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Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 06, 2017 - 09:24
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Cobber rushed into the auditorium looking a bit flustered. He scooped up a bottle of Champers from a vacant team table near the front, then bounded up to the stage. After popping the cork and taking a swig, he began.

"Struth!", he beamed, "Didja see that rabble outside? I thought they were beggars at first. That Yeti, so badly beaten up I was sure he was some decrepit old cripple, hand out for ciggie money. But no! He was holding a sign 'Not Reddy', it's a protest! Poor dear can't spell of course, gotta admit I'm impressed he can write at all. To think he's still an active player. Maybe they should bring a rule in to stop such animal cruelty. Dunno what bugs got up their butts though, there's a free pissup in here they're missing out on."

"Bazza! Me old mate!", Cobber called out, spotting his friend in the press gallery, "Finally picked one I see! Right...", one more swig of Champagne, "...onto the awards..."

VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXX

The SWL LXX Team Achievements

Turns (1090): Pharee Markhet
Completions (25): 50 Shades of Dulux
TDs (14): 50 Shades of Dulux
Cas (41): Pharee Markhet
SPP (101): Horrors Of Skye
Passing yards (49): 50 Shades of Dulux
Rushing yards (281): 50 Shades of Dulux
Blocks (329): Horrors Of Skye
Fouls (33): Bribery and Corruption
Blocks/Cas (9.3): Pharee Markhet
Pass/Cp (4.2): Redgum's Rodents
Kills (5): Death Leopards

Turns (1157): Super Orks
Completions (19): Mexican Standoff
TDs (21): Mexican Standoff
Cas (36): Macabre Morticians
SPP (102): Mexican Standoff
Passing yards (104): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (247): Chaos All Sorts
Blocks (409): Super Orks
Fouls (57): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (10.4): Compare the Meerkat
Pass/Cp (5.5): Mexican Standoff
Kills (4): Prancing Unicorns

Turns (1113): Error 404 afterlife not found
Completions (22): Wings of the Condor
TDs (13): Wings of the Condor and Steaked
Cas (28): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (98): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (88): Wings of the Condor
Rushing yards (218): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks (280): Public Service Announcement
Fouls (43): Error 404 afterlife not found
Blocks/Cas (10.0): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5.9): High Elvis
Kills (5): Blackwater Glee Club

Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Rotavirus (RS Industrial) 15 spp

The SWL Season LXX Awards

Image Image Thieving (Bribery and Corruption) 7 TDs
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 11 cas
Image Image Silver Thaw (50 Shades of Dulux) 115 turns
Image Image Declan (Criminal Code 1899) 160 rushing yards
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 26 pass yards
Image Image Dirty Pool II (Bribery and Corruption) 17 fouls
Image Image Friedrich Hayak (Pharee Markhet) 72 blocks
Image Image Endless Dusk & Image Miller Mood (50 Shades of Dulux) & Image TB (RS Industrial) 8 cps
Image Image Red Knight III (Horrors Of Skye) 4.56 block/cas
Image Image Bob Lobber (Redgum's Rodents) 3.72 pass/cp

Image Image Kvothe (Students of the Arcanum) 27 SPP

Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) & ImageRianna Delaque (Mexican Standoff) 8 TDs
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 8 cas
Image Image Monsterous (Chaos All Sorts) 114 turns
Image Image Invisible Ork (Super Orks) 204 rushing yards
Image Image Martin Luthien (Mexican Standoff) 47 pass yards
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 45 fouls
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 80 blocks
Image Image Augusto César Sandino (Redgum's Revolutionaries) 10 cps
Image Image Hagrid (Striking Thunder Beards!) 4.2 block/cas
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 7.67 pass/cp

Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 34 SPP

The Disco Dan Ball
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) & Image Blue Suede Shoes (High Elvis) 7 TDs

The Replacemnt Knuckles
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 13 cas

The Touchstone Heart
Image Image Sorris Canchell (Error 404 afterlife not found) 115 turns

The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Image Image Kai the Kobra (Public Service Announcement) 159 rushing yards

The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 77 pass yards

The John Stone Boot
Image Image Cabbapult (Error 404 afterlife not found) 19 fouls

The Eth'el Shield
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 76 blocks

The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Image Image Lascivious Rexford (Wings of the Condor) 12 cps

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Image Image Neil "Waka Waka" Kilmister (Blackwater Glee Club) 4 block/cas

The Duskwind Strongarm
Image Image All Shook Up (High Elvis) 7.89 pass/cp

The Duke Snakefield Medallion
Image Image Huge Axeman (Error 404 afterlife not found) 26 SPP

After the final gong was given out, Cobber was handed an envelope by a League official. He opened it up, then his cheeky grin suddenly vanished. Cobber glanced backstage for an escape route and spotting a fire exit he continued. "Right you lot, I've got an important announcement to make", he nervously went on....

"You're all FIRED!... toodle-oo...". Before the audience had a chance to react, Cobber had grabbed one more bottle of grog, and scarpered.

Last edited by ramchop on Mar 04, 2018 - 19:38; edited 3 times in total

Joined: Nov 18, 2008

Post   Posted: Jan 17, 2018 - 00:50 Reply with quote Back to top

A global financial revolution has stirred a spirit of entrepreneurship across the Southern Wastes.
The rise of croc-to-currencies (the proliferation of crocodile-based commodities as a new method of anchoring currency) such as Bitecoin and Nibble has galvanised the population; veteran financial wizards now wrestle crocodiles alongside cash, while keen-minded rookies band together to stake a claim in a Brave New Economic World.

With the vast potential in the Southern Waste crocodile population limited only by the ability to manufacture (or ‘procure’) and unravel swamp-chains (the only ‘legal’ way by which crocodiles can be commoditized, and themselves subject to a myriad of arcane and complex rules), it was only a matter of time before the financial acumen, tactical risk-taking and frankly, overwhelming greed of SWL Management saw them buy into a number of croc-to-currency ventures.
While initial investments were slow to grow, and some ventures caused regrettable losses, a ‘broken egg:omellette’ mentality saw them stick it out into the recent boom-time. Almost overnight, global demand for crocodile-based commodities went through the tinshed roof, and gold flooded into the coffers.

This unexpected windfall has had a direct impact on the day-to-day running of the SWL. With money to burn, the SWL Department of Upper-Marketing and Banking presented plans for a Grand New Way of playing The Game. This of course meant that the Old Way was no longer needed, as the Grand New Way was far better, with flashy new balls and stadiums and anyway it had much better marketing and sponsorship contracts tied into it. With the prospect of even greater returns ringing in their cash-struck minds, SWL Management went all in for the scheme.

Then the bottom fell out.

With no choice but to continue down the chosen path, and barely enough cash left to pay the incumbent teams, players and coaches for one more season, the UMB Department - now firmly holding the reins - decreed a Prestige Cup.
Open to all who had played in the SWL, this Championship would show that despite recent setbacks the SWL was still the greatest damn league in the World, and surely that should drum up some ticket-sales.

And so the scene was set…


Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 04, 2018 - 13:34 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 70.

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's SWL 'All-Stars' Team, and the representative squads for each level of competition within the SWL.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League, and this season sees a blend of newly discovered talent and some of SWL’s all-time legendary players. This season’s All Star team sees the return of some familiar names, and the induction of a very promising new Big Guy.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXX, and of course to pay an extra special acknowledgement to these, the All Stars of the final season of the CRP:

Huge Axeman (C) Werewolf, Error 404: Afterlife Not Found
Kai the Kobra, Beast Runner, Public Service Announcement
Blue Suede Shoes, Catcher, High Elvis
Lascivious Rexford, Thrower, Wings of the Condor
Mike ‘Super Bass’ Satchel Chaos Chosen, Blackwater Glee Club
Skimmed, Line-elf, Steaked
Volos Rat Blitzer, Styx and Warpstones
Invisible Ork, Blitzer, Superorks
Rianna Delaque, High Elf Catcher, Mexican Standoff
Robert Vileorc Zombie, Macabre Morticians
Kvothe, Slann catcher, Students of the Arcanum

Huge Axeman makes an astounding fifth appearance as an All Star, and his second consecutive since his return from a short lay-off. Last season he proved his worth in Conference; this season he proved that a return to the big league could do nothing to blunt his influence. 13 CAS is an incredible haul for a Premier season, and that total includes trebles against the Slumbering Skink, the elfs of High Elvis, and perhaps most impressively, against the Public service Announcement. He’s a big player who excels in big games, and truly deserving of this recognition as an All Star, not only of season 70, but of the entire CRP era of SWL. Few have achieved so much, with such consistency. Arguably no other player has struck so much fear into opponents and opposition coaches. Truly, one of the greats of his era. We have run out of honours to bestow. He heads into the final CRP cup as a Legend of the SWL, a Decennial All Star, five-time All Star and now All Star Captain.

Like Axeman, Kai the Kobra returns to the All-Stars for his second consecutive selection, and his third overall. He stepped up to the demands of the Premier division and showed that he could match it with the best of the best that the CRP had to offer. He scored 7TDs in season 70, including three doubles. He also showed that he had lost none of his brutal edge with an important CAS against the Blackwater Glee Club. Few can match his physical prowess on field. Those who can keep up with his bursts of speed will find themselves out-muscled. Those who try to lock him into a game of strength will find that he is able to dodge from their grasp and leave them in his dust. And woe to those who would find themselves clutching the ball against his blitz, those horns of his lowered for the charge and ready to knock even the biggest and strongest to the ground. Last season we suggested that he as capable of reaching 50TDs in season 70. He fell one short of that mark, but still did enough to earn the right to call himself a season 70 All Star.

Blue Suede Shoes had played a pretty good Premier season for the most part, picking up a couple of TDs against the Dark Elfs of Steaked and the lizards of Slumbering Skink, but in Premier division the spotlight is harsh, and it’s especially bright when shone upon players with a legendary reputation and a record the likes of Shoes’s. They are, after all, the number one High Elf in SWL history on several measures, perhaps the biggest High Elf star of the CRP era, and a couple of touchdowns in a season wasn’t going to cut it, even allowing for the effects of injury and age slowing them down and making them more prone to injury. Perhaps the most impressive marker of a true SWL All Star is their ability to respond to adversity, and Blue Suede Shoes did. They answered their critics with an amazing 4 TDs from 33 rushing yards in a game versus the Wings of the Condor. Although it wasn’t enough to overcome the 5 TDs scored by the opposition, it will stand as one of the all-time great individual games of the CRP era, and was enough to elevate this aging warrior to the season 70 All Stars.

Lascivious Rexford was also onfield that day, and if one thing could have been said to have denied Blue Suede Shoes’s valiant efforts, it was Rexford’s pinpoint accuracy and strong throwing arm. All season, Rexford had stood among the Premier division elite and demonstrated poise and precision with his passing game. 12 completions for the season was impressive, that those completions should yield 77 passing yards and set up so many of his team’s TDs even more so. To be averaging more than 10 yards per game in the top division of the SWL is an impressive feat, and for such a young player, coming into the season with barely more than a dozen games of experience, even more so. His career will be cut short by the end of the CRP era, but he was a player of great promise and potential which we were only just beginning to see realised, so it’s an honour tonight to recognise his achievements and induct him for the first time as a member of the All Stars.

The Blackwater Glee Club have a long and storied association with this All Star team, and tonight we add to that rich tapestry with the induction of Mike ‘Super Bass’ Satchel. He’s not one of the original Glee Club, and in previous seasons his performances were perhaps overshadowed by his more recognised teammates, but season 70 was one where Super Bass stepped out f those long shadows and claimed some of the limelight for himself. Already a three-time Premier champion, the time had come to collect this wonderful individual honour. His 9 CAS from 6 games was an impressive feat, especially given the calibre of his opponents. It was enough to cement his Super-Star status and confirm him as yet another success of the Glee Club’s talent identification and recruitment program. His mighty blows and punishing tackles are renowned, and since the worship of dark forces granted him sharp claws with which to slice through an opponent’s armour, he has truly become a feared force for chaos.

Possibly the most exceptional part of Skimmed being elevated to the season 70 All Stars is that he is being celebrated for a season he didn’t survive. Posthumous honours are not unknown for the All Stars, but we must acknowledge that the feat Skimmed has achieved—to record 9 CAS in a Premier division season—was one he gave his life to achieve. Had he but survived longer, he most certainly could have achieved even greater success. From humble origins, this Dark Elf lineman rose to remarkable heights. On three occasions he recorded games with double CAS, including against the much tougher opposition of the Glee Club, the undead Error 404, and the PSA. It’s true that of all elfs, dark elfs are the best positioned for wars of attrition, but few would have expected a line-elf to have been so damaging when meeting opponents on their own terms. He was remarkably strong, he struck mighty blows, and he was able to tackle even the most agile dodgers, and for these reasons we celebrate him in memorium tonight.

The coalition of Underworld Denizens was considered a strange experiment by many, and expected to fail horribly by a great many more. Few teams have done more to dispel that prejudice than the Styx and Warpstones, and no player has risen to establish that experiment as a success than Volos, the Legendary skaven blitzer. He is the team’s original blitzer, and has been with them through thick and thin, victory and defeat. The SWL has rarely seen a more well-rounded player, excelling both on offence and in defence. In season 70, he retained his conference shield with 80 blocks for the season, and embellished that feat with a career best 8 CAS season which also saw him score 6TDs. His final game of the seaon, against the Forest Magicians, demonstrated everything of which he was capable. 2TDs, 3 CAS, and a justly awarded game MVP gave him career best figures, and no better argument could be made for his inclusion in tonight’s season 70 All Stars.

Invisible Ork is one of those rare players who comes along and makes an immediate impact on the league. He took a curious path to stardom, eschewing the usual skill development for orc blitzers and instead focussing on the ability to collect the ball and run it into the endzone. It’s a decision which has paid unbelievable dividends for him and for his team. With 8TDs in his Conference season, Invisible Ork had done enough to be in All Star consideration, but when you add to that record his two completions and the CAS he caused against the Mexican Standoff, a truer picture of the player emerges. He is quick. He is unbelievably agile. But he still retains that Orcish heart, that grunt and brutality which make him dangerous and unpredictable. Never to be pigeonholed, Invisible Ork developed his defensive game too, turning himself into an effective sweeper and a dominant force in his team’s deep defensive efforts, ready to tackle even the quickest of his opponents. It’s hard to believe that he’s played so few games, but with every one of them a sign of greatness, we do not hesitate in tonight naming him among the season 70 All Stars.

Another All Star from the same conference is the Mexican Standoff’s Rianna Delaque. With 8TDs for the season, she shared the Silver Ball with Volos. Like Skimmed, she can’t be with us tonight to accept her award, though in this case the fault is ours. The delay on tonight’s proceedings were such that Rianna gave her life in a match against the Black Water Glee Club before her success in season 70 could be properly recognise, and for that we unreservedly apologise to her friends, her family, and her fans. Rianna was a wonderful player. Perhaps the fastest runner the SWL has ever seen, and yet she never looked hurried. She had a grace that defied the eyes, and a kind of bravery which allowed her to disregard the imminent threats she always faced. Her commitment to the ball, and to her team’s success was unparalleled. Her game aginst the Hochland Snakes, in which she ran through 4 TDs of an astounding 6-0 drubbing, was a career best and enough to establish herself among the season 70 All Stars.

Robert Vileorc returns again, though this year the selection is without the controversy of previous seasons. The challenge which Vileorc faced from Zower was real, but in truth it was short-lived. The perennial All Star demonstrated his consistency with yet another season of stomping and stamping his way to the top. Forty-five fouls. Yes, folks, that is not a typo, no one has mis-spoken, a 45 foul season, makes his position on this All Star team unassailable. There can be no debate entertained, no doubting the legitimacy of this announcement. Others have come for the crown, but Robert Vileorc has met that challenge and remains the greatest fouler of his generation. He will be long remembered, even after the CRP era has ended, as a singular talent.

The final inductee tonight is first-time All Star and relative newcomer, Kvothe. With only 11 games to his name, and in his first season of SWL, this young frog showed himself worthy of consideration among the league’s best. Already a star of the competition, the crowds flocked through the gates to see him leaping and catching, dodging, blocking, using those powerful legs to step aside from his opponents or propel him at prodigious speed toward the endzone and often into it. Six TDs for the season was impressive, as was the 7 completions. Truly, his attacking threat was in this versatility. Opponents didn’t know whether he would run it in himself, or pass it off to a teammate. It’s a shame that the end of the CRP era will rob us of the opportunity to see his development, but for those who went along to the Regional games and saw this frog in action, it’ll be an experience they’ll treasure for the rest of their days.

So congratulations go again to all those named in the All-Stars Team. It is, this year, with a hint of sadness that we make our announcements. The end of an era is always a strange time, tinged with grief for those lost, with disappointment for those whose potential will never be fulfilled, and with celebration of all that was achieved by every player who dared to step onto the field and risk their very lives for a shot at glory and the immortality of having their name etched among the All Stars. Eleven players have achieved that honour tonight, many for the first time, and we recognise the all as the final season of the CRP.

We will return. With a new era will come new players and among them a new generation of All Stars, and this committee will stand ready to recognise them and to identify them. Much remains to be seen in the coming seasons, but one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars, and up for grabs is the unique honour of being named among the first All Star team of a new age. For those recognised it will be an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads:

LXX Prem-Stars
Huge Axeman Error 404
Blue Suede Shoes High Elvis
Kai the Kobra PSA
Drew 'Dr Jones' De La Rocha Blackwatr Glee Club
Lascivious Rexford Wings of the Condor
Mike 'Super Bass' Satchel Blackwater Glee Club
Skimmed Steaked
Pangryff Wings of the Condor
Cabbapault Error 404
Soris Canchell Error 404
Sluiced Steaked

LXX Conference Rep team
Volos Styx and Warpstones
Rianna Delaque Mexican Standoff
Invisible Ork Super Orks
Lenatrix Macabre Morticians
Martin Luthien Mexican Standoff
Darth Maul Prancing Unicorns
Thork Super Orks
Takh'anet Settra's Sons
Robert Vileorc Macabre Morticians
Monsterous Chaos All Sorts
BellyDanceKat I Compare the Meerkat

LXX Rising-Stars
Kvothe Students of the Arcanum
Thieving Bribery & Corruption
Declan Criminal Code 1899
Didimo 'The Brain' Carducci Racket
Bob Lobber Redgum’s Rodents
Friedrich Hayak Pharee Markhet
Red Knight III Horrors of Skye
Kurtis 'Revolvers' Codella Racket
Dirty Pool II Bribery & Corruption
Silver Thaw 50 Shades of Dulux
Makhmoud Abu Sheikh Rattle And Roll

So that ends another awards post-season. That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd![/b]

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 11, 2018 - 14:45 Reply with quote Back to top

To commemorate the great players of the CRP era, the All Star selection committee will be meeting one more time before the new rules come in to recognise and celebrate the greatest stars to have ever featured among the All Star line-ups.

The All Stars team in its current format has a sixteen season history, stretching back to Season LV, when the first team selected from all divisions (Regionals through to Premier) was announced.
In those sixteen seasons, 108 players have been granted the honour of being named an All Star.
Nine players have had the even greater honour of being named the captain of the All Star team.

Those players are:

Lus-ler-cith. The inaugural captain was coming to the end of a long and distinguished career when the first All Star team was announced, but his performance in season 55 was still enough to win him the unique honour of being the first ever player named as an SWL All Star captain.

Dan "Big Daddy Cool" Guido was once one of the biggest stars of the SWL, an absolute legend of the game and an unmatched athlete, he played more than 100 games for the Blackwater Sting before the game he loved claimed his life.

François Englert was selected four times in the SWL All Stars and on each occasion he was named captain. His first appointment was in Season 57, and for a time he was SWL finest ball-carrier.

Off was already a repeat All Star when the captaincy was awarded to him for the season 58 team. He was the first of many undead players who would win this high honour, and many in the necromantic and shambling communities see him as a pioneer for their acceptance.

Ghoulhardy was almost certainly one of those inspired. A new generation of player, he ushered in a new generation of All Stars when selected as Captain of the LXII team.

Chuhui brought the captaincy back to the land of the Lizards. A much different player than Lus-ler-cith, he was rarely flashy or dramatic with his work, but was highly respected and went on to captain three All Star teams, a record second only to Englert.

Shntsyeooa was the second skink to be named an All Star captain, in season 65 and again in season 66. For such a stunty and fragile position, it's a testament to these little lizards that they can stand among the echelons of the league.

The second captain from Blackwater came not from the Sting, but from the Glee Club. Damien "Shake it Off" Halford making coach Foad the only coach to have two All Star captains selected from two different SWL teams.

And the final player to fill the role of Captain of the All Stars. The Captain of the final CRP seasons, is multiple All Star player and one of the most dangerous and dynamic players of his era: Huge Axeman.

Congratulations to all of these wonderful Captains. Perhaps one of them will return one last time to lead the SWL CRP All Time All Star team, which will soon be announced.

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 13, 2018 - 12:56 Reply with quote Back to top

To recognise the enormity of the task in selecting the All-time CRP All Stars the selection committee has decided to make the announcement of the team in several stages. To recognise the many ways in which a player might have gained the fame (or infamy) of SWL stardom, the team will be a roster of 16 players, selected according to the roles they would play were this All Star team ever be called upon to take the field (posthumous awards notwithstanding, especially given the Necromantic options available to the truly motivated coach).

The first component of the team is the mighty warriors who will be prepared to stand upon the Line of Scrimmage and meet their opponents face-to-face. This will not be a team with the option of fielding anonymous line-fodder, so the All Star line will need to be the best of the best: the hardest, toughest, strongest, meanest, nastiest and most relentless collection of players who have ever taken to a CRP field. The sort of players who relish the physical contact, who rush into the maelstrom of boots and blood and violence and make a place for themselves amongst that madness. More than merely a place. It is in that brutal crucible that the reputations of these players was formed, and it is from that furnace that they have emerged as All Time CRP All Stars.

The Line:

Foul Frank plied his trade for the SWL Fun Police, and with 'only' 42 games to his name he is the least experienced of all the players named to the All Time All Stars. Nonetheless, he has earnt this honour with a career in which he amassed 65 CAS from only 382 blocks (an average of over 9 blocks and 1.5 CAS per game. He did this the old fashioned way: with sharp claws, mighty blows, crunching tackles and a relentless drive to hurt opponents even after they were prone. While he is recognised for his consistency, he was also capable of dominating games, often against the toughest opposition. His 4 CAS against Redgum's Rodents might have been expected, but he reached 4 CAS against the Chokeland Graders and Sphinxes of Mars earlier in his career as well. His greatest performance though was against the legendary Wonga Wonga Whalekillers. He single-handedly ripped the Norse apart in a 2-0 win, inflicting all 5 CAS in the game, including three serious injuries (many credit his bloodlust with inspiring the crowd to their own slaughter when Flippers Jonasson was pushed into the stands that day).
Foul Frank was an All Star on four consecutive occasions (Seasons 58-61), and was named in the SWL Decennial All Stars. He is an inaugural holder of an SWL Black Pearl, and has a packed trophy cabinet, including three Premier trophies: the season 58 knuckles and shield, and the season 61 fist.

Damien "Shake It Off" Halford was a Chosen Blocker for the Blackwater Glee Club. His career lasted for 94 games, during which he was able to rush for over 90 yards and score 9 TDs. But it is not for his ball carrying ability that we celebrate his career tonight. Halford threw 786 blocks (over 8 per game) and from these caused a staggering 122 CAS (1.3 per game). He too was shaped by the forces of dark worship into a killing machine, with sharp claws and the ability to tackle hard and rain mighty strikes down upon his enemies. Once he was in motion, he was nearly unstoppable. Truly an irresistible force for which no object, and no opponent, was immovable. On five occassions he inflicted 4 CAS in a game, the most notable of which might be the first of them all, when he was a lone beacon during a 1-2 loss to the Easy Mode Maniacs. The Glee Club was a forlorn club on that day, but coach Foad saw a future star in the young player who nearly did it all: 1 completion, 1 TD, and 4 CAS (which included two serious injuries and the death of Jammy Jim). He liked strong opposition, excelling not only against the Chaos Dwarfs, but also having stand-out performances against the Orcs for Correct Spelling and twice causing 4 CAS in games against the Chaos All Sorts.
Halford is a three-time Premier Champion (Seasons 67-69), dual Gold Knuckle winner (68 and 69), a four-time All Star (season 60, season 64, then back -to-back in 68 & 69). In his last two selections to the All Stars, he was selected as the team's Captain. Only two players have been selected to the All Star captaincy more often. He stands in rarified air as one of the most celebrated players of the era.

The final spot on the All Time All Stars line is filled by Chuhui. This mighty saurus is one of a select group of SWL players to pass the 100 game mark, finishing his career on 106. He didn't cause as much damage as the other two who will stand beside him in this team, but he was perhaps the CRP eras most stoic and uncompromising player. He threw over 1100 blocks in his career, at an average of over 10 per game, and caused 90 CAS. He was an uncomplicated player, with no mutations, no special athletic prowess. Everything Chuhui earnt, on the field and off, is a testament to his hard work, his approach to training, and his unrelenting drive to compete. He learnt to block, and then he learnt to tackle, and throughout his career he kept learning, developing the mighty blows that his opponents came to fear, but also branching out in ways that were unexpected for a player of his position. He learnt to dodge, he studied Elven opponents who could step adroitly to the side, he studied the big guys and the bulls who escaped their markers with strength rather than agility. He started as an inaugural member of the Sacred Spawning of Sotek. He became SWL's first Saurus Legend.
He had some truly stand-out games, including inflicting 4 CAS against the Whalekillers and later against the elfs of the Autumn Leaves, but perhaps the game he's best remembered by is a 2-1 victory over the Edamame Diet. He brutalised an already underdog Amazon line-up with 5 CAS from an amazing 16 blocks, including several serious injuries and the death of Crisp Sando.
Chuhui is a six-time All Star, one of only three players to have featured among the honours so often. On three of these six selections he was named captain, making him second only to one other player. He was also named as the captain of the Decennial All Stars team, another recognition of his leadership and his status in the game, and the respect he demanded from his peers. Among the best-of-the-best, he stood with his snout held high and proud. He was awarded the Gold Shield twice (in seasons 68 and 69) and the Gold Knuckles in season 61.

So this is the formidable line put forward as All Time All Stars of the CRP era in SWL. Let's take a moment to recognise the towering achievements of these three players and applaud their elevation to the title bestowed upon them this evening.

Tune in soon for further announcements of the remaining thirteen All Time All Stars of CRP.

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 14, 2018 - 11:18 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome one and all as we return to our ongoing celebration of the All Time All Star squad, sixteen of the very best players of the CRP era. SWL's creme de la creme. Legends who will go down in the annals of history as some of the finest players ever to ply their trade down here in our great southern wastes.

Tonight, we focus on those players who put the blood in bloodbowl, the players who get bloodthirsty fans through the gates and delight them with the beautiful music of screams and groans and broken bones. Tonight we celebrate the blitzers. The players who move us to the edge of our seats with antici... pation. Whether they're taking the ball in hand and making their way for the endzone, or sizing up a vulnerable opponent and charging in for the kill, these players bring an edge of excitement and adaptability to the game, and their performances have been able to shape the outcomes of games, of seasons and of premierships.

And so without further ado, I give you, the All Time All Star blitzers:

Ubirr III may not have been the first orc to carry his name into battle for the Wäŋa Warriors, but he certainly made sure he was the most noteworthy. The original Ubirr was a dour player who survived only 15 games. Ubirr Jnr fared a little better, making it to 16. Ubirr III played 62, and among them some truly remarkable performances. He finished his career with over 1200 rushing yards, for an average just a step below 20 per game. He crossed the line 52 times to score for the Warriors, including a hat-trick in a 3-0 drubbing of Error 404.
Although recognition of Ubirr III's career began in the representative squads which pre-date the All Stars team in its current format, his campaign in Season 62 drew his first selection and made him eligible for consideration tonight. It was the same season which saw him clean up in the awards for the Premier division: he was awarded the Disco Dan Ball, the Xies-ler-aym Slipper, and the Duke Snakefield medal for that season. He never quite hit those same heady heights again, but he returned to the All Stars in seasons 66 and 67, making him a 3-time member of the team. His reputation was such, even in these later seasons of his career, that he carried the bounty of a black pearl, and denied all comers the opportunity to collect it.
A athletic beast, he is incredibly strong and incredibly agile, his hands were sure whenever he was catching, collecting or carrying the ball, and he was very difficult to bring to ground. An archetypal ball hunter and useful on defense for his ability to strike opponents despite the protection they might have around them, and to hold his ground when required. A very worthy addition to the All Time All Star line-up.

Gangrenous Gabriel is the second player from the SWL Fun Police to be selected to this squad. Like Foul Frank before him, Gabriel became something of a talisman for the Fun Police. At 99 games, his career fell tantalizingly short of making him a centurion, but few other honours were denied to him. He caused 100 CAS from 651 blocks in those games, along with having scored 11 TDs from over 200 rushing yards. As he got older he was slowed by injuries, especially a particularly serious blow to the hip, but he never became any less dangerous.
His worship of Nurgle provided him with horns and claws, but he developed an impressive skill set to add to these unnatural talents. He hit hard, and was able to use his momentum when blitzing to make even the sturdiest blockers lose ground. He had a true commitment to self-improvement too, approaching training and games with a level of professionalism which meant that he rarely made the sorts of errors which might have blighted a lesser players's game.
Season 63 was his real break-out, a season in which he caused 16 CAS from a whopping 69 bolcks, enough to ensure that he was awarded his first All Star selection, and also collected the Silver knuckles, Silver Fist and the SWL Bloodstone. Some doubted he could replicate such an amazing performance. In fact he surpassed it, returning to the All Stars in Season 64 after causing 20 CAS from 73 blocks, including 5 CAS in a single game against the Wings of the Condor (a feat he would repeat once more in his career, vs no less an opponent than the Blackwater Glee Club). In that Premier season he took home the Duke Snakefield Medal, along with knuckles, heart and fist. He also received his second Bloodstone. He has been a stand-out performer in two Bob Borc cups, and was good enough in Season 66 to receive a third All Star selection.

And so we come to the third of our blitzers, and who else could it be but Huge Axeman. There may not be enough superlatives for this wonderful wolf. Early in his career, as he was just emerging, the All Star selection committee were paying close attention. Even in his first season he was named among the rising stars of the Regionals, and indeed he did rise... all the way to Premier. Many (among them the fans and coaching staff of Error 404: Afterlife Not Found) argued he was unfairly overlooked in the Season 60 team, where he was named among the Premier Representative team, but wasn't selected to All Stars despite having more blocks and more CAS than any other player in Premier division. The extent to which that snub spurred him on might never be known, but Axeman made sure he was never overlooked again.
From Season 61, Axeman was a mainstay of the All Stars, missing only once in the next five seasons. For a time it looked like that would be the end of his career, an already rare and laudable feat of 4-time All Star having being achieved, and yet the ageless wolf returned for the end of the CRP era, not only securing two more selections to the team, but being selected in each instance as captain. His 6 selections are the equal most for any individual player, and only two players have been named captain more often.
He finishes on 78 games, from which he inflicted 114 CAS (essentially 1.5 per game) from 821 blocks. As if that record weren't enough, he also has 188 rushing yards and 11 TDs to his name. He is incredibly fast, incredibly strong, and always furious. He claws and bites and blocks. He can get up so quickly when he's knocked down that he barely seems to have hit the ground at all. He will forever be remembered as one of the CRP era's greats, and fans of this generation and next will go back to watch his highlights, among which they might find his 5 CAS game against the Slumbering Skink, or the occasions on which he inflicted 4 CAS, against the Jinxed Jesters and Bribery and Corruption, but also against the ironsided dwarfs of the Striking Thunder Beards.
It is an absolute pleasure to invite Huge Axeman up onto the stage just one more time to accept this selection to the All Time All Stars.

And so that brings us too...
But wait. I have been handed an envelope. Ok. Ok. Bear with us folks. Ok. It seems we have one more name to call out tonight... and what a name it is.

Not every player seeks to break his opponents in the mad dash and blitz of the game. Others are more sneaky, but perhaps no less effective. After all, if you are slower, weaker, less agile, and perhaps a bit less active in the neurological department, there may be better ways to do damage than by meeting an opponent face-to-face. Indeed, you may wish to wait until an opponent's face is already in the mud... and then stomp on it... repeatedly.

So it is that we close tonight with a celebration not of the blitz, but of the boot!
Robert Vileorc started his career as a nobody. And then he died. But that was just the beginning for this ambling, shambling, rotting and rotten hunk of once-living flesh. Tribalsinner saw a greater purpose for this corpse, and so recruited it onto the roster of the Macabre Morticians. Few better decisions were made during the CRP era of SWL competition. From these humble beginnings, Robert retained little, and what little he did have was malevolence and rat cunning. For 53 games he made the most of his undeath, stomping and stamping and booting his way to 276 fouls: more than 5 per game on average. He learnt slowly, but eventually he learnt to make those kicks count, and near the end of his career even learnt to kick the ball instead of skulls.
He is one of only three players to have been named to the All Stars six times, and among those three, perhaps among all of the players to have competed in SWL, he stands as a unique part of the game, and a unique part of the All Time All Stars squad.

Thank you all for your attention and support. The selection committee will return soon with the finer and fancier side of our great game, an opportunity to celebrate those who thrill us with their ball skills and their scoring prowess.

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 19, 2018 - 12:27 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome one and all as we return to our ongoing celebration of the All Time All Star squad, sixteen of the very best players that CRP-era SWL competition had to offer. Seven names have already been added to this hypothetical roster, each of them already well-know, their reputations having preceded them, their names having been chanted and sung by fans in every corner of this land over the many seasons of CRP competition.

Tonight, we will add four more names to our list. These are the players who have made a spectacle of ball movement. Where the previously named All Time All Stars liked getting into the mess and chaos of bloodbowl battle, these players prefer to live out in the open field, or to hang back and judge the pattern of play before stepping in at just the right moment and changing the game in their team’s favour. There are few sights more thrilling than the moment when a ball is sent flying over the melee, arcing through the sky with all of the hopes of the team and the coach and the thousands of fans in the air with it, and landing in the waiting arms of a player as they break away and make their run for the endzone.

And so without further ado, I give you the passing game of the All Time All Stars:

Hoover Widowmaker stands alone among the players of the CRP-era as a passer of the football. In 52 games, he amassed 974 throwing yards, his tragic death leaving him tantalisingly short of the 1,000 yard milestone. These yards were achieved from 138 completions, giving Widowmaker career averages of 2.65 passes per game, for nearly 19 yards gained. This is essentially the full length of the field, each game. He was prolific as a passer too. On six occasions he threw 5 completions in a single game, and twice (first against Redgum’s Rodents, and later against High Elvis), he had 6 completions in a game. Although he never scored himself, preferring to work from deep in his team’s backfield, he wasn’t afraid to make physical contact when needed, and his 3 career CAS show the foolishness of any opponent who might have thought this elf was a soft target.

Widowmaker was first selected as an All Star in Season 63. It would be the first of his three consecutive All Star selections, a run that was only halted by his death. These accolades sit alongside a cornucopia of other trophies and awards, including 4 boomerangs, 4 arrows, and 2 strongarms. He was never able to collect any golden awards, but in Conference and Regional competition, he was unrivalled. His passes were precise, and his hands were sure. He could spot the danger of an interception developing and was often able to adjust his throw at the last minute to deny his opponent the pick opportunity. He also developed his arm so that he had incredible range, easily throwing long passes and long bombs where a lesser thrower may have fallen short. We celebrate those achievements tonight with Widowmaker’s posthumous ascension to the All Time All Stars

The elf most likely to catch Widowmaker’s passes, and the second player from the Port Macquarie Snowleopards to be selected as an All Time All Star, was Bolwgan Softrock. From the very beginning, Softrock’s talents were evident. This was a kid whose first season had experienced commentators salivating about the potential he had to become one of SWL’s legends. He lived up to every ounce of that potential, and may even have had more to give if his life had not been cut short on the field. In his 51 games he scored 64 TDs from a career total of over 750 rushing yards. His first hat-trick came against the Flingers of Filth, and he would go on to score 3 TDs in three more games, and to score 4TDs three times as well. The most remarkable of these performances was undoubtedly against a significantly overpowered Blackwater Glee Club, where he accumulated 4 TDs and 45 rushing yards, triple his already impressive career average of nearly 15 yards per game.

Softrock burst into the All Stars in Season 59, but that era was replete with remarkable catchers and carriers, and so in conferences he had to knuckle down and prove he could mix it with players of vastly more experience. And indeed he did. His back-to-back All Star selections in Seasons 64 and 65 bringing him to a total of three appearances. His regional seasons also saw him take home a bronze ball and a bronze Twahnlow medal. He was always quick, but seemed to be getting quicker, and even at full speed he could keep his feet as he strained for the endzone. He was brave under pressure, able to take passes even with an opponent at his throat, could side-step along the line while angry crowds clutched at his feet. He had even learnt to leap over the few opponents who could manage to get into defensive positions before he had sped past them. Perhaps the greatest testament to his attitude though was his decision to continue his career even after a serious injury had robbed him of much of his strength. This sport we love requires enormous courage, even more so if you choose to make yourself a target when you can be easily pushed aside by a goblin, and would struggle to beat a snotling in an arm wrestle.

The third player we announce to the All Time All Stars tonight is Dodgy Dan. Now, now, quiet down. We won’t have those disruptions thank you. This is a committee decision and any accusations of favouritism or bias are completely unfounded. This gutter runner from Redgum’s Rodents deserves his place on merit. He’s no longer alive to defend himself against these slurs, but we believe that his numbers speak for themselves. His 77 games is remarkable longevity for any rat, even more remarkable given that he played for the team which holds the worst CAS-against record in SWL history. In these games he rushed for a little under 900 yards, and scored 66 TDs. Late in his career he suffered a serious injury, and was advised by many not to return to the field. Indeed, the club apothecary warned that one more hit might be enough to end his life, and so it proved. His death was the catalyst for the end of the Rodents entirely.

Dan was fast, as one would expect from a gutter running rat, but his strength surprised many. His love of warpstone caused an extra set of arms to bust from his body and he used these spare limbs to great effect, keeping the ball away from opponents, scooping it up from the dirt in unexpected ways or twisting himself at bizarre angles to execute an unlikely catch. He too learnt to leap, often scurrying up and over opponents, scampering in for another score. On four occasions he scored 3TDs, and on three occasions he scored 4. Sometimes his form ran exceptionally hot, as with the cumulative 7TDs he scored in back-to-back games against Asha’maniac and Wäŋa Warriors, or the 9TDs he scored across three games versus Daemon Ex Tessarae, Steaked, and the Dallas Drowboys. He was selected in the All Stars three times, in seasons 61, 63 and 64, and takes his place tonight among the CRP-era’s finest catchers.

And our final selection of the night, possibly the CRP era’s predominant ball player, a woman of truly remarkable athletic prowess, is the incomparable Viola. If anyone can be said to have won every significant individual honour available, few would make a better claim than Viola can. She carries a Black Pearl bounty, and despite her niggling injury and the light armour she wore, none could claim it for her. She achieved a Perfect Larsson in a 5-2 drubbing of her dark cousins in Altered Perception. Indeed it was better than perfect. One completion would have won her the accolade: she threw three. Strangely, this may not even be her most impressive performance. Many would instead point to her 3 completions and 3 TDs in a 5-1 victory over the SWL Jeagers. The Wings of the Condor were fortunate and grateful to have her, and so were we here at the All Stars. She was selected four times: back-to-back in seasons 58 and 59, then a repeat back-to-back effort in seasons 63 and 64.

In 86 games, Viola rushed for over 1100 yards. She wasn’t afraid to get rough either, laying 378 blocks at an average of over 4 per game. She threw 54 completions, scored 58 TDs and caused 17 CAS. Truly, the numbers of a Legendary player. The secret of her success was her unnatural physical talents. She learnt to block, sure. And eventually she learnt to dodge. But it was not by skill that she made her reputation, it was by speed, strength and agility. She was quick enough to keep up with Bolwgan or Dan to any speed up to their full sprint. She was strong enough to stand toe-to-toe with Foul Frank or Chuhui and make it an even fight. She was so agile that I cannot even find a meaningful comparison. Suffice it to say that she could step into a crowd of three opponents and pick up the ball from under their toes as easily as most players could pick-up the ball in open field. More easily, perhaps, because she had such iron nerve that her opponents never scared her. Truly, she epitomises what it means to play this sport. She excelled in all aspects, and most notably in her ability to throw passes, or to receive them.

So thank you all for your attention tonight. I know things are busy with the new draft fresh in our minds and people turning their attention to a very exciting future for the SWL. But for a moment I would like to acknowledge these four players for their efforts entertaining us through these previous seasons. This brings our tally of All Time All Stars to 11. Next time we will announce four more who have been selected for their running abilities, the ball-carriers, who need no thrower to set them up, but would often quite like a cage around them to hold their opponents off. And after that, we will have but one task remaining, to award the highest accolade available to this selection committee: the All Time All Stars Captaincy.

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 20, 2018 - 12:47 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the penultimate announcement for the All Time All Star squad. Tonight we will confirm all bar one of the names to be etched forever into SWL folklore as members of this uniquely illustrious group. Over the sixteen seasons between 55 and the end of the CRP era, one hundred and seven players were honoured with the title of All Star. Whether one season rookie, or hundred-game pro. Whether zombie or werewolf, minotaur or dwarf, witch elf or beastman or wardancer or ghoul… this was a team open to anyone good enough to earn their entry.

From this pool of extraordinary talent, our selection panel has undertaken the difficult of finding the sixteen players who rose to the very pinnacle of achievement in their field. We have already named three incredibly tough players to hold down the line of scrimmage. We have a brutal cadre of blitzers with enough combined CAS to their name to give any coach nightmares, we have the finest pair of stomping boots in the business, and last time we were on this stage we inducted players of speed and flair and skill who could move the ball so quickly and so precisely that the opposition would be floundering to cover them.

And tonight we will add four more names to this list. These are the players who live, fight, scrap, and kill for a touch of the ball. Players who take the responsibility of carrying that pig skin sack over the chalk line, and with it the responsibility of carrying their teams to victor and to glory. There are, of course, many paths to the endzone. Dwarfs might take their time, but grind an opponent down as their cage inches inexorably forward. Skinks might dodge beneath the outstretched arms of their opponents, slip between legs and through gaps so small a larger player would be stopped, Bull Centaurs might take a more direct approach, gathering a head of steam behind them and leaving hapless defenders trampled in their wake. But whatever the method, it is the results that we recognise tonight.

And so without further ado, I give you the running game of the All Time All Stars:

Ghoulhardy had a relatively short career for an All Star: only 51 games before the inevitability of his true death ended his undeath. And yet in these games he made a remarkable impression on SWL competition. He was an SWL Premier Champion in season LXI, and as much as Error 404: Afterlife Not Found had their share of stars (among them the already selected Huge Axeman), that achievement rested largely on Ghoulhardy’s shoulders. His journey to that success started with 108 rushing yards in his debut season in the Regionals. Enough to earn him the bronze slipper, and the awareness of this selection committee, but not quite enough to elevate him to All Star. That honour came in his second season, and it came again in every season he played except his last. From 59 until 63 he was an All Star on 4 consecutive occasions, the last of these as Captain. Between 59 and 61 he won balls and slippers every season (one of each silver, two of each gold). He was also awarded the Duke Snakefield Medallion for his performance in the Premiership winning season. 10 TDs and 188 yards rushing in the highest division of SWL earns that sort of recognition. He never quite achieved the heights of that season again, but he never fell out of Premier either, and in 62 was still good enough for his final All Star selection and the golden fist for his Block/CAS ratio.

Ghoulhardy’s 51 games brought him over 1,000 rushing yards, at essentially 20 yards per game. He scored at nearly one TD per game as well, finishing on 47. And as that fist shows, he could hit hard, as his 9 CAS victims will attest. He was able to seriously injure no less an opponent than the great Gangrenous Gabriel. His speed was certainly a great asset to him as a player, but so too were his hands, so certain when picking up and carrying the ball. He had a way of using his opponents’ momentum against them, riding their push and using it to create the distance he would need to evade them. He was useful defensively too, able to mark up on the opposition’s danger man, and committed to bringing them down with vicious tackles, even if he had to bring himself down with them to do it. His two hat-trick games came back-to-back, once against the SWL Hunting Crocs, and then following it up immediately against Redgum’s Rodents. Who knows what he might have achieved with a few more seasons available to him. We know that with the time he had, there was little that he hadn’t achieved already.

The second of our runners is a big one, a mighty bull centaur, and one of the most famous and most damaging players of the CRP seasons, a mainstay of the All Stars, a prolific rusher and scorer, a player of renown and reputation… The Abdominal Snowman of Malapropism Mania. He is the only member of that inaugural All Star team of season 55 to make it through to the All Time All Stars, and while that was his first appearance, it certainly wasn’t his last. The Snowman in fact had five consecutive seasons of All Star selections, a record which stood from his fifth selection in season 59 until Robert Vileorc equalled the run in season 69 and passed it in season 70. His career spanned 65 games, in which he was able to collect some astronomical numbers. His 76 TDs make his average nearly 1.2 per game, and he has over 1650 rushing yards at over 25 per game. Add a few completions, 9 CAS and even an interception, and truly this legendary bull proved that he could do it all.

His agility set him apart from other bulls relatively early in his career, and he developed a set of skills to make him a formidable carrier of the football, adding to his already impressive strength with skilful blocks and dodges. He was incredibly difficult to bring to ground, and it was impossible to strip the ball from his grip. As he got older, he only seemed to get quicker, often galloping across the ground, throwing up clods of grass and soil into the faces of defenders hopelessly outmatched and doomed to a fruitless chase. He scored two hat-tricks, one against Redgum’s Rodents (who apparently gave away a lot of hat-tricks) and another against the SWL Fun Police. He is perhaps overlooked, because despite his individual brilliance he couldn’t do enough to bring home the same sorts of team accolades as some of his fellow All Stars, though he did help the Mania to a conference title in 57, his time in Premier coincided with some of the games great teams. Here at the All Stars selection committee though, we recognise that stars can emerge on any team, and very few players indeed would be able to compare themselves with the Snowman’s individual achievements.

The third running option available did not lack for team success, indeed he is one of the most memorable (if unpronounceable) names on arguably the most storied team in SWL history. Shntsyeooa’s career is in some ways emblematic of his team’s. Despite a sustained period of success in the upper divisions of the SWL, his time was cut short tragically close to the achievement of a milestone number of games. He finished on 98, and they had taken their toll. A litany of past injuries had left him slower than he had been in his youth, and noticeably more susceptible to injury. Rumour has it that he bitterly fought against the decision to retire him, and yet it has shown that the decision was correct. Indeed, the friendly advice of Lus-ler-cith, who had been retired shortly after being named the All Stars’ inaugural captain, may have inspired Shntsyeooa. Before the end could come, he had twice won the Premier division title (63 & 64), had been named an All Star three consecutive times (63, 64 and 65) and had been named as All Star Captain in the final of those selections. Such was his success that a Black Pearl bounty was placed upon him, and was never collected.

Shntsyeooa had remarkable agility for a little lizard, and he used his slender frame and scaly hide to evade opponents with relative ease. Although athletically he never had remarkable speed, even before the injuries, he was able to extend his range with intensive sprint training, often remaining on the track for long, gruelling hours to perfect his footwork. In games, this made him incredibly sure-footed, and able to sidestep opponents, or leap over the top of them. Pound-for-pound, few players have ever played who could have matched him in open space. He was also a brave defender, willing to step up and man-mark even taller and stronger opponents, confident that his tackling skills would best them. He rushed for a career total of 70 TDs, and was just shy of 1600 yards (just over 16 per game). Few specific games stand out, though he did record a hat-trick late in his career against the Freezy Trees, but his consistency was a feature of his game. The skinks rarely got themselves into high-scoring shoot-outs, so his sequence of games where he ran through one or two TDs reliably, week-in-week-out, was exactly what his coach Faulcon needed, and exactly what the fans cheering his name (or at least some vague approximation of it) from the stands came to expect.

And so to the final of our selected ball runners. He is in many ways a unique player, and he holds a unique record among the All Time All Stars squad we now welcome him to join. The rest of the players selected so far have all been multiple All Stars, but that’s not the case for Dan “Big Daddy Cool” Guido. He is one of only two players to be named Captain of the All Stars team on their only selection to its ranks (the other being the inaugural captain, Lus-ler-cith). That single All Star selection came in season 56, late in Guido’s career, and near the end of a long and successful run of seasons for the Sting before they left the SWL and were replaced by a new Blackwater franchise. He is one of the rare SWL players to have passed the 100 game mark, finishing with 103, and was a foundation member of the Blackwater Sting, all the long way back in the very early (and pre-All Star) days of CRP. It took him some time to establish himself in the team, and in the league. There is of course that infamous instance of his coach, Foad, referring to him as a “high-priced benchwarmer” and a “part-time player”. How things changed since that tough love was delivered!

Big Daddy Cool earnt his nickname. He was big, easily strong enough to dominate most opponents. He was cool, able to pull of ridiculous feats of agility, and to move with amazing speed, leaping and dodging as he ran down field so often to score. He was also—if the preponderance of paternity cases brought forward after his death are to be believed—a Daddy. In his 103 games he ran for nearly 1450 yards, and while that figure might seem comparatively modest against the two running machines that preceded him in this ceremony, his 96 TDs (very nearly one per game) stands proud in any company. Add to this 11 CAS from his 300 blocks, and 124 passing yards from 28 completions, and you can see the versatility this incredible athlete offered. In his career he scored an astounding 10 hat-tricks (that’s approximately a hat-trick every ten games!) and I won’t go through the list of teams to have suffered at his hands tonight. Suffice it to say that the list accounts for some of the SWL’s best teams, and that Quod’s Grunts appear there twice. It is difficult for a player of this magnitude to recognise one game as his best. There are so many which might be nominated that it really does allow some freedom of personal choice. As much as one spectator might insist that his 3 TDs and a CAS in a 3-2 win against the Fraud Squad represents an early pinnacle to his career, few would argue against the 3 TDs and 2 completed passes which led his team to a 4-1 victory against his wooden cousins from Autumn’s Leaves. In the end, it’s enough to recognise how fortunate we were to have had the opportunity to watch this brilliant player performing so often at his best.

And so we come to the end of this evening. Fifteen players have now been named as All Time All Stars of the CRP era, and only one task remains: to award the highest accolade available to this selection committee: the All Time All Stars Captaincy. When next we meet we will bring the full squad together, to celebrate their careers as they stand together (those still able to stand) on this very stage, and at their head will be the player we have judged to have been foremost amongst them all, the one player of more than one hundred eligible for selection into this team, and the one of more than a thousand who were at some point eligible for selection to the All Stars.

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Mar 21, 2018 - 03:07
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Whaleington Wood Elf Blood Bowl Association

Agenda for First Press Conference
WWEA Gentlemens Club - Kereru Lounge
24th March

10:00am Introduction and Q&A session with new Head Coach ramchop (10 min)
10:10am Q&A session with Captain Kai Bollinger (10 min)
10:20am Autograph and selfie session. We appreciate that the press are people too. It's not often they get a chance to be photographed with the greatest players the world has ever seen. (40 min)

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Mar 21, 2018 - 04:55 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Keothi put down the latest news flyer from the SWL journalist Redgum and smiled. Excellent piece of history [he mused] Now to talent scout in Mexico for the next 4 weeks and to return with some promising talent to shake things up in Season LXXII

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 21, 2018 - 13:16 Reply with quote Back to top

And so we come to the final announcement of the All Time All Stars of the CRP era. Tonight we will gather together possibly the finest assemblage of talent that the SWL has ever seen on one stage. An intimidating line of scrimmage, a fearsome collection of blitzers, a precise thrower, fleet-footed catchers, and a versatile collection of runners. These fifteen players already represent an incredible array of possibilities for any coach to draw upon, and yet there is a sixteenth, and we may have saved the best for last.

The Captain of this All Star squad is François Englert.

In the third All Star team, in season 57, Englert was selected for the first time and immediately named as captain of the All Stars. He returned in Season 59, again as captain. Was named captain for a second consecutive time in season 60. Seven seasons later, Englert was named captain again, a fourth selection overall. He remains the only player to have been made the captain of the All Stars four times, a record now unassailable in terms of CRP competition.

Earlier in this process we celebrated the longevity of players like Dan Guido and Chuhui, legends both of them and members of a rare few who played more than 100 games in SWL. Englert played 179. He played as many games as Ghoulhardy, Softrock and Dodgy Dan… combined!

We also celebrated our other running All Stars, players who covered more than 1500 yards in their careers, or scored nearly 100 TDs. Englert recorded 2953 yards rushing, and scored 153 times. These numbers defy description, and yet in some way to understand his career only in statistical terms is to miss the true nature of his success.

The Large Head-on Colliders played 181 games under CRP rules, making them one of the oldest (Skink/s aside) franchises in the Southern Wastes. In all of those many long seasons, Englert only missed two games through injury, and where other All Stars with half as many games under their belt, or one third as many games, were selected to this squad with serious long-term injuries, or unshakable niggles, or even posthumously, Englert is essentially unscathed. If age or injury has had any effect on him at all, it doesn’t show.

In those games, Englert shared in, indeed was responsible for some remarkable team success. LHC’s first conference title came in season 41, and though their first entry to Premier was short lived, they returned after a win in the wild-card play-off of season 45. Englert played 20 turns that day, and scored a crucial TD in the 2-1 victory over Mort Volente. That success set the stage for Englert’s first Premiership title in season 46. He went back-to-back in 47. They were briefly relegated, but returned to Premier with a Conference title in season 51, and climbed the mountain again for a third Premiership in 52. These titles predate the All Stars team, but as Englert was being named to the early All Stars, he was also winning his 4th and 5th Premier winners rings in seasons 59 and 60. This selection committee has said before that we recognise individual achievements regardless of the team’s success, but who would dare to argue that those many titles would have come to LHC without Englert’s efforts?

Time precludes any attempt I might make to catalogue the vast riches of his personal trophy cabinet, a collection of slippers, balls, stars and medallions that most SWL teams couldn’t hope to rival, let alone any other individual player. We recognise him tonight with one final accolade, and we thank him for the years of entertainment he has provided. His agility, his strength, his ability to break tackles, or hold off the would-be blocker, to keep the ball safe and secure at a full gallop. The competition has seen no other player of his ilk, and it may be many seasons before we ever do again.

But that is the beauty of the proceedings tonight, for while we sing our elegiac verses to the stars of the former era, we all know full well that a new era dawns. Among the crowds gathered tonight, her in the room or elsewhere tuning in on cabalvision, there is a new generation of stars waiting to be made. Which of them will look upon this squad tonight and imagine themselves there? Which indeed will seize upon the first opportunity and win the honour of being among the new era’s inaugural All Star team? Perhaps among them is the next Huge Axeman, or the next Foul Frank, or the next Viola. Perhaps a mean-spirited Vileorc fan is already practising that trademark stomping technique. Will the Cockfighters uphold the long history of Blackwater success? Is there a renegade Dodgy Dan among the Rationalists? Could Baron von Kitemonger be the Unicorn Gunfight’s answer to Ghoulhardy? Or has Dan Guido inspired Marlerok to follow the Evil Moon Rising? Has the next Chuhui already hatched among the Cryptic Cryptids?

The answers to these questions await us, of course, and we anticipate them with baited breath. But they are answers for tomorrow. For tonight, I’d like to ask for a round of applause as I bring up all of the All Time All Stars of SWL’s CRP era. Let’s acknowledge them as they deserve, and then let’s hit the bar, for soon enough a new season starts, and I can’t wait to see you all back here for our next ceremony!

The All-Time SWL All Stars (CRP).
From the 107 players selected to the All Star team over the past sixteen seasons, these 16 players have been selected to represent the very best of the very best.

François Englert. Bull Centaur of the Large Head-on Colliders (Barre) played 179 games for 2,953 rushing yards, 153 TDs and 558 SPP.

The Line:
Foul Frank. Bloater of the SWL Fun Police (Semitence) played 42 games for 382 blocks, 65 CAS and 149 SPP.
Damien "Shake it off" Halford. Chosen Blocker of the Blackwater Glee Club (Foad) played 97 games for 803 blocks, 123 CAS and 292 SPP.
Chuhui. Saurus of the Sacred Spawning of Sotek (Tyra Nid) played 106 games for 1103 blocks, 90 CAS and 253 SPP.

The Blitzers & The Boot:
Ubirr III. Orc Blitzer of Wäŋa Warriors (Dr DiscoStu) played 62 games for 1231 yards rushing, 52 TDs and 190 SPP.
Gangrenous Gabriel. Pestigor of the SWL Fun Police (Semitence) played 99 games for 651 blocks, 100 CAS and 279 SPP.
Huge Axeman. Werewolf of Error 404: Afterlife not Found (Samaranthae) played 78 games for 821 blocks, 114 CAS and 293 SPP.
Robert Vileorc. Zombie of Macabre Morticians (Tribalsinner), formerly of Griffon Gate Sentinels (cdwat) played 53 games (in undeath) for 276 fouls, 26 blocks and 16 SPP.

The Passing Game:
Hoover Widowmaker. Wood Elf Thrower of Port Macquarie Snowleopards (Pyates16) played 52 games for 138 completions, 974 passing yards, and 169 SPP.
Bolwgan Softrock. Wood Elf Catcher of Port Macquarie Snowleopards (Pyates16) played 51 games for 753 rushing yards, 64 TDs and 216 SPP.
Dodgy Dan. Gutter Runner of Redgum’s Rodents (Redgum) played 77 games for 866 rushing yards, 66 TDs and 229 SPP.
Viola. Elven Catcher of Wings of the Condor (Relezite) played 86 games for 1122 rushing yards, 58 TDs and 294 SPP.

The Running Game:
Ghoulhardy. Ghoul of Error 404: Afterlife not Found (Samaranthae) played 51 games for 1015 rushing yards, 47 TDs and 183 SPP.
The Abdominal Snowman. Bull Centaur for Malapropism Mania (Beefy Goodness) played 65 games for 1653 rushing yards, 76 TDs and 267 SPP.
Shntsyeooa. Skink for Slumbering Skink (Faulcon) played 98 games for 1572 rushing yards, 70 TDs and 275 SPP.
Dan ‘Big Daddy Cool’ Guido. Dark Elf Blitzer for Blackwater Sting (Foad) played 103 games for 1449 rushing yards, 96 TDs, and 358 SPP.[/b]

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Mar 23, 2018 - 20:58
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Whaleington Wood Elf Blood Bowl Association

Press Conference
WWEA Gentlemens Club - Kereru Lounge
24th March

Head Coach: Welcome to the first press conference of SWL's newest and greatest ever team, The Whaleington Wood Elf Blood Bowl Association. If you're true aficionados of the sport you'll have done your homework, so no real need for introductions here. Straight into the questions, anyone...?

Bazza (SW League Week): Greatest? What the hell are you on ramchop? From what I've seen they've never played a game!

Head Coach: Raw talent. I have glimpsed it in the odd player previously, but nothing compares to the talent I've seen in this whole squad in their training sessions. They are simply outstanding. The other teams might as well not even show up.

Bazza (SW League Week): But why no preseason games? Training is all very well, but you're leading these poor deluded fools into the toughest competition in the world like lambs to the slaughter.

Head Coach: We thought about a preseason friendly against a local DIBBL team. There are a few based in Whaleington. However, we felt it'd do the greater community here no good at all to have a lower division team destroyed in front of their loyal fans. So we're saving the debut humiliation for a West Island team.

Snoot Hodgrass (Southern Times): ramchop, you are Head Coach of a number of teams. Transfusion Time here on the Isles, Freezy Trees on Thunder Road, another outfit in the Southern Sands. Aren't you doing this green team a disservice? You can't possibly have the time to give them the coaching they must desperately need.

Head Coach: To be honest, they don't even need a coach. Bravado are simply that good. It's SWL bureaucracy that demanded they have a registered coach on their books. It really is an on paper role only. I won't need to actually do anything bar the odd press conference. So with that in mind, I'm sure you'd much rather speak to an actual player, let me introduce Kai Bollinger, Captain of the WWEBBA.

Kai: Greetings

Tom Finglifter (Wastes Business Review): Matai Aniseflower, that's your real name isn't it? Why the pseudonyms?

Kai: Kai Bollinger is my stage name. Blood Bowl is a theater, I'll not answer to Matai in this room.

Tom: So no truth to the rumours that the fake names are all about tax evasion?

Kai: You don't seriously think that we need the pittance that SWL pays us? We have much more creative ways of avoiding paying tax.

Tom: Really? I heard that the only reason you've entered this sporting competition is due to WWEA insolvency, completely wiped out by the croc-to-currency collapse. Desperation, nothing more.

Kai: You really are misinformed. Only the truly foolish were duped by that pyramid scam. We got in early, made a few million, then skipped out before the bubble burst.

Bazza: So why have you decided to play Blood Bowl?

Kai: The WWEA is a community minded organisation. We've seen the hole that was left in the hearts of huddled masses when the SWL collapse meant no more Freezy Trees representing our fine city over there. So we've stepped up to fill their pathetic void. And unlike the Trees, we'll actually achieve something for the little people.

Stag Peters (Port Macquarie Herald): Don't you think stealing the names of SWL's greatest is a bit insulting? Amy Softrock, widow of the Legend Bolwgan, is said to be livid. She is petitioning SWL administration to have you banned.

Kai: Poor Amy. Yes, we have heard from her a number of times. It saddens us that she doesn't view it as a tribute. However, I'm sure that when she actually sees how much better Touchstone Softrock is than her departed husband, Amy will be honoured that such greatness would stoop to selecting that catcher as part of his stage name.

Olaf Specson (Jonsonsonville News): How about the Trees? Any thoughts of taking a few of their superstars into the squad?

Kai: Ha! You're joking right? Those donkeys? We would never allow a norseman into our ranks, they smell funny. Though I must admit, we procured a simply divine Yeti skin rug for the clubrooms the other day. Nice to have the odd piece of sporting memorabilia scattered around the place.

Bazza: What are your hopes for the coming season? With your squad of rank amateurs, I'm guessing you'd be pretty chuffed with avoiding the spoon. Realistically, you think you can get 5th in the pool?

Kai: I detect a strong sense of sarcasm in your question. Yes, you're right we'll romp into a pool first placing, and then onto Premiership title the following season.

Head Coach: I think that's enough questions for now. I know you're all especially keen for the next item on the agenda. Please assemble in an orderly queue for the autograph and selfie session.

Last edited by ramchop on Mar 23, 2018 - 21:48; edited 1 time in total

Joined: Apr 23, 2016

Post   Posted: Mar 23, 2018 - 21:47 Reply with quote Back to top

Leaked Digi-journals of Mek Laboratories.

January 15th 2518

Subject 524: Deceased

Subject vital signs were normal after the procedure. Subject opened eyes before letting out a scream of pain. Pain medication unsuccessful.

Subject died shortly after.

Very happy with results. Longest time a subject has stayed alive post procedure.

Dok Grotsnik

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Mar 27, 2018 - 13:51 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P Show now on woo-tube.

Hey fans, welcome back to the T&P Show. Despite the collapse of most of the SWL sponsorships in that crock-coin debacle, and the loss of every old SWL team to various rival leagues after the ASC failed to raise sufficient funds for them all, the new SWL league looks fresh and fit to bring entertainment for the ages. Terence, good to have you back, give us your roundup of the new squads.


Thanks Phillip. With Bribery and Corruption now firmly entrenched in management positions, and their treasury successfully, well, let's not say. Five pools, all conference level, silver cups up for grabs.

cdwat's Heroic Conference

Image Crude Oilers. These little frackers have two bulls and a couple RR for 'em. Aqothecary in tow. Coach K rocking his pitch and many others too.
Image East Farkner Journeymens Club. Normal humans, extra thrower, Ogre, Apo on board, couple RR worth of training. Dunenzed looking to make a name for himself once more.
Image Goonbongburra Windjammers. Normal humans, extra catcher, no Ogre, Apo in for it, three RR for training. Balle2000, not moved inland yet, just followed the new owner.
Image Kroakland Raiders. They're back, but all new, 2 each of blitzers and catchers, four RR worth of training. oozeboss in it to win it by the look of his first game against the Oilers.
Image MekLab Geargrinderz. Reliable Orcs, with thrower, no troll or goblin, three RR of training, and even some fans. Wozzaa looking to relish the bash and grind, gotta be easier than the last couple.
Image Naggarond Raptors. Dark Elves, got a runner and a couple RRs. GreySquirrel will soon show us what he's made of with this tricky roster.
Image Styx αnd Warpstones. Standard underworld with the lot come to steal it all, and a coach who doesn't have his famous agile rats any more, good luck JPM.
Image Unicorn Gunfight. One Ghoul, bench cooler zombie, three RR of training. Undead should revel in this, and that Relezite chap won a major cup or something during the break. Look out!

Faulcon's Quingentennial Conference

Image Brew Pub Brouhaha. Zons with one thrower and one catcher, plus four RR of training time and Apo. polemarch has got cheap quality there, could go far.
Image Cryptic Cryptids. Bog standard two RR Lizards. almic85 back with what must be one the top teams under his wing, go the Beast of Busco!
Image Dean Park Rangers. Just one blitzer with the thrower and catcher here for another Smegish special, two RR for training, some fans, and an Apothecary in tow.
Image Green 'n Scabby. Rotspawn, three Bloaters, one Pesti, three RR for training, and fans. Sharper keeps the scabby teams, these ones have gone off though.
Image Phoenix Academy Sharp Shooters. Two Blitzer, two catcher, one thrower, two RR for training. Coach Bobs will soon take the axe to any slackers here.
Image Pugs not Drugs. Everything but the Ghouls plus two RR training. Plus Pugs. mushoomy says "Just because you're dead, doesn't mean you can't be cured of your addiction".
Image Ratstar Blazers. Usual sort of skaven start, three RR training, gutters, blitzers, plus some fans. DrPoods in for the grins, could get some wins.
Image Rolling Rampage. One runner, one slayer, one TRACTOR!, and two RR of training. tribalsinner says the dirty player may see some early use.

Ramchop's Chronicled Conference

Image Bravado. Dancers, a thrower, two RR of training. Coach ramchop takes on Wood Elves, what could possibly go wrong?
Image Cheasy Hardon Malaprops. One Bull, three RR of training, Apothecary ready, some fans. Coach jevouse has a much sturdier team this time around, expect the snaked dodges to get him still.
Image Jötunheimr Yetis. Yhetee, Ulfs, Zerkers, one Runner, two RR of training. Coach Boriz brings the right spirit to these paper tigers.
Image SWL Sentinels. Two blitzer, one Catcher, three RR of training, and an Apothecary ready. Coach cdwat fills the shoes of his previous Sentinels with some mightily funny looking Dwarfs.
Image Waaaaghton Redskins. All BLitzers, three Black Orcs, Troll, Goblin, three RR of Training. Pyates16 gets into the bash, solid wall to wall vengeance for all the dead woodies.
Image Wildwood Windlords. Dancers, Treeman, one RR of training. Sandune brings a top record into the SWL with a mean team to take on the best of us, and probs beat us all again.
Image [adult swim]. No troll, no Thrower, no Goblin, three RR of training. Coach Tomays says, just the bash, thanks. One to watch for sure.
Image ☠Refreshingly Dead☠. Woofs, Wights, one Ghoul, one bench, three RR of training, a coach, and a cheerleader. bigbullies is back, and bringing the fouls, strategically of course.

Karnov's Emblematic Conference

Image Blackwater Cockfighters. Two Ulfs, two Runners, three RR of training. Coach Foad drops a little AV for some reliable hitting, champions won't be kept down.
Image Effluvient Dervishes. Whole team and a bench boy, one RR of training, and a huge stack of fans. Does coach tussock have a brilliant new team here? Yes he does.
Image Elenium. One blitzer, three Catchers, four RR of training. Coach pdarbs has gone the light road for frogs, looking to repeat his successes with them.
Image Lab Rat Elysium. Rats with one thrower, three RR of training, and an Apothecary. D_Arquebus says Sure Hands is best hands. We shall see.
Image Snarling Lunar Freaks! One Woof, one Ghoul, Golems, Wights, three RR of training. Manzoo's dorfs are back, but not as we knew them. Based on the first time out, look out!
Image South Shire Dirty Dwarves. Two Bulls, two RR of training. Lean and mean, coach Samaranthae will be wanting up to prem once more, what a conf.
Image Veophiles. Bog standard Lizards, two RR of training. Grod to show us how it's done once he gets the hang of them.
Image Yeast Lords. Two Blitzer, one Catcher, three RR of training time. Fool returns from long absense to try out High Elves. I hear they give up nice cas.

Redgum's Rhapsody Conference

Image Bellfast Black Rats. One Thrower, three RR of training, Apothecary active. Coach JamesFynmore is definitely ready to improve on Goblins. Will they best his old Dark Elves performance?
Image Beyond the Sunset. Two Ulf, two Zerker, one Runner, three RR of training. Daudy also takes a big step down in armour for the new season. Likes to keep linemen? Maybe a couple.
Image Calithonian Cynegeticus. One Pesti, all the bigs, two RR of training. Wex finally gets his Nurg on, maybe feeling it a few seasons too late? I like 'em, we'll see.
Image Chrimean Chimera. Snap, One pesti, all the bigs, two RR of training. Bojoaph also gets a team that may or may not be an upgrade from his Khemri. Good luck to both!
Image Evil Moon Rising. Two blitzers, one Assassin, three RR of training for Dlock's someone sturdier elves than last time around.
Image Immortalis Inquietus. Mummies, Wights, three Ghouls, and a skelly, with three RR of training. Faulcon goes the ghoul route and this new team should start faster than his Lizards did.
Image Ratty Old Elves. Two Blitzer, two Catcher, one Thrower, three RR of training. Coach Irgy steps into some more agile shoes, wishing he had skavens instead?
Image Redgum's Rationalists. Ogre, Troll, Elf, Rat, Goblin, Orc, same as always, plus three RR for training. Regum sticks with his pact, but the Revolution has stopped for a bit of a think.
Image Skye Hoppers! Krox with four Catchers, and three RR for the leaps. JoeKano takes on a team that can deliver on ambitious and imaginative plays, or just go splat.
Image TingBuDong. Four Blockers, two RR for fun, an Apo, and some fans. HandyKaufman stole the Chaos in the 2nd draft, he's ready to rock the SWL with them.


Ten teams in that last one, Terence, difficult numbers?


The best number, Phillip, fourty two. It's the answer to the question of what the SWL would do after the crock-coin mess. Play some BB, innit. Games happening already, Slann and Renegades among the winners, who knows what's coming our way in Season 71 of the greatest league in the world.


That's all we have time for, fans. Great how little budget you need for these things now, hopefully this advertising revenue thingy works well enough to encourage us back!


Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Mar 28, 2018 - 11:12
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The West Island journalists were brutal at the post game press conference. Thoroughly unprofessional, even peppering the odd "Stool Pigeon" in with their loaded questions.

Kai Bollinger, captain of Bravado seemed not even a tiny bit perturbed by the barbarians at the gate.

"What happened? Ha! It's a fine line between getting the dose right or wrong. A little vino, and the mind and body relaxes. Confidence is an elixir. The ball flies like an arrow over the grasping hands of the imbecile opposition. The players glide across the grass like gazelles.

A bit too much though, and hey. You fail the odd pick up. See you next week, Orcs? Easy"
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