you wish, Gerald. OK, are we set? Are the lights ready? Good. And the cameras? Great. I hope you're up for this, Kooshee. Don't forget our opening tag. So we're rolling? And 5 ... 4 ... 3 .........
<Kooshee, in a very professional-looking dark grey suit, new silk "We luv Beatins" tie, brand new "Advanced LOS Hair(tm)" hair, and professional voice to boot> Well, howdy sports fans! As you can SEE this is Kooshee, coming to you exclusively on the WargSports Channel from INSIDE their brand-new training camp, "Beatin Kamp", it's ... (motions to left of screen, a bead of sweat appears on his forehead)
<TEAM, running into frame> We'z Wanna Beatin! We'z Wanna Beatin!
<Kooshee> Wow! Can you SEE all that muscle now? Believe me, these guys certainly pack a punch! And don't you just LOVE their new strip? I'm told replicas are available at the merchandising booths scattered around the stadium on match days. Errr ...
(Camera moves to where Kooshee is glancing, where some mostly-naked sweaty orcs can be seen about to remove their under-rags. Camera quickly pans back to Kooshee.)
<Kooshee>Yes, it seems some of the team have taken my "strip" comment quite literally. Put your kit back on, lads - you're too ... er ... ugly to be doing that on live television.
<a team member's voice from off camera> Aww, thankz Koosheee. Dat's good of you to say so. Right ladz, back to training!
<Kooshee> Well, no worries lads! Enjoy your training! So, there they go. Same old team, brand new look. Stay tuned for our pre-match report for the opening game of Season 8, between Wanna Beatin and Slumbering Skink. This is Kooshee, reporting exclusively from Beatin Stadium.
<TV Director> And we're clear! Great work, Kooshee! And you survived your first live television report. Congratulations!
<Kooshee>I don't get it. All those mentions of "Beatin", and I didn't get hit once. This has to be a record.
<andycapp> Actually, that was my doing. I told the lads to specifically not beat you in this report. We have to make a good impression for the audience. It might just increase our fan base. Besides, you're our guy, Kooshee. We can't have you out for the entire season again. Unfortunately, they concentrated too much on that order and didn't think when you said "strip". Sorry about that. hehehe. Anyways, see you lot again soon. I got some training to take care of! |
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Dec 31, 2004 - 04:03 |
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Ah yes! Very canny of you Oz! Or was it a quiet whisper in the ear from the Unseen One, or perhaps even JealousGuy's ghost?
Bob Borc is probably having a good belly laugh at our expense having managed to sneak that one in.
We should have suspected something was up with those shifty orcs immediately. Imagine that, orcs appearing to play like elves.
*At this point coach Snorri can be seen conspicuously refraining from adding any comments about the Krasherz*
We'll definitely 'ave a good 'ard look at that calculation next season.
Da Twahnlow Squad |
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