Joined: Oct 12, 2013
Joined: Oct 10, 2018
Oct 02, 2021 - 08:18
The Lambhurley Shield Report- Silence of the Trees
“Fox! Have you read this?”, chirped Harold Crumpetarse.
“Oh Harold I you know I do not read that Blackwater Bugel rag!” Fox said warmly, “Hey and it is great to see you mate.”
“No Fox this time it is good Look” pointed Harold.
There it was in black and white: Are Vim, Hotwing, Fox and El diez the best quartet ever? Read the headline in black and white. Notably the article then went on to rip into the quartet but a side note stated next rounds Lambhurley Shield match will be well attended.
“Lambhurley remind me Harold”, Said Fox.
“Ahhh sit down me friend, It all started eon’s ago Long before even we followed the Timelords through the flux………..” of beat harpsichord music flashes to sepia cabal.
The ales and spirits were a flow and to giants of the game first set foot on our sacred paddock, a young misunderstood werewolf battled in the first known official match of the deserted Isles. At the end the ravenous Otago fans flooded the field tossing livestock upon the unsuspecting wolf. The Shield became the first and most glorious trophy of the Deserted isles.
Cutting back to a chirpy looking duo.
“So tomorrow we take on the Freezy Trees, the longest holders of this trophy, no pressure Fox, no pressure.”
Fox had a look in the mirror “Who are you!” he screamed. “I am Fox Damn Meadows, greatest Quater back of all time!”
“What about Gebher” pipped Travis Hotwing startling Fox as he thought he was on his own in the stalls. “Only joking my man we got this”.
It seemed like Travis was always close these days.
The Freezy Trees with their intimidating line up kicked the ball off and looked to go shallow. Quick witted as ever Fox pounced on the loose ball. The Line put in their hits and Cornelius Velvet foot again sprinted up only to trip on a fallen Norse body and hurt the prone player. The ref again (is there a record for most sendings off in a season Velvet foot must be close) sent Velvetfoot to the dungeon luckily Madhead Magoo managed to convince the ref to let Velvetfoot remain.
As Fox and the Crew crept up the sideline. It was now up to the newbies to make an impact in his second game Lorenzo Monkfish managed to punish Stoordel and it was an early trip to the stands for the 7 game vet. It was then Fox Cut to the right wing and he and Hot wing set up another point of attack dangerously close to the intimidating King Looie Katz. Little Kat D Shot out in desperation trying to pound Hotwing instead he led him to Monkfish’s fist.
Fox sprinted deep only to have Kat back on his tail luckily he tossed the ball to Hotwing before hitting the deck. Travis tore up the paddock just short of the line only to be shoved over by a desperate Norse defence. 1-0.
The Rain started to fall as Corneulius Velvetfoot got to kick something other than a body for the first time this season. Kat D was again quick to pounce on it. Unfortunately his line of Scrimmage couldn’t match his prowess. Again Velvetfoot assisted a player off of the field. Kat D tried to Steer the ball up the field only to be met fist first by Alex Icehand, Kat D’s night was over.
Madhead was frothing at Halftime talking all kinds of madness about every maggot has it’s moment and such. To be honest the words were lost on our hero he was just wanting to roll back on to the pitch. “Fox” Keith ‘Moonface’ said, “Do not stuff this up”.
Cornelius set up for another kick. And this time the squad were super sharp. Before the Trees could move Vim Launched ‘Moonface’ down the paddock. Only for Travis and El Diez to be quickly following and again Velvetfoot followed up the kick with a kick and another trip to the dungeon. There was no convincing the referee this time.
The Trees Regathered themselves though and looked composed as Fast Fish sprinted into the open. Only to be pounded by the one and only Fox who yet again ended up on the ball and ran up the field to dot down 2-0 the Madheads were in control.
Another kick and the Trees Offence once again stalled. El Diez and Hotwing closely followed by Fox seized the loose ball. While the ref now decided it was time to remove Mooface from the pitch. It was El Diez’s turn this time to score. 3-0 and the madheads were in dreamland with the clock running down.
A similar snap Blitz saw the indomitable Hotwing and El Diez get to the ball quickly and take the ball. This Time Hotwing crossed the line. Madhead rushed on to seize the Shield unfortunately in his blind fevour instead ended up grabbing some Norse Cod piece causing a small riot close to the dungeons. Duly Kat D limped over and passed the trophy on to El Diez who duly sprinted towards the squad. The Madheads went wild.
Rumour has it a memo has hastily been sent to Fox from the Wozza the magnificent simply reading, ‘If you ever fancy trialing for the Timelords let me know’.
Joined: Jan 14, 2019
Oct 04, 2021 - 10:27
- Better Late than Never - A Season Preview from someone who has somehow been pressed into indentured servitude.
Industrial Rock n Roll
TV as of writing: 2050
Prediction: These gnarly hatted dudes are getting tough. But its only going to take one dicing from the REAL big boys to put them back in their place. We can only hope that happens before 2016 finishes. Top of the division probably.
Player to watch: Leekboy Shenanigans. Named for a particularly unpleasant hazing ritual Kransky had to go through at the local footy club. Deserves death..... Leekboy that is.
Predted Placing: 1st in Pool. Out in the quarter finals.
TV as of writing: 2130
Prediction: If DIBBL was a competition for how many perms could be carried by one team, I predict they would finish first.
Player to watch: Iron Mike. Should have been called Iron Mike and The Endless Pursuit of Rolling Doubles.
Predicted Placing: ummmm... 2nd. Out in the semis.
TV as of writing: 1620
Prediction: After putting all my faith in them last year, they can rot in the Plate.
Player to watch: Gerbher Paulsen. The poor man's Fox Meadows. Can DIBBL's newest 'legend' fumble another season? Lets all wait and see.
Predicted Placing: uhhhh... 3rd.
TV as of writing: 1890
Prediction: Depends on which Horrors turn up on the day. Could make it. Might not. Shut up. That is a prediction.
Player to watch: JT. 52 spp in 8 games. Lets see if he can break a record for MVP's.
Predicted Placing: 4th I guess. Or 2nd. Maybe 3rd. Somewhere around there. But mostly 4th.
TV as of writing: 1420
Prediction: A team that played lots of builders and purposefully botched a couple of touchdowns to enter the leeg as stacked as possible. That is all.
Player to watch: Rigormortus. Entering the leeg perfectly poised on 30spp, with Block and Mighty Blow it was only a matter of time until he gained the almighty CLAW!.... wait. He's dead.
Predicted Placing: 5th.
TV as of writing: 1550
Prediction: Lovely pitch art, lovely team, lovely coach. Shame they'll have to die.
Player to watch: Boomer. A +AG trans-Tasman beauty really. Lets 'hop'e he boxes as well as he jumps.
Predicted Placing: 6th
Dylans Rolling Thunder
TV as of writing: 1450
Prediction: Perms, -24 TD, -68 CAS. These poor beggars can't seem to catch a break. Which is strange, because with Skaven it's all about not being caught? Isn't it?
Player to watch: Constant Sorrow. Look at that. A ST3 Gutter Runner. And it's named Constant Sorrow. Question is, will it be the opposition coaches feeling it, or does Ross12 know whats coming when someone makes it go SPLAT?
Predicted Placing: 7th
Joined: Jan 14, 2019
Oct 04, 2021 - 10:52
EVIL ANGEL DIVISION
World's Edge Hornets
TV as of writing: 2290
Prediction: They will break some teams, and break some hearts these boys. Gosh they are fighty.
Player to watch: Gor'Vivax. Sounds like a herpes medication. This Minotaur is so good he's even got a little box in his bio for the players he's hurt. Now that's professional.
Predicted Placing: 1st. Finalist.
Madhead's Mountain Mob
TV as of writing: 1830
Prediction: They have the Shield. They've proven anything is possible. Now lets sit back and enjoy the ride.
Player to watch: FOX! FOX! FOX! FOX!
Predicted Placing: 2nd. Out in the Semis. And don't let me catch anyone saying otherwise.
TV as of writing: 1920
Prediction: I predict that opposition coaches will enjoy the noise of these Skaven breaking all over the field, desperately trying to screen the good players.
Player to watch: Brussel Sprouts. ST4, Claw. What more could you want in a rat? Although, to be fair, brussel sprouts are actually pretty good.
Predicted Placing: 3rd. Cause Gutter Runners are scum. Black jellybeans on the other hand are amazing.
Valinor Football Club
TV as of writing: 1860
Prediction: +ST. +ST. +AG. +AG. +AG. +VOMIT!
Player to watch: Ernest J. Keebler. A 7 game lineman. But he's already rolled doubles. Why not a stat or two?
Predicted Placing: 4th. Cause somethings gotta happen to Drizzt... right?
TV as of writing: 1750
Prediction: The Commissioner pretends that he's sick of throwing scantily clad, chain mail bikini men around the field, but he really loves it. Losing the Shield will hurt. He might pretend it doesn't. But it does. It hurts so much. I predict.... another team for next season!
Player to watch: Chief Yookero! Chop took one look at Valinor's stat rolls and said 'Hold my beer!'
Predicted Placing: 5th (but most likely 8th or even 9th)
TV as of writing: 1430
Prediction: I predict that they will do better in the CAS stakes than last season. See what I did there. *sigh*
Player to watch: Snide colleague. Blodge, Mb, tackle, pro. Its a vampire alright. And everyone loves a Snide colleague right?! But only if they're on the other team.
Predicted Placing: 6th.
TV as of writing: 1420
Prediction: Bit small coming in to shake the pillars of Heaven. Will there be time for them to grow into the disease spreading CLAW! monsters they deserve to be?
Player to watch: Janus the Rotten. +MA Pest... hit him coz he's the one that's gonna score the touchdowns.
Predicted Placing: 7th. Cos dey babies
Joined: Jan 14, 2019
Oct 04, 2021 - 11:12
LARISSA MUIR DIVISION
TV as of writing: 1760
Prediction: Lots of lovely strength pieces against the small boys, even more against the big ones.
Player to watch: Un'kahk the Unlucky. Unlucky for the opposition.
Predicted Placing: 1st. Finalist.
Back Alley Burglars
TV as of writing: 2220
Player to watch: Can Mush make it to legend this season?
Predicted Placing: 2nd. Out in the Semis.
TV as of writing: 2030
Prediction: Good team. If they survive their bout against the CLAW, they should do alright.
Player to watch: Can't choose between Walnut and Chestnut. Both mummies are amazing.
Predicted Placing: 3rd.
Deserted Isles Buccaneers
TV as of writing: 2350
Prediction: Having lulled the opposition into a false sense of security after their loss to the Snotlings, the Buccan.... I can't even.
Player to watch: No one. They're all chokers.
Predicted Placing: 4th. Loser.
pdarbs wild host
TV as of writing: 1780
Prediction: They will hurt some players. They will lose some players. Top notch predicting.
Player to watch: Can hopelessly lost simon step up and replace the meatgrinder that was shit-show Tony?
Predicted Placing: 5th.
TV as of writing: 1530
Prediction: Four Tomb Guardians and no block in sight.
Player to watch: Punctured balloon. Can he get block? He's closest to a roll.
Predicted Placing: 6th.
TV as of writing: 950
Prediction: Beat the Nurgle... but then who hasn't.
Player to watch: Hammer Bill. He's a snotling. Nothing special. But he's lasted 9 games. Bets on when that run ends?
Predicted Placing: 7th.
Joined: Aug 16, 2018
Nov 04, 2021 - 01:38
How The Shield went to Auckland.. Confusing explanation. Make the story short it is accidentally...
Shield's holder Medhead's Mountain Mob went to pitch tonight enjoyed them self pretty much. They were a favorite of the the night.
The underdog team of The Mighty Ducks named Emotional Vampires were sucking an energy from the loved one nervously just before the match watching Medheads triumphantly walking to the pitch. Just in this moment Luther and one drank Wizard approached Vampires to offer a help as they felt unfair difference in team's quality.
Medheads won a toss and prepared for the offence. Crowd was chanting Fox Fox Fox for the main thrower and ball handler and ball sweeper. One of the most beloved figures in the team.
Vamps have setup for the deep defense with all players speed out in a deep square in a middle.
Kickoff didn't bring anything extraordinary, and Medheads without any troubles started to remove slowly thralls from the pitch and approaching td zone on the left side. Fox were leading the team and caring the ball being ready to dump off to Travis (extremely fast and sure feeted catcher, young talent and club's academy favorite) as usual.
Vampires swarmed to the left trying to hypnotized their way to the ball. Felt hungry and not warmed enough they managed to get Fox down, who in the last second made a brilliant pass to the back to a blitzes as saw that Travis has been hypnotized and was dreaming about his future weekend in his penthouse more then was expecting to receive a pass.
Medheads was ready for the game and all players performed awesome in that unexpected situation. They regrouped, managed male 100% dodges and hold back center with Huge Vim (who is probably on steroids and has almost strength of a treeman, on which fact Emotional Vampires tried to point out to the referrer but have been ignored) keep holding bulk of Vampires on the left. Meanwhile Medheads lineman went crazy and started to foul everybody who was on the ground by which they got rid of a thrall but then referee kicked out a one lineman from the pitch.
Couple thralls and turns later game slowly moved to the right, much close to the Vampires TD zone. Vampires failed all what they could and stacked in the middle with only Luther be able to reach the ball. He tried.. Fans рhold their breath.. And Luther failed a dodge. Next turn tried again and in the rage (or just by a stupid miscounting) he blitz but been able just to mark Fox. In that exactly moment the Wizard realize it his chance to save a day for Vampires and wized a frog spell on Fox. Although Fox was cool, and wizard was drunk. Spell didn't work.
Mocking and laughing on Vamp's team Medheads desided to destroy Vampires emotionally and serf Luther. Sadly young blitzer had forgot that Luther was experienced enough to side step from a punch. It didn't stop Medheads from a comfortable touchdown on a turn 6.
Vamps had setup for a quick score but didn't manage to get rid of any opposition's players went to the side cage on the right with Luther holding the ball. Medhead played defense brilliantly and squeezed Vamps on the sideline. Only one way to get out was a first dodge with a loner thrall. Who failed it on first move.
1:0 to the Medheads in the half time.
Medheads were confident in the win and has setup in the defense. Vamps tried to play aggressively and Luther tried to hit on Ogre failed it into push, with frustrated team spent even a re-roll for trying to get the ogre down. And... oh no.. Your Unsecured Parent has failed a pick up.
Fox, Travis and a blitzer who's name crowd has forgotten, have opened the Vamp's line and rushed to mark a ball. Vamps were doomed, but by a miracle they returned the posses of the ball and tryied to hide in the half cage on the left where were less Medheads players.
Meadhed team realized that they've committed too much to the offence tried to press the ball. Made 100% dodges again they managed to get a Vamp with the ball down in the way Vamps even can't see possible.
Vamps got rage and forgot about that they want blood or could fail dodge pick up the ball and throw a short pass to Your Idiot Ex-boss who was lonely at front, standing above prone Troll Slayer.
All what Medheads could do it remove a couple more thralls which they did. Although referee had spotted a dirty play from Cornelius Velvetfoot who known for his love to step on a throat of a prone player. 1:1
Things turned out weird but Medhead were still confident to score against 8 Vamps. Then Medheads got a most terrible news, Fox Meadows can't keep play as has been injured just before last. The future of the game was in the hands of inexperienced second thrower Balrick Puddingstone.
Whistle, kick-off and ball goes in Medhead's TD zone with only Puddingstone near the ball. What the unfortunate kick for the Medheads. Medheads hold the coolness in the tence moment very well and made an aggressive approach toward Vamp's td left many prone thralls behind them. And then poor Puddingstone didn't handle his stress and fumble the ball.
Vamps has realized that behind them more opposite players then in front. And they gamble it. All Vamps rushed to press a ball forgetting to blitz again. Now all Medhead players who could reach the ball marked with only Puddington being still free.
Meadhead cleared Vamps half and one lineman managed to escape to help Paddingstone to mark the ball. All Meadhead team was staying in front, free and ready for the long pass. If it would happen then game will be over, there wasn't anybody to stop them. Puddingstone took a look to the ball, then to the free teammates waiting for him near Vamp's touchdown zone, then looked at the ball again. He could do it. He run like a madman toward to ball, slide to the ground with a pace of an eagle to pickup a ball and.. fumbled it again. Luther and Your crazy mother in law just walked into Meadhead's TD while rest of the Vamps were holding middle. What a twist. Meadhead's fans can't believe it. The game which should be easy park walk turned to a disappointment.
1:2 to Emotional Vampires, but winner is the Nuffle.