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2009-05-01 00:55:45
59 votes, rating 4.8
59 votes, rating 4.8
My thoughts on elvenkind
I hate elves.
I hate them.
I hate their little pointy ears.
I hate their little pointy noses.
I hate their little pointy boots.
I hate th... do they have pointy toes? I bet they do. I hate their little point toes.
I hate their shiny golden hair.
I hate the way they twat about instead of getting stuck in.
I hate how they can dodge past three players for a TD.
I hate how the buggers refused to get hurt despite me putting them on their arses for the whole game.
I hate their little pointy houses.
Do they have pets? I bet they do. I hate their little pointy pets.
I hate the way I bundle their little pointy passer to the ground with a great big ogre, leaving the ball unattended on the ground deep in their half, but one of the other pointy gits just twirls in and the ball is back in my half before I know it.
I hate their little pointy, pointy things that they have. You know, those things with points on that are really pointy. I hate them.
"Oh Pointy bird, pointy, pointy. Anoint my head, anointy, nointy." That is something an elf would say. I hate something that an elf would say, especially a pointy elf, which is all of them.
If I get one comment asking me what the point is, I will kill you all with a definitively non-pointy blunt instrument. I would like to beat you to death with the wet end of a decapitated elf-head, but elf-heads are, as I am sure you have already surmised, pointy, not blunt. What I will do is cut an elf leg off, sand down all the points using an industrial sander, and then beat you to death with that. THAT'S WHAT THE POINT IS.
Oh, and that I hate pointy little pointy-faced elf-y pointy buggers.
I hate them.
I hate their little pointy ears.
I hate their little pointy noses.
I hate their little pointy boots.
I hate th... do they have pointy toes? I bet they do. I hate their little point toes.
I hate their shiny golden hair.
I hate the way they twat about instead of getting stuck in.
I hate how they can dodge past three players for a TD.
I hate how the buggers refused to get hurt despite me putting them on their arses for the whole game.
I hate their little pointy houses.
Do they have pets? I bet they do. I hate their little pointy pets.
I hate the way I bundle their little pointy passer to the ground with a great big ogre, leaving the ball unattended on the ground deep in their half, but one of the other pointy gits just twirls in and the ball is back in my half before I know it.
I hate their little pointy, pointy things that they have. You know, those things with points on that are really pointy. I hate them.
"Oh Pointy bird, pointy, pointy. Anoint my head, anointy, nointy." That is something an elf would say. I hate something that an elf would say, especially a pointy elf, which is all of them.
If I get one comment asking me what the point is, I will kill you all with a definitively non-pointy blunt instrument. I would like to beat you to death with the wet end of a decapitated elf-head, but elf-heads are, as I am sure you have already surmised, pointy, not blunt. What I will do is cut an elf leg off, sand down all the points using an industrial sander, and then beat you to death with that. THAT'S WHAT THE POINT IS.
Oh, and that I hate pointy little pointy-faced elf-y pointy buggers.
Comments
Posted by PainState on 2009-05-01 01:02:03
Obviously a frustrated orc coach who had a 2-0 half time lead and had the pointy ears down to 7 guys and lost 3-2.
Posted by Wreckage on 2009-05-01 01:04:24
....he had a human team.... and he lost 3-1....
Posted by Royston on 2009-05-01 01:11:28
Bloody awesome rant. Keep it up! :D
Posted by RhYn0 on 2009-05-01 01:52:04
I quite like elves
Posted by SillySod on 2009-05-01 02:07:12
I hate the way they ponce their pointy little selves.
Posted by G_Force on 2009-05-01 02:13:52
you have my absolute agreement and hatered of elves on every single POINT.
i nearly peed myself while reading this it's sooo funny.
and what is it the do instead of getting stuck in? absolutely a 7, please can someone add a seven to the blog rater
SEVEN
actually can we make that a nice round not at all pointy 8?
i nearly peed myself while reading this it's sooo funny.
and what is it the do instead of getting stuck in? absolutely a 7, please can someone add a seven to the blog rater
SEVEN
actually can we make that a nice round not at all pointy 8?
Posted by SillySod on 2009-05-01 02:17:51
I hate their pointy dice hacks, its a GW game so we should be using GW brand rounded dice edges.
Posted by shaftdiggity on 2009-05-01 03:24:05
We hates them, precious, we hates them indeed!
Posted by pythrr on 2009-05-01 09:50:15
so, what's the point?
Posted by CircularLogic on 2009-05-01 10:40:27
There are only 2 ways out:
1) Refuse to play them and stick to orcs and dwarves.
2) If you can`t beat `em, join `em!
1) Refuse to play them and stick to orcs and dwarves.
2) If you can`t beat `em, join `em!
Posted by horsehawk on 2009-05-01 11:13:00
oh, pythrr, you had to got there, didn't you?
right. Wait there you lot.
*runs upstairs*
right. Wait there you lot.
*runs upstairs*
Posted by horsehawk on 2009-05-01 11:14:38
*sound of a cupboard opening, some muffled yelling, and perhaps a slap*
*comes downstairs leading a bedraggled pointy-faced elf on a leash*
Right. I won't be a minute. Don't go away.
*leads legolas downstairs to the basement*
*comes downstairs leading a bedraggled pointy-faced elf on a leash*
Right. I won't be a minute. Don't go away.
*leads legolas downstairs to the basement*
Posted by horsehawk on 2009-05-01 11:19:37
*muffled screams, a sawing sound, then the sound of heavy machinery*
*comes back upstairs sans elf, but avec bloodied red stumpy thing*
Right, pythrr, where do you live. You are first. Let me check my address book. Wait a mo...
*Checks address book*
Here we go:
pythrr
68 Pointy Cottage
Pointerton
Points County
UK
Oh yes, don't think I didn't spot you doing some pointy sympathising mister CircularLogic. Let's have a look. Here we are:
Mr. CircularLogic esq.
1000 Rue de la Point
Pointville 76485
France
Who else? Ah, RhYn0...
RhYn0
20-033 Elfenstag
Poyjtylund
Sweden
I am coming for you all.
*comes back upstairs sans elf, but avec bloodied red stumpy thing*
Right, pythrr, where do you live. You are first. Let me check my address book. Wait a mo...
*Checks address book*
Here we go:
pythrr
68 Pointy Cottage
Pointerton
Points County
UK
Oh yes, don't think I didn't spot you doing some pointy sympathising mister CircularLogic. Let's have a look. Here we are:
Mr. CircularLogic esq.
1000 Rue de la Point
Pointville 76485
France
Who else? Ah, RhYn0...
RhYn0
20-033 Elfenstag
Poyjtylund
Sweden
I am coming for you all.
Posted by SillySod on 2009-05-01 15:02:42
"There are only 2 ways out:"
I see a third option. Cram their pointly little ears up their pointy little arses :)
I see a third option. Cram their pointly little ears up their pointy little arses :)
Posted by horsehawk on 2009-05-01 15:12:57
Do it the other way round SillySod.
Larger objects into smaller orifices cause more pain. Ergo, stuff their pointy little arses in their pointy little ears
Larger objects into smaller orifices cause more pain. Ergo, stuff their pointy little arses in their pointy little ears
Posted by pythrr on 2009-05-02 00:53:09
man, this is like listening into shadow's life...