ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Nov 02, 2004 - 13:29 |
 
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Black Crowes 2 def Blue Mountain Dragons 1
In a very tight and entertaining match, the Crowes defeated the Dragons on the bell to take an early lead in the South Conference. These two teams, tipped by famed league commentator and Deputy Commissioner Mr Whippy to fight out the South Conference title, put on a great show.
There were two near deaths each and plenty of entertaining ball movement, but unfortunately for the Dragons a mounting injury box resulted in a weak defensive line which proved costly.
Dragons team management also announced that long time star lineman for the Dragons Kat Oombah has retired after a long 40 game career. Dragons team management have been concerned for some time that their roster is ageing and this is the first of many lineup changes by the looks of things.
Signing off from the Deep South,
Ima Tosser. |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Nov 01, 2004 - 14:03 |
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Thanks Bob,
Well what do we have here? Four Conference Divisions... North, South, East and West... what sort of names are those? I'd be callin' em Chocolate, Strawberry, Custard and Jam if I had my way!
Anyway, so how do these conference leagues work? First place gets promotion is what! That's right if you don't get first, then you get dang stuff all! .... mmmm stuffing.... mmmmm
Sorry, where was I! That's right, first place gets promotion... everyone else gets to please themselves. Sounds harsh, but thats what the SWL is all about right kids! Being harsh! Harsher than a stale donut left at the bottom of the box.... that's harsh I tells ya's!
So who will be first? Well in the North, I reckon those damn Dwarves have it sewn up. Dang! I hate dwarves! But I guess we must let em play... who'd take care of all dem gobbo's if we didnt! I'm tipping the <b>Dastardly Dorfs</b> in a close one with their cousins from <b>Adelaide</b>. Should be a cracker.
In the Deep South, we have a whole lot of dat daddy marrying sister type stuff happening.... and thats just plain wrong! This Conference is damn tight and those pesky Norse from the <b>Blue Mountain Dragon</b> (can't stand there coach by the way) will be sniffing and snuffling and whinging like dey always do, but for mine, I see the <b>Black Crowes</b> taking it out with their ballads and their gonads.
Sorry ladies 
In the East, its a scary place. The dark things lurk here and the undead have come to roost... I hear Zara the Slayer may be getting a permanent house here on the East Coast as the dead un's fall all over themselves in an attempt to win. But unfortunately for all concerned, the <b>Karraz Krushers</b> should take this one out.
The sunny West aint that sunny, and I see another grueling grind fest here... (where are all the elves!!) I am tipping those horrible Khemri the <b>Archfiends of Atrocity</b> to take out this division. And I'd also like to pray for those dashing gals in the Ferrari's... may you rest in peace.
Well that's it! I've said my piece. I'm off to pick up my boys some Donuts after another fine win tonight... |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 31, 2004 - 15:10 |
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Welcome BloodBowl Fans Everywhere to Channel BB!'s 7th Season Preview of the Southern Wastes League Premier Division
This is Bob Borc reporting from our Channel BB! studios here at the Great Southern Stadium on the eve of the commencement of Season VII.
Well Bloodbowl fans, its promising to be a huge premier season with 8 very powerful sides to contend the season. Has there ever before been such a showcase of superb talent and skills as these 8 mighty teams.
Gumbeast United are the lowest rated side using the Channel BB! TR/STR system with 212/205. Never count out a good Khemri side though, because the whole side have been there, done that, and have the T Shirt to prove it so to speak. This bunch of bones and cloth wrappings are a real power house nonetheless and to be much feared in this new season.
Carlton United who some say are League Commisioner Twahn's nancy pancy boy favourites are rated 234/226. Not bad for a bunch of Humans. With the likes of Duke Snakefield and Gordon 'Flash' Lau the team is ably led and never to be discounted.
Warlizards rate out at 235/222 going into the season. This solid crew of Lizardmen have been solid performers in previous seasons and hopefully will do well again giving much entertainment for you the fans.
Maniac Mammalians II were last seasons SWL Premiers but disaster struck during the Gentlemans Picnic which saw them treated most ungentlemanly and it is a sore and sorry lot who will take to the field for the first game this season with a rating of 239/145. These Wood Elves have seen better days. With the majority of the team carrying at least some injury and 120 SPP Catcher Acinonyx Jabatus just one in a long list of missing their are many rumours that this teams days are numbered at least as far as premier is concerned. Heres hoping they can hang in there for one more season, taking it one game at a time.
Zen Adepts are another team that failed to escape the Picnic unscathed and will be missing Br. Concentration for the first game of the new season, explaining their rating of 242/202 . This band of dour Chaos Dwarves and their Hob-Gob lackeys though look set to persevere and carry on seeking victory and universal oneness.
Lord's of War Since coming under the coaching hand of Head Coach BloodReaper these remarkable High Elves have gone on a rampage to prove they are truly the masters of a little green field. The Lords's are carying a few injured palers on their roster who all hope to still make the field, however it is looking less and less likely for some. This team is still highly rated though at 244/216 and should continue to do well with such devil may care talents as Lord Malice, so long as they continue to avoid injury and play at their superb best.
Slumbering Skink are yet another team to have felt the brutal effects of the Picnic and this is reflected in their rating of 251/213. As the other Lizardmen side in premier this reporter for one is eagerly looking forward to this teams clash with the Warlizards. Nothing like playing for a home crowd to bring out the passion even in these coldblooded ones.
Southside Stone Smashers widely rumoured to consist entirely of Coach Sandune's bastard love children are without doubt The Team in premier this upcoming season. These superb athletes are rated at 255/266. With not a single player carrying an injury of any kind going into the season, don't be fooled, they may be just Dwarves, but this team is looking like it is going to have real long legs. forget about a force to be reckoned with, these short stout lads are just simply The Force in the Premier Division. Any side thats comes away with a win, hell even a draw, against these lads will have to have played a superb game and had the favour of Nuffle, in a very generous mood.
Well thats the teams in profile for the premier this season, I now give you over to the panel for special comments. And its a big welcome to Mr Whippy, league representative, bakery proprietor, famed coach of the Mr Whippy's Donut Boys and general know it all about Bloodbowl, who is heading the panel for tonights show............ |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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Snorri
Joined: Jun 07, 2004
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Oct 24, 2004 - 20:02 |
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And we're down with the Kazikam in the Krasherz lockers post picnic quarter final.
"Lemme at 'im!" Kami bounces uncontrollably off the walls and its all da ladz can do to steer him in da direction where he can do the most damage. No point stopping him, once he gets wound up like a ball and chain flinging a fanatic around, all you can do is let the whirlwind pass.
Kami's ire for once isn't directed at da ladz for their fancy footwork or their glorified cuddles. This time the manic glimmer in his eye has been feverishly reserved for the chap coachin the Australian Crawlers. Not only did he put Kami and two fellow star players on the deck with a slyly planted virus, but in his incapacitation, Kami's had to put up with the endless tirade's streaming from da coach's box next door.
In fact, what looked to be a fairly easy game, turned into a damned difficult scrap very quickly. The effects of having three of their best knocked out with a virus was only compounded when the team's star Bob, Bombastik was wrongfully arrested for "Unrepetentant Persecution of Cane Toads" in da newly formed swamp (course we're not denying his guilt, just the wrongful nature of the law). To make matter's worse, da mekanic (apot) had been slipped a brew that left him running around in a dithering frenzy attempting to fix every halfling he could find. Everybody knows ya can't fix halflings....
Still, the lads came out all fired up at Kami's indisposition. Stormed the line and had a rollicking first half. Except they really never took advantage of a numerical superiority and as such the Crawler's came out unscathed in the second half. That proved to be their loss...somewhat ironic. A great first half, but failure to consolidate left them badly bruised in a poor second half and was probably the key factor in the match. Too many soft games recently! The ladz ran out of steam in the second and third halves, couldn't teach puppies how to sit and were dazzled by some blinding moves by the crawlers every time the Krasherz looked set to score.
In da meantime, Kami has made it to the gaol and illustrated to da guards there that size only matters if you think it matters. Bombastik was kindly released and Kami's demonstration ended with Bombastik having a thumping time with all....just to confirm that size really does matter after all.
After a long day, all's well that end's well. They may have been dissappointed by the fickle winds of fate - specially the ones that decided the game on the coin toss. And especially at being ousted just as the picnic rollicked past the entrees into the exciting drama of the main banquet.
Nevertheless, it wasn't long before before all was forgotten. Persecution of cane toads is, after all, a serious task that demands all of one's focus and attention... |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Oct 19, 2004 - 01:59 |
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Tonight at the Gumbeast United clubhouse the Gumbeastians celebrated the hall of fame entry of their most talented lineman, star skeleton José Jaime Vasconcelos during his soccer career he was an outstanding winger, and this performance has been carried to the blood bowl pitch. While he has remained unrecognised by the MVP system, he has been with the club from the beginning and given his all whenever called upon. |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 17, 2004 - 14:20 |
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Baked Goods Industry Downturn predicted....
Yes folks, this nights Picnic game between the evil twisted donut avoiding Zen Adepts and those valiant lads of Mr Whippy's Donut Boys didn't just see the boys defeated and out of the picnic, it saw two of the teams stalwart devourers tackle there last lovely treats.
Sadly #9 Togo Boffin and #7 Stewy Lambroth will never eat there allocated match payment of Donuts with Custard Filling and Strawberry Ice again. Two poor lonely chewy sticky treats sit uneaten this night.
Ah well, waste not want not..mmmmm.....mmmmm...<gulp>.............
This is Bob Borc signing off for Channel BB! |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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Satans_mechanic
Joined: Jul 17, 2004
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Oct 17, 2004 - 14:07 |
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Shocking scenes today in the locker rooms of up and coming Amazons Forza Ferrari after a disastrous 5-0 collapse to the slippery wood elves of Flitter Mice. To add insult to injury up and coming line babe Jordan found her self on the wrong end of a lethal block from Treeman Woody and has shuffled from this mortal coil as the seventh victim of this seasons Gentlemans Picnic
Coach Stan McKhanic was least scene entering the Amazons locker room wearing nothing but leather bondage pants and carrying a heavy whip as well as other unnameable instruments (not in this time slot anyway).
No Team Representatives where available for comment at this time. |
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gumbi
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Oct 17, 2004 - 05:24 |
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The SWL Gentlemans Picnic continues its reputation for cold blooded death and destruction when the soccer playing nancies of Gumbeast United and the slightly more serious Archfiends of Atrocity when both teams matched up on the field a slightly larger than normal skeleton whipped off his cloak and revealed that he was RAMTUT III master of PAIN and DESTRUCTION OF BODILY FUNCTIONS, in reply the Gumbeast United squad played their traditional game of hacky sack to the roaring of their fans, with star thrower Norbert Kardos showing the team just how agile he has become recently.
The first half was bad for Gumbeast, putting up little effective resistance for a touchdown in the dying minutes by the Archfiends. This made recently turned skeleton Rudolph Hayward VERY angry, as he rushed forward and dived at Xeclixyltutu 'The Mouth of Horror'. They were both carried off the field in a pile of bone and bandages, as they were reassembled it was clear Rudolph would never be the same, after a scare with a missing leg bone Xeclixyltutu was back on the bench.
In the second half the Archfiends struck quickly, catching the Gumbeast side unprepared. In retaliation Norbert Hámos put his fist through RAMTUT III's face. Seconds later Edward Worraker tripped onto Ugezowogeb 'The Slayer of Souls', taking him out permanently, ref Charlie 'Blind without my glasses' Snailpace had lost his glasses and sent the innocent skeleton off to think about his actions. Emergency repairs with some spak-filler and plaster of paris had both the mummies back to fighting fit. The half was a bash fest from here, with skeletons taking hit after hit, and mummies racking up their cas counts. The game ended as a cocky Anders Hansson took a swing at Xeclixyltutu 'The Mouth of Horror' and was beaten down by the rookie mummy. This shocked ball carrier Johnny Saywell who had been waiting to pop the ball under the posts and he forgot to score as the whistle blew.
Deaths: Nawopxi to an enraged Marvin Buffington
1-0 ARCHFIENDS!!! |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Oct 17, 2004 - 03:52 |
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Donuts To Win!
Mr Whippy, SWL's esteemed CEO (Acting) and Director of Catering, has announced that he has the Donut Boys as favourites against SWL Premier League heavy weights the Zen Adepts
When asked for an opinion on why the Donuts will win, Mr Whippy couldn't find the words to reply. Was it because he is jesting and trying to put on a brave face? Or was it because he had 3 Choc Iced donuts in his mouth and was reaching for a fourth?
Only time will tell, and that time is tonight at 9pm! |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 16, 2004 - 17:21 |
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BREAKING NEWS!!!!
literally, as another player has fallen. #12 Corben Defthands - Thrower of Look Good in Tights is the latest casualty in the brutal madness that we all know and love and spectate upon raptly that is SWL's Gentlemans Picnic. Corben fell to Amazon's Forza Ferrari Catcher Lola in a vicious behind the play smackdown that saw the young up and coming elf blindsided as he stood there basking in the glory of his fans after his superb pass to send the ball up the field into a waiting elf catchers hands..... No doubt he will be sorely missed by those good looking elves in Tights. Sadly the Tights have also been dispatched from the Picnic, going on to lose the game 4-0.
In Other picnic news the Southern Waste Warriors defeated the rookie Green Bay Uppsala 1-0 , Adelaide Anvils were defeated by Slumbering Skink's in a bloody underhanded match 0-1, The Black Crowes progressed to the second round with a forfeit win, and Lord's Of War defeated Quods Optimates 4-2 in a ferociously contested game.
This is Bob Borc forChannel BB! The only station broadcasting continuously 24 hours a day all the greatest picnic action....... |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Oct 15, 2004 - 12:54 |
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Great work Joe!
At this point, Chunky would like to point out that the Southside Stone Smashers have come second in the Picnic the past two seasons, and they are definitely my favourite to win the Crown this year. |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Oct 15, 2004 - 10:35 |
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IT HAS BEGUN!!!!!!
yes once again the between season madness that is the Gentleman's Picnic has commenced for the SWL, So far there has been a mere 5 games played and already two players have departed the mortal coil for ever.
Memum Tyramus of the Iridine Gladiators succumbed to a brutal beating at the hands of those undead khemrian creeps "Metibe". A distraught Coach Skonos was sought for comment but only announced that he was sickened at the level of violence and his team would be dropping to the more genteel Swamp Competition this coming 7th season of the SWL.
Metibe have since gone on to deliver a brutal slamming to the long time SWL stalwarts the Prince Reagents. in recent seasons the Prince's have suffered many causalties and in a period of declining revenues it seems they could not go on and they too have been retired. Coach Schadenfreude has vowed though that they will be avenged by his qualifying pool team the Wickermen who will be entering the new full competition this season....... Now there's a scary bunch of lads. Lets hope they aren't playing in the same division as any of your bunch of lads.....
The Professional Losers had lost to the Prince Reagents and been knocked out of the comp. Alas they also lost 28 game veteran Michael Phelps, another picnic casualty.
In other games the loss by Brouhaha's Revenge! to Beasts of Bowl sees the beasts through to the 2nd round as does Brothers In Bloodbowl's loss to the Southside Stone Smashers see the Smashers through to the next round. Both were hard fought tough games that saw good solid play play by all but someone had to win.
Stay tuned for many more exciting games to come!!!!!!!!!!!! |
_________________
"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
Last edited by JoeKano on %b %16, %2004 - %16:%Oct; edited 1 time in total |
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XZCion
Joined: Jul 05, 2004
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Oct 11, 2004 - 16:13 |
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Smokey McPot reporting again from another game of those lustrian wonders, the Horny Toads. Showing unusual flair, the zard's from down under went out to a 3-0 lead, only to see their perfect defence crumble as the beastmen of nurgle combined in an amazing elfroid inspired passing play of brilliance to score their only touchdown in the dieing seconds of the game!
Showing their usual addiciton to their apothecary however, they did have 9 players visit the injury boxes...
She showed why they keep her around however, saving another skink from death by beastman hoof.
Thanks go out to all the coaches the toads played against for making this placing possible! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Oct 06, 2004 - 07:13 |
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MOAB Wrap Up
Thanks to all of you that have offered congrats to this humble High Elf coach. While we may be the NSW CHAMPION in name it is with a the hollow feeling of one who know that the whole comp didn't show up. The weekend was great fun! Only 9 coaches on day 1 and never that many again through the weekend for whatever reason. It was also a mixed bag of teams who were experimenting with the new Vault 1.6 rules. All up a grand affair that could only had been better had there been a greater turn out.
So I put it to you now that you mark the October Long Weekend of 2005 in your calendar and be ready. As defending MOAB champion I will be at all of you to make your presence felt next year and raise the level of what should be the top State championship. Only YOU can make it better!
Also I send a warning to POWERFIST that I am coming in on a big winning streak and hope to get the High Elves over the line again! |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Sep 16, 2004 - 23:57 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Stunned dear readers...stunned in a "they forgot to roll over" sorta way. The Black Crowes met old foes the Southside Stone Smashers in a must win game...and lost. The first half was an awesome display of commited defense. the GEAT UNSEEN was at his tactical best as he blunted wave after wave of the Smashers cage attack. Players kept falling to KOs and a constant attack on Lions by Crasx Ironhead the Troll Slayer eventually got to be too much for the hairy songster and he was finally carried from the pitch with a smashed skull(-1AV) singing "They are the Lollipop kids..." over and over...the big fella may never be the same. At halftime the score was 0-0. Crowes started stronger in the 2nd half...moving the dwarves back and setting their own "flat cage". But near the end of the 3rd quarter horror struck! In a result that will have repruccissions for ages Morning Song attempted a short pass that would have seen the kids clear and most likely home for the win, Furrin Stoneface INTERCEPTED the pass while in 3 TZs! The Crowes did manage to disposses him late in the game but a failed GFI was the end of their hope and Kahn Rockarm scampered in for the winner!
All this of course leaves the kids facing relagation for the first time in their 30 game history. It going to take some mighty magic from the Void to get other results to fall their way if they are to have even a glimpse of hanging on to their conference credientials.
This could well mark the beginning of the end dear readers... |
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Say GO AWAY to CuddleBunny! |
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