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2024-03-20 11:57:45
SCBBL Season 2, Week 1: Sludge River Shamblers
"Good morning, sportsfans! Sit down in your favourite La-Z Squig reclining armchair, grab yourself a McMurty's Squig Breakfast and an ice-cold bottle of Bloodweiser and get ready for the greatest game in the world- Blood Bowl! As ever, I'm Jim Johnson..."

"...and I'm Bob Bifford. Say, Jim, you're pretty perky today- did your lucky number come up on the lottery or something?"

"Sadly not. I'm just excited because the Salty Cod Blood Bowl League has returned to action!"

"My number didn't come up on the lottery either, Jim."

"I assume that's because the number doesn't go up to sixty-nine?"

"Hurrr, hurrr, hurrr."

"I'd sigh, but I don't breathe. Back to the SCBBL, last night's opening games saw the Orc team Athens Turns Green defeat the High Elf team Tippy Toes by two touchdowns to one and the Bradford Bulls Chaos Dwarves defeat the Nuln Sewerclaws Skaven one-nil."

"Any standout performances or particularly grisly injuries to report?"

"Nar Dorfgor scored both his team's touchdowns for the Orcs, but otherwise no. The Bradford / Nuln game was a particularly dour affair- which incidentally you can catch the highlights of on Blood Bowl Game Pass, hint hint."

"Ugh, I hate it when one team gets too cage-y- it takes all the fun out of the game!"

"Well, Bob, it seems that loss really fired up the Ratmen because in this morning's game they absolutely thrashed the Nurgle-worshipping Sludge River Shamblers by a score of four to nil!"

"Talk about comeback kids."

"Indeed, the unlucky Shamblers were barely in it- they were three touchdowns down by half-time!"

"Not good."

"Oddly, when questioned post match about his team's performance the coach of the Shamblers didn't seem to be all that worried."


"No indeed. In fact, he quoted an ancient Khemrian poem instead- it mattereth not/ who won or lost/ but how thou broughtst the pain."

"One of my favourites."

"I never knew you liked poetry, Bob?"

"I don't- I just like bringing pain."

"On that note, stay tuned for more SCBBL action in the coming weeks. I've been Jim Johnson..."

"...and I've been Bob Bifford."

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Posted by JohannVonDarkheim on 2024-03-20 14:15:08
"This just in, sportsfans- the Sludge River Shamblers have lost a second Salty Cod Blood Bowl League game to Skaven opposition today, going down two-nil against the Warpstrong Engineers."

"Grandfather Nurgle won't be pleased."

"On the contrary, one of the Shamblers' Pestigors was gifted with Disturbing Presence by the Lord Of Diseases, so delighted was he that his followers are now sitting atop the SCBBL's Casualties Caused table."

"Blood Bowl is a strange game, sometimes."

"You said it, Bob- and that's why we love it."

"Isn't it just, Jim?"

"We're going to take a swift break now, folks, but don't touch that dial- you don't want to miss one pulse-pounding moment!"
Posted by JohannVonDarkheim on 2024-03-23 12:27:57
"Big news, Bob- the Sludge River Shamblers got their first touchdown today!"

"Who against, Halflings? Half-dead Snotlings?"

"Very droll, Bob- it was actually against the Khemrian team Arkhan's All-Stars."

"Ugh, I used to hate playing against Tomb Kings- you'd find sand in your underwear for days afterwards."

"Malgomar the Pestigor was gifted with a Big Hand by the Lord of Diseases for his efforts, whilst his team-mate Garabash's MVP performance sees him gifted with a Foul Appearance."

"Sounds like my fourth ex-wife, Jim."

"Quite. If you'd like to hunt the game up on Blood Bowl Game Pass it's a real hum-dinger, but for now after the adverts we'll be taking you to the All-Stars' second game of the day, in which they take on the Krankenheim Krunchers."

"One Empire versus another- you love to see it."

"Indeed, Bob- dont touch that dial, folks!"