chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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 Posted:
Jul 04, 2004 - 17:12 |
 
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Division 2 really seems to be heating up! Currently the closest division by far, there is only one point separating 1st from 5th!
In a tie at the top of the division with a win and a draw, and the only undefeated teams thus far, are the old rivals, Black Crowes and I-House. Both took some lumps in their epic Round 2 draw however, as two Twahnlow medalists from Season 4 kicked the bucket! Have both teams effectively knocked each other out of the running?
I a three way tie for second, each with a win and a loss are the rock hard Southside Stone Crushers, mobile Lords of War, and powerful War Lizards. In an upset from this correspondents point of view, the Lords of War ended the Crushers run, as they had been undefeated since first qualifying for division play. They now face a greatly weakened I-House in Round 3, and with a much healthier, agile and mobile lineup, they would have to be considered the favourites in this matchup. I'm going to tip an upset though (surprise!) and pick I-House by 1.
Meanwhile, the Crowes have a game to recover against the cellar dwellers of Divison 2, Tenebrae, who've lost by 2 in both games. With much of the sting taken out of the Crowes blows however, this game could be Tenebraes best chance yet this season. Crowes by 1.
And last but not least, the Crushers and the Warlizards will meet to determine who stays in contention for the Division 2 crown, and who bows out to wait till next season. This game will largely depend on which side gets their players in the right positions, with Warlizards skinks very vulnerable, but their Saurus capable of doing some damage. We pick a draw!
This is Irite Stuff signing off, and looking forward to some more red hot Division 2 action! |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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JoeKano
Joined: Aug 30, 2003
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Jul 04, 2004 - 15:49 |
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Tomorrow nights game for top o the table in Div 3 looks like being a thriller full of unrestrained nancy pancy elfy action folks. If you are tuning in to see the blood fly you will probably be disappointed but if your interest is in high stepping and incredible ball handling we expect you won't be disappointed....
HFC have had an easy season so far with solid wins against both the divisions Rat teams. And both times the Rats have gone away licking their wounds and vowing vengeance another day...HFC are carrying injuries to some of their better linemen but in general are looking good and healthy and raring to go, although there form in general has been indifferent with only 7wins out of 16 careeer games. These two teams have met on the green field of battle once before with their opponents taking out the day and in the words of HFC's coach they were "Out classed and outplayed by the Wonders.....
Western Sydney Wonders are also undefeated this season but both games have been long grueling affirs that have seen the Wonders squeak home against a determined Sewer Pipe Dream and only their superb ball handling kept them in it after playing Div3's hard men, but squishy, the rotters if Iridine Gladiators, the game also saw them lose their Kicker Frenzy so that all important deft touch at the kickoff, so important to the strategies of so many Elf sides will be missed. For all that the Wonders have a superb career record and look set to only improve.
Im tipping the Wonders by One to go top of the Division.
Whether they will stay there remains to be seen as both sides have yet to face the Brutes of Kano's Black Tide, this warband come Bloodbowl side slaughtered its last opponent the Trasheaters and is looking to dish out similar poundage on the much fancied Sewer Pipe Dream before turning its sights on the Wonders and HFC. The Tide are looking a much improved outfit this season and seem more willing to handle the ball and focus on taking out the game and then their opponents, a failing that had seen them go two seasons without a win. The Dream are hoping to wake up and smell roses, being skaven, rotten ones of course, after a disastrous last season that saw them completely underperform, but with losses to 2 Elven sides already under their belt, i don't think it likely that the Tide is going to go out just yet....The Tide by One in a brutal match, that will see the Dream try every trick they have to stay ahead,but the rugged resilience and new found focused attitude of the Tide will i think be a bit too much for them to cope with. The last time these two sides met ended in a draw on the scoreboard for the Dream but a loss on the field losing a solid lineman. Last time though they were without the Super Rat Steel Stealer so he might be able to turn it around but the Tides overall depth and resilience will wear the Dream down. If the Dream can get the scores on the board in a hurry at the outset and then wear away at the Tide they may yet walk away with the win.
Tipparary Trasheaters, fresh from their drubbing and the death of their much beloved Rat Ogre Digest would be hoping for an easy game, but i don't think the Iridine Gladiators are going to give it to them. The last time these two sides met was a one all draw that the Trasheaters paid for with blood and guts and gore. I fully expect them to have to pay the butchers bill again and this time go down in a loss. The Gladiators by Two in this one.
Well this is Bob Borc here for the Bloody Show!, sunday night edition. Stay tuned for more great BB action as Executive Chef and Bloodbowl Starplayer Rushem brings you Surprise Meat! the post game BBQ show....... |
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"Take the Strength, crush the opposing linemen, drive them broken before you and hear the lamentation of their Cheerleaders!!!"
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jul 03, 2004 - 11:57 |
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Are you ready for some ELFBALL!!? The Division 3 has a huge battle for first place this week with HFC battling the Western Sydney Wonders in a no holds barred um er ... ok maybe it won't be too violent. It's two high powered offenses though so it will be exciting!!! Should be interesting once we find out the odds on this one! |
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SonofSharkboy
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
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Jul 03, 2004 - 06:20 |
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NEWSFLASH
New Orc on the Block andycapp certainly doesn't need any Handycapp when it comes to bruising up other teams!!
Without a smidgen of remorse we see him turn perennial rookie killer Mr. Whippy's Donut Boys into fresh batter!
In an echo of this bruisefest except with Jezebell somehow pulling out a win (rumours their coach showed up for the match just after hitting the cans have yet to be proven), Wanna Beatin shows their skill at the kill!
This reporter suggests giving plenty of thought when preparing to go toe to toe with the SWL's newest coach!! Keep up the good work ... but how bout on some elves!!?!! |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 30, 2004 - 07:09 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Well the story comes to a close readers and it as ugly and awful as JealousGuy was hard and beautiful.
The TER blinked the game back into existence just as BoomersStory was crossing the line to tie the game at 1-1 early in the second half. As the second half started it appeared the I-House boys had "got the ref" but in a shock mistake the Temporal Warp function of the TER was accidently engaged and a quick shift back in time suddenly saw the Humans looking up at a Blitz from the Crowes! One could almost imagine that the GREAT UNSEEN had finally broken through the grip of the TER and extracted his revenge. But alas it was not so. As the kids made their way up the wing the TER engineers frantically worked in overdrive to get the horrible thing re-focused. And sadly friends they got the job done. As JealousGuy
picked up the ball and was about to score the winning TD he was blasted by the full force of the TER beam...some unsubstantiated reports say the knob went all the way to 11...and JealousGuy was COMPLETLY VAPOURISED! The official scorers gave credit for the kill to Camo the Blitzer...but we all know that is just more Human deviousness to cover up this wretched technology.
A sad day indeed for the Black Crowes and the reatives of our fallen warrior. In a special release to raise money for the "Kids" Hospital...JealousGuys favourite charity....Lions the Mino has released a special RIP version of his ode to the Clawed one He Hurts You 'Cause He Hurts Get it now while supplies last! |
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chunky04
Joined: Aug 11, 2003
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Jun 30, 2004 - 05:11 |
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Irite Stuff here with another interview with the Head Coach of I-House Chunknanimous.
I Stuff: Can you tell us about the aspersions cast upon your team by one Ed Harsh?
Chunk: He's absolutley correct! That thing should get the Pullitseadoff Prize for journalism, he actually knows his stuff, unlike you you whiney little pleb! We do indeed have a TER, though he incorrectly thinks it's a thesis experiment rig. That was actually just a codename. It's really a Twahnlow Eating Reticulator, and it acts to nullify the powers of Twahnlow medal winners on the pitch.
I Stuff: So was this repsonsible for the demise of Richie II and Jealous Guy in your last game?
Chunk: Betcha ass it was! It's still experimental of course, it's not supposed to effect our own players, not that I'm really missing that primadonna anyways.
I Stuff: So the rumours of your strained relationship with Richie II are true?
Chunk: Hell it's not rocket science you idiot. Nobody liked that asshole, so it stands to reason that I don't either.
I Stuff: What of rumours you had bets and bounties out for his death?
Chunk: How could I possibly have any control over such a temperamental device as the TER, despite me having invented it. Honestly. Though I will tell you this, the minute I get that thing working fully, I'll be clearing outta here, away from these stuck up jerks to coach a real team! Interviews over, and bugger off you little maggot! |
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chunky - you are eloquence on legs |
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Sparticus
Joined: Jan 31, 2004
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Jun 25, 2004 - 05:03 |
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And now fotr a special Report from our newist reporter ImaGanaBeGot,
yes im here with the highest paid player in the SWL, Steel Stealer,
"So how does it feel to have surpassed The Duke"
"Well surprised at first, i didnt actauly realise that it had happend, but now that im being paid what im worth now, they have decided to take me out and teach me how to block, which is good cause i was getting hit afair bit."
"And your hopeing that will slow down the amount of Hate on the pitch for you"
"Well yes i dont know if its like this for anyone else but when ever i fall down theirs about 6 guys from the other team around and they kick the crap outta me"
"well its to be expected, in Blood Bowl , how do you feel about your nick name that you have recived "The Abomination".
"I like it, everyone has got to have one and if mines that im cool with it"
"you missed out on a Twahnlow this season, but your Brother Hope Stealer won the Copper Star any sibling rivarly there between you?"
"yer a little it would have been nice to get one as its what everyplayer dreams of, it just wasnt my season"
"What do you think of the Dream's Chances this season"
"were trainning harder, playing faster, and we are comming to get YOU DUKE!!!"
" There we have it thankyou Steal, and goodluck surviving Season 5"
"Signing off ArmaGanaBeGot" |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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 Posted:
Jun 25, 2004 - 04:16 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
DEVIOUS! The true nature of the "Thesis Experiment Rig" (TER) have been partially discovered and it is EVEN WORSE than imagined!!! As previously thought it does indeed have Temporal Warp capacity. The Round 2 game was scheduled for this Sunday but with a push of the button, WHOOSH...suddenly the Black Crowes found themselves setting up to kick-off this Friday morning! At first it didn't seem so bad...but then it ws noticed that the coaches box was empty! So the TER can indeed block the presence of the GREAT UNSEEN as well!
But readers, the most SINISTER mode was as of yet undiscovered. It appears the most powerful use of the TER is to TARGET TWAHNLOW MEDAL HOLDERS!!! An affront to all that is sacred to the SWL! At first this went un-noticed as JealousGuy began with a blitz on a catcher but could only manage a push. Not unusual..he takes a bit to warm up. But it was soon noticed that EVERY block JG made was a push...and on the one occassion someone was knocked over he didn't even stun him!
This hypothesis was confirmed when Copper Slipper holder, MorningSong, was tripped up on a GFI at the goal line with a RR in hand. Side effects were noticed as well...TER seems to put out it's signal in such a high pitch wail that Lions the Mino was driven to distraction and couldn't do a thing the entire half but stand still and cover his ears!
As if all this wasn't enough...in T3 of the second half as the Crowes were sweeping wide on an overlap, the Temporal Warp was once again engaged and the ENTIRE GAME disappeared from view. As of this writing no-one knows where the 2 teams are or what will happen! So for the sake of Div 2 and all that is good and proper about the SWL let us hope that this awful technology brings them back so the game can be finished.
We will stay on the story and let you know what happens as soon as we have news at hand. But for now, cover your Twahnlows and pray for the best. |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 22, 2004 - 03:58 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine
Already the Div 2 controversey starts! Our spies inform us that the underwear models of I-House have moved into an underground location to build some sort of secret weapon. While our spy couldn't get close enough to fully understand the purpose of this weapon it was clearly identified as a "Thesis Experiment Rig" . Wild speculation has ensued in Camp Chaos...with most thoughts centering around the idea that it is a machine designed to somehow block the presence of the GREAT UNSEEN! Another wild idea is that it is some sort of temporal warp device designed to trick the Crowes into missing the deadline for the round and forfieting the match. We will of course endevour to learn as much as we can about this devious human technology as soon as possible.
In other Mid-week news...a publicity day went horribly wrong when the Black Crowes visted a Kids Hospital. While moving amongst the patients JealousGuy "accidently" sliced through some IV tubes with his RazorSharp Claw! Luckily the Apothacary was at hand to quickly mend the tubes and hustle the wayward mutant off the grounds. Lions entertained everyone with his hit single and in the spirit of the day he also improvised a new tune based on the incident with JealousGuy called He Hurts You 'cause He Hurts. In stores next week! |
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jun 21, 2004 - 10:36 |
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Umm, being elected as the point of contact by Twahn .... send me a PM if you are interested in putting a team forward. This should clear the backlog in the QPool, give us all a few more games and let us start up another Qpool side at a later date  |
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jun 21, 2004 - 10:33 |
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Southern Waste Super League May NOT be a Rumour!
"Rolf from Channel BB here, with a dramatic change of story from beleaguered Commissioner Twahn! Yes that's right folk, the Commissioner has announced that he will consider standing for the position of Super League Commissioner, should a Super League be established in the Southern Wastes!"
A muttered comment from the camera dude is heard "Right, he finally realised the pay is better when you are Commissioner in two leagues"
"Although previously denied, there is apparently grass root support amongst Coaches and Fans for getting the best of the SWL Qualifying Pool, currently sitting on their asses due to recent rules changes, into a league of their own!"
A snigger and snide "Yeah, that Dorf Captain is so short the rumour would have to be grass level" is heard from behind the camera
"Inside sources say that consideration is being given to seeding Qualifying Pool teams who have exceeded the 150 cap into two or more Divisions in a Super League. The Super League is designed to allow the best of the upcoming and as yet unemployed teams a chance to show their stuff, keeping the fans excited and the money flowing."
"Inside sources my ass, that shifty lil Dorf paid you to say this"
"Structured similarly to the current Southern Waste Leagues, with enough expressions of support from Coaches with teams ready to transfer, this league would not only compete with, but could also compete AGAINST the traditional SWL, with discussion of turning the off-season Gentleman's Picnic into a League versus League KnockOut"
From the camera dude: Oooh, kewl - all in brawl - I'd like to see that! That lil Dorf will get his lowdown ass kicked for sure
"Coaches who want to nominate a Qualifying Team for the Southern Wastes Super League (must be 150+TR from the SWL QPool) should contact Coach Elan and let him know so that SWSL can get up and running! And speaking of running .... is that Dastardly heading this way? Strange ... first time he has ever run towards a cameraman ... "
The picture wobbles and it looks like the camera has been dropped. A squeak of fear and the sound of determined sprinting is heard before the camera hits the ground.
"Uh, this is Rolf Harrass reporting .... "
The sound of a meaty body blow is heard
"Oooh that had to hurt!"
Man, he is splattered and the Dorf just kept going ... where is the apothecary - oh, oh yeah - off-field injury and he was not insured either. Um, bad luck really. Can you get the Dorf for hit'n'run? No ... short jokes are a defence?? Really?? Welll ... OK then.
"This Is Rolf Harrass reporting for Chanell BB, your media event Channel, the only one with a new camera critter vacancy" |
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Covertfun
Joined: Aug 02, 2003
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Jun 20, 2004 - 17:41 |
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Lord Aceticus purchases yet bigger helmets for Prince Reagents
"Perhaps the early success was just novelty from their giant headwear" current theory suggests. |
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ClayInfinity
Joined: Aug 15, 2003
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Jun 20, 2004 - 14:34 |
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Post Match Conference: Dragons 2 def Anvils 0
Tonight, the Blue Mountain Dragons opened up their Premier League campaign with their first ever win against the Adelaide Anvils and Dragons captain Vladim Oslobahn had this to say at tonights post match conference.
"RAAAAGGHHHH! Schtick dat up sie einen Donut Herr Vippy! Ja, die Anvils vill cream die Dragons! Ja, vat a load of bullschitt. I am an angry man und am sick to die back teeth vit deez bullschitt stories about how sie Dragons are weak and vuld be lucky vit third place.
Well, let me tell you Herr Vippy und your schugar coated Donuts! I am sie only man here who can carry 12 donuts and two coffees in dis league! Und I tink you ist a little man who has an einen little strudel!
We will win next week against dose panzy Welfs und vee vill be back to kick da little Donut puncher in his einen strudel if sie ever opens his mouth again!"
Well, there you have it! Oslobahn furious at pre-season doubts by pre-eminent league commentator Mr Whippy about the legitamacy of the Dragons' chances at the Premier League title... and with a great win tonight over the highly rated Anvils, who's going to tell Vladim otherwise?!
Back to the studio.... |
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ozjesting
Joined: Jan 27, 2004
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Jun 19, 2004 - 07:20 |
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Ed Harsh here for Herd and Hoof Magazine.
What a Season 5 opener for the Black Crowes! It may have taken some underhanded magic to get them into Div 2 but they have immediatly shown they are here to play. Lets just take a look at some of the vital statistics to show their early dominance. 45 blocks to the Lord's of Wars 15...15! That is less than ONE block per turn from the Pro Elves. 9 Crowes shared in the SPPs while only Lord Malice (MVP) and Lord Brutal(CP) showed any spirit. 5 CAS (all BH) to the Crowes..along with 6+ KOs with no pain dished out on the goats at all. JealousGuy was a tad dissapointing though....the star mutant led the team with 8 hits but never could do more than KO someone. When asked about it post match he promptly headbutted this reporter...but I was only stunned.
The entertaining first half looked set to give an early TD to the elves..but in a stunning display of awareness Amorica intercepted their pass and ran it all the way back for a TD! The confidence of the Lords was obviously shaken. Lord Malice ran the same play again on the next drive but tripped at the goal line when going for it! Some spectators swear they saw the mist of the GREAT UNSEEN around Malice's ankles but can't be sure. A quick pick up and pass to Star of the day Amorica and he crossed again to take a 2-0 lead into halftime.
A short kick-off in the 2nd half was promptly snagged by a Warrior on the line! A pass back to Gone and the squad moved into hunting mode. Gone showed his rookie status though by running too soon and putting himself on the firing line for a leaping Lord Malice. But one against 11 is rarely good enough. Amorica (him again!) got the ball back into the middle of the field with a little help from the fans and that was about that. A late TD for show and it is all over at 3-0! Just for fun at the end a last desperate pass up the sideline by the Elves hoping to sqeak out some honour was intercepted by a CW! What A match for the ages my fine readers and I for one am looking forward with our match against I-House. See you on the paddock! |
Last edited by ozjesting on %b %22, %2004 - %03:%Jun; edited 1 time in total |
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Elan
Joined: Nov 16, 2003
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Jun 18, 2004 - 11:07 |
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Rolf Harrass Reporting: Round 1 Division 4 -Dastardly Dorfs 3 Defeat Rodentvision 2
"This was a match showing what the game is all about - tough, skilled and bloody! Rodentvision's amazing quartet of ultrafast Gutter Runners demonstrated why less agile teams truly hate playing the skaven, while the Dastardly Dorfs lived up to their preseason reputation for kicking the @*#% out of any player they could catch."
advertisement for ratburger surprise, sold by a local entrepeneur just after the game.
"With an amazing comeback following a first half dominated by the Dorfs, deft (some would say daft) dodges and all out sprinting past a bemused defence, the Gutter Runner quartet of Raticate, Throttle, Vinnie and Modo managed to equalise at two all and place themselves into dangerously free positions in the second half, easily avoiding the Dorfs supposed to be keeping them out of the game."
"Luckily for Coach Elan, his new Dorf team managed to rally with Slimey going in for his second TD of the game, putting the score at 3-2 for the Dorfs, bare seconds before final siren."
advertisement for rat-onna-stick, going cheap from a local trader being forced out of business due to unfair governmental interference in product quality standards
"Although Modo scored two TD versus the Dorfs, this game was dominated by the in-yer-kneecaps tactic developed by Coach Elan, with Ratata the Rat Ogre badly hurt and Carbine, Mickey and Mouse Hunt also in the duggouts by game end. Despite the best efforts of the Rodentvision medical staff, who miraculously cured a player from apparent serious injury in the first half, Carbine has been permanently injured with an agility drop expected, Mickey appears to have suffered an niggling injury and Mouse Hunt will be unavailable for the next game."
"Strangely, there were no injuries amongst the Dorfs, with only two players spending a short time off the field."
advertisement for pre-loved ratskins, complete with team colours if preferred - the jingle "these are really going off" designed to capture the attention
"In any case a truly great season opening game in this Division, and now I am off to the Dorf celebration BBQ, where I have been promised a new dish called Ratatouie - and if you missed the game, Channel BB recommends viewing the replay of the game on the following channel"
http://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=match&op=view&id=386548
"This is Rolf Harrass, for Channel BB, signing off!" |
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