"Move the ball down the field, take it one game at a time, and hear the lamentation of their women"
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This began as the worst team in Beerox's history with an 0-3 start. The Supreme Being hates me! But as soon as I started hating him back, things started clicking.
KPL Champions! It was once believed that Khemri would be the peons of KPL for eternity. Through hard work, hard luck, and hard boozing, the Heretics dispelled this false prophecy.
Makes season 1 look like a nice day at the beach.
After a nail-biter Championship Match, the Heretics once again raise the big banner.
Survived two tough playoff games to reach the KPL final, but ran out of steam and got beat up in a 2-1 loss.
ELIXIR OF IMMORTALITY
The coveted Elixir of Immortality is an honour bestowed upon the top player on the Championship team. However, the player's transcendence to immortality means that they will leave their team. The Heretics drink a lot of these things, and have lost some great talent! But these guys earned an undeath of luxury.
The Ayatollah of Lawn Mowing
Never one to fear the spiked ball, The Ayatollah of Lawn Mowing was a consistent star for the Heretics. His level of play continued to rise until reaching demigodly heights in the Season 2 Championship Game. Flawless ball handling, 2 TDs, and the effortless snag of a wet, bouncing 2nd half kickoff confirmed his greatness to all the KPL fans.
The Ayatollah now spends his days enjoying crack, whores, and every KPL match. Long gone are his days of keeping the grounds nicely trimmed. Those duties are in other hands now, but he still oversees all landscaping matters and has promised to eliminate all unworthy lawn laborers in Khemri.
The Heretics have never been a bashy team. As a matter of fact, I don't know what they do well! They have never raised a banner, well except for Division Titles, Conference Titles, and KPL Titles. But if one player ever struck fear into opponents, it was Master Ramen.
Q & A
Question: Why Church 'n Chick'n?
A solid question there, and surely near and dear to many hearts. There is no clear answer, and the team owner lives in secrecy. In any case it should be noted that the ever powerful Male Heretic:aged 18-34 demographic is a hotly contested target for sponsors. Many rivers of blood and money have been spilled to steer the eyes of young heretics towards the hottest brands of booze, toilet paper, bottle rockets, chewing tobacco, antifungal ointment, and hot, juicy, crispy, flavorful 12-piece buckets of Church 'n Chik'n with large side orders of Burning Biscuits.
Question: Is that a Lion?
No, you knob. It's a Werewolf.