Joined: Oct 12, 2013
Dec 06, 2017 - 09:24
Cobber rushed into the auditorium looking a bit flustered. He scooped up a bottle of Champers from a vacant team table near the front, then bounded up to the stage. After popping the cork and taking a swig, he began.
"Struth!", he beamed, "Didja see that rabble outside? I thought they were beggars at first. That Yeti, so badly beaten up I was sure he was some decrepit old cripple, hand out for ciggie money. But no! He was holding a sign 'Not Reddy', it's a protest! Poor dear can't spell of course, gotta admit I'm impressed he can write at all. To think he's still an active player. Maybe they should bring a rule in to stop such animal cruelty. Dunno what bugs got up their butts though, there's a free pissup in here they're missing out on."
"Bazza! Me old mate!", Cobber called out, spotting his friend in the press gallery, "Finally picked one I see! Right...", one more swig of Champagne, "...onto the awards..."
VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXX
The SWL LXIX Team Achievements
Turns (1090): Pharee Markhet
Completions (25): 50 Shades of Dulux
TDs (14): 50 Shades of Dulux
Cas (41): Pharee Markhet
SPP (101): Horrors Of Skye
Passing yards (49): 50 Shades of Dulux
Rushing yards (281): 50 Shades of Dulux
Blocks (329): Horrors Of Skye
Fouls (33): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (9.3): Pharee Markhet
Pass/Cp (4.2): Redgum's Rodents
Kills (5): Death Leopards
Turns (1157): Super Orks
Completions (19): Mexican Standoff
TDs (21): Mexican Standoff
Cas (36): Macabre Morticians
SPP (102): Mexican Standoff
Passing yards (104): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (247): Chaos All Sorts
Blocks (409): Super Orks
Fouls (57): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (10.4): Compare the Meerkat
Pass/Cp (5.5): Mexican Standoff
Kills (4): Prancing Unicorns
Turns (1113): Error 404 afterlife not found
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (13): Wings of the Condor and Steaked
Cas (28): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (98): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (88): Wings of the Condor
Rushing yards (218): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (280): Public Service Announcement
Fouls (43): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (10.0): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5.9): High Elvis
Kills (5): Blackwater Glee Club
The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Rotavirus (RS Industrial) 15 spp
The SWL Season LXVIII Awards
Thieving (Bribery and Corruption) 7 TDs
Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 11 cas
Silver Thaw (50 Shades of Dulux) 115 turns
Declan (Criminal Code 1899) 160 rushing yards
Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 26 pass yards
Dirty Pool II (Bribery and Corruption) 17 fouls
Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 72 blocks
Endless Dusk & Miller Mood (50 Shades of Dulux) & TB (RS Industrial) 8 cps
Red Knight III (Horrors Of Skye) 4.56 block/cas
Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 3.72 pass/cp
Kvothe (Students of the Arcanum) 27 SPP
Invisible Ork (Super Orks) & Rianna Delaque (Mexican Standoff) 8 TDs
Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 8 cas
Monsterous (Chaos All Sorts) 114 turns
Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 204 rushing yards
Martin Luthien (Mexican Standoff) 47 pass yards
Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 45 fouls
Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 80 blocks
Augusto César Sandino (Redgum's Revolutionaries) 10 cps
Hagrid (Striking Thunder Beards!) 4.2 block/cas
Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 7.67 pass/cp
Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 34 SPP
The Disco Dan Ball
Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) & Blue Suede Shoes (High Elvis) 7 TDs
The Replacemnt Knuckles
Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 13 cas
The Touchstone Heart
Sorris Canchell (Error 404 afterlife not found) 115 turns
The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) 159 rushing yards
The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 77 pass yards
The John Stone Boot
Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found) 19 fouls
The Eth'el Shield
Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 76 blocks
The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 12 cps
The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Neil "Waka Waka" Kilmister (Blackwater Glee Club) 4 block/cas
The Duskwind Strongarm
All Shook Up (High Elvis) 7.89 pass/cp
The Duke Snakefield Medallion
Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 26 SPP
After the final gong was given out, Cobber was handed an envelope by a League official. He opened it up, then his cheeky grin suddenly vanished. Cobber glanced backstage for an escape route and spotting a fire exit he continued. "Right you lot, I've got an important announcement to make", he nervously went on....
"You're all FIRED!... toodle-oo...". Before the audience had a chance to react, Cobber had grabbed one more bottle of grog, and scarpered.
Last edited by ramchop on Jan 17, 2018 - 20:05; edited 2 times in total
Joined: Nov 18, 2008
Jan 17, 2018 - 00:50
A global financial revolution has stirred a spirit of entrepreneurship across the Southern Wastes.
The rise of croc-to-currencies (the proliferation of crocodile-based commodities as a new method of anchoring currency) such as Bitecoin and Nibble has galvanised the population; veteran financial wizards now wrestle crocodiles alongside cash, while keen-minded rookies band together to stake a claim in a Brave New Economic World.
With the vast potential in the Southern Waste crocodile population limited only by the ability to manufacture (or ‘procure’) and unravel swamp-chains (the only ‘legal’ way by which crocodiles can be commoditized, and themselves subject to a myriad of arcane and complex rules), it was only a matter of time before the financial acumen, tactical risk-taking and frankly, overwhelming greed of SWL Management saw them buy into a number of croc-to-currency ventures.
While initial investments were slow to grow, and some ventures caused regrettable losses, a ‘broken egg:omellette’ mentality saw them stick it out into the recent boom-time. Almost overnight, global demand for crocodile-based commodities went through the tinshed roof, and gold flooded into the coffers.
This unexpected windfall has had a direct impact on the day-to-day running of the SWL. With money to burn, the SWL Department of Upper-Marketing and Banking presented plans for a Grand New Way of playing The Game. This of course meant that the Old Way was no longer needed, as the Grand New Way was far better, with flashy new balls and stadiums and anyway it had much better marketing and sponsorship contracts tied into it. With the prospect of even greater returns ringing in their cash-struck minds, SWL Management went all in for the scheme.
Then the bottom fell out.
With no choice but to continue down the chosen path, and barely enough cash left to pay the incumbent teams, players and coaches for one more season, the UMB Department - now firmly holding the reins - decreed a Prestige Cup.
Open to all who had played in the SWL, this Championship would show that despite recent setbacks the SWL was still the greatest damn league in the World, and surely that should drum up some ticket-sales.
And so the scene was set…