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FUMBBL HAIKU'S

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Having experienced the ogre god Hammerschwein's complete lack of mental ability to play any kind of strategic board game, the Creator decided, that it was time for the final go at learning Hammerschwein the noble art of chess. He thus formed a set of living gaming pieces formed as ogres and goblins for Hammerschwein to play with. To keep it simple he created them as rooks and pawns, but after several weeks of hard training Hammerschwein's understanding of the game was still limited to swallowing the pieces, choking on some of them, being angry and smashing the board. The Creator gave up... The box of gaming pieces rustled on the Creator's desk. What to do with them...? "Well, if I set them free Hammerschwein will surely eat them, and I would hate to hold them trapped in that crate for the rest of eternity", the Creator thought. "Hmmm, paperweights....? No, they'll just run away.... mmmm....... ehm, snailexterminators in the Celestial Garden... well no, they'll get lost immediately.... HEY! I'll just make my own miniature bloodbowl team. They can play with the other mortals at FUMBBL!" What a great idea! The Creator snapped his fingers, and behold! The box disintegrated and there stood the pieces dressed in the most fancy bloodbowl gear ever seen at the Creatordesk. As he had given them no real names their shirts displayed names related to their former chess-abilites: Rook I, Rook II, Rook III and so on. The Creator looked happy. "I shall call you: 'Ogre Chess' - a name that suits your team well. Go forth into the realm of FUMBBL and defeat all the..." A 'pop' was heard. The Creator turned his head and saw a tiny man with glasses and greasy hair dressed in old rags jumping frantically up and down on his shoulder. "Hey, you can't name them so, I won't allow it, I'm a team approver, I got power, listen to me, I rule here, do you understand, you can't just give them numbers, that's not fantasy-like, I want imagination and stunning and interesting player names, now listen to me, I got the power, I rule, now do as I say!" "But", the Creator replied, "I've used quite a lot of imagination figuring out, that ogres want only rooks and pawns if they play chess." "I don't care", screamed the little man, "I'm king in this realm, I don't want numbers in playernames, I want power, I want to judge right from wrong, besides I'm The Grand Master of Exclamation Marks, listen to me, I WANT NO SILLY OGRES!" The Creator quickly decided, that his Omnipotent Powers should be used on matters more important than this. "So be it. What do you want to be called?", he asked, prodding one of the ogre playing pieces in the back. "Waarrgghh!", the ogre replied. Being prodded by the Lord Almighty can be a quite overwhelming experience. "Very well", the Creator said, and following this procedure he named all the pieces each according to their wish. In the meantime the little man had disappeared. The Creator inspected the team critically. "Even though you have chosen som pretty stupid names, this seems to meet the team approver's demands. I shall call the team 'No Silly Ogres' just to show some obligingness. Now go forth into the realm of FUMBBL, find <a href="http://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=group&op=view&group=1322">other teams to fight</a>, have fun, and don't forget who created you." *** Update - 13.11.2004 *** After a match against a contingent of very angry gnomes and their friends, The Creator descended and spake unto Rook number V also known as Glog: "You have served me well and shall from now on be known as Wonderful Counsellor, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace!" And much to his own surprise Glog was then appointed leader and captain of the team. Nobody knows exactly why, but when you are The Creator, you don't have to have reasons (q: T. Pratchett). *** Update - 28.12.2004 *** Today Rook number VI also known as Flog made his fifth completion in a otherwise boring and depressing match against some chaotic ants and their hobgob friends. As his teammate Thor catched his pass, Flog sensed his Creator nearby and heard his voice: "My son, thou art now the best ogrethrower in the part of the realm that the mortals call "Unranked"". Flog felt a terrible urge to make himself some kind of diploma, but decided to celebrate by throwing some gobbos instead.

		For					Against
Opponent	Race	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Score	TV	SPP	Cas	Gold	Gate
Vile Thang	Chaos Pact	1000k	14	2/1/0	40k	1 - 1	1000k	8	0/0/0	40k	63k
Vile Thang	Chaos Pact	1070k	9	1/1/0	70k	0 - 1	1180k	9	0/0/0	50k	77k
Slower Death	Khemri	1150k	16	2/1/1	40k	1 - 1	1100k	14	2/0/1	70k	63k
got ur walet	Goblin Cheaters	1230k	12	1/0/1	60k	1 - 0	1120k	18	0/1/3	60k	68k
Tarmstrafferne	Orc	1230k	7	1/0/0	60k	0 - 2	1430k	14	1/0/0	70k	73k
Investigators	Old World	1250k	7	0/1/0	40k	0 - 3	1510k	22	2/0/1	50k	63k
Jazzy Squats	Dwarf	1320k	7	0/1/0	50k	0 - 2	1710k	17	2/1/2	40k	64k
Doped	Chaos Dwarf	1270k	9	0/1/1	40k	0 - 2	1230k	12	0/0/0	80k	59k
Sticks'n Bones	Undead	1330k	15	0/0/2	20k	2 - 2	1490k	14	1/0/0	50k	58k
Dragonlance Chronicles	Old World	1390k	18	5/0/0	40k	1 - 2	1540k	16	2/0/0	60k	50k
Hiphopdeath	Chaos	1470k	11	3/0/0	50k	0 - 1	1520k	10	0/1/0	50k	57k
Angry Gnome Contingent	Chaos Pact	1540k	19	3/1/0	50k	2 - 1	1470k	9	0/0/0	70k	63k
Beasts of hate	Nurgle's Rotters	1630k	19	1/0/1	70k	3 - 0	1380k	10	0/1/1	80k	71k
Tarmstrafferne	Orc	1650k	14	1/1/0	40k	1 - 4	1630k	21	0/1/0	40k	79k
Jazzy Squats	Dwarf	1700k	18	0/3/0	80k	2 - 0	1800k	6	0/0/0	20k	66k
Heavy Fuel	Chaos	1820k	15	0/1/1	30k	2 - 0	1590k	8	1/0/0	30k	58k
Investigators	Old World	1730k	0	0/0/0	0k	0 - 1	1860k	15	0/2/0	100k	73k
Doped	Chaos Dwarf	1720k	8	2/0/0	30k	0 - 2	1740k	18	1/0/2	50k	70k
33rd Coven	Wood Elf	1700k	20	4/1/0	50k	1 - 1	1580k	9	0/0/0	40k	75k
Heavy Fuel	Chaos	1790k	13	0/1/0	40k	1 - 2	1750k	11	0/0/0	50k	77k
Tarmstrafferne	Orc	1850k	7	0/1/0	60k	0 - 3	1900k	18	0/1/0	70k	85k
Investigators	Old World	1890k	11	0/0/1	40k	1 - 1	1750k	14	2/1/0	20k	73k
Heavy Fuel	Chaos	1950k	7	0/1/0	30k	0 - 0	1840k	12	0/2/0	10k	68k
Investigators	Old World	1990k	17	4/0/0	10k	1 - 1	1850k	11	0/1/0	40k	64k
Doped	Chaos Dwarf	2040k	15	2/1/0	30k	1 - 2	1950k	13	0/1/0	50k	79k
Mysticles	Necromantic	2030k	7	0/0/0	20k	0 - 1	1950k	13	1/1/0	60k	63k
Sinister Sneakers	Dark Elf	2060k	10	0/0/0	30k	1 - 4	1920k	23	0/0/0	70k	62k
Sinister Sneakers	Dark Elf	1980k	13	1/1/0	20k	1 - 3	2000k	25	2/1/1	40k	77k
Iced Lands Barbarians	Norse	2030k	13	1/1/0	50k	1 - 1	1830k	13	0/1/0	20k	61k
Sinister Sneakers	Dark Elf	2100k	18	2/0/0	10k	3 - 1	2090k	12	0/0/0	20k	70k