Greetings, sports fans, and 'ere we go!

On the road today I ran across Haandbold Piger. This Chaos team won a Quick Start Qualifier last year before losing to the Nandorins in the first round. Several team members are returning for their second chance at the Cup, but many more joined the team in the interim. These -ladies- are grotesquely ugly, and smell of a mix of raw meat, rotting garbage, and decaying flesh. So, basically just like any other Blood Bowl squad. (except High Elves - ed) They looked vicious, as if they would as soon tear me apart as look at me, but I clutched my FUMBBL press pass like a talisman and made my way through their camp.

I got to speak to their coach, Buur, for a few minutes before we went our separate ways. He was a little hard to understand - possibly due to some sort of throat mutation that distorted his voice. In fact, I’m not sure, but he may have been speaking two languages simultaneously, one familiar and the other dark and twisted. At any rate, I think I got the gist of it.

We spoke about the qualifying process. The team got entry to a Quick Start Qualifier, meaning that they were one of the first teams to apply after an announcement was made. They had hired a dark sorcerer to cast a spell so that they would be alerted as soon as the qualifier was announced, and could get in ahead of the pack.

Their first match came against an outclassed Dwarf squad called the Wahner Rowdys. The dwarves fought valiantly, but the superior Chaos team crushed them 3-0, killing a runner and a trollslayer. They followed that up with another solid win over the Undead team Ritual of darkness. They secured their Cup position in a 2-1 overtime win against a skaven adversary. The rats of Retirement nearly tied it in the final seconds but failed, though they did slay warrior Bojana Popovic.

After the qualifier, the team had a couple matches to prep for the Cup. It was a mixed blessing, as players improved their game but also suffered a few injuries in training.

In the Cup, they drew the eventual champion Nandorins in the first round. The Nandorins were far more skilled, but Buur had a plan.

“[The] Nandorins scored quickly... and I started my plan, which was to keep the ball the rest of the game and win it 2-1...” They advanced slowly, constantly hammered by the Nandorins’ blitzer, who eventually sprung the ball so they could run the score up 2-0. The Chaos women managed to score in the second half, but the Nandorins made it 3-1 without too much trouble. In the end, Haandbold Piger just couldn’t get to grips with the slippery elves; and to add insult to injury, had three women dragged off the field with injuries.

Since that loss, the team has tried to train itself to handle more agile opponents. They have seen some success with their new system, reaching the semi-finals of the Grotty Little Tournament earlier this year. The team is ready to compete again this year, and in its most recent game, though legendary beastwoman Karin Mortensen, holder of the title for most career interceptions of any Chaos player, has now retired, staying on as an assistant coach.

Sam Walkerson is a reporter for TNT. His articles have appeared in Spike! Magazine and Undertaker's Weekly.