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ramchop



Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 06, 2017 - 09:24 Reply with quote Back to top

Cobber rushed into the auditorium looking a bit flustered. He scooped up a bottle of Champers from a vacant team table near the front, then bounded up to the stage. After popping the cork and taking a swig, he began.

"Struth!", he beamed, "Didja see that rabble outside? I thought they were beggars at first. That Yeti, so badly beaten up I was sure he was some decrepit old cripple, hand out for ciggie money. But no! He was holding a sign 'Not Reddy', it's a protest! Poor dear can't spell of course, gotta admit I'm impressed he can write at all. To think he's still an active player. Maybe they should bring a rule in to stop such animal cruelty. Dunno what bugs got up their butts though, there's a free pissup in here they're missing out on."

"Bazza! Me old mate!", Cobber called out, spotting his friend in the press gallery, "Finally picked one I see! Right...", one more swig of Champagne, "...onto the awards..."

Image
VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXX


The SWL LXIX Team Achievements

Regional:
Turns (1090): Pharee Markhet
Completions (25): 50 Shades of Dulux
TDs (14): 50 Shades of Dulux
Cas (41): Pharee Markhet
SPP (101): Horrors Of Skye
Passing yards (49): 50 Shades of Dulux
Rushing yards (281): 50 Shades of Dulux
Blocks (329): Horrors Of Skye
Fouls (33): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (9.3): Pharee Markhet
Pass/Cp (4.2): Redgum's Rodents
Kills (5): Death Leopards

Conference:
Turns (1157): Super Orks
Completions (19): Mexican Standoff
TDs (21): Mexican Standoff
Cas (36): Macabre Morticians
SPP (102): Mexican Standoff
Passing yards (104): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (247): Chaos All Sorts
Blocks (409): Super Orks
Fouls (57): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (10.4): Compare the Meerkat
Pass/Cp (5.5): Mexican Standoff
Kills (4): Prancing Unicorns

Premier:
Turns (1113): Error 404 afterlife not found
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (13): Wings of the Condor and Steaked
Cas (28): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (98): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (88): Wings of the Condor
Rushing yards (218): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (280): Public Service Announcement
Fouls (43): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (10.0): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5.9): High Elvis
Kills (5): Blackwater Glee Club


Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Rotavirus (RS Industrial) 15 spp


The SWL Season LXVIII Awards

Image Image Thieving (Bribery and Corruption) 7 TDs
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 11 cas
Image Image Silver Thaw (50 Shades of Dulux) 115 turns
Image Image Declan (Criminal Code 1899) 160 rushing yards
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 26 pass yards
Image Image Dirty Pool II (Bribery and Corruption) 17 fouls
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 72 blocks
Image Image Endless Dusk & Image Miller Mood (50 Shades of Dulux) & Image TB (RS Industrial) 8 cps
Image Image Red Knight III (Horrors Of Skye) 4.56 block/cas
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 3.72 pass/cp

Image Image Kvothe (Students of the Arcanum) 27 SPP


Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) & ImageRianna Delaque (Mexican Standoff) 8 TDs
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 8 cas
Image Image Monsterous (Chaos All Sorts) 114 turns
Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 204 rushing yards
Image Image Martin Luthien (Mexican Standoff) 47 pass yards
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 45 fouls
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 80 blocks
Image Image Augusto César Sandino (Redgum's Revolutionaries) 10 cps
Image Image Hagrid (Striking Thunder Beards!) 4.2 block/cas
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 7.67 pass/cp

Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 34 SPP


The Disco Dan Ball
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) & Image Blue Suede Shoes (High Elvis) 7 TDs

The Replacemnt Knuckles
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 13 cas

The Touchstone Heart
Image Image Sorris Canchell (Error 404 afterlife not found) 115 turns

The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) 159 rushing yards

The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 77 pass yards

The John Stone Boot
Image Image Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found) 19 fouls

The Eth'el Shield
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 76 blocks

The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 12 cps

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Image Image Neil "Waka Waka" Kilmister (Blackwater Glee Club) 4 block/cas

The Duskwind Strongarm
Image Image All Shook Up (High Elvis) 7.89 pass/cp

The Duke Snakefield Medallion
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 26 SPP


After the final gong was given out, Cobber was handed an envelope by a League official. He opened it up, then his cheeky grin suddenly vanished. Cobber glanced backstage for an escape route and spotting a fire exit he continued. "Right you lot, I've got an important announcement to make", he nervously went on....

"You're all FIRED!... toodle-oo...". Before the audience had a chance to react, Cobber had grabbed one more bottle of grog, and scarpered.


Last edited by ramchop on Jan 17, 2018 - 20:05; edited 2 times in total
Luohghcra



Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Jan 17, 2018 - 00:50 Reply with quote Back to top

A global financial revolution has stirred a spirit of entrepreneurship across the Southern Wastes.
The rise of croc-to-currencies (the proliferation of crocodile-based commodities as a new method of anchoring currency) such as Bitecoin and Nibble has galvanised the population; veteran financial wizards now wrestle crocodiles alongside cash, while keen-minded rookies band together to stake a claim in a Brave New Economic World.

With the vast potential in the Southern Waste crocodile population limited only by the ability to manufacture (or ‘procure’) and unravel swamp-chains (the only ‘legal’ way by which crocodiles can be commoditized, and themselves subject to a myriad of arcane and complex rules), it was only a matter of time before the financial acumen, tactical risk-taking and frankly, overwhelming greed of SWL Management saw them buy into a number of croc-to-currency ventures.
While initial investments were slow to grow, and some ventures caused regrettable losses, a ‘broken egg:omellette’ mentality saw them stick it out into the recent boom-time. Almost overnight, global demand for crocodile-based commodities went through the tinshed roof, and gold flooded into the coffers.

This unexpected windfall has had a direct impact on the day-to-day running of the SWL. With money to burn, the SWL Department of Upper-Marketing and Banking presented plans for a Grand New Way of playing The Game. This of course meant that the Old Way was no longer needed, as the Grand New Way was far better, with flashy new balls and stadiums and anyway it had much better marketing and sponsorship contracts tied into it. With the prospect of even greater returns ringing in their cash-struck minds, SWL Management went all in for the scheme.

Then the bottom fell out.

With no choice but to continue down the chosen path, and barely enough cash left to pay the incumbent teams, players and coaches for one more season, the UMB Department - now firmly holding the reins - decreed a Prestige Cup.
Open to all who had played in the SWL, this Championship would show that despite recent setbacks the SWL was still the greatest damn league in the World, and surely that should drum up some ticket-sales.

And so the scene was set…

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