Jeffro
Joined: Jan 22, 2009
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 Posted:
Mar 07, 2015 - 19:41 |
 
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And Wiper is a lying pervert and all-around H.R. sexual harassment nightmare...
Did Wiper forget to mention about that episode after Super Bowl II that he wasn't wearing normal pants!? That he was wearing cut-off leggings held up by some weird homemade garter belt made from his childhood suspenders?!? And then had an apron on with a little flap that he could flip up?! That he was doing this for just under an hour before someone had called the cops, and that he was arrested shortly after *our* incident...?
I don't like dredging it up... but he started it. |
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Apojar
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
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Mar 07, 2015 - 20:45 |
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CHEFCTER: Welcome back, sports fans! Welcome back to the Season 14 edition of the NBFL Draft Review and Analysis Show. Alongside fellow NBFL enthusiast and world-class Magic the Gathering player Mr. Kill Wiper Jr., I'm your co-host Stabbem Chefcter.
WIPER JR: Bring back White/Blue Millstone decks!!!
CHEFCTER: Not likely to come back, Killy.
WIPER JR: I know, Stabby, but one can dream. I'm sure there's plenty of other ideas out there to exploit.
CHEFCTER: You ready to hit up the Conference Championship losers, Killy?
WIPER JR: I'll take the NFC team this time around, if that's ok?
CHEFCTER: It works out that way this time around, so that's fine with me. Let's first discuss last year's AFC Conference Championship runner-up. These guys have been around since they first opened the doors to the League. They have an elegant balance of agility and grace, mixed with just the right amount of groin-kicking and face punching.
29. OAKLAND
Race: Dark Elf
Player Selected: Shomee Yercock (Arizona)
Skills: Block, Side Step, Diving Tackle - 40 points
Positon: Witch Elf
Grade of Pick: A+
The Elf Raiders have been the jewels of the AFC West for what seems like all eternity. People at BSDN joke that the original commissioner of the NBFL, pml97 formed the League just so he could have a steady source of games for Oakland. No one has ever been able to definitively determine the validity of it, but it is widely accepted as truthful hearsay.
There isn't anything that these guys aren't capable of. They hit. They play defense. They score. They hurt people. They throw. They play special teams. It's no wonder that these guys are always fighting for the Division crown. We all know, however, that Elves of any race cannot outrun their major stumbling block; injuries. Thankfully for Coach ex-convict, the squad did a great job in avoiding anything catastrophic.
Oakland only returns 12 from last season. Let's see where their current holes are, and determine what would be the most useful to add.
BLITZER: Maybe, but it's not crucial. The Elf Raiders are permitted to employ 4, which they have, but one of them is a Rookie. Granted, they skill up fairly quickly, but a skilled Blitzer holds quite a bit of value. This may be a place to add some improvement and value if the right player is available.
RUNNER: No. Oakland is permitted to employ 2, which they already have. They are both excellent at their roles. One happens to be a longer-range thrower, delivering the ball anywhere on a 3+, while the other one excels at short-passing events and agility drills. There won't be any improvement that would be made here.
WITCH ELF: Yes. The Elf Raiders are permitted to employ 2, but only have one on the squad. A skilled Witch Elf is invaluable to a well-developed Dark Elf squad. This could be a place to add some quality depth and improvement to the squad.
LINEMAN: It's incredibly rare to find a team that wouldn't benefit from adding Lineman depth. Oakalnd is no exception to this, so they have this in mind when they search for their player.
ASSASSIN: In all the games that Oakland has played, they've only ever employed one Assassin. History would lead us to believe that this isn't an area that ex-convict would be looking to address.
So, our analysis points to our needs being (in order): a Witch Elf, a 4th Blitzer, or a well-skilled utility Lineman. Let's first scan through the Skilled section to see if there's a player available.
Lo and behold, there is. Having been passed over for quite some time, Shomee Yercock still sits in the Draft room awaiting a team. He comes with some very useful defensive skills. His well-rounded nature makes him a VERY good fit for Oakland, A player with the skillset of Block, Dodge, Jump Up, Side Step, Frenzy, and Diving Tackle is someone that should rapidly become Public Enemy #1 to many teams in the AFC. He's tougher to deal with, and even harder to elude in coverage. This is an outstanding choice for Oakland.
WIPER JR: Yercock really seems to perfectly fit the Elf Raider scheme. He almost seems to have been tailor-made for the AFC West Champions. We'll surely be hearing his name in future award discussions.
Our next squad was eliminated by the eventual Super Bowl Champions, and was the 5 seed going into the opening week of the NFC Playoff picture.
30. DETROILET
Race: Nurgle
Player Selected: Nori Shiima (Nippon University)
Skills: Block, Tackle, Break Tackle - 32 points
Position: Nurgle Warrior
Grade of Pick: A
It's hard enough to play the likes of Green Ball twice a year within your division. Having to play them a third time has to be nerve-wracking. Now, add to the thrill that it's the NFC Championship game. The Sewer Lions came up just short last year, taking the eventual Super Bowl champions deep into Overtime. A few bad bounces doomed Coach Lorebass' squad to Runner Up status.
How does Detroilet get it done? It's entirely possible that they simply frustrate their opponents to the point of making a mistake. Their combinations of Block, Dodge, Side Step, Fend, and Tentacles would be enough to infuriate even the most seasoned and professional squads. They don't necessarily out-hit everyone, or out-pass anyone. They just do everything well. That's a real testament to the great coaching Lorebass offers.
The squad was a bit depleted when Detroilet's season came to a close, finishing with 12 on the roster. Let's take a peek at where we may add the most value through the draft that we can.
BEAST OF NURGLE: I wouldn't think so, no. There's a pretty decent player in the likes of Sean Brown on the squad. He's quite the valuable Big Guy, so the chance of improvement at this position is slim.
NURGLE WARRIOR: Yes. There are 4 on the squad, but two of them are Rookies. Nurgle Warriors are the engines that power the rest of the team. It's rather important to have them up to par. This would be a great place to add value and experience.
PESTIGOR: Yes. This could be a place to capitalize on a much-needed player. Their post-season run was that much better when you consider Detroilet was employing only 3 Pestigors for a while. The rest of the team really stepped up to cover the hole in the roster. This could also be a good place to add value to the squad.
ROTTER: Yes. The season ended with just 4 on the squad, and there's a lot of skill needed here to add to the core. This is also a good place to look for some improvement.
So, oddly enough, we've come up with needed something at nearly every position. It's a "best player available" scenario once again, but in the opposite manner you would think. A positional, in all likelihood, is required first, followed by beefing up the Rotter core. Let's look at the best candidates in each section, and come up with a "short list" of who could be chosen.
Nori Shiima for a Nurgle Warrior - Block, Tackle, Break Tackle - 32 points
Metzli for a Pestigor - Block, Guard, Dauntless - 32 points
Jermail Porter for a Rotter - Wrestle, Tackle, Fend - 34 points
Looking at our narrowed-down list, all 3 of these players have a lot of utility, but only Shiima seems to have the skills on board that best fit the defensive scheme Detroilet uses. That hassling, slow-you-up type of distracting play can most easily be advanced by his skill set. The Sewer Lions are happy to draft him, hoping he will offer him the extra edge that Coach Lorebass so desperately wants to "help us beat the *CENSORED* out of Green Ball".
CHEFCTER: Well, folks. We have just two teams remaining; last year's Super Bowl contenders. Our next segment will be devoted to the Runner Up last season, the 4 seed in the AFC Playoffs. Their magical ride almost carried them over the top to a Championship.
WIPER JR: That's right, Stabby. We'll both be giving our opinions on team #31 from the draft. Who knows? You MAY happen to see a member of their squad stop by the set for an interview...
CHEFCTER: Well... we know. But we're not tellin'! You'll just have to stay tuned and see what BSDN has to say about last year's Runner-Ups, the New Tomb Jetz.
WIPER JR: We'd also like to take this opportunity to hear from you, the fans. As you know, Stabby and I are both on the wildly-popular social media site, Spitter. We'd like to invite you, the fans of the NBFL to Spit your questions to us. We'll randomly choose a few to read and answer on-air.
CHEFCTER: Ask us anything NBFL-related. Ask us predictions. Ask us about our attire. Heck, you can even ask us what we're doing for dinner later on this evening. You may not get that one answered on air, but you're certainly welcome to ask it...
WIPER JR: That's right, Stabby. We'll read some of your questions during our Super Bowl Champions segment.
CHEFCTER: Feel free to Spit at us, fans! Stick around! Our next segment will be up shortly! |
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Lorebass
Joined: Jun 25, 2010
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Yeah! Greenball needs less Censored! |
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Apojar
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
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Mar 11, 2015 - 18:38 |
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CHEFCTER: Folks, we are back, and here we are! We've arrived at last season's Super Bowl participants on the NBFL Draft Review and Analysis Show. The best of the best last season. The top bananas. As always, it's a pleasure to be here with you dissecting last season's draft. I'm Stabbem Chefcter alongside NBFL enthusiast and world-class hot dog eater Mr. Kill Wiper Jr.
WIPER JR: Happy to be here, my friend. I love talking drafts, but this is where it gets exciting! Super Bowl teams!
CHEFCTER: Couldn't agree with you more, Killy. We get to talk about last season's premiere clubs, and see if they added enough value to make that run to the top once again.
WIPER JR: It may sound easy talking about it, but that's just flat out wrong. It's not easy making it to the top of your class year after year. Take it from a former NBFL Executive; you may be good this season, but you're not the only team improving through the draft.
CHEFCTER: That's right, Killy. Our Super Bowl Runner Up was a brand new franchise last season, having bought out the previous ownership and establishing a long-overdue culture of WINNING in the Big Apple. Let's take a look at them.
31. NEW TOMB
Race: Khemri
Player Selected: Amon Clark (Air Force)
Skills: Block, Mighty Blow - 25 points
Position: Skeleton
Grade of Pick: Please read below
CHEFCTER: Congratulations to the Jetz for finally bringing something to the city of New York to cheer about. The front office bought out the previous franchise, a group of seriously under-achieving Chaos that brought nothing but disappointment and anguish to Jetz fans everywhere. They began their quest for building a winning culture by hiring Coach DrPoods.
WIPER JR: I can't begin to tell you, sports fans, how much of a gamble this was for the New Tomb franchise. DrPoods was brand new to the Head Coaching position in the NBFL. He was more of an unknown to the veteran ranks, but absolutely dazzled the new ownership of New Tomb to the point where they gave him his chance. Based on his team's performance, it's a gamble that paid off in spades.
CHEFCTER: The front office's first decision was what race they would field. They immediately knew that Chaos had already been here, and failed miserably. DrPoods was committed to bringing a physical, ground-pounding game to the people of New Tomb. His financial backers just didn't want to fund a team that was "a soddin' bunch of dancin' froo-froos", as some Elven races had been referred to. He had to put forth a plan to feature a strong, burly running game, not based on the intricacies of passing. The franchise all got on board with his vision of the game, and sought out to begin constructing his dream for an enormous, physical team. Coach DrPoods put in his request, and the ownership bought in. The new Jetz squad was to be, despite earlier unsuccessful attempts in other cities, Khemri.
Now, the next step was to begin the search through the Expansion Draft for the start of roster-building. Everyone was on the same page; they wanted a game-changer with the first ever pick. They all agreed, and selected one of the most talented players ever available in an Expansion Draft, Eric Metcalf, an immensely talented Throw-Ra who had played for the then-defunct Cleveland franchise. He found his way to the Jetz, having Block, Mighty Blow, +AG, +AG, and Sure Hands.
With their ball-handling duties secured, they next look to start constructing the front line. Nuffle cracks a smile when the massive Tomb Guardian Michael Bargen comes crashing into their lap. He is a dream of a player, coming with Block, Break Tackle, Guard, and Mighty Blow. The coaching staff hopes he will go on to anchor a new incarnation of the "Fearsome Foursome" of the 1950's St. Louis Rams.
WIPER JR: Their next player becomes available to them via the Season 13 NBFL Draft. DrPoods continued his quest for the front line of doom by drafting Jack Mewhort out of Ohio. By now, the rest of the NBFL should have started taking notice of what was brewing.... Nobody, however, decided to take this upstart franchise seriously yet.
They received a compensatory pick late in the round, getting pick # 34. Once again, it's as if pennies from heaven were raining down on the Jetz, as Jevon Kearse out of the University of Florida. New Tomb has now assembled an immensely talented front line, completing what is, arguably, the best draft class ever. Each player drafted received at the very least an A grade; even Kearse. Metcalf and Bargen both went on to receive A+'s.
CHEFCTER: They now go through their pre-season try-outs, hiring the missing pieces they need to begin their season. The supporting cast comes together, and they kick off their inaugural season with a game against Detroilet, which they tied, dealing a large amount of physical damage. They'd take their first loss next against their brutal divisional rival Miami, taking on some of that physical damge.
WIPER JR: They finished their first season of play at 5 wins, 5 losses, and 4 draws, which was strong enough to win the AFC East. They entered the playoffs as the #4 seed, playing Fangsas City. Their very first playoff experience turned out to be a WIN, which they carried over through the Divisional Round, as well as the AFC Championship game. Could they complete a dream season by knocking off the NFC Champions, the Green Ball Attackers?
Unfortunately, it was not to be for New Tomb. They came up just short, losing a 1-0 Super Bowl. Nonetheless, they gave their fans a lot of reasons to hope for future success. It was great for all of the NBFL when a team from New York does well. This past season saw BOTH teams from the Big Apple enjoy a good amount of success.
CHEFCTER: We've now given you the back story of how they ended their magical ride last season. There were a great deal of highs, but also a low or two, especially with the injury and subsequent retirement of the first ever New Tomb Jet Eric Metcalf.
WIPER JR: Let's begin looking at the roster to see if there are any significant holes that need to be addressed.
TOMB GUARDIAN: Hells NO. This group of guys are SO good at what they do. Players like these don't come along very often at all. New Tomb sure won't be looking to improve here.
BLITZ-*BLOOPIN*-RA: It's possible, but I would highly doubt it. The Blitzer category has really been bled dry this draft. It's certain that DrPoods will look here, but he surely won't be surprised if a player isn't available this late.
THROW-*BLEEPIN*-RA Maybe. The Jetz had their superstar Throw-Ra Eric Metcalf get injured in the AFC Championship match, and miss the Super Bowl. The injury was severe enough where Metcalf had to hang up his spikes. This deeply hurt everyone associated with New Tomb, as they felt that Metcalf nearly single-handedly carried them to the Big Game. Now, he'll never have a chance to get back to play in a Super Bowl. He missed his only chance. All is certainly not lost for New Tomb, however, as this minor setback has allowed the emergence of Joe Namath. He's not as agile as Metcalf was, but boy is this new kid a burner. A second Throw-Ra may be useful, so we can safely list this as a place to add value to the squad.
SKELETON: Yes. There's always room to add depth and value to the core. This would also be a good place to search for value.
CHEFCTER: So, Killy has identified the needs that New Tomb has to address as either a useful Skeleton or a second Throw-Ra. Let us first search through the smaller of the two sections, the Skilled section for a Throw-Ra.
As you would imagine, this section has had its super stars already claimed. There are a few players remaining, but nobody really fits a good specification. There isn't anyone left that is designed to be a ball-carrier. The few that remain seem to be an add-on to a Blitzer core, all coming with either Guard or Tackle. Guard is a beautiful skill to have, but it's not really appropriate for a ball-handler, as you would like him as far removed from the action as possible. The Jetz pass on the section, and move on to the Lineman section.
There are still quite a few pretty decent players remaining here, offering a wide array of skills. Given the nature of DrPoods' scheme, the idea is that he will probably search for either a Guard Skeleton to offer support, or another hitting player, to add to the removal process. As we make a first scan through the section, there are no Guard players available to draft. New Tomb then searches through for a hitter, and come across a nice player awaiting a team in the likes of Amon Clark.
WIPER JR: I would agree, Stabby. Skeletons are not really known for their hitting prowess. He comes as a nice added bonus. Anything that Clark gives you, even if it's a stun or two, makes it easier for the rest of the team to walk into the opposing end zone with the ball. I firmly believe that Clark was the player that would have the most immediate impact on the New Tomb squad out of the players that were available. Stabby, you agree?
CHEFCTER: I do, Killy. I like to look at the value of players, as it pertains to what the squad already has. Clark adds a new dimension to what New Tomb can do. You expect the Tomb Guardians to hit. You expect it also from the Blitz-*Blooping*-Ras. You don't really expect it from a Skeleton. Now, you can't really take that for granted, as there's a least a decent possibility for damage coming out of the core.
WIPER: I'm all for giving this pick an A, Stabby.
CHEFCTER: I'm with you, Killy. It's a very appropriate A grade. I'm also anxious to hear how the front office of the Jetz feels about their new player, along with the process they used to get to this point. Ladies and gentlemen, returning this year to our show is the head coach of the New Tomb Jetz, Coach DrPoods. Welcome back, Coach. Congratulations on a wonderful season.
DRPOODS: Thanks fellas. Pleasure to be here once again.
CHEFCTER: Well, a lot has happened since we last spoke! Talk to us about both the magic of your Playoff run, and the morale of your squad after having fallen just short in the Super Bowl. Did you ever have an inkling that you could make it as far as you did in just your first year?
DRPOODS: To say we thought that we would reach the Super Bowl would be an utter, bald faced lie guys. We knew we had drafted well and the development in preseason had been outstanding, but to be honest with you we looked over the recent history and knew how much Khemri struggled so we went in with reasonable expectations of winning the odd game if we could. I'll tell ya, it having Eric behind center helped a ton. Let's be honest though, our season could have been over in round 2 when Miami whaled on us big time. We suffered 11 CAS in that one from 31 blocks but had 9 of them Regenerate. I remember saying Regeneration is a nice thing to have, but by God I never anticipated just HOW nice it would be. Also, I think it was nice that the AFC East had a bit of a down year and we sealed the division going 5-4-5. I can't see that happening again. But I suppose that once we made the playoffs and beat Tennessee, we started to dream a little bit.
WIPER JR: Coach, Kill Wiper Jr. again. Congratulations on your season. Can you tell us if there was any emotional let-down going into the Super Bowl, having lost your team's star ball-handler and leader, Mr. Eric Metcalf?
DRPOODS: What do you reckon? Naturally no Khemri squad will perform in quite the same way without an AG4 Throw Ra! Those guys don't grow on trees. But we had won without him before and Broadway Joe is such an arrogant bastard we hoped we could do OK. And we might have had a different result if Marty Schockendiemer hadn't stuffed up the blocking scheme late in the first half of the Super Bowl. Still, a 1-0 loss to such a great team and coach is nothing to be ashamed of. Congratulations at this point my be offered to Coach grue and his Green Ball lineup. We'll get you next time!
WIPER JR: Let's re-visit what you had said about your team's chances last year. I'm interested to hear your reaction to your own words, and hope to see if you'd care to venture a prediction toward the future of the Jetz. Listen to this quote (from you) from last season:
DRPOODS: (from Season 13) "Well, I'm not in the business of making bold predictions, Kill. We have seen Khemri struggle in the NBFL before, and it would be sheer hubris to be making outlandish claims about imminent glorious championships. We want to make some noise on the field before we start running our mouths.
That being said, we feel we can be competitive. We have drafted well and our support players have developed nicely. Case in point? D'Brickashaw Ferguson, a free agent Tomb Guardian worked hard in pre-season, and has learned Block. Allied with our draftees, we have an entire Tomb Guardian crew who are all Blocked up and ready for anything. And, with Eric Metcalf dealing with the ball handling? Anything can happen.
So we are hoping for a couple of wins to make our mark on the competition and be as competitive as possible in all our games. I am realistic, guys, and anything more than that would be an excellent season for an expansion franchise indeed. Some of the best teams and best coaches in the land are part of the NBFL, and we need to show that we belong".
WIPER JR: How do you react NOW to hearing this?
DRPOODS: I stand by what I said guys. Sure we exceeded expectations but let's be honest here. Khemri live on the edge. We don't have a great ability to recover from mistakes or poor moments like other squads. So in the same circumstances I would say it again. Also, in a way it might have done us no favours making the Super Bowl. Drafting this low means we are really feeding on scraps. I looked at a Throw Ra because no one really wants to draft a Skeleton but then I thought about how our sports science division has improved Joe Namath. Plus we only run one Throw Ra on the pitch so it wasn't a priority. Especially with the meagre pickings on offer. So we were forced to draft a Skeleton and hoo boy did we find a good one! Amon Clark brings more Mighty Blow to the squad which can only help. A heavy hitting Khemri is a feared Khemri
CHEFCTER: Coach, how do you see the immediate future shaking down in the AFC East? Give us an idea of your prediction for Season 14.
DRPOODS: Well Kill, I think that essentially we are in the same position as last season. We now know we can be competitive but the rest of the NBFL know it too. Part of our run was down to being underestimated I think last year and that isn't the case now. The AFC East is looking very strong with Miami, Buffalo and New Angryland all drafting well and developing. But working in our favour is that our core is still in place. Throw Ras may come and go but 4x ST5 Block behemoths will always remain 4x ST5 Block behemoths. Also, we seem to be in a similar position to last season. Perhaps even improved. Bear with me here...
Eric Metcalf, for all his greatness, lacked a couple of things. He didn't really have any protective skills. He as an extremely agile player who had Mighty Blow. Mighty Blow is great on Khemri but with Throw Ras being so important to the team in attack and carrying the ball, Mighty Blow is somewhat wasted. Joe Namath has Blodge which immediately ups his survivability. Also, he has MA8. This is fantastic as it means we can play our game and Joe needs a lot less forward momentum in order to get in range. People get seduced by AG4 (I know I did), but an MA8, Blodge ball carrier can be a match winner himself. We have 5 or so players within an MVP of a skill so we might be able to get some more goodies all things being equal. Finally, with Curtis Martin being a Tackle POMB and Weeb Ewbank being close to a skill I believe that we can have a decent year. I don't think we can realistically consider a repeat of Season XIII as so many things went in our favour. But we will still make teams remember that were in a battle.
CHEFCTER: Coach DrPoods of the New Tomb Jetz. We wish you the absolute best for this upcoming season. Thank you for stopping by the show today.
DRPOODS: Thanks guys. Always a pleasure. One last thing before I depart. Those off putting comments by the staff at New Angryland about certain acts with little green men put me off my salmon paste. I urge the commissioner to do something about it. But, as we all know, the man is selective with punishment. I doubt we would ever see Carolina being sanctioned for anything if you catch my drift?
Oh... Is this thing still on?
*static*
WIPER JR: Well, we seem to have lost our connection with the Head Coach. I tell you though, Satbby. It's fantastic to see new franchises come along and have a good amount of success. It's good for New Tomb, it's good for the fans. It's good for everyone in the NBFL.
CHEFCTER: I agree, Killy. Being in such a large market place as New Tomb, success tends to draw more fans to the exciting matches that the NBFL has to offer. But stick around, fellow sports fans... We're now at that moment, you've all been waiting for. We have one more team remaining to discuss: last year's Super Bowl Champions.
WIPER JR: We're both really looking forward to that discussion, but we're also looking forward to responding to some of your comments you've been sending to both of us via the popular social network Spitter. We're still accepting questions that you'd like to see answered. We'll pick a few at random in our final two segments to read on the air.
CHEFCTER: Feel free to Spit at either one of us. You can reach Killy at @KillerLite69, and I can be reached at @Stabbypatty13.
WIPER JR: How the heck did you get that user name, Stabby?
CHEFCTER: That's what I get for letting my 8-year old pick it for me. She's a huge fan of Grungehob Barepants....
WIPER JR: I don't even know where to begin responding to that, Stabby..
CHEFCTER: Keep those comments coming, sports fans. We'll back back after a short break to take on the Champs! |
Last edited by Apojar on %b %12, %2015 - %01:%Mar; edited 2 times in total |
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WingedHuman
Joined: Aug 24, 2007
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Mar 11, 2015 - 20:13 |
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@Stabbypatty13: How did you become such a snazzy dresser? Oh and early pick for SuperBowl faceoff this season? |
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FRSHMN
Joined: Feb 25, 2013
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Mar 11, 2015 - 20:26 |
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Bon appétit!! Big fan of da show, also I think Kill'n'Stab@NBFL_draft_show should put mo'salt in da wounds and mo'peppa in da comments, if you know what I mean!
One mo'thing: Why isn't tha' any #HalflingFranchise in NBFL? Has tha' ever been? Or'sit evidence fo' some #SecretAgenda or #StuntyBias 'gains'us in NBFL?
Sugar.Candytart@flingpride.org |
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DrPoods
Joined: Nov 14, 2013
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Mar 12, 2015 - 00:54 |
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Great write up again Apojar! |
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"Gallifrey falls no more"
Do your part! Join the Adoption Agency NOW! |
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Sutherlands
Joined: Aug 01, 2009
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Mar 12, 2015 - 01:28 |
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Frshman to replace with a stunty team! |
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Jeffro
Joined: Jan 22, 2009
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Mar 12, 2015 - 03:20 |
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There has been stunty in the NBFL... but it takes a huge sack to pull it off. |
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OTS
Joined: Jul 12, 2004
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Mar 12, 2015 - 15:54 |
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@killerlite69 Does Dallas finally make the playoffs this season?? Danny White Rules!!! |
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happygrue
Joined: Oct 15, 2010
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Mar 12, 2015 - 15:55 |
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@killerlite69 Where have all my players gone? Hello!? |
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Come join us in #metabox, the Discord channel for HLP, ARR, and E.L.F. in the box!
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OTS
Joined: Jul 12, 2004
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Mar 12, 2015 - 15:56 |
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@stabbypatty13. What's the top 5 projected takes on your big board for next year's draft? |
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Apojar
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
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Mar 17, 2015 - 21:56 |
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CHEFCTER: Welcome back, fellow NBFL fans! We're back. Thank you for staying with us thus far. You're watching the NBFL Draft Review and Analysis Show. I'm your co-host, Stabbem Chefcter. Beside me is a former NBFL Executive and Anne Murray aficionado, Mr. Kill Wiper Jr. How's it going, Killy?
WIPER JR: Excellent, Stabby. The weather's starting to warm up, so the Snowbird will be flying away yet again.
CHEFCTER: Nice reference, Killy. We've arrived at our last "new" team to dissect; our defending Super Bowl Champions. Let's see what the Champions did to bolster their efforts to repeat as Kings of the Hill.
32. GREEN BALL
Race: Slann
Player Selected: Alex Freeman (Missouri)
Skills: Tackle, Frenzy - 30 points
Position: Blitzer
Grade of Pick: Please read below
WIPER JR: I'd like to be the next person on the bandwagon to congratulate the Green Ball Attackers and Head Coach happygrue on winning the Championship once again. What a remarkable team he has fielded, led by their superstar Blitzer Charles Woodson. The Attackers are the first and, as of this date, the only Slann franchise that has played in the NBFL. They've set the success bar near-impossibly high for EVERYONE, not just for Slann, with their constant Playoff appearances and success.
As anyone involved with the NBFL will tell you, it all starts with great owners. Back in Season 8, the previous ownership in Green Bay was looking for a sale, as the city was no longer able to support its team, due to their insatiable appetite for sticky buns and sweet pastries. As such, a new ownership group established itself in the small city, and planted its roots of success for its new franchise-to-be. I don't even think these owners could have known how successful their squad would become.
The process really took off when the ownership group made a bold, league-changing choice. They began to realize that, though glamorous and sexy, the money that is required to maintain and run a top-notch franchise might be too much for them to bear themselves. They came upon a fantastic idea.
These guys had a great handle on their fan base. They knew that their city had, arguably, the most passionate, loyal fans in all of the NBFL. The thought somehow just dawned on the office: why not let the fans have a piece of the action? They elected to make their football club a publicly traded commodity. Truly passionate fans would, of course, spend the money to be a part of their beloved franchise by buying a small amount of shares Though the fans would not have any direct input into every day decisions, fans would now be able to stand proudly and say that they owned and supported their franchise.. It was an instant success. Revenue streamed in, allowing the team to acquire the coach they had targeted since day 1: happygrue.
The program was, at first, slow to develop. Success didn't happen overnight with them. The ownership, however, had complete faith and confidence in their Head Coach. They knew that they had the right man for the job. A few more seasons passed, and they've already enjoyed 2 Super Bowl Championships. Their patience has certainly been rewarded.
CHEFCTER: It's a classic story of building and developing from within. The Attackers are the perfect case study for future clubs to model themselves after. So, having said that, let's see how their current squad looks, having just won the Super Bowl. They're at 12 players, so where is the best place to add improvement? Let's find out.
BLITZER: Possible. Green Ball is permitted to employ 4, but currently only have 3 on the squad, one of which is the super-stud Charles Woodson. This is a pretty versatile group of frogs, with a healthy spread of skills across them. It's certainly possible to add a 4th player for some added value.
CATCHER: Yes. With only Aaron Frogers on the squad, there is certainly room for another scoring threat on the squad. This would be a very good place to add some depth.
KROXIGOR: Probably not, no. The Attackers already have Clay Matthews on the squad, who has some good utility despite his relative youth. It's not terribly common to see a developed Big Guy drop this far in the draft, so it's just assumed that the help wouldn't come from here.
LINEMAN: Yes. There are seven on the squad, but only two have any skill. It's certainly a given that these Rookies will develop from off-season Friendlies, but a well-skilled Lineman can really go a long way in furtering the club as a hole. This would be a very good place to seek improvement.
WIPER JR: So, as Stabby as shown you with his break down, it seems like the first place to search for improvement would be a Catcher. Afterward, the next pick would possibly be a well-developed Lineman. Third on the list would be a Blitzer. There's a good amount of room for improvement here. Let's see what is left.
Searching first through the Skilled section, there's a fairly decent fit awaiting a team in the likes of Metzli. He features a nice skill set of Block, Guard, and Dauntless. This skill set would nicely compliment the big Blitzer core of Green Ball. This is a player that adds a great amount of utility to the squad. Let's also look at the other sections to see if there's a player of greater impact available.
Our next section to visit is the Lineman. There are a few nicely developed players here that remain, the best of which, in the opinions of those here at BSDN, is Jermail Porter out of Kent State. He would feature Wrestle, Tackle, and Fend, a set that would be an added bonus to the aforementioned Blitzer core.
Finally, we look through the Blitzer section, hoping to find a late gem. This section has been quite ravaged. There's two fairly decent players remaining in the draft room in the likes of Alex Freeman and Dakota Cromwell. Freeman figures to play more of the offensive role, helping to plow the road for the ball-carriers to stroll through. Cromwell figures to be the support player, coming on board with both Guard and Stand Firm. Couple that with the skills that Blitzers already feature, and you've got quite a decent player out of the package.
So, we here at BSDN would have broken it down this way.
If you want a Catcher, we'd suggest Metzli - Block, Guard, Dauntless - 32 pts (San Diego St.)
If you want a Lineman, we'd suggest Jermail Porter - Wrestle, Tackle, Fend - 34 pts. (Kent St.)
If you want a Blitzer, we'd suggest Dakota Cromwell - Guard, Stand Firm - 26 pts. (Arizona)
Our choice would be a difficult one. The best option we feel would be to add to depth at Catcher, adding a second player to the position that can have a maximum of 4. Metzli offers quite a bit of versatility to an already-diverse squad. He seems to fit the mold very nicely.
What did Green Ball choose? The front office and Head Coach happygrue choose to add to the Blitzer core by drafting Alex Freeman, who has Tackle and Frenzy.
CHEFCTER: And how do you feel about the choice, Killy?
WIPER JR: I can see the thought process in it, Stabby. It's just not the way I would have went.
CHEFCTER: I agree with you, Killy, but only to a point.
WIPER JR: Interesting. What are you thinking, bud?
CHEFCTER: Well, looking at the players you listed above, and the state of their roster, I'm more inclined to pick up a skilled Lineman, so I'm picking Jermail Porter. He just adds yet another ball-hassling threat to Green Ball's defense. He just seems to be the best fit when it comes to what they currently have versus what they could use the most to upgrade.
WIPER JR: Well, it seems like there's three differing opinions in front of us, between myself, Stabby, and of course, Head Coach happygrue. Since you've now heard our sides of the story, I'm sure you would all like to hear it straight from the source, so without further ado, we're honored to welcome Coach happygrue to the program. Coach, Kill Wiper Jr here, Congratulations on taking your boys to the top of the NBFL once again. We're thrilled to have you on the program this year.
HAPPYGRUE: Thank you! It was a wild ride this year. The playoff game against Detroilet on the way to the Super Bowl was a good example of the kind of craziness that somehow ended up with us on top again. The team hasn't even been as strong again as it was in our failed playoff game against Philly when they went on to win it all. That was the only year I thought I was the favorite to win the super bowl with an amazing lineup, whereas every other year I've been the lucky underdog by the time the playoffs roll around.
WIPER JR: Coach, let's get right into it. Take us into how you decided on drafting not only a Blitzer, but drafting Alex Freeman. The BSDN team was rather divided in their mock draft. Half of the committee leaned toward drafting Catcher Metzli. The other half leaned toward Lineman Jermail Porter. What did you see in drafting a Blitzer that others didn't see?
HAPPYGRUE: Well, after failing (again) in my attempts to logic drafting a skilled player into a Slann Blitzer role, we had to suck it up and take the best Blitzer left. Why the many Necro coaches in the league can draft Mighty Blow/Piling On Werewolves from the Blitzer pool OR fast moving Catcher types from the Skilled category but my boys have to train the hard way when they are better qualified than Werewolves for the job I may never know... Maybe we want more Necros and fewer Slann in the league? But I digress. Forgive me, I must be getting senile. The point is: get the Hell off my lawn. Now back on topic - Alex Freeman didn't have Block, but with Tackle, Frenzy and one mere completion away from his next skill I thought he showed a lot of promise. We have drafted a Blitzer every year since the start of the draft and will continue to do so while there is even a halfway crappy option. I think those coaches who have every played high TV Slann probably understand already, but for anyone who hasn't had the "pleasure" of retraining player after player into proper shape to play in an intense, high power league like the NBFL - it really sucks. I can't really say that it *is* best to draft a worse player and try to bring out their potential in a Blitzer role, but in my defense look at how last year's draftee, Juan-Carlos "Goldeneye" Orlando, is working out! He's getting almost half as many death threats per game as Charles Woodson is. 
WIPER JR: Coach, talk to us about the long road it took to get here. Season 9 was a rough beginning, but you've been consistently building toward the long-term goal of Championships. Talk to us about the time it took to get from there to where you are now.
HAPPYGRUE: My goal from my first season as head coach was to make the playoffs every year. I've demanded excellence from my players, and they have really gone above and beyond - taking us past my personal goals and going one better: five consecutive NFC north Campionships (thanks to our main rival Detroilet biffing it hard at the end of season 12 and handing us the top spot despite our less than stellar record) and two Super Bowl victories. As much as I'd like to take credit for this accomplishment, I think more of the credit rests with my players, who literally put their lives on the line every single game. They leave it all on the pitch, and as much as it saddens me to think about it I have become quite adept my "next of kin" speech. I ask, they deliver and they don't think twice about the cost.
CHEFCTER: Coach, Stabbem Chefcter here. Congratulations to you and the squad. Talk to us about the difficulties of your division. What's it like having to play 6 games a year against the likes of the NFC North?
HAPPYGRUE: Well, if the NBFL is Salusa Secundus (Nerd joke: it's the prison planet with such harsh conditions that The Imperial Sardaukar are trained there), then the NFC North must be Dune itself, filled with Fremen. If you start looking at strength of season and divisional wins at the end of every season it is hands down the toughest place to play. Top that off, we face three of the toughest teams against our particular style of play in our competitors: Positonal control Nurgle, statfreak Necro, and Guard/Mighty Blow spam Dwarfs. The silver lining is that those brave players who buy the farm don't have much opposition down in the seventh circle of Hell, as it must be largely empty of Slann torments by now.
WIPER JR: Care to offer us a prediction as to how the NFC North or the NFC Conference will shake down this season?
HAPPYGRUE: Detroilet is our nemesis (we're sitting at 2/3/2 record against them with a BIG game coming up this week), and we usually end up slugging it out for the number 1 and number 2 spots in the NFC North, and this season is shaping up that way again as both Chicago and Minnesota have gotten off to miserable starts. But they are strong teams and we're still within the margin of "anything could happen" this early in the season. As for the NFC as a whole, I'd pick Philhala Arni and the New York Giant Leeches, to make the playoffs but I couldn't tell you which is on top and which is the wildcard. I'll probably end up with the other wildcard behind Lorebass this season, and I'll pick Seattle and ... Gnawleans (I picked him, Jeffro, just to give you something to work for - you lazy bastard) to round out our playoff scene.
WIPER JR: Coach, thank you very much for spending some time with us today. Best of luck this upcoming season for continued dominance.
CHEFCTER: Well, you've heard his side of the story now, Killy. Care to offer up a grade for the pick?
WIPER JR: Stabby, he gave me a lot to think about. He did illustrate the pattern of consistently drafting a Blitzer every time. There's something to be said for that. He's committed to his program, and building the way he knows how.
CHEFCTER: Even though he's lacking on a number of different positionals, you still think it was the best draft pick to make for him?
WIPER JR: Well, Freeman may not be the BEST player that was available, but the program they run dictates that they draft THAT position, and mold him into what they're searching for. There's something to be said to sticking to your program.
CHEFCTER: So, what grade are you giving the pick then, Killy?
WIPER JR: I'm going to grade this pick as a B. They got a decent player for what they do, but I can't help but think there may have been a better player out there for them.
CHEFCTER: It's a B+ for me, Killy. It wasn't the player I would have drafted, but the fact of the matter is: they churn out solid Blitzers one after the other. I've no doubt he'll do the same thing again with Freeman.
CHEFCTER: Well fans, we promised we'd do it. We've been accepting some questions from the social media netword Spitter, hoping to answer some of those issues you really want the scoop on. We've taken a few questions now, and we're happy to read some of them on the air.
WIPER JR: This first one is for you, Stabby. It comes in to us from @GlidingGuy_TB. He wants to know "How did you become such a snazzy dresser? Oh, and can you give us your Super Bowl picks for this coming season?"
CHEFCTER: We are fortunate enough to have a wardrobe department here at BSDN. These wonderful folks that work here are so very helpful and kind. They work hard to make a gargoyle like me look presentable. Believe me, I can't really take much of the credit for my attire, but I do appreciated the compliment! As for your request for a prediction, that's a tough call. I'd really be remiss if I didn't at least give Green Ball a shot at repeating as the NFC Champions, but if you were to ask me, I think this may very well be the Panther Party's year. However, I am contractually obligated by BSDN and some strongly passionate fans of the NBFL that "Carolina sucks".
On the AFC side, there are a LOT of very good teams to challenge. It seems so much easier to pick a team or two that won't be competing for the title, like Jacksonville. It's awfully hard to pick one, but if there's anything I've learned in the years of following the NBFL, it's that you NEVER count out the Chompers in San Dogo. They seem to make magic year in and year out, despite injuries or acts of Nuffle.
WIPER JR: Here's another question for you, Stabby. This one comes to us from @TombHammer50. He wants to know "what kind of drug testing happens at Green Ball? That Woodson guy seems bulletproof".
CHEFCTER: Killy, you're a former NBFL Executive, you might be more qualified to tackle this question. Care to offer a guess?
WIPER JR: Sure thing, Stabby. There IS a drug-policy in place within the framework of the NBFL. The process, however, is not very strictly observed, or adhered to. At least, back in my day, it wasn't really considered concrete. Coaches used to look to circumvent the system on a regular basis, striving to gain whatever advantage they could on the pitch. Why would they just shrug off the rules like that?
GOLD.
The advertising money, as well as the gold that would flow in from superstars or even juiced-up overachieving youngsters was just too much for Coaches to resist. It allowed for new stadiums, better coaches and staff, cheerleaders, and all sorts of amenities that the team normally wouldn't have had access to.
Fast forward to today's NBFL. The sponsor money is still there. Companies like Cabalvision, Warpstone Dew, Orcidas, and many of the other big-name corporate sponsors are still flooding teams with gold. The NBFL has decided to be a bit harder as of these past few years on PED's, though they are still present. Records have been updated and figured differently, taking into accout the age of players who are now "hepped up on goofballs", so to speak.
This process, however, never took into account the intricacies of Slann physiology. The modern-day drug tests do not register properly when it comes to Frog blood and anatomy. It's not really been made public knowledge, but as of right now, in our current testing system, there is NO way to effectively test Slann.
I'm SURE that Green Ball is well aware of this, but at this point, the NBFL is still scrambling to find an effective test for all races.
CHEFCTER: This next one is also for you, Killy. This one comes to us from @BigD4Me23. They want to know "Thoughts on Dallas. Do they make the Playoffs this year"?
WIPER JR: The early part of their season should determine their path. They have a rather bashy beginning to their schedule. If they can come through the first 6 or 7 games with a relative amount of health, their Playoff run becomes a real possibility. Right now, I'd say they have a SERIOUS shot at qualifying as a Wild Card from the NFC, as trying to run down the boys in Philhala will be a VERY diificult task. It's certainly possible!
CHEFCTER: Got another one for you, Killy. This one comes to us from @HappyfeetGB13. He wants to know "Where have all my players gone"?
WIPER JR: Ah, that's a great old song, Stabby by Peter, Paul, and Mary. Where have all my players gone? Long time passing... Where have all my players gone... Long time ago...
CHEFCTER: I don't think he was asking about the song, Killy.
WIPER JR: Sure he was!... This next one is for you, Stabby. We get this question from @IScore1T. They would like to know who you think will be a top-5 pick in next season's NBFL draft.
CHEFCTER: That is a really good question. If there's anything we enjoy doing, it's breaking down drafts. What's even better is that we're breaking down players that haven't even qualified or declared yet! To help us with this, we'd like to bring in our NCBB expert and correspondant, Mr. Odd Dismay. Good afternoon, Odd.
DISMAY: Howdy guys. Glad to join you.
CHEFCTER: Odd, we were just posed a question on Spitter about next season's draft. Our fan wants to know who is projecting to be a top-5 pick in the future. Can you give us a few names of people we should be looking out for this coming year?
DISMAY: I sure can, Stabbem. Our next draft is going to be LOADED at the top with Blitzers. They are in no particular order, but one player of interest would be Blitzer Darkvantre Harris out of Texas S&M. He's sure to be a top-5 pick provided he stays healthy.
We're also tracking another Blitzer out of the Univercity of Hawaii, Brenden Daley. He's proven to be quite a commodity thus far, having been mentioned for Player of the Year honors.
Next, keep your eyes peeled for Terry Kinslayer, a Blitzer out of Clemson. He may have an extra year of eligibility, so he might not arrive for an extra year, but he's a "can't miss" type of player.
In the Skilled section, we await the arrival of Old Dominion Catcher Keyshawn Henderson and Tory Kanal out of Oregon, or as we have been calling it as of late, NBFL University.
Of course, there is a wealth of talent that will be arriving soon, but these are names that bound to arrive to the NBFL soon.
CHEFCTER: Anybody coming out soon in the Strength category, or a game-changing Big Guy?
DISMAY: Well guys, Clemson is the place to look for a Big Guy, as they will be graduating two players in these next few years, both of which are stellar. Da'Quan Biters and Trevor Piercer will be arriving shortly, both of which are fantastic pick-ups to anyone's defensive line.
Finally, he's a few years away yet, but he's going to be fantastic when he arrives, Brandon Burlsworth out of Arkansas. Look for him to be top 3 when he arrives in the Strength category.
CHEFCTER: BSDN's own Odd Dismay, thank you very much for popping in.
DISMAY: No problem guys, thanks a lot.
WIPER JR: One other just came in for you, Stabby. @FearMyStickieBuns writes in, wanting to know "Why isn't tha' any #HalflingFranchises in da NBFL? Has tha' ever been? Or'sit evidence fo' some #Secretagenda or some #Stuntybias gains'us in da NBFL?
CHEFCTER There has, in fact, been Stunty squads in the NBFL in the past. I can't honestly say that they fared "great", but they've been around. Our last squad sold the franchise following Season 8, the fan-favorite Green Bay Lunch Packers. They still hold practices, hoping to one day re-establish themselves in the city they love. There was also a rather difficult team to play against in the very early days of the league, the Philadelphia Fairies. They finished only 1 game over .500 record-wise, but they were so very different from anything the NBFL had seen before. They proved to be a handful for anybody playing them.
One more question from me to you, Killy. Who do YOU like for the Super Bowl this season?
WIPER JR: I have a sinking feeling you'll be seeing the return of Philhala to the Super Bowl. On the AFC side, though I'm a perennial fan of Miami, I have a very good feeling that you may see the emergence of a newcomer to the Championship scene in the AFC in Indianapolis.
CHEFCTER: Good stuff, Killy. Good stuff. Stick around, sports fans. We have one segment left to bring you! We have a few compensatory picks to discuss from some of the younger teams. Don't change that channel just yet! We're nearly done! |
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Bullroarer4
Joined: Oct 22, 2012
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Mar 18, 2015 - 19:47 |
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We appreciate the vote of confidence. We will certainly strive to get to the top. |
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Tenacious doesn't begin to describe me. Never give up, never surrender  |
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Apojar
Joined: Aug 05, 2006
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Mar 26, 2015 - 16:02 |
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CHEFCTER: We are back, sports fans. You're watching the NBFL Draft Review and Analysis Show. I'm your co-host Stabbem Chefcter alongside fellow NBFL enthusiast and original Lindbergh Baby, Mr. Kill Wiper Jr. How's it going, Killy?
WIPER JR: Excellent, Stabby. I'm here talking draft. It's just where I wanna be!
CHEFCTER: We're now through all 32 teams, leaving us with a few Compensatory picks to discuss. These are usually reserved for new franchises, or existing franchises that were decimated by injuries. Our first team is the new kid on the block in the AFC South.
33. JACKSONVILLE
Race: Chaos Pact
Player Selected: Metzli (San Diego State)
Skills: Block, Guard, Dauntless - 32 points
Position: Dark Elf Renegade
Grade of Pick: A-
Previous Draft Picks
Expansion Draft
(2nd): Foster - Marauder (trade from Cleveland) - Block, Tackle, Mighty Blow - 42 pts.
(5th): Tim Fugger - Chaos Ogre (trade from Arizona) - Block, Tackle, Grab - 35 pts.
Regular Draft
(8th): Chris Killer - Chaos Troll (Air Force) - Block, Grab, Piling On - 31 pts.
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CHEFCTER: This player might be the steal of the draft with regards to utility. Guard is extremely useful for Pact. Now, take into account that Jacksonville managed to draft a player with Guard and AG4 as late as 33rd. It's a great pick-up for the Pactuars. So why the minus to the grade?
The position. I realize that the player has AG4, but do you want the ONLY player on your squad that is so agile placing himself into bashable locations for a Guard?
Maybe. The nice part of the situation is that you can turn this player into a Block, Dodge, Side Steping nuisance. That would, however, take him quite a bit of time to skill up to that level. It's a heavy investment to make into an agile player that could be doing other things such as handling and/or catching the ball.
WIPER JR: But Stabby, wouldn't you WANT a player that is agile to be your Guard? He can more freely move in and out of position to get to where the skill is truly needed.
CHEFCTER: You don't worry about him being more brittle than most, Killy?
WIPER JR: Not at all. Marauders are also av8. Why should a Dark Elf Renegade be any different?
CHEFCTER: You make some pretty good points, Killy. It seems like it may not be a bad pick-up at all, making even more sense that I originally gave them credit for. They didn't get any rabid removal, similar to some other teams, but they're building very slowly. No doubt that this will be a long season for Jacksonville, but they've started out with a good core of players to build around. They have their work cut out for them this year, though...
WIPER JR: I'm inclined to agree, Stabby. They don't have any kind of dominant front-line players, other than their Big Guys. They aren't very well rounded. That's what makes this pick here far more appealing. If Metzli can manage to stay healthy, he'll help to carry that team a long way in the future.
The next squad to discuss plays in the NFC South, a division that has been dominated recently by some Elves. These ladies seek to not only play with the boys, but show the rest of the NBFL that ladies can do the job just as well.
34. TAMPA BAY
Race: Amazon
Player Selected: Jermail Porter (Kent State)
Skills: Wrestle, Tackle, Fend - 34 points
Position: Linewoman
Grade of Pick: A
Previous Picks
Expansion Draft
(3rd): Yamon Figgurdson - Thrower - Block, +ST, +AG, Nerves Of Steel, Dump-Off - 84 pts.
(4th): Terrell Suggs - Blitzer - Mighty Blow, Tackle, Guard, Grab - 63 points
Regular Draft
(7th): Kerri Gonzalez - Blitzer (Oregon) Mighty Blow, Frenzy, Side Step, Tackle - 75 pts.
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WIPER JR: This young Amazon squad is seeking to make an impact similar to the ladies of the AFC East. This young franchise is just starting out in a division that has some powerhouse Elves, some overpowering Lizardmen, and some rather affectionate Nurgle. It will be an uphill battle to start with, but they seem to be going in the right direction.
They began by drafting a super-stud Thrower to address any and all ball-handling duties. Next, they picked up a fantastic Blitzer to lead the defensive surge. Now, they're looking for the best player they can get.
There are only 4 players remaining in the Skilled section. 2 of which have Kick on board, which seems to defeat the purpose of the Catcher position that he would be hired for. The other 2 have Catch on board, which the position has built-in. Those picks would seem rather wasteful.
There are 4 Blitzers remaining in the draft room, but nobody seems to really be a great fit for these ladies. That leaves us searching for a quality Linewoman. Looking through the remaining class, Jermail Porter rises to the top. She comes with some excellent skills on board. She will prove to be a nuisance on the defense, but can provide some emergency skills to the offensive side as well. She doesn't come with too many offensive skills, which will make sure the coaching staff uses the Blitzer core to its full potential. She is, by far, the best player that is available. Coach Miyuso hits this choice right on the head. Amazon Linewomen are hard enough to deal with. Porter will prove to be a nightmare for any non-Tacklers that try to deal with her.
CHEFCTER: Folks, we're finally up to this season's "Mr. Irrelevant". This player, however, seems FAR from irrelevant when you see his position...
35. (the OTHER 34th pick) BEARDYMORE
Race: Dwarf
Player Selected: Toe Knee Duhn Gee (Mihn'eeSOH'tah)
Skills: Guard, Piling On, Multiple Block - 35 points
Position: Deathroller
Grade of Pick: B
Previous Picks
Expansion Draft
(1st): Sidney Rice - Runner (traded from Seattle) - +AG, +MA, Block, Sprint, Sure Feet - 102 pts.
(6th): Ex-Conscript - Blitzer (traded from San Fran) - Dodge, Tackle, Mighty Blow, Sure Feet, Sprint - 115 pts.
Regular Draft
(6th): Buck Friday - Blitzer (Wisconsin) - Dodge, Side Step, +AG, Sure Hands - 63 pts.
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CHEFCTER: Our new, vertically-challenged boys from Maryland are the new kids in town in the AFC North, facing the likes of Chaos Dwarves, Nurgle, and Dark Elves twice per season. That's no easy task for even a seasoned squad.
There's not too much to look through in any positional sections. The Skilled section has 4 players left, but with the drafting earlier in the day of a World-Class Runner in the person of Sidney Rice, it may not be in the team's best interest to draft a back-up just yet.
Their second draft pick was the selection of a Blitzer with enormous talent and upside. We're hoping to hear from Ex-Conscript for many years to come. Their third draft pick was Buck Friday a 2nd Blitzer who is just as dynamic and effective as Ex-Consript is.
Obviously, there's no room for a 3rd Blitzer. We're really not looking at a 2nd Runner. That leaves us with an idea of a Troll Slayer, a Longbeard, or... somebody else....
This was, quite possibly, the worst draft for Strength players the NBFL has ever had. There isn't anyone remaining for a serviceable Slayer.
That brings us to the Lineman section. Every player in the section already comes with either Block or Tackle, both of which are already on board for the position. It seems like it would be a throw-away pick to draft a Longbeard here,
And that's when the light bulb goes off for Coach WingedHuman. Though it isn't used often, there's still one position that could be addressed for the squad: a Deathroller. They qualify as a Big Guy, which adds yet another fear factor to Dwarves.
Looking through the Big Guy section, there is a player there that is more than capable of playing the position. The front office selects Toe Knee Duhn Gee, a player who has waited a number of years to finally get the call. It's a feel good story. Duhn Gee is the last player to have played in what was once considered the Big Guy factory for the NBFL, the University of Mihn'eeSOH'tah. After years of practice squad duty, and competing in training camps for that final roster spot, Beardymore finally gives him his chance.
WIPER JR: The pick, however, is still only a B, even though this is completely the CORRECT pick to make. Why? Deathrollers do function as Secret Weapons. If the opponent scores quickly, the Roller is shown the dugout. They are also the most expensive player to field, costing a whopping 160,000 gold pieces to sign, plus bonuses for every skill they develop. That kind of money might be best suited in developing a few extra Longbeards for some Line of Scrimmage duty. The one thing the Roller has going for it is its ability to foul. There's not as great a need to develop a second Dirty Player, as you can just roll over them, driving them into the pitch. There's always that fear though of such an expensive player being sent off after a turn or two. It is that constant fear of a two or three turn visit to a match that causes us to grade this pick as a B.
CHEFCTER: Well, folks. Thank you so very much for staying with us through the thick and thin. We love bringing you this program, and will continue to do so as long as you want us here.
WIPER JR: That's right Stabby. Whether you love us like DrPoods, or you absolutely curse every breath that we draw because of the size of your peepee, just like Jeffro, we take what we do very seriously. We understand that we have a high benchmark of quality that we NEED to hit, or else you won't be watching the show any more. What we're trying to say is: Love us or hate us, we really take pride in bringing you the best product we're able to.
CHEFCTER: Same time next season, Killy?
WIPER JR: As long as my contract negotiations go well, Stabby. I want to be here as long as BSDN wants me to be here. Hopefully, Jeffro doesn't get me sacked.
CHEFCTER: Folks, on behalf of Kill Wiper Jr, I'm Stabbem Chefcter. It's been a pleasure breaking down the NBFL Draft for you once again this season. We'll see you next year. |
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