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2014-09-01 02:08:51
9 votes, rating 5.7
9 votes, rating 5.7
Marital Triple-skulls
After 21 years my wife has decided she wants to move on and begin a new mogul-free life of her own. I've known for a couple months and it's the reason I haven't been playing and have been sort of a crappy ELF commissioner this past season. She finally moves out on the 2nd of September and then the process of untangling two decades of life really begins. It's all supposed to be amicable and we'll be splitting custody of the kids, so I'll probably be playing a lot come my 26 weeks/year of being alone.
I'm coming to terms with it all and I'm sort of looking forward to getting full control back in certain areas of my life that have been such of source of stress over the years. What I'm not excited about is the prospect of starting over at 45 years of age... you know, dating again. Yuck! Any other old guys out there having gone through a late-in-life divorce with any words of advice or encouragement for a fellow geriatric?
I'm coming to terms with it all and I'm sort of looking forward to getting full control back in certain areas of my life that have been such of source of stress over the years. What I'm not excited about is the prospect of starting over at 45 years of age... you know, dating again. Yuck! Any other old guys out there having gone through a late-in-life divorce with any words of advice or encouragement for a fellow geriatric?
Comments
Posted by Tymless on 2014-09-01 02:18:58
You are gonna have to hit up Roseph for that. Hope you are doing okay.
Posted by pizzamogul on 2014-09-01 02:37:56
Thanks, Tymless. I'm getting better day-by-day. I think it'll really hit hard that 1st week the kids are at her place. But I'm at this weird spot now where I'm mourning the loss of my marriage more than the loss of the woman I married... if that makes any sort of sense at all?
Posted by Dalfort on 2014-09-01 02:45:03
Just dont go out with anybody younger than the kids... (my kids are 24 and 22, just so we are clear its not a dodgy statement!)
Seriously, you'll be fine. you are a successful businessman, accomplished cook (I am going the pizza thing here!), humorous and kind. Clearly a good Dad as they want to be with as much as they do Mum, dont rush into finding someone else let them queue up to be with you.
Take care Dalfort.
Seriously, you'll be fine. you are a successful businessman, accomplished cook (I am going the pizza thing here!), humorous and kind. Clearly a good Dad as they want to be with as much as they do Mum, dont rush into finding someone else let them queue up to be with you.
Take care Dalfort.
Posted by Tymless on 2014-09-01 02:45:34
Complete sense actually. Says something about it being over a long time ago but keeping the thought alive.
Posted by Jeffro on 2014-09-01 02:54:25
I don't have any personal experience, though two instances I will tell you of to give encouragement:
Good friends of mine just got divorced after 16 years of marriage... three kids. They were both dating within a year after splitting and are both much happier.
AND... my grandfather and grandmother got divorced after 24 years of marriage (once their four kids were grown up) and they both ended up finding their soul-mates. My grandfather, in particular, LIVED to LOVE his 2nd wife (and I only ever knew him doting on her).
Good luck! At 45 you should know more about yourself... and you likely have an appreciation for what what you are ignorant about, so you might not be as bad off as you think. Take heart!... you'll be fine. And know that it's okay to be sad about losing your marriage. It will help you to not make some of the mistakes you made twice ;)
Good friends of mine just got divorced after 16 years of marriage... three kids. They were both dating within a year after splitting and are both much happier.
AND... my grandfather and grandmother got divorced after 24 years of marriage (once their four kids were grown up) and they both ended up finding their soul-mates. My grandfather, in particular, LIVED to LOVE his 2nd wife (and I only ever knew him doting on her).
Good luck! At 45 you should know more about yourself... and you likely have an appreciation for what what you are ignorant about, so you might not be as bad off as you think. Take heart!... you'll be fine. And know that it's okay to be sad about losing your marriage. It will help you to not make some of the mistakes you made twice ;)
Posted by Dunenzed on 2014-09-01 02:55:35
45 is only half time. There is plenty of time to take what you've learned and build something new with someone else. It'll be glorious.
And the age limit for dating is half your age plus 7.
And the age limit for dating is half your age plus 7.
Posted by BillBrasky on 2014-09-01 02:59:52
Ugg. Don't most white guys just take the spouse fishing with cement at that point :D
Just kidding.
Good luck. Although, you should definitely consider this a good opportunity for an upgrade. Go for a younger model with a large rack :)
Just kidding.
Good luck. Although, you should definitely consider this a good opportunity for an upgrade. Go for a younger model with a large rack :)
Posted by Chainsaw on 2014-09-01 03:08:15
My parents got divorced and have since settled down. Only took them a few years if that to re-settle.
It happens, I guess. People often marry quite young (< 30) when they don't yet fully know themselves, let alone what they want out of life or need in a partner. Now you know much better, and probably won't want to waste time on relationships that are meaningless, so will probably find the target far more easily this time around.
It happens, I guess. People often marry quite young (< 30) when they don't yet fully know themselves, let alone what they want out of life or need in a partner. Now you know much better, and probably won't want to waste time on relationships that are meaningless, so will probably find the target far more easily this time around.
Posted by the_Sage on 2014-09-01 08:31:08
Best of luck to you, mate. Don't know how old your kids are, but since you've 'split' the time with them, I assume they still live at home. My most important advice would be to try and keep communication with your ex going in an amical way, to allow the both of you to be good co-parents. So many breakups result in bad parenting out of anger with the co-parent. Don't be those people. Haven't dated since '99, so no advice there.
Posted by Verminardo on 2014-09-01 10:27:30
Well I was still young when I divorced my first wife, but I'll say this: No need to rush dating. Enjoy the solitude, at least for a while. When they tell you about the glory of being single, you always think of flirting and one night stands, but that's actually hard work and success not guaranteed. The real glory of being single is coming home from work and doing nothing but what you want to do, no one wanting anything from you, no one to be considerate of. Only you to choose what meal to cook, what music to listen to, what to watch on TV, when to go to bed, when to get up. Relish it!
Best of luck with everything. Hope your kids are taking it well.
Best of luck with everything. Hope your kids are taking it well.
Posted by Verminardo on 2014-09-01 10:36:09
Also, if that's your idea of a crappy admin, I'd like to see your do a "good admin". :D
Posted by DukeTyrion on 2014-09-01 10:41:50
Sorry to hear the news pizza, but in the long run, I am sure things will be better.
Enjoy building a new life for yourself around the way you want things. One bit of advice is don't rush into anything. I have heard it suggested that you will know when you are ready to move on when you start taking women for who they are, rather than how they compare to your ex.
And as Dunedzed says, the rule is at least half age plus 7, so you want to be looking for someone over 30!
Enjoy building a new life for yourself around the way you want things. One bit of advice is don't rush into anything. I have heard it suggested that you will know when you are ready to move on when you start taking women for who they are, rather than how they compare to your ex.
And as Dunedzed says, the rule is at least half age plus 7, so you want to be looking for someone over 30!
Posted by roante on 2014-09-01 11:23:13
Sorry to hear that mate, best for all of you.
Posted by pizzamogul on 2014-09-01 18:03:52
Thanks for the support and advice guys. Good to hear it worked out for so many others.
The "ex" actually agreed to go to counseling to maintain our communication where raising the kids is concerned - we both suffered through ugly divorces with our parents as children and don't want our kids to go through that too.
I'm sure holding off on dating is the way to go. I really need to work on myself for a while mentally, physically and financially. The thought of being alone doesn't appeal to me though. Already working on tracking down some friendships I've lost contact with/gotten lazy about over the years... maybe that can bridge the gap for a bit?
The "ex" actually agreed to go to counseling to maintain our communication where raising the kids is concerned - we both suffered through ugly divorces with our parents as children and don't want our kids to go through that too.
I'm sure holding off on dating is the way to go. I really need to work on myself for a while mentally, physically and financially. The thought of being alone doesn't appeal to me though. Already working on tracking down some friendships I've lost contact with/gotten lazy about over the years... maybe that can bridge the gap for a bit?
Posted by albinv on 2014-09-01 22:36:44
"The "ex" actually agreed to go to counseling to maintain our communication where raising the kids is concerned - we both suffered through ugly divorces with our parents as children and don't want our kids to go through that too."
That seriously rocks. Respect to you and your wife. Hope you'll get that pinned down - and it sounds like it! I never been married and probably missed to hop on the last train. So cant comment on marriage.
However, my sincere best wishes (which include your kids and wife).
ps: never heard of that "half your age + 7" rule. I like that, kind of encouraging.
That seriously rocks. Respect to you and your wife. Hope you'll get that pinned down - and it sounds like it! I never been married and probably missed to hop on the last train. So cant comment on marriage.
However, my sincere best wishes (which include your kids and wife).
ps: never heard of that "half your age + 7" rule. I like that, kind of encouraging.
Posted by PurpleChest on 2014-09-02 00:40:15
Just sending you love and best wishes mate. Everyone deserves to be happy, and i hope both you and your soon to be ex can find it.
Sound plan to be happy as you and not look for it in others, if that is to come it will come, but to happy as you is the bit you can control.
Sound plan to be happy as you and not look for it in others, if that is to come it will come, but to happy as you is the bit you can control.
Posted by pythrr on 2014-09-02 01:31:29
wise words, PC
Posted by Royston on 2014-09-02 09:41:08
Sorry to hear that. I divorced almost 3 years ago aged 33, 10 years of marriage and a 9 year old daughter.
We do the 50/50 co-parenting thing but it is difficult and my ex-wife treats me as if I were a secret serial killer during our relationship. She tried her best not to communicate with me (text messages only), drops our daughter round the corner so she doesn't have to see me and changes access on a whim (I was supposed to have our daughter on Sunday - her mum decided to go to Cornwall instead and will (fingers crossed) be dropping her home tonight). Please don't let things get that bad!
I recently found someone through Tinder and am very happy and my ex is still with the bloke she left me for. But my advice is start dating once you feel comfortable knowing who you are, especially as, coming out of a long marriage, your identity was as part of a couple.
We do the 50/50 co-parenting thing but it is difficult and my ex-wife treats me as if I were a secret serial killer during our relationship. She tried her best not to communicate with me (text messages only), drops our daughter round the corner so she doesn't have to see me and changes access on a whim (I was supposed to have our daughter on Sunday - her mum decided to go to Cornwall instead and will (fingers crossed) be dropping her home tonight). Please don't let things get that bad!
I recently found someone through Tinder and am very happy and my ex is still with the bloke she left me for. But my advice is start dating once you feel comfortable knowing who you are, especially as, coming out of a long marriage, your identity was as part of a couple.
Posted by pizzamogul on 2014-09-02 17:34:23
Sorry to hear things are so bad with your ex, Royston. I was planning on giving mine a wide berth for a while, for my own mental well-being and I'm sure she'd like some space too. I'd like to start meeting women again, but like PC suggested I need to be happy with myself first... there's a quote by Sartre that goes something like "if you're lonely when you are alone, you're in bad company." I bet I'm bad company at the moment.
My wife begins the process of moving out today, so this ought to be the 1st night I (and the kids) are truly without her. I'm not sure how I will feel about it at this point. I think I'll go for a long run and try to get some endorphins flowing so that the negative emotions at least have to swim upstream.
My wife begins the process of moving out today, so this ought to be the 1st night I (and the kids) are truly without her. I'm not sure how I will feel about it at this point. I think I'll go for a long run and try to get some endorphins flowing so that the negative emotions at least have to swim upstream.