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Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 11, 2016 - 01:02 Reply with quote Back to top

Coach Keothi: Well Mace, take a seat we're pretty informal here at Unicorn HQ
Mace Windu: Thank you sir, umm did I do something wrong?

Coach Keothi: So you know why you were hired don't you?
Mace Windu: I heard that the Unicorns were recruiting for more players Coach and after seeing the successes of young Luke, Obewan and Darth Maul I decided to join them. But no, I'm not entirely sure why I was hired.

Coach Keothi: Well the team needs a Jedi that isn't afraid to get things done. Someone with a more... Shall we say 'practical' approach to the art of Blood Bowl. Originally I thought JaJa would be well suited to that position, but his talents have developed in a different way.
Mace Windu: .....[Silence] so what are you saying coach?

Coach Keothi: I'm saying Mace, that you're the Orc that the team has been lacking! And you proved it last night when you avenged the death of poor Jabba on the Nurgle Killer 'Made to Messure'. That was just what I envisioned when I hired you Mace! The Unicorns need a player that knows how to roll his sleeves up, strap on his steel-capped boots and give the threats and killers on the enemy's team a right good kicking!
Mace Windu: I think I can do that sir.

Coach Keothi: Very good! Now this skirts very close to the dark side Mace. You need to keep in mind that you use this ability for the protection of your team mates. To keep young Luke, the Lovely Leia, Han Solo and Darth Maul safe. Make the enemy afraid to pile on, give their coach pause at instructing his team to go all out for carnage. Because if they slip up, you'll be there waiting and the rest of the team will help you as best they can.
Mace Windu: I would consider it an honour to do my part protecting our team from the threats that they face.

Coach Keothi: I thought you would Mace. It's a thankless job. No glory, no trophies, no accolades. But you'll have the admiration of your team and our fans too. Did you hear how they rejoiced last night? Keep sending the CPOMBers off on stretchers and you'll always find a grateful coach in me son.
Mace Windu: ...[standing up and shaking coach Keothi's hand vigorously] That's all I want coach. I want to make you proud.

Coach Keothi: I'm already proud of you son. Rest up and sharpen your toe spikes. The steroid abusing Dorfs are up next and my requests to have the team drug screened by an independent apothecary has been rejected by the SWL Tribunal. We'll have need of your skills in our game against them.

Joined: May 04, 2016

Post   Posted: Nov 11, 2016 - 16:36 Reply with quote Back to top

In a secret, a bloody and smelly again location the investigators rejoice.

[LID]: First let me say a good job well done to everyone here. From the looks of things, today could not have gone better. Everyone work well together and we came out on top.

[SLID]: Not everything went well though, I got fouled off the pitch right at the bloody beginning and missed the whole bloody game, I'll never be a star now.

[Peanut]: You want be star? Peanut help. Maybe throw you into sky?

[LID]: So Leo I think you were reporting on the match and Davis on the main mission lets here those reports.

[Leo]: Well sir as you said we had an excellent game, maybe even our best game ever. We won 4-0 against the Southern Warpstone Scavengers and by the end of the game we had them down to only three players on the pitch. As you said beforehand this was more of an on pitch arrest so we mostly just knocked them out so the off pitch crew could search and question them when they woke up.
Peanut had a brief problem at the beginning as he thought he excepted some candy from the troll, but it was actually wyrdstone. After rolling about on the floor and the troll laughing at him they tussled for nearly the rest of the match. This gave us another piece of evidence to close this case.

[Peanut]:Peanut manage spit out proof!

[Leo]:Shut up you bloody ogre and sit back down! Now where was I; I would like to give a special shout out to the team work between rookie Zappa and Kien, together they managed to score three of the four touchdown with Kien passing off the ball to Zappa. Excellent team work.
We did enough damage in the first half to make the ref send off all their illegal weapons before the second and avoided most of their effects. As such we only had George off the pitch and as he said that was right off the bat.

[SLID]: Well at least I managed to get the MVP without even lasting a turn on the pitch, I suppose that's star worthy

[Peanut]:If peanut on tall building first, then throw... you be star. Maybe throw Leo too.

[LID]: O.K report Leo anything else.

[Leo]:Other than some Ewoks in the crowd throwing rocks again nothing else really to report sir.

[LID]: OK on to the main mission, the reason we came to this blasted place in the first place. Davis?

[Davis]: Thank you sir for giving me this chance in liu of our last conversation, This would have been a longer report but I...lost the first one and didn't feel like writing it all out again.
So the main raid on the Southern Warpstone Scavengers base went much like the game. We approached from all directions so no one could escape and hit hard and fast. We found the biggest collection of wyrdstone I've ever seen, arrested all those that were present and even to take down the troll guard with minimal injuries. We have currently seized the property and will be moving the goods to a H.A.N.D secured location until we can ship it out and take it back to the main base for proper disposal. During this time we will continue interrogating those who were arrested with the goods to tie up any loose ends.

[SLID]: There will always be loose ends, like my lack of stardom!

[Peanut]: Peanut strong, but maybe you lose weight first. Then throw.

[SLID]: Shush! This is pure muscle this.

[Davis]: The main thing we don't know at this time is where they were scavenging this stuff from. We got the collection but not the true source.

[LID]: Thank you Davis. Well the true source maybe a case for another day. For now we have stopped the source and arrested the warehouse goons. If all goes to plan i'll have the warrant for arresting the whole team through soon. With us going full hog with this arrest I'm quite sure word of our true nature will spread about. As such we will be participating in the last game against the Asha'maniac to keep up appearances but we will be heading home soon afterwards. As they are top in our divison currently we are just hoping to weather the storm with minimal injuries so you can have a comfortable journey back on the ship.

[SLID]: It's a bloody shame we're leaving so early I reckon I...We could have done well in this league. Sigh..

[Peanut]: Peanut throw and throw now if you really want..

Joined: Aug 02, 2003

Post   Posted: Nov 12, 2016 - 02:46 Reply with quote Back to top

***hissing of static fades to what sounds like a public service announcement about washing your hands from the Shallayan Inoculation Network ...then ***

XS: … to those joining us again this is Xander Sassmund for ‘Blood Bowl 2 XS!!’ on Pirate Radio station, 2GB (Double Gulf Blowholes) and we have with us Coach D_Arquebus the Coach and key signatory to the Biggest, Baddest Pact in town, the Chaos All Sorts.

*canned applause*

XS: So Coach D_Arquebus, you have been criticized by your last opponent Coach Mushoomy for indeed… ”stepping on his Blue Suede Shoes”… on at least two occasions during the fixture…

DA: Well of course… “Shoes” … plural….

XS: And so the earnest entreaty from the well liked Mushoomy which has been known to sway others from such diabolical course of action had no effect on you?

DA: I wouldn’t say that Xander, it’s just…. well those shoes! They just kept dancing and prancing and leaping about, and kicking me right in the Balls-

XS: – Carriers, yes we saw!

DA: The pitter-patter of tiny Elven feet belied the devastating downpour of raining elves, the whirlwind of ball-busting batterings which never failed to knock the ball loose in a hand full of attempts… the boys will be a while recovering in the off season… even Bedlam has taken to leaving conciliatory saucers of milk out at night in his fear of the Fae…

XS: OK, but this brutality has echoes from several rounds ago where the Late, Great, Weggie Rhite of the Hostile Kiddies was laid low at the end of the game. Calls from numerous sources claimed this was unnecessary at the time…

DA: Well look, that was a close and tense fight for the middle of the pitch. Do I regret his loss from the league? Certainly… it was a better place with him about for the fans and spectators… he gave as good as he got over the course of three league matches with the All Sorts, we considered him as an opponent worthy of pile driving if he looked like he was gettin back up… and he went out as he played, swinging and brawling in the middle of the pitch, surrounded by opponents and belting people with his Mighty Blows. But would I lose the experience from Turmoil to bring him back? No…. In this game, no one lives forever… you keep walking out on that pitch and they’ll bury you on it one day… but Weggie? He is recognized the greatest Ogre to ever play the Southern Wastes, claimed a Golden Sundae and Up and Comer award, and had messages of farewell from all over on the messages boards of the Wastes. That’s Immortality son!

**fades to static**

NAF Regional TT Tourney Organiser (AUS/ NZ)
TT Bloodbowl in AUS - www.ausbowl.com
TT Bloodbowl in NZ - www.theendzone.co


Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 14, 2016 - 01:52 Reply with quote Back to top

*** Back at the Unicorn Home Stadium in Nuffleheim ***

[The sounds of whooping, laughter, cheering and heavy Orc boots stomping on the bleachers]

In an unprecedented display of generosity the CEO of Darkside Blood Bowl P/L had thrown open the gates, ordered fourteen enormous truck loads of Bloodweiser [his thinking, that each player deserved their own truck of booze]. The smell of roasting meat permeated the air as goblins turned the spits, the mood was festive and charged with energy.

Unicorn fans mingled shoulder to shoulder with their Blood Bowl heroes to celebrate the team's nail-biting win against the toughest team in the Conference - the impressively muscled Dwarves who style themselves as Asha'maniacs.

Coach Keothi sat quiety by himself in the very back row of the highest stadium, took a hearty swig of Bloodweiser and smiled in pleasure as the taste of the hoppy brew lingered pleasingly on the tastebuds. Down lower, the stadium and pitch was packed with Unicorn fans, the team colours everywhere and the team were still wearing their Blood Bowl armour with team numbers. A lot of fan shirts with "6" on the back were intermingled, with a few new shirts now offer and selling like hotcakes: The most popular the graphic of a bloodstained Orc boot on the back, complete with vicious spikes sat below player number "15" and the front of the shirt saying "Have a Mace to the Face".
Luke was hoisted onto the arms of his adoring fans and was being carried around the stadium for a victory lap with 'Sky' being shouted by one half of the crowd and the other chanting back 'ORCER!'... Han sat on Leia's lap and the big Troll was crushing him to her muscled torso with a toothy grin on her handsome face as he winced at the strength in her Strong Arms. His gaze moving over the crowd, he saw JaJa chatting up one of the she-goblins that was carving meat off the spit and he must have looked dashing in his blood-spattered armour for she cut him a slab of meat nearly as big as him and winked at him saucily. Darth was busy instructing some young orc fans on the arts of tackling, the young ones staring at the scary Orc Blitzer with equal parts fear and awe. C3PO was trying to talk to R2D2, but the droid now onto his 3rd augmented body as a Black Orc didn't want to discuss the fine arts of the perfect throw in windy conditions, he was going to specialise in the hitting game.
Finally, his gaze settled on Ewok, who was waving away the team doctor and skulling a yard glass of Bloodweiser Extra-Strong. A cold chill settled on Keothi as he thought back to the match. It had been a close thing. Ewok had barely survived his 49th game today; the doc had brought him back from Nuffle's eternal halls, but this wasn't Ewok's first brush with death and serious injury. The tough, furry bastard was along with Yoda one of the most grizzled, battle-weary team members... Still lost in this train of thought, coach Keothi felt a presence behind him. Tort Greenskin the team's attourney settled behind him and quietly handed him the latest reports.

"Have you given anymore thought to the player insurance and retirement policy we spoke about last week?" Tort's steely gaze settled on Ewok and Yoda meaningfully.

'Leave it with me Tort. I'm not going to upset the team balance and morale whilst we're still in the season. And I have to consider what is best for the team if we advance to Premier.'

"The shareholders won't let you keep the washed out players for sentimental reasons Keothi. Those players cost us a pretty penny! The treasury needs to keep growing, not shrinking. You saw the figures; $30,000 lost after playing Eau de Toilet and only $20,000 in winnings after team costs this time around. We have one of the most expensive teams in the entire Southern Wastes and we're yet to even win our first Conference."

[A long hard sigh from Keothi]
'If I keep winning, that should keep the shareholders quiet for a bit longer. I need more time to develop the talent in the team. The Premier League is another jump in difficulty. I've spent seasons building this team for this moment. I owe it to Ewok and Yoda to have their chance. They've helped bring the team to this point.'

[Tort's calloused hand felt heavy on Keothi's shoulder as he stood up and walked off]
Turning his head he quipped back "Keep winning Keothi. Keep winning and I'll fend off the jackals."

Looking back down at the revelry below, Keothi reflected on today's success. Today HAD been a good day for the Unicorns. The maniacs had been the toughest foe of the Conference and lived up to their worthy reputation of being strong, hard-hitting, tough to hurt and wisely coached. In the end, Nuffle smiled on the Unicorns but coach Keothi was under no illusions that if they faced one another on the pitch again, the outcome could easily swing the other way. Both teams had the measure of the other and they were evenly matched.

Lifting his drink in silent salute to a canny coach and well developed team, Keothi settled back in his chair and began pondering how his team would best counter the cunning, subversive mutants that were the Unicorn's final round opponents for this Season. Yes the big hurdles were over and for less loss than he had feared would be the case. But now was not the time to grow complacent. Promotion to the coveted Premier League was not yet certain; a loss or tie could still see the holy grail of his coaching career snatched away from him when it felt tantalisingly close. Yes, he needed to start planning right away. Blood Bowl tactics and strategies began to play through his mind and the din and racket from the crowds below faded to a quiet hum.

One last game to finish off the season and the year he mused... Let's see if we can make a Legend out of Luke SkyOrcer before we finish 2516. Then let's see what rumbles and shifts occur in the Blood Bowl landscape as a new Legend enters into the SWL record books.

Joined: Feb 20, 2006

Post   Posted: Nov 20, 2016 - 22:47 Reply with quote Back to top

Don't Sleep on the Warriors
Wäŋa Times

We live in an incredible time, with the three-peat of the Skinks, and one amazing finish to give Elves their first title since the Great War. Here in the Wäŋa Times we don't want to see the achievements of our mighty home side overlooked. In the past 5 seasons we have seen:
- 2 Conference titles
- 1 Premier title
- 2nd in Premier (only on tiebreak)
- 3rd in Premier
Not to mention two qualifications to the SWL Urn side. We can't wait for a chance at urn redemption and the rumoured last season of the Warriors before they get granted long service leave.

Check out my fishing and camping blog.

The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.


Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 22, 2016 - 05:08 Reply with quote Back to top

*** Back at the Unicorn Home Stadium in Nuffleheim ***

[The sounds of groaning, gasps of pain and misery as well as the palpable, silent anger of Coach Keothi in the locker room]

I hold myself responsible as much as the rest of the team for this debacle. I'm ashamed of you all for attending the game - in some cases hungover, in others still rip-roaring drunk as well as hung-over! [the coach's eyes linger on a very under the weather R2D2 who had drunk too much of the droid antifreeze bloodweiser and now nursed a broken leg and a sheepish Chancellor who thought that being a dark sith lord gave him the ability to stand up to the likes of Morg].

So we made Premier and had already won our Conference. Did that give us the right to play woeful Blood Bowl against a much weaker side? We only won on tie-breaker rules! We could have won clearly and decisively. That would have stopped the shareholders from pressuring me to sack Yoda and Ewok. Now I may not be pressured, they may overrule me entirely and make an Executive Board decision. I hope you're satisfied team, you may have destroyed this family of players...

[Looking over the glum faces of his team, Keothi was surprised to see a beaming grin on the face of Princess Leia.]

What's with the happy face Leia? I think without a doubt, last night was the worst game of your career.

Princess Leia:
We're going to have a baby!

[Stunned Silence]

[More Stunned Silence this time from Han Solo]

Coach Keothi:
*Spluttering* That's, that's... That's...

Luke SkyOrcer:
Amazing news Sis!!!
[Turning to look at Coach Keothi]
We know we've let you down coach and we'll get back to training and playing the way you've taught us... But this is all about family!
[Engulfing Leia and Han in a big hug]
Don't you dare let them break the team apart. We'll be back! Bigger and stronger than ever. And Sis will be over her baby-brain phase by the time Premier League starts up.

[Using the Force to lift up a beaming Leia and bemused looking Han]

"Three Cheers for the Happy Couple!"

[Hip Hip]

[Hip Hip]

[Hip Hip]

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 25, 2016 - 20:19 Reply with quote Back to top

The LXVI Awards night was in very real danger of being cancelled. After the continued brutality shown towards announcers, nobody could be persuaded to take the job. Cobber wouldn't do it, he'd hand over the plastic junk that is the Wastepac trophy, but after that everyone's favourite lecherous drunk had his eyes on the free alcohol and of course the Domestic Blitz.

Amazingly however, there was a volunteer. As the curtain was raised on the LXVI awards the audience was hushed by the sight of a monstrous contraption. On the stage, repainted a bright cherry red, stood the infamous Death Roller previously piloted by Technically Minded's Johnny Five.

"Welcome...", came the nasal and somewhat smug voice from within the machine. A hail storm of bottles, tankards, goblets and even the odd goblin was hurled at the announcer. But nothing was going to break the shell of the roller.

VILLAINS, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXVI

"Struth!", uttered a bemused Cobber as he exited the stage towards the Reggies table. VILLAINS rep Dan "Asereje" Rollins simply glanced at the the announcer as he walked past with the trophy (made of finest Plastique™), the evil stare enough to unnerve the MC a tad. But the confidence returned, nothing would get to the lad within the unbreakable shell.

The SWL LXVI Team Achievements

Turns (1099): Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights
Completions (8): Domestic Blitz and Western Warthogs
TDs (17): Domestic Blitz
Cas (26): Domestic Blitz
SPP (144): Domestic Blitz
Passing yards (38): Comfortably Average
Rushing yards (262): Domestic Blitz
Blocks (356): Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights
Fouls (24): Norlanders XI
Blocks/Cas (13.38): Bakersfield Butchers
Pass/Cp (5.43): Comfortably Average
Kills (3): Domestic Blitz

Turns (1165): Striking Thunder Beards!
Completions (25): Dallas Drowboys and Port Macquarie Snowleopards
TDs (18): Mexican Standoff
Cas (46): Blackwater Glee Club
SPP (180): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (96): Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Rushing yards (316): Compare the Meerkat
Blocks (372): Asha'maniac
Fouls (76): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (6.19): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (6.33): Urban Nightmare
Kills (9): Macabre Morticians

Turns (976): Slumbering Skink
Completions (21): Griffon Gate Sentinels
TDs (13): Slumbering Skink
Cas (27): SWL Fun Police
SPP (109): Slumbering Skink
Passing yards (76): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Rushing yards (249): Slumbering Skink
Blocks (310): Wäŋa Warriors
Fouls (21): SWL Fun Police
Blocks/Cas (11.8): SWL Fun Police
Pass/Cp (4.00): Autumn's leaves
Kills (4): SWL Fun Police

During the Team Achievements, always the most tedious part of the awards night, members of the audience focussed their attention on the colossal machine. It was a challenge, bets were placed. The biggest and toughest in the crowd were sure to break that Death Roller somehow.

Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Bedlam (Chaos All Sorts) 14 spp

After taking his award Bedlam charged at the announcer. He pummeled the Roller with his mighty fists until they bled. There were a few superficial dents, but the Ogre departed a big failure.

The SWL Season LXIV Awards

Image Image Rock-Biter (Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights ) 7 TDs
Image Image Esme Effektiv (Domestic Blitz ) 10 Cas
Image Image The Lumber Bard (Bakersfield Butchers ) 114 Turns
Image Image Rock-Biter (Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights ) 153 Rushing yards
Image Image Harold II (Comfortably Average ) 31 Pass yards
Image Image Ragnar Danielsson (lhb) (Norlanders XI ) 10 Fouls
Image Image Luke III (Comfortably Average ) 76 Blocks
Image Image Dirk Daggerman (Western Warthogs ) andImage Harold II (Comfortably Average ) 5 Cps
Image Image Arae (Styx and Warpstones ) 5.33 Block/Cas
Image Image Harold II (Comfortably Average ) 6.2 Pass/Cp

Image Image Rock-Biter (Sinnedbad's 1001 Wights ) 23SPP

Image Image Mr_Foulscumm (Madness Mountain Misery ), Image Coddled (Steaked ), Image Flesh (Eau de Toilet ) and Image Salmonix (Macabre Morticians ) 8 TDs
Image Image Dan "Asereje" Rollins (Blackwater Glee Club ) 17 Cas
Image Image Dan "Asereje" Rollins (Blackwater Glee Club ) and Image Malil Kack II (Hostile Kiddies IV ) 114 Turns
Image Image Mr_Foulscumm (Madness Mountain Misery ) 217 Rushing yards
Image Image Simon V (Psych Lab ) 70 Pass yards
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians ) 41 Fouls
Image Image Wrathnomenias (Macabre Morticians ) 69 Blocks
Image Image Simon V (Psych Lab ) 13 Cps
Image Image Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club ) 3 Block/Cas
Image Image George Washington (Redgum's Revolutionaries ) 5.67 Pass/Cp

Image Image Dan "Asereje" Rollins (Blackwater Glee Club ) 37SPP

Damien "Shake it off" Halford decided to have a crack. The Death Roller shell was surely no match for his Claw and Mighty Blow. Damien however was the first to discover the Death Roller had been rigged with a new defence system The electric shock threw him off the stage to the raucous glee of Damien's SWL rivals and victims.

Image Image Shntsyeooa (Slumbering Skink ) 8TDs
Image Image Gangrenous Gabriel (SWL Fun Police ) 11 Cas
Image Image Hidtaen (Daemon Ex Tesserae ) 104 Turns
Image Image Shntsyeooa (Slumbering Skink ) 140 Rushing yards
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels ) 25 Pass yards
Image Image Stats before Skill (SWL Fun Police ) 12 Fouls
Image Image Strdthm (Slumbering Skink ) 55 Blocks
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels ) 8 Cps
Image Image Crazy Cephalexin (Altered Perception ) 2.67 Block/Cas
Image Image Gorthe (Daemon Ex Tesserae ) 5.25 Pass/Cp

Image Image Shntsyeooa (Slumbering Skink ) 24SPP

"Congratulations everybody", the announcer had done it, got through the night unscathed. Or had he? Having made his bets, Bronze Fist winner Arae snuck back onto the stage. The Underworld Goblin had noticed something on his first visit to the podium, and now he was ready to profit from it. Quickly the little bugger charged to the Death Roller, and climbed in via Johnny Five's tiny poop chute which had been foolishly left unlocked. The announcer squealed as a tirade of goblin punches rained down. But there was a way out. Ejector seat engaged and the pair flew in a large arc across the auditorium.

The ejector seat was not designed to be deployed indoors. And while Arae, accustomed to flight, found himself dangling gleeful and victorious from the rafters. The poor member of the awards sub sub committee had become a rather unpleasant splat on the marble wall.

Joined: Nov 14, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 26, 2016 - 08:30 Reply with quote Back to top

The Slann shouted en masse and started throwing in outrage. After the debacle of Sam the Eagle being refused his rightful MVP award, now Floyd Pepper had been overlooked as well even being on equal SPP with Dan "Assburger" Rollins. Coach Poods was overheard to start discussing a protest against the obvious discrimination of the awards committee...

"I gotta fever and the only prescription is MOAR COWBELL!!"
"That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... You got that?"

Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: Nov 26, 2016 - 17:00 Reply with quote Back to top

"Leaping Lollipops, those fellows seem awfully animated" an amused Cornell ejaculated at the Glee Club Table "What seems to be their boggle?"

"If my best efforts at discerning their accent is correct, they appear to be requesting an appeal of the result of the silver star award. It appears they're trying to make the officials aware that Floyd's 37 SPP is superior to my 42 SPP" Rollins noted.

"Flubbledysmartangopher" Halford added, who was at this stage lying on the table in a semi-comatose state caused by a combination of alcohol poisoning, electrocution and a marginal seafood entree. It should be noted that this was considered by all as a quiet evening for him.

"Agreed Brother Halford, it seems that the fact that the froggies only have 4 fingers on each hand is in discussion. They're tendering that their man has more handfuls of SPP than Rollins. They're technically correct as Floyd has 9.25 handfuls of SPP compared to your 8.4 five-fingered handfuls."

Rollins considered that for a moment and added "Hmmm... They make a good point actually. I thought it had to do with the fact that I might have only had 37 earned SPP. I did pick up an an MVP in the last game against Colliders. That's 5 freebies right there. I was thinking that might make it a shared title"

"Don't be silly, Floyd picked up 15 points that way." De La Rocha chided... "Only in someones wildest fantasy would you not be the player of the season"

"Yeah, was wondering how Floyd won that award

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Nov 27, 2016 - 22:24 Reply with quote Back to top

Jaja lolled happily in his chair at the Unicorn's table as they arrived early to the Twahnlows and hit the open bar. Tonight they would see the "Twahns" awarded to the teams and individuals who had achieved great things during the Season. The Blood Bowl Boffins had been working feverishly to compile the results and crunch the data in time for the hastily organised piss-up.

"Wazz go'n on?" Jaja slurred as he had one arm around the she-goblin from the made it to prem party and the other around a bottle almost as big as he was.

Luke sat with his back to a solid wall and carefully surveyed the room, who knew whether someone might try to claim the Black Pearl bounty off the field?
"The best single player contributions get called out, you know best thrower, best blocker, most carnage caused in a season, most fouls, most rushing yard, most touch downs - that kind of thing"

Darth Maul perked up his attention after eyeing off the Glee Club table's heavy hitters.
"Are you going to get an award Luke?

Luke smiled and shook his head.
"No my brother - in fact, none of us from the Unicorns should be winning an award tonight. Coach's strategy was to win each game on team effort and performance. That means sharing the glory and not being a one-horse act. If we win any awards tonight then we didn't play as planned. I think Coach is disappointed that we didn't take out any of the TEAM awards, but that's OK. We'll see what happens next Season."

R2D2 chirped angrily, buzzes and whistle emerging whilst he sat in his chair a large plaster cast on his leg, propped on the chair in front of him.
" Buzz, buzz, whistle, chirp chirp, Bvvvv-whup?"

Leia tilted her head, listening to the angry droid and smiled.
"If you want to be best blocker R2D2 then you'll have to train harder next season"

Jaja roused himself and thumped the bottle down on the table hard enough to send a crack through the thick blown glass bottle of Scuttle.
"I'ma gonna take a piss. Gonna fined me a chamber pot!"

Weaving his way through the tables, Jaja stopped at the presentation table, his little body rocking and swaying from his body weight in Scuttle, as his blurry eyes tried to focus. There in front of him was a shiny looking, double handled cup that looked just perfect for his over-taxed bladder. Delighted to see his relief was at hand, Jaja clambered onto the trophy table, then hiking up his dirty leather loincloth, he pissed into the Wastepac Trophy.....

Joined: Sep 02, 2007

Post   Posted: Nov 29, 2016 - 13:28 Reply with quote Back to top

For release with immediate effect.

1). For OH&S reasons that should be apparent with VILLAINS holding the title for 2 consecutive seasons, and an unrelated orcish indiscretion, all future holders of the Plastique Wastepac Cup should be advised to clean then damn thing out first before using it for any task that may involve drinking/eating/goldfish naval battles.

2). Congrats to SWL's Channel BB for 1000 posts. Here's to the next 1000 - well done to all that have contributed!!!

They see me Trollin', they hatin'...

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Dec 08, 2016 - 05:27 Reply with quote Back to top

Interrupting The T&P show for an urgent ... what is this, Terence?


Bribery and Corruption continue their underhanded work, now deep into the very heart of the SWL.

A sporting award? For, fouls? That would make sense, but no, Dirty Pool was soft this season, nothing on those Zombies. Wins? Hah! We didn't want to be in that premier, some other one will do. Something about ships, but all we have is the officially allowed grass trimmer, light globes, and bump depressor.

It seemed a thing to have though, so the officials were sent certain messages in secret, but in the end the count was still clearly in favour of those wooden elfs that won the main prize. So we stole some count off those Average biggies who nudged us out of the regions early and won anyway.

Haha, VICTORY! Finders keepers. We have the sporting men's ships award, for now. Which is ... well, you'll all have to try and win it off us if you want to know, won't you! We'll have figured it out by then. SKYE? Is it a flying ship? Can we crash it into the other teams? That would be ... hehehehehe.

Bribery and Corruption, will they never be stamped out? Not if they can stamp the rest of you out first.


Terence, is this your doing? It's about those useless goblins of yours, again. No one likes them, you know. Not like the Colour of Money, everyone likes Money.


Phillip, Bribery and Corruption are the greatest goblins the SWL has ever seen. Any league has ever seen. They're monsters. Gigantic. Terrifying. Glorious! And now they have a flying ship!


Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 11, 2016 - 03:33 Reply with quote Back to top

Press Release: Deserted Isles Blood Bowl Leeg


DIBBL is proud to honour its heroic sons succeeding across the Tazman Sea in the Southern Wastes.


The Golden Jandal is awarded every season to the player from the Deserted Isles who has scored the most non-MVP SPPs in the season. It was first awarded to a player in Season LVIII, the start of 2515 and the beginning of the modern Invasion. In the 9 seasons the Jandal has been awarded, remarkably no player has ever won it more than once.

Season 66 Golden Jandal Winner:
Image Mr_Foulscumm (Madness Mountain Misery)
A most VILLAINous pestigor. Although he doesn't compete for the Invaders in Wastepac, he can't escape his roots. The Jandal will look good next to his Silver Ball and Slipper on the mantelpiece. He also overtook Lorax on the DIBBL leaderboard in all time rushing yards.

The other new face to top the DIBBL leaderboard is Dirty Pool who leads the way with 127 fouls. Other notable players from the Isles in SWL were six Bronze Twahnlow winners.

But this stuff usually gets dished out in person or by private correspondence. So why are we intruding upon the Channel BB? After over a year of existence, the DIBBL Invaders are proud to induct two more faces to the Hall of Fame. Although there are a new crop of players succeeding in SWL, nobody has come close to the successes of yesteryear. And it is again amongst the ancients we have dug up the new inductees....

Another player with a Twahnlow named after him, Karlis Skrastins, after all these years still holds the SWL record for most career intercepts. Although his career was sadly very short, cut down in the Premier winning season of his team Colorado Avalanche, he was able to see the start of this successful season and so recevied the coveted Premier winners ring.

Berzerkers don't tend to last very long in the dangerous world of the Southern Wastes League. Einarr however, was no ordinary berserker. In his 64 appearances for Norscia Bezerkers he notched up a number of records and awards. He still leads the way with most Blocks/Game of all time (though it seems records were recorded differently back then). Einarr with 56 has by far more Cas than any other player from the Isles, he is also the only SWL player
with natural armour 7 to inflict more than 50 casualties - players with such little protection just don't last that long. Einarr was also the first player to achieve more than 12 casualties in a season (the first Bloody Baker's Dozen).

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: Dec 15, 2016 - 10:32 Reply with quote Back to top

Press Release: SWL Awards Committee

Recently on a pre-tournament preparation trip to Waikikamukau it was discovered that the Deserted Isles Blood Bowl Leeg have been using counterfeit Twahnlows for their season awards. Admittedly the copies were of a very high standard and it was hard to tell them from the genuine article. We expect they'd used mostly Bronze Twahnlows from their "Invader" SWL teams to make the moulds for their awards (they haven't won anything in Prem for yonks).

This completely unacceptable practice could not be allowed to continue. We are happy to announce that after threats of legal action, including a promised cancellation of the annual Waikikamukau festival and expulsion of all DIBBL Invaders from SWL, that the DIBBL admin have capitulated to our demands. All DIBBL awards shall be confiscated and replaced with no doubt lesser gongs that their yokel artists have rapidly cobbled together.

Thankfully the Waikikamukau festival will now proceed as planned.

The DIBBL admin team being suitably apologetic have also dobbed in the SSL who they'd been selling their Twahnlow copies to. The SWL legal team will track down this rogue 'Survivalists' league shortly.

Joined: Feb 20, 2015

Post   Posted: Dec 15, 2016 - 10:49 Reply with quote Back to top

snitches get stitches

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