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No Silly Ogres
Roster [X2] Ogre

Having experienced the ogre god Hammerschwein's complete lack of mental ability to play any kind of strategic board game, the Creator decided, that it was time for the final go at learning Hammerschwein the noble art of chess. He thus formed a set of living gaming pieces formed as ogres and goblins for Hammerschwein to play with. To keep it simple he created them as rooks and pawns, but after several weeks of hard training Hammerschwein's understanding of the game was still limited to swallowing the pieces, choking on some of them, being angry and smashing the board.

The Creator gave up...

The box of gaming pieces rustled on the Creator's desk. What to do with them...? "Well, if I set them free Hammerschwein will surely eat them, and I would hate to hold them trapped in that crate for the rest of eternity", the Creator thought. "Hmmm, paperweights....? No, they'll just run away.... mmmm....... ehm, snailexterminators in the Celestial Garden... well no, they'll get lost immediately.... HEY! I'll just make my own miniature bloodbowl team. They can play with the other mortals at FUMBBL!"

What a great idea! The Creator snapped his fingers, and behold! The box disintegrated and there stood the pieces dressed in the most fancy bloodbowl gear ever seen at the Creatordesk. As he had given them no real names their shirts displayed names related to their former chess-abilites: Rook I, Rook II, Rook III and so on. The Creator looked happy. "I shall call you: 'Ogre Chess' - a name that suits your team well. Go forth into the realm of FUMBBL and defeat all the..."
A 'pop' was heard. The Creator turned his head and saw a tiny man with glasses and greasy hair dressed in old rags jumping frantically up and down on his shoulder. "Hey, you can't name them so, I won't allow it, I'm a team approver, I got power, listen to me, I rule here, do you understand, you can't just give them numbers, that's not fantasy-like, I want imagination and stunning and interesting player names, now listen to me, I got the power, I rule, now do as I say!"
"But", the Creator replied, "I've used quite a lot of imagination figuring out, that ogres want only rooks and pawns if they play chess."
"I don't care", screamed the little man, "I'm king in this realm, I don't want numbers in playernames, I want power, I want to judge right from wrong, besides I'm The Grand Master of Exclamation Marks, listen to me, I WANT NO SILLY OGRES!"
The Creator quickly decided, that his Omnipotent Powers should be used on matters more important than this. "So be it. What do you want to be called?", he asked, prodding one of the ogre playing pieces in the back. "Waarrgghh!", the ogre replied. Being prodded by the Lord Almighty can be a quite overwhelming experience. "Very well", the Creator said, and following this procedure he named all the pieces each according to their wish.
In the meantime the little man had disappeared.

The Creator inspected the team critically. "Even though you have chosen som pretty stupid names, this seems to meet the team approver's demands. I shall call the team 'No Silly Ogres' just to show some obligingness. Now go forth into the realm of FUMBBL, find <a href="http://fumbbl.com/FUMBBL.php?page=group&op=view&group=1322">other teams to fight</a>, have fun, and don't forget who created you."

*** Update - 13.11.2004 ***
After a match against a contingent of very angry gnomes and their friends, The Creator descended and spake unto Rook number V also known as Glog:
"You have served me well and shall from now on be known as
Wonderful Counsellor, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace!"

And much to his own surprise Glog was then appointed leader and captain of the team. Nobody knows exactly why, but when you are The Creator, you don't have to have reasons (q: T. Pratchett).

*** Update - 28.12.2004 ***
Today Rook number VI also known as Flog made his fifth completion in a otherwise boring and depressing match against some chaotic ants and their hobgob friends. As his teammate Thor catched his pass, Flog sensed his Creator nearby and heard his voice: "My son, thou art now the best ogrethrower in the part of the realm that the mortals call "Unranked"". Flog felt a terrible urge to make himself some kind of diploma, but decided to celebrate by throwing some gobbos instead.
New Team Page Beta
Player Ma St Ag Av Skills Inj G Cp Td It Cs Mvp SPP Cost  
1
Waarrgghh
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Block, Guard, Break Tackle
   30 0 0 0 11 5 47/51 190k
(169)k
  
2
Aarrgghh II
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Guard
   10 0 0 0 2 1 9/16 140k
(131)k
  
3
Gaarrgghh
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Block, Guard
 n 30 0 2 0 10 0 26/31 170k
(120)k
  
4
Blog
Ogre
5 5 3 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
+AG, Block
   30 0 1 0 8 1 24/31 190k
(148)k
  
5
Glog
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Block, Leader, Multiple Block
 n 29 0 1 0 10 2 33/51 200k
(128)k
  
6
Flog
Ogre
5 5 3 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Pass, +AG, Break Tackle, Guard
   26 17 0 0 2 6 51/76 230k
(188)k
  
8
Uurrgghh
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Block
   20 0 0 0 4 1 13/16 150k
(127)k
  
9
Guurrgghh
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Block, Guard
   17 0 1 0 4 2 21/31 170k
(144)k
  
10
Skrat
Ogre
5 5 2 9
Bone Head, Mighty Blow, Thick Skull, Throw Team Mate
Break Tackle
   15 0 0 1 2 1 11/16 140k
(138)k
  
14
Egon
Goblin
6 2 3 7
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
   2 0 0 0 0 0 0/6 40k
(25)k
  
15
Bjørn
Goblin
6 2 3 7
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Catch, Side Step, Block
   10 0 8 0 0 2 34/51 110k
(125)k
  
16
Jim
Goblin
6 2 3 7
Dodge, Right Stuff, Stunty
Catch
   7 0 1 0 0 1 8/16 60k
(50)k
  
12 players  
Coach: DonKosak Re-Rolls (140k): 2  
Race: Ogre Fan Factor: 10  
Current Team Value: 0k Assistant Coaches: 2  
Treasury: 90k Cheerleaders: 0  
Team Value: 2100k Apothecary: Yes  

Games Played:30 (6/8/16) |TD Diff:-18 (27 - 45) |Cas Diff:19 (36/19/8 - 17/16/11)
Last Opponent: Sinister Sneakers