Suido
Joined: Dec 10, 2024
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 Posted:
Jul 05, 2026 - 06:36 |
 
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Nice call back to Old McDonald had a Farmbar, who died in the team's very first match. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Jul 02, 2026 - 19:52 |
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There's been a small protest at Death Watch Central, as a bunch of committed goblins have demanded the phrase "Bought the farmbar" to be included every time Mostly Harmbarless have a fatality. The Guard have been called, update at 11 |
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Suido
Joined: Dec 10, 2024
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Jul 02, 2026 - 02:45 |
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Do No Harmbar lived up to his name. Zero casualties in 10 matches. Probably gonna call his replacement Do All The Harmbar. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Jul 02, 2026 - 00:09 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CXI Weeks 1-3 - Death Will Always Catch Up
Week 1
 Halgir, Chaos Beastman, wiped away by a Block from Booger. *2 SPP. First kill of the season and it was also a first strike by the Curse Of The Death Watch, Paul Deepbrook might have thought he could get away with it by changing his name, but the Death Watch can't be fooled!
Coaltooth, Hobgoblin Sneaky Stabba, Fireball by [url=]Wizard[/url]. 0 SPP. Coal, on fire? What was the chances of that happening?
Leonardo Kam, Flamesmith, Block by Amena Wildwood. 3 SPP. From Leonard Kam to Leonard Can't, with Wildwood fixing that lamentable spelling mistake
 Half & Half Harry, Halfling Hopeful, Block by Baba. 6 SPP. Well and truly stuffed
 Dean Wells, Amazon Linewoman, Block by Morg 'n' Thorg. 6 SPP. Welts for Wells from the Big Guy
Callie Eloka, Snotling, couldn't take the <Jessika> Power of a good hard block. 0 SPP.
Antonio Wuthmon, Snotling, Block by Jessika Power. 0 SPP. Also couldn't take the Power Are you going to keep using the same worn out pun over and over again, Jim? It worked for the last 20 seasons….
 Brynlee Arthur, Ogre Gnoblar, Block by Hanbal. 0 SPP. Arthur gnoblar after that hit
Gracie Hardnoggin, Khorne Marauder, had her noggin softened by Toady. 0 SPP.
Destiny Staregrio, Khorne Marauder, Block by Carl. 7 SPP. Two heads, certainly had a funny stare. Well, it's looking funnier now, I can tell you that
Week 2
 Grommok Treechopper, Black Orc Goblin Bruiser, Block by John Macarthur. 4 SPP.
"Plenty of trees in Macarthur Park are now feeling safer."
"Bob, are you unwell?"
 Francis Grose, Grail Knight, feeling gross after a foul by Largakh Elfbone. 10 SPP.
Helmut Wulf, Took a real Lily Pounding. 0 SPP.
 Rosemary, Norse Lineman, Block by Heru. 0 SPP. A spicy block there, showing it was thyme for the norsewoman.
Canopus II, Norse Bear Boar, Block by Ini-herit. 0 SPP. Looks like the meat won't ini-herit the earth, they'll just get pounded into it.
 B.B. Fwend, Chaos Pact Marauder, Paisley Berg didn't want to be a fwend, apparently. 2 SPP.
Armbaaaa 7, Chaos Beastman, turned a funny colour by Graldor the Grey. 0 SPP.
 Wanna Know How I Got These Scarmbars?, Chaos Chaos Warrior, 20 SPP. Turned out Gorik Whiteshield certainly didn't want to know.
Londyn Hycar, Underworld Rat Ogre, Block by Sunny Boy. *18 SPP.
As any pom will tell you, it's rarely sunny in Londyn. The Curse of the Death Watch casts a pall again.
 Avery Tagram, Underworld Snotling, Block by Calippo. 0 SPP. Frosty reception there.
Nathan Wulf, Underworld Snotling, lit up by Sunny Boy. 0 SPP.
 Fiona Laelithra, Dwarf Blitzer, Block by Ásgautr Hallgilss. 10 SPP. This is what happens when an unpronounceable force meets ... another unpronounceable object.
 Thutmose, Khemri Tomb Guardian, Really should have seen it coming, given Lorzub Mummyclaw's name. 10 SPP.
Week 3
 Iris Cornea, Wood Elf Lineman, Failed dodge, killed by Shoelaces. 0 SPP. There's more than mud in her eye.
Hadley Kirwendus, Snotling, didn't stay up to see the Sundew Sunrise. 0 SPP.
 Josiah Hachiman, Human Catcher, Failed dodge, killed by Shoelaces. 17 SPP.
Generous Georgy, Chaos Pact Orc, concertinaed by Juliette Cyrtina. 0 SPP.
Do No Harmbar, Chaos Troll, certainly won't be doing any harm after that hit by Splice. 8 SPP.
 Roadhouse, Lizardman Kroxigor, Block by Violet Lob. 10 SPP. We can live in hope that he'll be remade in another 30 years.
 Acrobat, Underworld Goblin , removed from their trapeze by Uzthed Ooze. 4 SPP.
 Narie Macon, Dark Elf Lineman, Block by Raunk. 3 SPP.
"I've been trying to fit a pun into 'Raunk' but it's harder than trying to fit Macon's intestines back inside her."
 U.N. Assistant, Orc Goblin , Eaten by Ogre. 0 SPP.
Did you know that in every season of this ruleset, a goblin has been eaten in the third week of the season by its teammate?
 Nasty Boy, Nurgle Pestigor, now just a nasty stain after encountering Yatur Skeletonfire. 20 SPP.
Stef, Wood Elf Lineman, Block by Yokozuna da Eata. 0 SPP.
Short name, shorter career.
Unknown Gnoblar Nine, Ogre Gnoblar, you were just a number for Sir Derek. 0 SPP.
Jacobs, Imperial Retainer, taken on a trip by Let It Ride. 2 SPP.
Graman Beaststealer, Black Orc Goblin Bruiser, confused for a Norseman by Bogdub Norsesmasha. 14 SPP. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
May 25, 2026 - 21:49 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CX Week 5-7 Omnibus Edition
Jim and Bob would like to apologise for not keeping up to deadlines for the past few weeks, but they won't, because they don't do apologies. Here's a bumper update for all you fans of death and destruction!
Week Five
 Sienna Xander, Human Blitzer, Block by Vavandr Garendi. 10 SPP. First team captain to get removed
Snackbag, Ogre Gnoblar, Failed dodge, killed by Shoelaces, the only snacks remaining are what's spread on the turf. 4 SPP.
Duragh, Chaos Beastman, Block by Christopher Lance. 3 SPP. Do aaargh more like, as Christopher Lance does his Christopher Lee impression for a second time this season
 Mercury, High Elf Lineman, Block by Archer Josh. 0 SPP. I knew Mercury was bad for your health, I didn't realise it worked the other way too
tRoll pUndit, Goblin 'Ooligan, sent to eternal bliss by a stab by Maruvan Blissia. 3 SPP.
 Poindexter, Orc Lineman, bent out of shape by Dylan 'Bender' Price. 0 SPP.
 You Make Me Real, Lizardman Saurus, Block by Grampa Thumpyshape. 4 SPP. You Make Me Dead more like, one dice blocked himself to the morgue.
Week Six
Alexander Niro, Underworld Snotling, not ready for Grot Rady. 0 SPP.
Ref Squiggles, Ogre Gnoblar, Block by Paul Deepbrook. 7 SPP. Promoted to the team from journeyman status, just for bullying some little gnoblar!
Jimmie Barn-Burna, Orc Big Un, Block by Hachi. 3 SPP. Blessyou!
Midarie Dantice, High Elf Phoenix Warrior, Foul by Waylon Romeo. 1 SPP. Star crossed lover or just very cross star?
George Tronos, Snotling Fun-hoppa, Failed go for it, killed by Shoelaces. 0 SPP. It's a sad day indeed when we a snotling without a joke name dies.
 Faith Raver, Undead Skeleton, Block by Waiting for the Sun. 0 SPP. Waiting for nighttime so we can come and sweep all his bones into the bin?
 Dirl Acence, Dark Elf Witch Elf, Block by Ini-herit. 4 SPP. Ascended/descended from her mortal existence to play for the other team.
 Mors Matzlik, Skaven Lineman, Block by Zoe The Cursed (Because She Said So). 0 SPP. Put the curse on that one alright
Week Seven
Blues, Lizardman Saurus, Block by Ivy Sapphire. 12 SPP. Looking more gray than blue to me… Ivy Sapphire also put the hurt on Peace Frog - guess she really doesn’t like lizards
 Donser Damon, Vampire Thrall, Block by Alayna Anthony. 2 SPP. Donser Damon? Dozier Demon more like
Hnaki Hróðgeirrson, Norse Lineman, Failed go for it, killed by Shoelaces. 6 SPP. Another entrant to the mound of unpronounceable Norse corpses at the back of the Death Watch Studio.
Armbaaaa 6, Chaos Beastman, finished off by Sir Crumble The Unfinished. 2 SPP.
Ivy Laki, Snotling, stereotypes eliminated by Bias Wrecker. 5 SPP.
End of Season Awards
So after all that, let's look at the winners of the Death Watch in the inaugural season of the new rules:
Killiest Team Southern Warpstone Scabs with six kills, that's almost one per game!
Most Dangerous Dugout Gutslamma Bashamaniacs, again, with six fatalities that's almost one player leaving forever every week
Deadliest Player ... nobody really. The best anyone could do was 2 kills; when the most lethal thing is shoelaces (4 kills this season, out of the total of 65) you have to wonder if everyone is really trying or not. Hopefully as the niggles build up, we'll see more fireworks next season!
Most Violent Division Blackwater Picaroons contributed 24 kills, and removed 51 out of 121 SPP of experience this season. They'll have to rename it the Redwater, with this amount of claret being spilt!
See you next season for more fun and games... |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Apr 27, 2026 - 21:45 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CX Week 4
Thyme, Norse Lineman, Stab by Christopher Lance. 10 SPP. About Thyme for a new player, right?
Biǫrg Bollis, Norse Bear Boar, Block by Big Showstoppa. 0 SPP. Showstopped alright.
Stella Cathwar, Ogre Gnoblar, Failed landing into the pitch. 0 SPP.
Wandregisilus Mugwort, Halfling Hopeful, Block by Maruv Daermalkin. 0 SPP. Stupid names get stupid prizes!
Jack Clumsyfield, Wood Elf Lineman, Block by Wendigo. 0 SPP. Very clumsy indeed, blown away in the wind.
Grainfather Maximus, Khemri Tomb Guardian, Block by Big Moon. 2 SPP. From Maximus to Minimus...
Akki Quint, Vampire Thrall, Block by Shelur Lizardeagle. 0 SPP. Looks like Quint is suffering from more than a squint.
Left Prince, Vampire Thrall, Block by Shelakh Wolfpillager. 0 SPP. Left Prince, more like left out in the rain to rust like a bicycle two weeks after your 9th birthday.
 Hask Siskdrak, Skaven Thrower, Block by Peace Frog. 4 SPP. Rest in Peace?
Zachary Coldtree, Skaven Lineman, Block by Blue Sunday. 0 SPP. As cold as it gets.
Nicolas Januviel, Snotling, Block by Splice. 3 SPP. Certainly wouldn't bother trying to splice him back together
Bomber Dribblesnot, Bomber Dribblesnot, blown up by himself. 0 SPP. Our first star player, demonstrating if you can't take it, you really shouldn't dish it out.
The Death Watch Curse has remained silent this week. Thyme was our most experienced death to date - can we snag a legend before the end of the season for an appearance? |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Apr 22, 2026 - 18:29 |
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SWL Death Watch Bonus Late Late Entry
Not sure how that one got past us, but:
 Cyclone, Nurgle Rotter, blown away by Lanot Whithri. 3 SPP. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Apr 22, 2026 - 02:04 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CX - From Thirst To Third Weak
Promising start to this week, but we're still not seeing enough death, despite the Curse beginning to warm up and deliver...
Sawyer Hane, Underworld Thrower, Block by Budget Orton. 0 SPP. No savings from that Budget, were there?
Budget Orton, Ogre Gnoblar, Block by Alice Wuthmon. *6 SPP. First Curse Of The Death Watch this season, and possibly a record - 5 turns between kills!
 Kárr Alfarinnson, Norse Ulfwerener, more than a minor problem from a Block by Ursa Major. *4 SPP. Double norse-on-norse violence and the second strike by the Curse Of The Death Watch
Hæringr Fróðison, Norse Ulfwerener, Block by Polaris. 4 SPP. Unpronounceable and now unrevivable too.
Daisy Chainpush, Wood Elf Lineman, Block by Sir Crumble The Unfinished. 5 SPP.
"First deaths for the woodies, and a bumper season too, as the only daisies she'll be chainpushing will be the ... er ... up daisies?"
"You struggling there, Bob?"
Sage Vice, Wood Elf Lineman, Block by Sir Jackson The Extremely Brave. 0 SPP.
About as brave as it gets, beating up a rookie wood elf lino...
Embarrassing Stain Grogg, Goblin , Eaten by Grampa Thumpyshape. 2 SPP. First delicious dinner as Grampa gets his first kill
Cam Merchant, Amazon Linewoman, Block by Takeshi. 2 SPP.
"Goes to show you just can't take shi-"
"Whoa! Bob! It's a family show!"
12th Man Plusafew, Goblin , Block by Violet Lob. 0 SPP.
"Turned into a messy blob by the Lob."
"Poetry, Jim, I think you've recovered."
 Grimble, Chaos Dwarf Hobgoblin , grumbling no more after a Block by Brayden Daphin. 0 SPP. |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Apr 13, 2026 - 04:10 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CX - Weak Two
The second week of the season has delivered ... not many bodies to the morgue, to the dismay of all right-thinking (and indeed wrong-thinking) fighting fans. Never mind, let's clean up this laundry list of life losers and hope for more next week...
 Ruth Avitus, Undead Wight, Foul by Bogan Picnic. 0 SPP. The little guy with the big foot consigns a second player to the bin, or another medal to his hamper of death. What a lovable lad!
Caden Kern, Ogre Gnoblar, Block by Kemper Asema. 0 SPP.
"Kern is when different letters fit together in printing, Bob?"
"That's right, Jim."
"Well, it doesn't look like the bits of Kern fit together any more, does it?"
"..."
Orsen Samuel, Vampire Thrall, Block by Big Showstoppa certainly put a stop to his show. 0 SPP.
It was "Oh No!" for Pendus Yoko, Vampire Thrall, Ball & Chain by Fungus the Loon. 0 SPP.
 Not so much a bubbling brook as a troubling Dumag Ghoulbrook, Black Orc, by Kárr Alfarinnson. 3 SPP.
David Hideousbone, Nurgle Rotter, Block by Bestie Boo. 0 SPP. Boo hoo hoo for another plucky journeyman.
 Elena Grement, Human Lineman, Block by Deeproot Strongbranch. 0 SPP. Once again, it looks like players whose names might rhyme with 'Lament' aren't a good bet for this league.
Shiv, Hobgoblin Sneaky Stabba, Block by Israel Garden. 0 SPP. Garden showed no love, just [garden] gloves as he pruned the Shiv.
Maggie M'Gill, Lizardman Chameleon Skink, surfed into the crowd. 3 SPP. As that Elven troubadour, Rh'od Stew-art sang, Maggie May ... Not Be Showing Up For The Rest Of The Season.
Come back next week and see if we've figured how to add pretty pictures of all the participants, sorry, victims, to the page... |
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MrCushtie
Joined: Aug 10, 2018
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| Posted:
Apr 05, 2026 - 02:25 |
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SWL Death Watch Season CX - Back For More Punishment
After taking a break because we were frankly too scared/lazy to record all the MB+2 deaths, the Death Watch Beetles are crawling out of the woodwork to celebrate all the fatalities on the gridiron every week in the Southern Wastes. We couldn't be bothered to wait for ERGH to get their first match in, because we've got all of these fine fellows to announce of their departures (and if you can make a more grammatically incoherent way of saying that, we are all ears...)!
Vivandi Ament, Dark Elf Lineman, Block by Dean Wells. 0 SPP. Any lament for Ament? Not with his lack of experience, rookies deserve to take the pain.
 Lachlan Macquarie, Bretonnian Knight Thrower, Block by Neema. 0 SPP. Rum Corpse more like.
Abbo Hayward, Halfling Hopeful, Failed dodge, killed by Shoelaces. 0 SPP. Hayway, wayward, whatever.
 Imp, Underworld Blitzer, Surfed into The crowd and away with the fairies. 0 SPP.
Zipp, Nurgle Rotter, Block by Bully. 2 SPP. Shameful unkindness there, there's no place for bullying in this sport.
Old McDonald had a Farmbar, Chaos Chaos Warrior, Block by Kayla Aster. 0 SPP. Somebody e-i-e-i-owes Mostly Harmbarless a new player.
 Vitt Is, Skaven Gutter Runner, Foul by Bogan Picnic. 0 SPP. Who or what is Vitt Is? Vitt Is not showing up for training next week, apparently.
""Burning Sensation"" Grogg, Goblin, Block by Rusi Nikkisik. 0 SPP. One member of the motley crew from East Van, run over by the drummer from an 80s rock band??
 Aaliyah Gibolock, Chaos Dwarf Bull Centaur, Foul by Durgob Treewing. 0 SPP.
Kiaran Oddrson, Norse Lineman, Block by Alice Wuthmon. 0 SPP. Oddrson? Looks pretty odd with no head.
Jaiden Gelderon, Underworld Snotling, Block by Londyn Hycar. 2 SPP. First animal savagery kill of the season!
Mistletoe, Norse Lineman, Foul by Tiny Taker. 0 SPP. Nobody's going to want to have a kiss underneath that Norseman's bloody remains...
 Bam Bam Big Basha, Ogre Ogre, Block by Holly. 0 SPP. Spiked by Holly, I guess you could say.
Did we miss anyone? Will you be tuning in for next week's extravaganza of death? All bodies gratefully received! |
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Last edited by MrCushtie on Apr 13, 2026; edited 1 time in total |
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Irgy
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
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| Posted:
Mar 17, 2026 - 11:59 |
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Irgy
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
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| Posted:
Mar 03, 2026 - 11:54 |
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Irgy
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
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Dec 09, 2025 - 02:27 |
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Irgy
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
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Jul 31, 2025 - 06:32 |
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Irgy
Joined: Feb 21, 2007
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| Posted:
May 30, 2025 - 08:49 |
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