“The Unicorns stepped into the new season missing their beloved Leia a high strength and valuable guard player! That meant 6 players with Guard on the opposing side and a very skimpy 2 guards on the Unicorn one... And with one of the Guard players also coming with Tackle and MB, Darth Maul would be needed foot-loose and fancy free to blitz those pesky Blodge 'Zons!

Happily coach bigbullies doesn't condone doping, none of the 'Zons haven't been juicing on steroids and all the girls displayed toned physiques but nothing that suggested troll-like strength.

The fans for the girls were raucous adding a slight (FAME +1) edge to the More Than Ballgowns side. Coach bigbullies elected to receive the kick after winning the toss and then on the kick-off felt extra lucky (gained a RR).

The Unicorn coach was biting his lip in nervousness, thinking that the tide of good luck to the girls would make for a very one-sided game. Six guard vs two, blodge spam and only two tacklers and a coach who knows his way around the Bloodbowl field.

The Orcs lined up and left a wing weak to tempt the bulk of the girls to stage a break for it down that side and then sneakily kicked short to the Unicorn heavy side of the pitch. The kick was accurate and almost within reach; on a Blitz result. Then in what appeared to be a gift from Nuffle himself, one of the girls ran in eager to pick up the ball before a single block had been thrown and dropped the ball! The Orcs wasted no time in getting two of their blitzers next to the ball, tied up the line of scrimmage and after some Argy-Bargy Luke Skywalker had scooped up the ball and the Orcs began to run a screen of green and edge towards the TD line. The girls rallied well but it was not to be. Luke made a successful dodge at the end of turn 6 making it 1-0 with some excellent pressure to force the orcs to score earlier than they would have liked. Sadly the girls couldn't use their 2 turns to score and so the game held at 1-0 to the Unicorns at the end of the first half.

The girls set up the field to kick and the Orcs decided to stack the line. The kick was deep and coach bigbullies was switched on at the kick; calling out a few quick suggestions to the girls who made the most of it and scrambled a perfect defense. But the ball bounced out and C3PO gathered up the ball and hung deep.

The major injuries caused in the game were from tripping over ballgowns that should have been hemmed up, one girl was killed but revived by the doctor and Pocohontas gouged her eye when she fell and bit the dirt. The Orcs go tied up both top and bottom of the pitch, but a successful pass by C3PO to Luke then saw him run down the edge of the pitch with some help and the Unicorns fended off some aggressive pressure from the Amazons. But after a bit of bashing and shoving, the superior muscle of the Orcs showed its worth and Luke Skywalker shepherded rookie Rey Kenobi to her first ever Touch Down which the Unicorn fans appreciated to hollers and catcalls.

2-0 with 2 turns on the clock for the Amazons... Or were there? The fans rioted and the ref pushed forward the clock, scared for his life, leaving the frustrated bigbullies coach little option but to try and thump the offending Orcs on the Line of Scrimmage and go home pondering what the hell happened after such a promising start.

Both teams finish the game with zero permanent injuries and a tidy swag of $60,000 each to take home. Rey Kenobi earned enough experience to learn to Guard and Leia will be back to support the Unicorns against a B&C Goblin team that will be missing both team name inspired and founding Trolls; Bribery (temporarily) AND Corruption (permanently - RIP).

Leia will wear a black armband to mark her respect and mourning for the passing of a great Bloodbowl Troll - Corruption

Best of luck to the More Than Ballgowns in the rest of the Conference. Blodge spam will go well in this Conference.”