“A late kick off for the first match of the Scoundrels' campaign: the team had been up until the early hours of the morning, singing the new team song ("The birds are in the trees, the sun is in the sky, today some goblins are going to die (or suffer career-ending injuries)"), and this afternoon there had been a rush collecting enough donations for the Referee's Benevolent Fund, but eventually both teams took to the pitch.

A disappointing first half saw little in the way of the much-hyped injuries that had been expected in this game. (It wasn't until the second half that Manshape Gutwart finally got his head in the game and killed one of the pesky mice running around at his feet, swatting Thanatos with a rolled-up (and anachronistic) copy of Top Gear Magazine. Ladyshape, meanwhile, was in disappointing form and eventually left the pitch for a lie-down, putting an end to her streak of injuries. Legneck Won't-Stop-Bouncing did injure the Styx and Warpstone's other thrower, Elysium although rumours of a smashed collarbone were dispelled by the medical staff. Who would have known that the Scoundrels had such antipathy to Skaven throwers?

With Avo Smash Toast and Spin Dizzy sent off at half time, neither of them managing to hurt anyone, and Bubo Bangins being reliable only insofar as he managed to drop several bombs at his own feet, the final casualty report was most disappointing. A special call out to the frankly reprehensible refereeing in this game - Avo was banned for nothing more than bringing a larger than usual pair of scissors to the match, while Spin Dizzy had gone for a rest after dropping an over-large Christmas tree bauble on his head, and awoke ready to take the field again only to find the ref had banned him for unseasonable decorations. The donations to the Benevolent Fund must have done something though, as most of the fouls by the Styx and Warpstone resulted in players being sent off to consider their lifestyle choices.

Two touchdowns to the home team left the Scoundrels wondering when they're getting round to having defensive plans. And whether revisions need to be made to the team song.”