Slow-Motion Replay (to the tune of the Lumberjack Song by Monty Python)

JIM:
As any coach will tell you, Bob, a team's starting position is vitally important. Here we can see an example of... Oh sod it! I didn't want to do this! I don't want to be a Bloodbowl comentator! I don't want to rabbit on all day about starting positions and how to Dodge. I... I wanted to be... A vampire!

Dodging and Blocking as player after player tries to stop me on my way to the end zone. The Giant Ogre. The Dwarf. The Amazon! The mighty Chaos Warrior! The lofty flowering Treeman! The plucky little Halfling! The limping Goblin of Nigeria. The towering Black Orc of Aldershot! The Minotaurian Weeping Big Guy! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Skink! The flatulent Elf of West Ruislip! The Khemri Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epighoullus! The Barter Humanius Greenus!

With my best Thrall by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!
[singing]
I'm a vampire, and I'm okay. If I can't Block you I'll Dodge away.

NORSE CHORUS:
He's a vampire, and he's okay.
If he can't Block you he'll Dodge away.

JIM:
I pass the ball. I hypnotise.
I'm not at all clumsy.
And then I roll a one,
And have a thrall for tea.

NORSE CHORUS:
He passes the ball. He hypnotises.
He's not at all clumsy.
And then he rolls a one,
And has a thrall for tea.
He's a vampire, and he's okay.
If he can't Block you he'll Dodge away.

JIM:
I pass the ball. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.

NORSE CHORUS:
He passes the ball. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing,
And hangs around in bars?!
He's a vampire, and he's okay.
If he can't Block you he'll Dodge away.

JIM:
I pass the ball. I wear high heels,
And a chainmail bra.
I wish I'd been a Wood Elf,
Just like my dear Papa.

NORSE CHORUS:
He passes the ball. He wears high heels,
And a chainmail bra?!
[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a Wood Elf?! Oh, My! And I thought you were so rugged! Poofter!...
[singing]
He's a vampire, and he's okay.
If he can't Block you he'll Dodge away.
He's a vampire, and he's okaaaaay.
If he can't Block you he'll Dodge away.