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Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Mar 27, 2017 - 06:03 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL season 68 Premier preview, bought to you by the makers of the heaviest boots in town, proud sponsors of the littlest team to make premier in a while, with the best record to make premier and all.

And what's this about rule changes, Terence?


Phillip, in a completely over-the-top response to a single premier title by the Glee Club, there's been a world-wide change in footy rules. The legal ways to "pile on" a downed opponent have shrunk to almost nothing, and deliberate foul play is now seen as simply a better option. A few old stalwarts insist they can work on a way around the limits, but word is none of the newer players will bother with any of it.

And all this just in time for the elfiest elf-premier ever! In protest, the Wizards guild is refusing to licence any spell casting during matches for the indefinite future.

There's also changes to the awards systems, no more will away fans be able to dispirit team growth with votes for the dead. Suggestions are the banking houses are losing patience with the clubs too. Who knows what it all adds up to.


Huh. That's quite a lot to take in.

So alternating elfball seasons continue then, Terence. With the big bashers all up in premier, it's agile teams dominating the conferences, and when the big elves fill premier, it's the bash able to get the job done down further.


It's not that simple, Phillip, everyone in premier brings a fair dose of agility and speed to the mix or they wouldn't be here in the first place, and even the lightest of elf squads know how to hit the players that need hitting. Our defending champions are no exception, but the new rules may hit them very hard indeed.

Image Blackwater Glee Club didn't have it all their own way, but they did enough to beat the Warriors down into 2nd place and eventual retirement to the fringes. Legends Damien Halford and Dan Rollins hold strong along with Andrew Cornell, Tanya Mustaine, and the bounty-carrying Drew De Le Rocha in this, their 8th season.

Rating: 242, still broke, they'll face our smallest team first, then work their way though ever more skilled agile squads, including the PSA who beat them last season. It's a tremendous team, the new rules may not be enough to tame them.

Image Dallas Drowboys make premier for the 2nd time in their short 6 season career, this time much better prepared than the first. They only just missed out last time, and have to be the choice of the elven squads, with blitzers Axa Whipcutter and Galax, and runner Losos Bravestar bringing everything that's needed and a good few stars not far off it.

Rating: 227, totally broke, they've committed everything to this premier run, and a few heavy casualties could see them struggle. Their primary hitter's missing the first round against the Sentinels, that certainly won't help. If anything, the team's just ... unexceptional, workmanlike.

Image New World Winers and Diners have finally made the premier after two seasons of near misses, and the team has grown massively for the wait. Lord Isaac Duquette is the worse for wear, but Count Timothée Beau Pre has stepped up into his former role just fine, and more horrible bloodsuckers are growing strong behind them for their 7th season.

Rating: 205, half a million banked, they've a solid, if not spectacular record, but it's on the improve and the current squad could easily win any game. The question will lie with the commitment of the elders for the whole season, as the hot blood of the fans continue to call to them. They'll be hoping to hold out until facing the less-favoured squads.

Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards make their first trip to premier in their 10th season, surely inspired by the title of the Autumn's Leaves in season 66. With pepii dancesthewars and JR Coolman ably leading the squad and racking up prodigious scores in conference play, can they manage the same against these premier giants?

Rating: 197, half a million banked, they may even spend up on new players since a bench can't hurt with the Wizard strike on. Expect some rapid growth either way, stars looking to burst out all over, as their first four matches are all elves and vampires.

Image Public Service Announcement The Violent Tango, Kai the Kobra, Masochist, The Sound of Silence; they came close, 3rd overall, beat the Glee Club, but lost early to the defending Leaves. Now 17th season, they're as confident as ever, though it must be said they lack the agility of every other team here and their tacklers aren't the swiftest.

Rating: 192, a million banked, this will be a big ask, having lost to the only true elves in premier last season, here there's very little else, even the shambling undead bring a couple of fast agility to the mix and a lot of hurt with it. Kai can't do it alone.

Image Griffon Gate Sentinels, the GGS. Their third trip to premier after dropping from a 7th place finish in the elf-prem of season 66. This will be their 16th season overall, aging legend and wannabe black pearler Iolas still leading the way, with no great depth following on as a mere 6 survivors hang on from two seasons ago.

Rating: 191, 100k in the bank, proud heroes, they'll look to show everyone how the game's played all season. I imagine the Morticians may demonstrate the risks involved for that style rather more clearly than most. Still, can't argue with their recent record, nor the special talents of Iolas.

Image Daemon Ex Tesserae got here on a tie-breaker, nothing wrong with that, it's not the best conference record here but they did well against the more agile teams so this'll suit them. Legend Aymar leads with Vulwin and Yeschant making a terrible trio that's trickier to stop than you might first think.

Rating: 190, half a million banked, the team's solid, and they could well afford a bench with the Wizards out to put a few more young bodies on the line when needed. Certainly can't rule out this sort of team, better than most, a subtle genius to the players, will win a few in their 7th season and 3rd trip to premier.

Image Macabre Morticians have made premier in their fifth season on the back of a perfect one. Seven wins (including the forfeit). Salmonix leading the way even in games where the big boys went down early, and the notorious tactics of simply bribing away their repeated rules infractions played a big part in clearing easy running paths, if not the whole pitch.

Rating: 190, a million banked, expect them to have enough bribes every game to simply foul everyone off the pitch, and take up as many free recruits from the necromancer as allowed. I don't think they have what it takes to stop the elves scoring on them, but then how many are left for the rest of the game?


These teams just aren't the same scale as last season, Terence, there was massive damage done to the teams leaving premier after season 67, the Skinks have slipped out all the smaller, the Beards! neatly trimmed, Leaves fallen aplenty, Unicorns lost to the void, and Warriors retired as legends of the SWL.


The skill needed to win is no less, Phillip. Big bash, tidy agility, ruthless underhanded cads, they can all win the big ones, and the biggest squad last season didn't even finish. Sure, the lower rated squads here will need to find something special to take the premier title, but it's much easier than that to spoil the run of one of the bigger teams.


And what of the growing demand from players for a proper rest period? For greater compensation for long careers, for some decent medical treatment of minor niggles in some sort of off-season break?


Negotiations are continuing, Phillip, word is players may well get all their demands, and even greater access to large team treasuries to do with as they please. Times, they are a changing, and for now the old expenses of these bigger teams are tightly under control. Piling On is a thing of the past, the Wizards on strike, banking practices up for ransom, who knows what to expect.


What I expect is more great matches, Terence, rules followed or not, there's magnificent play to be seen every day in SWL premier. There's a new mind-meld since the Wizards are having a sad, at discord though the tournament listings are still up on Cabalvision as that's a big income source for them. 2 Rock, 1 Scissors, 4 Paper, and 1 Dynamite!, so probably just the huge Chaos team again?


Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Mar 27, 2017 - 11:24 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 67.

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's SWL 'All-Stars' Team, and the representative squads for each level of competition within the SWL.
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League, and this season sees a blend of newly discovered talent and some of SWL’s all-time legendary players. Perhaps more than any previous All Star team, we have a line-up tonight which is itching for a fight and ready to win it.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXVII:

François Englert (C) Bull Centaur, Large Head-on Colliders
Kai the Kobra Beastman Runner, Public Service Announcement
Ubirr III Blitzer, Wäŋa Warriors
Andrew “Starships” Cornell Chaos Warrior, Blackwater Glee Club
Totem V Chaos Dwarf Blocker, Large Head-on Colliders
Tunnel I Chaos Warrior, Urban Nightmare
Hungrnir Snow Troll, Wonga Wonga Whalekillers
Robert Vileorc Zombie, Macabre Morticians
Caging Chris Chaos Dwarf Blocker, Easy Mode Maniacs
Alejandro Marquez High Elf Thrower, Mexican Standoff
Tinkerbell Linewoman, More than Ballgowns

François Englert needs no introduction to fans of the SWL, nor to those among you who follow and celebrate these All Star awards. No player has been more often selected to this illustrious team, and none have achieved a career as filled with awards and recognition as this ageing bull. After 170 games he has lost nothing of the attributes which make him such an effective player. He is as strong and fast and agile as ever, and he relishes the competition offered in SWL’s Premier division. Season 67 saw him score 6 TDs, including two doubles against some of the bashiest teams in the division. He even showed off his ball-handling with a completed pass against the wood elves. We welcome him back into the ranks of the All Stars with open arms, and I’m sure every player we select tonight will know the honour of sharing this stage with him as their captain.

The LXVII Premier division was unusual in season 67, in that only one team played seven games. That team came close to winning the whole thing, and one of their biggest stars throughout their campaign was Kai the Kobra. This beastman was at the peak of his powers this season, finishing with 7TDs and over 175 rushing yards from his 7 games. He’s a single-minded player whose amazing athleticism allows him to dominate games even at the highest level. At full gallop he’s hard to catch, and his strength and skill makes him almost impossible to bring down even if you can. Even worse if he decides to run at you, where his lowered horns can easily knock the strongest opponent off their feet. Another season like this one will bring him to the verge of legend status, but we at the All Stars are tipping him to build on this first selection to the All Stars and do even better in 68.

Ubir III returns to the All Stars, his second selection in a row after a few seasons of being overlooked. The Warriors were the only team in season 67 to get through the Premier season with only one defeat. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to see them take the title, but they will be back again in 68, trying to become the greatest orc teams in SWL history. With 6TDs, Ubir was a constant attacking threat, using his strength and agility to good effect and taking his career tally past 50. His double against the Skinks set up a crucial win which brought his team within clutching distance of the trophy, and he managed to seize a draw against the PSA, but it wasn’t enough. Unfortunately the Warriors won't be competing in season 68. Rumours that this is Ubirr's attempt to avoid the Black Pearl bounty hunters have been officially denied.

The Premier winners were the ‘Glee Club’, a relatively young but already incredibly successful franchise from Blackwater. At the core of this team is a fearsome collection of Chaos Warriors, and among those, this season belonged to Andrew “Starships” Cornell. He’s a very similar player to the Glee Club’s previous All Stars: Rollins and Halford, but is a little younger and even stronger. He delivered 10 CAS to his opponents this season, in only 5 games. He was as dangerous against orcs and chaos as he was against the elves; a model of consistency which made him invaluable to his coach. It remains to be seen how the rule changes will change his playing style. He’ll have to adapt his game, but if anyone can, he can. This is his first selection to the All Stars, but may not be his last.

Totem V is another legend of SWL. A tough little nut, in the sense that he is tough, and little, and a nut. Just come down to a game and watch the ferocity with which he attacks his opponents. His relentless frenzied attacks have brought down many foes. He cares nothing for their size or their strength, can push back even the most firmly anchored player, and doesn’t even stop when they go to ground. Like others, he may be affected by the global rule-changes, but certainly he demonstrated his value to The Colliders in season 67. His 9 CAS came from only 39 blocks for the season, and brought his career tally to 67. A career-best 4 CAS vs the Prancing Unicorns set up a big win and the Glee Club will be pleased to see the back of him.

At a certain scale of death and destruction, natural disasters and catastrophes can become etched into the collective memories of those who have experienced the toll they take. So it is that season 67 will forever remain in the memories of those who faced off against Urban Nightmare, and the one man natural disaster who tore a swathe through the Conference Division. Tunnel I finished the season on an incredible 17 CAS. In the taverns and inns of the Southern Wastes his name has been whispered with the same grim respect which was always afforded to Geoffrey Grimwade and very few others of the league’s most efficient killers. He single-handedly set out to dismantle the Meerkats, inflicting 5 CAS in that game alone, along with 4 CAS against the more heavily-armoured Morticians. With 60 CAS from only a 48 game career, he’s on track for legendhood if he can repeat these efforts in season 68. This is his second consecutive All Star selection.

It’s rare for a Big Guy to make the All Stars team. It seems that the selection panel set higher standards for the taller folk. This season, a relatively young Yhetee lived up to those standards and achieved his first All Star selection, and the first selection for any of his kind. Hungrnir had such an impressive season in part because of his ability to control the wild animal rage within his soul. He didn’t throw himself into the fray as often as he dearly wished, but when he did his presence was sorely felt. From only 18 blocks he caused 6 CAS, a stunning ratio of only 3 blocks per CAS. Certainly his wild frenzies helped, as did the long, cold claws with which he tore through his opponent’s armour (a particularly obvious advantage in his team’s win over the dwarfs of Asha’maniac) , but his value to the team is also in his incredible toughness, and the way he forces the opposing coach to consider the threat he represents. A key part of the Whalekiller’s season, and a welcome addition to his first All Star team.

Another returning All Star is the undead marvel, Robert Vileorc. Perhaps SWL’s most decorated zombie, the former Sentinel journeyman has carved himself a niche in the game by mindlessly carving niches into the skulls and limbs of fallen opponents. Among the constellation of dirty foulers who have graced SWL over the seasons, Vileorc is the brightest shining star. He has three consecutive Silver Boots for his fouling efforts, and this is his 3rd consecutive All Star selection. Not bad for a 26 game career with the Morticians, during which he has amassed more than 100 fouls at an average of over 4 per game (and 33 in Season 67 alone). His game against the Meerkats was so impressive that it earned him a rare moment of recognition with an MVP award. Another game like that and we might see him become even sneakier!

Many were surprised to see the Easy Mode Maniacs line up in the Regional Division for season 67, and the predictions of their success were loud and came early in the season. Things didn’t go exactly according to those expectations, but one player who seemed to revel in the lower level was Caging Chris. A 63 game veteran with nearly 500 blocks and a Legendary reputation, he strode onto those regional pitches and wowed the smaller crowds with 12 CAS. Perhaps most impressive was the sheer consistency: in 5 games he caused multiple casualties, including 3 against the Zons in Ballgowns. He loves the fight in close, using his skill to keep opponents within striking range or directing them with a well-executed grab so that his team-mates could finish them off. It’s back to the Conferences for season 68, but he’s no doubt eyeing off the upcoming games against rats, zons and goblins with relish.

The astute among you, lovers of the more beautiful game, may have noticed a theme in the evening. Even the ball-handlers selected in this All Star team are bona fide threats to limb and liberty. Who then will focus on the ball while the array of killers we’ve assembled are about their bloody business. Well, for that role we’re pleased to introduce Alejandro Marquez for his first All Star selection. This elf stood out among the conferences with his long passing and reliable arm. From 7 completions he amassed an impressive 72 passing yards in the season. His 2 long passes against the Meerkats were crucial in avoiding the loss, and his 13 yard monster bomb against the Altered Perception proved game-defining. He’s a natural leader, and not afraid to get involved with the rough stuff, where his wrestling skill protects him and frustrates opponents.

On the receiving end of Marquez’s All Star passes, you’ll likely find another young debutante to the team: Tinkerbell. In a tough Regional season, this Tribal Linewoman demonstrated that the game is not all about blood and brutality, a player with speed and grace can mix it with the best of them. With sure hands, and a lithe dodge, Tinkerbell reminded many spectators of a wood-elf, perhaps with a harder edge to her style of play. In her 34 games she’s amassed over 200 rushing yards and over 100 blocks, an indication of her flexibility and her ability to contribute to her team’s success in a variety of ways. She scored 7TDs in season 67, including an impressive double against the greenskins of the Killa Kartel. This is her first All Star selection.

Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. This is a particularly brutal line-up, replete with some of the SWL’s most dangerous players, and featuring some proven performers who have returned to their best, alongside an emerging generation of stars and legends. Much remains to be seen in coming seasons as new rules come into effect, many of which might curtail some of tonight’s All Stars, but whatever results from these changes, one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars, and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads:

LXVII Prem-Stars
François Englert (c) Bull LHC
Kai the Kobra Pestigor PSA
Ubirr III Orc Blitzer Wäŋa Warriors
Forrest Gump Dwarf Runner Striking Thunder Beards
Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha Pestigor Blackwater Glee Club
Andrew "Starships" Cornell CW Blackwater Glee Club
Totem V CD Blocker LHC
Gladiator CW PSA
Stuart "Survivor" Dio Pestigor Blackwater Glee Club
Dan "Asereje" Rollins CW Blackwater Glee Club

LXVII Conference Rep team
Tunnel I (c) CW Urban Nightmare
Cradle Ghoul Macabre Morticians
Mr_Foulscumm Pesti Madness Mountain Misery
Stanley GR Office Rats
Alejandro Marquez Helf Thrower Mexican Standoff
Little Cat B Beserker Freezy Trees
Hungrnir Snow Troll Wonga Wonga
Wrathnomenias Wight Macabre Morticians
Robert Vileorc Zombie Macabre Morticians
Yatulkurh Beast Madness Mountain Misery
Intevar Helf Catcher Griffon Gate Sentinels

LXVII Rising-Stars
Caging Chris (c) CD Blocker Easy Mode Maniacs
Tinkerbell Linewoman More than Ballgowns
Ephialtes Rat Thrower Styx and Warpstones
Napoléon Bonaparte Renegade Gobbo Redgum's Revolutionaries
Dominic Von'Dangre Vampire New Haven Nightingales
Teller WElf Thrower Forest Magicians
Tartarus Rat Blitzer Styx and Warpstones
Blotchnsaur Saurus Pink n Scabby
Dirty Pool Goblin Bribery & Corruption
Biggnsaur Kroxigor Pink n Scabby
Augusto César Sandino Renegade Human Redgum's Revolutionaries

So that ends another awards post-season. That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Mar 29, 2017 - 07:59 Reply with quote Back to top

Terence, the conference draw has been made, teams are chewing at the fat to get a shot at their run for the season 69 premier, hoping to find it full of horribly broken elf teams, older players unsure of their own skills, and whatever random assortment sneaks into last place.

Image An SWL season 68 conferences preview bought to you by the Erengrad CBBA Yhetees, who obviously have nothing better to do with their funds.

Now, for serious news, Terence, how are those useless goblins you go on about up in the conferences again?


Rumours of Bribery and Corruption in the SWL abound, Phillip, but more about them in due course.

Dhingo Initiative conference, named for a successful pre-war team that still turns the old bones out for Fringe tournaments quite regularly. This conference has the heavyweight contendors.

Image Freezy Trees Rating 207, 400k still. 11th season now for the less famous of the Norse teams (despite having their own cabalvision show), Lorax and Clark continue to lead a squad growing in size and … costs. Should revel in the Wizard's strike, may well be enough to return them to premier.

Image Horrors of Skye Rating 206, 700k banked. 23rd season legends of the SWL, once fiercely held onto their premier spots, it's a good squad returned from the regions here. Slicer looking to take apart teams and get the results the team used to take for granted, it may well be some inventive spending gets them all the way.

Image Compare the Meerkat Rating 202, 200k locked away. Staying in conferences once more for their 4th season, they've been close to promoting twice now, and Crockat will lead this surprisingly strong side into a the premier division sooner or later. Bit of a shame they've found themselves in a bashier place than premier! Or is it?

Image SWL Fun Police Rating 197, complete broke. Now into their lucky 13th season, they lost some real skill last time around and it cost them. Legends Gangrenous Gabriel and Rotting Roger, with Rancid Redmaul and the every-present Terry will continue to trouble teams, and the new rules around player support should make training the new ones a good bit swifter than in the past.

Image Easy Mode Maniacs Rating 195, treasury 800k. 9th season for Easy Mode, conferences is where they want to be, and conferences is where they are. Now they just have to win enough games to stay here. The direct approach of most of the teams they face should suit legend Caging Chris and his leading cohort of Decision Tree Dave and Flumouxed Faulcon just fine.

Image Office Rats Rating 178, 300k banked. Stanley (of the Silver Slipper) leads the rather smaller rats into their 7th season in a conference fit to give them the shivers. Still, inducments ahoy, this is a big meaty bunch and they're not small rats by any means. Could well surprise the lot of them.

Image Styx and Warpstones Rating 169, 300k banked. Just their 3rd season and here they find themselves in the conferences, but they faced down similar squads in a mean regional and came out of it well. A growing team that'll appreciate the bonus funds, expect them to wipe the odd basher off the pitch, and steal a good bit of ball along the way.

Image Cult of Monroe Rating 148, all spent. This solid squad did well in their first season, but the regional competition they had was light, and this conference is anything but with a host of killers and tacklers abounding. If the cult can learn the goblin mantra and kill all tacklers, they'll do just fine. Probably going back to the regions if they can't put some meat on their bones though.


That's a fair collection of superstars in those teams, Terence, names known far and wide, and the younger teams with them have a fair bit of talent coming along too. Caging Chris and Gangrenous Gabriel will be both hoping to claim top honours for laying on the pain, the rest of the team's fans will be hoping they manage to kill each other, twice if needed.


Enough about those horrid tacklers, Phillip, the best teams don't need any of that, and the more of them kill each other the better the league will be.

Stalingrad's White Stallions conference is where everyone's eyes will be, two former premier champions, three squads barely out of the trials, some great old triers, and the greatest goblins the world has ever seen, come to smash the lot of them. This is the one with the B&C.

Image Bribery and Corruption Rating 226, 200k banked. 8th season and looking impossibly menacing, rumour has it the most legendary Skinks have fled their team in fear of certain death in round one, other squads would be wise to follow suit. Kickbacks leading from the back.

Image Mexican Standoff Rating 222, bankrupt. 20th season and in the best nick they've been in for a long while, they'll have been fancying themselves for the next premier, until they saw those massive goblins. Lianna de la Castillas is still the standout, but there's real depth here too.

Image Slumbering Skink Rating 182, a clear million banked. Finally fallen from their eternal premier run after the Wāŋa Warriors did what so many big mutants had failed to do. Slumbering down in the confs will be more their speed for a while, expect a lot of hiding in a corner should remaining legend Llstrr go out early. 29th season since the war.

Image Hostile Kiddies IV Rating 181, 100k saved away. A short season leaves them in much the same state as our last preview. Dom Trady, Wustin Jatt, Flay Splatthews, Eulian Jendelman, not exactly the cleanest injury sheet, but a solid threat of dealing some when they get their act together. Still minus an Ogre in their 10th season.

Image Wonga Wonga Whalekillers Rating 177, 100k ready to burn. A massive 27 seasons for the other multiple premier winners in this group, the rebuild is on course, legend Fish Oil Nilsson with !Mbele Mummyslayer and Bean Boraksson should easily sort out the lesser lights here, until the goblins get them mid-season.

Image Settra's Sons Rating 155, 100k seems the way. Just 2nd season, made a great impression in their first. Conferences will be a different matter, but there's a few little squads along the way to help their development, and they'll learn a thing or two from the giants here.

Image Pharee Markhet Rating 140, 200k waiting to go. Another 2nd season bone squad, will be hoping to at least out-do their fellows, a sure way to start a grand rivalry. The rest of the competition up here may test their inducement strategies to the limits.

Image High Tea Party Rating 137, 100k like most here. Showing some promising development, they got some wins first season but the competition here will most likely chew them up and spit them out in their 2nd. Either that or they'll elf the lot of them and find themselves in an even tougher premier environment. Good luck to them.


Those are champion teams, Terence, show some respect. They'll feast on the newer teams and coaches, everyone can see who the three real contenders are, or even four.


I don't think you can really count out the Slumbering Skink that easy, Phillip.

Slumbering Skink Conference is a little confusing, as they're not here. You should really know who they are anyway. This one is the other regional.

Image SWL Jaegers Rating 206, flat broke. Romeo Blue and Shaolin Rogue return to lead their team back to the premier after this, their 7th season. This is a huge team for high elves, and there's room for growth yet, but they'll be very, very happy not to be facing Goblins again. Or Undead. The Dwarfs may give them some trouble though.

Image Asha'maniac Rating 188, 200k not much for Dwarfs. 13th season and not much to show for it terms of great stars. The years have been hard on them of late, and it's supposed to be other way around. Still, nothing like what happened to the Beards! Still plenty of skill, and no lack of unusual strength as ever, could well dominate here.

Image Steaked Rating 181, 100k banked. 12th season after a rebuild that didn't build much of anything other than a longer list of past player. They're thankful to avoid that premier, but there's plenty of mean to be had down here too. As holders of the Bob Borc Cup, the loss of head cheff Filleted will still be burning as they desperately try to build a team that can defend it.

Image More Than Ballgowns Rating 178, half a million banked. Promoted again off some great wins in their mean regional outings, these 5th season ladies are looking fit to kill, bouncing back quickly from their biggest losses of skilled players. Coaches and players growing in confidence.

Image Redgum's Revolutionaries Rating 171, 600k banked. 4th season Pact have finally found a little weight to their insurance policies, developing nicely and coping better with their burden of injuries. It was a great run for them back in the regions, we'll see how that carries on in the heat of the conferences.

Image Southern Warpstone Scavengers Rating 156, 200k banked. Another up from the regions for their 6th season, this bunch will be fairly familiar to them. They've long talked themselves up as premier contenders, if they can beat the biggest teams here that's exactly what they'll be. If you check their record, you'll see they've done just that in the past! Could also be horribly crushed.

Image Pink 'n Skabby Rating 155, with nothing. Not the worst start making this comparatively soft conference in their 2nd season, the ugly ones will look to build a solid core here and develop the sort of greats found until recently in the Slumbering Skink. Not getting cleared off the park by the big Dwarfs would be a big help there.

Image Striking Thunder Beards! Rating 152, and broke. They almost won the lot on their second premier trip, and almost stayed up, and almost kept a great team together, and then the last few minutes of the last couple games saw all of that slip away into memories of what might have been. Normally teams dropping from fourth in premier can be expected to be a ruinous menace to the conferences, but ouch. Forrest Gump survives to lead the smallest squad here into their 6th season.

And not just that, but we've a fourth conference again too.

When did they decide that, Terence? Not much notice, but it explains all those regionals teams suddenly found in the Slumbering Skink conference!


Most of those were well due for promotion anyway, Phillip, moreso than some other giants in other conferences, and cruel mismatches are exactly what the fans enjoy anyway.

Large Head-On Colliders Conference is our fourth, named for the other (usually) active and had a shot at it last time past premier winner. It's chock full of elves and more, this is the dodgy one.

Image Madness Mountain Misery Rating 219, 800k banked. These Nurgs are finally starting to look the business. Mr Foulscumm has slowed somewhat to lead them into their 8th season, along with the massive Yatulkurh, but the rest of them are heavy enough to finally put some fear into their opponents. They'll grow from here too, and may well be headed for that first premier trip they earned when so young.

Image Altered Perception Rating 203, 100k ready to spend. Well enough recovered after a season down in Confs, they'll be looking to head back to premier too, but this isn't an easy lot to beat out. Stealing Statins leads a massive and well experienced 5th season team that will test the best of them here, and smash the littler ones.

Image Urban Nightmare Rating 198, a million tucked away. They aimed to be the first Chaos team to win prem in a long time, Roundabout and Tunnel will lead their run to contend with the Chaos team who did just that in season 67, the Glee Club. The team carries plenty of injuries in their 7th season, but it's part of the tactics for the squad, and their bash record is second to none.

Image Domestic Blitz! Rating 172, 300k banked. Last season slipped away from them after they talked up some big goals. The renovations they aim for this season will be no less, and there's a good few teams here they could well clean up. Against the bigger squads they'll need their inducement strategies to pay off rather better for their 3rd season.

Image Wings of the Condor Rating 169, broke. Legendary black pearl holder Viola (and lesser friends) brings back the Condor for the 9th season and another shot at making and taking the big time. Talk of banking troubles wont worry a 1-woman winning machine like this! Still, there's quite a bit of skill about the team too, and they've easily earned premier with less.

Image Autumn's Leaves Rating 166, 100k in the bank. They were defending premiers for season 67, and they left it all on the pitch. Gillian Starshine and Tinuviel remain to lead them, and work is they're considering getting another tree along to help. It was a long road to win that premier title, but they'll be back with the best soon enough after this, their 14th season.

Image Forest Magicians Rating 158, 100k to burn. This early meeting with their inspiration will be a great test of the coaching staff's understanding of the game relative to the much more experienced Leaves'. Just 2nd season, they're bound to elf a few but there's no real stars here yet to take them all the way.

Image Rigorus Mort Rating 157, and skint. Finally built a bit of a team for their 3rd season, and have now won a few games along the way. Have to expect they simply lack the depth yet to stop the rest of this conference running rings around them, but who knows how they'll handle the return of heavy inducements.


A recent premier winner, two more recent premier contestants, a couple more that all but made it, not all in the best of shape, but what a battle that will be. How do you pick a winner?


The blessings of Nuffle decide it better than the speculation of pundits, Phillip, all we can really know is there's going to be a goblin team in Premier 69. Nothing surer.


No one likes your Goblins, Terence, we get complaints all the time about that. Our conferences celebrate teams from the old days of SWL, even the old days of teams that are still with us, having created a legend in the SWL. There'll be suprises, shocks, deaths, terrible injuries, catch the replays, watch them live, love every moment of the SWL conferences, where 32 teams strive for the 5 places open in the next premier, or just try to survive playing against those who are.


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Mar 30, 2017 - 04:00 Reply with quote Back to top

Here's the real goblins, out in the Regionals where such teams can delight the fans with their crazy cheating antics and propensity to get "surprise" wins.

Image An SWL season 68 regional preview bought to you by the lawyers for the teams who got their one turned into a conference. Clever that. Still, no giants down here this time around, isn't that right, Terence?


The Giants of the Conferences are all in mourning at the sudden and untimely death of Dirty Pool. It's a tragedy for all, the most entertaining goblin in the history of any league ever. Long live Dirty Pool II.

Comissioner dc's memorial Regional is not an actual memorial, they're just missed. It's a fine mix of teams down on their luck, just getting started, and some terrible pickers roped in from the fringes to make up numbers.

Image Colour of Money Rating 157, broke. The less famous 8th season Goblins, they've been well trimmed through last season, will work on training the new troll, and fancy themselves to follow their betters up to confs.

Image Comfortably Average Rating 150, 300k banked. Returning fillers, still nothing on any of the regular teams, expect many stumbles despite having blooded most of 'em, and a disappointing finish.

Image NewHavenNightingales Rating 144, 200k sitting about. After the other bloodsuckers finally made the premier, these ones languish in the regions for their 2nd season. The players have grown, they'll do better this time around.

Image Stirland Peasants Rating 137, so broke. This group of past-it college 7s players have decided they can cut it in the big leagues. Really just shameless cross-promotion marketing for the CBBA from up north. No chance here against real teams.

Image Croak 'n' Dagger Rating 130, new squad. With our older frogs lost in the wilds, these new ones are giving the SWL a go. Good on them, but like most frog teams, expect a lot of hopeful leaping before the inevitable run of splats.

Image Legend of Lustria Rating 129, new squad. Wāŋa Warriors coach didn't take long to find a new squad in need of a cool head. There's no doubt they rate themselves, the rest of the pundits are taking a wait-and-see approach.

Image Hashut's Offering Rating 124, broker than most. Came in a bit light in their first season, almost caught up now despite repeated losses in their mean regional. Second season surely can't be any worse.

Image Orcus Maximuss Rating 99, nothing left. Complete rookies, just gathered together for the occasion. Word is they're taking lessons from our premier Undead, expect some solid fouling then, and solid use of the inducements on offer.


The Colour of Money will delight the true fans of the SWL all season, Terence, their remaining fanbase is very loyal, and the lack of bribes will hardly hurt their spirit. After all, they're the biggest team here!


None of those teams are big, Phillip, just some less small than others.


So just 2 new squads, 43 returning, and a couple of fillers dragged in from the fringes of the SWL away from the whirlwind that is preparation for Thunderdome, where old greats of the SWL regather to clash once more, with a few cheesy hangers on, former blooders, and the like, most too soft to ever to have a proper go the big time here. Serious teams these.

Games have been played, little goblins, fast elves, big lizards, dead everywhere, fans overjoyed and distraught all at once. Plenty more to come through the season, legends on the line, teams and players alike, massive elves and ruthless terrors in premier, greats and journeymen alike in the conferences striving for the next one, and the regions a temporary home to those recovering and starting out. Season 68, well older than any other leagues!


Joined: Feb 20, 2006

Post   Posted: Apr 13, 2017 - 14:09 Reply with quote Back to top


For the second time your humble correspondent has had to report blatant cheating by an administrator. The usual level of depravity the SWL team have has not altered, the blatant disregard for getting caught demonstrates just how little they care. Behold my evidence:



PS. If you can't see it, the picture is waiting to get approved. The life of the southerners.

Check out my fishing and camping blog.

The Black Pearl Bounty-Board.


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: May 04, 2017 - 05:14 Reply with quote Back to top

The T&P Show.

... Terence, thanks for that, but what about our Conferences? Who's making prem next season?


Phillip, the Dhingo Initiative Conf, heavyweight contenders, is wickedly tight after four rounds. The Meerkat are on top, having also beaten the Fun Police on the scoreboard, who are close behind, with Skye, the Trees, and the young Cult of Monroe hovering in easy reach of all of them. If Skye can tear up the Meerkats and take a win, this will be anyone's, but Meerkats have bested the other top teams already and it will likely go for them from here.

Stalingrad's White Stallions Conf, the one with the B&C, has four teams looking likely enough after four rounds, the Skink of course, almost new Settra's Sons about to face them, High Tea doing the business, and everyone's old favourite the B&C right up there. That's two fairly small and young squads facing an old giant of premier, and the very heart of the SWL, it really comes down to those two, and we all know what that means.


No one at all likes your goblins, Terence.


Because everyone loves them!

Slumbering Skink Conf, the other regional, is home to another new successful Lizard team. Scabby are looking good on their early run of wins, with the Jeagers, Beards!, and Steaked all doing well enough behind them, but they lost to Steaked in round five already, and have the other two to go! Hovering as the upset is the Maniacs, round four to play, and both elves right in their sights. Could easily be the Beards! here, but dorfs by the rules aren't allowed in premier if Goblins make it, so that'll be interesting for the administrators.

Large Head-On Colliders Conf, the dodgy one, Urban Nightmare and Wings of the Condor tied in round three, and remain tied on the table, the elves slightly favoured by overall scoring difference and an easier finishing run, if they can handle the other elves about this place. Misery nips at the heels of both, and if they beat the Nightmare round seven it could fall right into their laps. The other five are well behind.


That dwarf rule is not a rule, Terence! Is it?


Rules are made to be broken, the Bribery and Corruption runs deep in this league as is constantly demonstrated in so many ways.


So, Meerkat, Skinks, Beards!, Jeagers, and Condor?


That's not even close, Phillip, wrong Lizards for one, but also too early to pick the next best for the last spot, there's a dozen teams could take that, if the top three in premier remain in the competition after the rigours of the Bob Borc Cup II and we don't need more.


Thanks, Terence, controversial as ever, more on the coming Bob Borc Cup as well as our regional roundup after these messages from our sponsors ...


Joined: Oct 29, 2013

Post   Posted: May 25, 2017 - 06:49 Reply with quote Back to top


Welcome one and all to the latest induction ceremony of the

This inductee is not your typical High Elf, he didn't show much interest in the ball. There was something different about him. His teammates kept their distance on the training pitch but when the real game started, his tenacity, and pure brutality, gave them immense confidence.

In the (recorded) history of the SWL, this player is the the second most efficient killer. Ever. And that's not just of High Elves, but of everyone.

It's my honour to announce that the next HEROES Hall of Fame inductee is:

from the Griffon Gate Sentinels.

Please visit the HEROES home page to see Felaern's full profile.

Proud member of the SWL HEROES

Bio template here.

Joined: Oct 12, 2013

Post   Posted: May 26, 2017 - 13:45 Reply with quote Back to top

Bazza stood at the microphone ready to kick things off. Although he was a former super star for the Bogan Yobs, a confident catcher "The Lightning Mullet", and renowned scribe for the SW League Week, he seemed uncomfortable at the podium. As is often the way of former players, shove them in a suit and tie, put a microphone in their hand, and all of a sudden they become stiff and awkward. The crowd picked up on the nerves and started to heckle.

"Made any picks lately Baaaaaza?", a taunt rose up from the front table

"Piss off!", Bazza glared down at the Chaos team before him

"No rats in Prem eh? Baaaaaaza?", came a jibe from Crockat further back.

"Get stuffed, the lot of you!", the MC lost his awkwardness as his face flushed red with rage, "Yeah, Ha-bloody-Ha! At least I'm not afraid to make picks. Stick with the predictionless predictions of Terence and Phillip, ya bastards, oh they never get it wrong. Now let's get on with the awards"

ALIEN, Wastepac Team Challenge Champions LXVIII

A smile returned to Bazzza's face as Viola came up to collect the award. "Elves", he muttered to himself, "I picked elves. Next season... we'll see"

The SWL LXVIII Team Achievements

Turns (968): Orcus Maximuss
Completions (15): Comfortably Average
TDs (14): Comfortably Average
Cas (26): Orcus Maximuss
SPP (74): Orcus Maximuss
Passing yards (71): Comfortably Average
Rushing yards (260): Comfortably Average
Blocks (332): Orcus Maximuss
Fouls (22): Orcus Maximuss
Blocks/Cas (18.6): Stirland Peasants
Pass/Cp (4.7): Comfortably Average
Kills (5): Orcus Maximuss

Turns (1176): Striking Thunder Beards!
Completions (34): Styx and Warpstones
TDs (17): Wings of the Condor and High Tea Party
Cas (34): Madness Mountain Misery
SPP (97): Wings of the Condor
Passing yards (141): Mexican Standoff
Rushing yards (280): High Tea Party
Blocks (365): Striking Thunder Beards!
Fouls (56): Madness Mountain Misery
Blocks/Cas (10.3): Wonga Wonga Whalekillers
Pass/Cp (6.7): Mexican Standoff
Kills (9): SWL Fun Police

Turns (1170): Macabre Morticians
Completions (23): Daemon Ex Tesserae
TDs (15): Dallas Drowboys and New World Winers and Diners
Cas (38): Macabre Morticians
SPP (108): Blackwater Glee Club
Passing yards (99): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Rushing yards (256): New World Winers and Diners
Blocks (307): Public Service Announcement
Fouls (80): Macabre Morticians
Blocks/Cas (9): Blackwater Glee Club
Pass/Cp (5.2): Griffon Gate Sentinels
Kills (6): Macabre Morticians

As the murderous zombie lumbered off the stage with the Kills award, Bazza let rip once more "Undead in Prem. See! Nobody else got that, or the Vamps! Who else picked Vamps to be in Prem?"

Image The Unofficial Maester Whippy Dean Douglas Sundae
Image Hungrnir (Wonga Wonga Whalekillers) 14 spp

"No norse in Prem again next season, no surprises there"

The SWL Season LXVIII Awards

Image Image Ethelred (Comfortably Average) 5 TDs
Image Image Vance (Stirland Peasants) 6 cas
Image Image Clomesh (Orcus Maximuss) & ImageMankus (Orcus Maximuss) 97 turns
Image Image Blackford (Legend of Lustria) 92 rushing yards
Image Image Randy (Stirland Peasants) 58 pass yards
Image Image Fundle (Orcus Maximuss) 14 fouls
Image Image Vance (Stirland Peasants) 56 blocks
Image Image Randy (Stirland Peasants) 11 cps
Image Image Rankus (Orcus Maximuss) 6.25 block/cas
Image Image Randy (Stirland Peasants) 5.28 pass/cp

Image Image Ethelred (Comfortably Average) 20 SPP

Image Image Forrest Gump (Striking Thunder Beards!) 9 TDs
Image Image Takh'anet the Terrible (Settra's Sons) 17 cas
Image Image Takh'anet the Terrible (Settra's Sons) 114 turns
Image Image Forrest Gump (Striking Thunder Beards!) 191 rushing yards
Image Image Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff) 104 pass yards
Image Image Gedney (Madness Mountain Misery) 33 fouls
Image Image Volos (Styx and Warpstones) 80 blocks
Image Image Ephialtes (Styx and Warpstones) 31 cps
Image Image Terry the Tainted Tentacle (SWL Fun Police) 3 block/cas
Image Image Alejandro Marquez (Mexican Standoff) 11.56 pass/cp

Image Image Takh'anet the Terrible (Settra's Sons) & Image Ephialtes (Styx and Warpstones) 34 SPP

The Disco Dan Ball
Image Image Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club) & Image Count Timothée Beau Pre (New World Winers and Diners) & Image Dain (Daemon Ex Tesserae) & Image Exorr (Dallas Drowboys) 5 TDs

The Replacemnt Knuckles
Image Image Wrathnomenias (Macabre Morticians) & Image Damien "Shake it off" Halford (Blackwater Glee Club) 8 cas

The Touchstone Heart
Image Image Wrathnomenias (Macabre Morticians) 113 turns

The Xies-ler-aym Slipper
Image Image Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club) 151 rushing yards

The Manfred von Richthofen Arrow
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 89 pass yards

The John Stone Boot
Image Image Robert Vileorc (Macabre Morticians) 53 fouls

The Eth'el Shield
Image Image Wrathnomenias (Macabre Morticians) 76 blocks

The Emilio Luthien Boomerang
Image Image Prelaht (Daemon Ex Tesserae) & Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 10 cps

The Geoffrey Grimwade Fist
Image Image Rex Glizer (Dallas Drowboys) 3 block/cas

The Duskwind Strongarm
Image Image Ailmon (Griffon Gate Sentinels) 8.9 pass/cp

The Duke Snakefield Medallion
Image Image Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha (Blackwater Glee Club) 23 SPP

As "Dr Jones" collected the last award of the night, Bazza took a good hard look at him, the stength, the agility. "Ya, sod it. Zero out of four most likely"

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Jun 04, 2017 - 15:50 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL second annual Bob Borc Cup preview, now featuring a swiss competition to get things down to the final eight. This broadcast is bought to you by some very, very, happy Goblins, who did nothing at all toward completely rigging the draw so that Goblins would win it.


Nothing suspicious there at all, Phillip. There's a bunch of teams, and a bunch of matches, we'll preview some of the hot ones round by round for you as we go through the swiss, hoping to cover most teams somewhere along the way, and pointing out just how unfair it is that teams full of agile players get to play bloodbowl at all.


Thanks Terence, give it to them, who's about to get ruined just for turning up.


Image vs Image The SWL Fun Police, the biggest and meanest looking squad for the first round have hit the SWL Jaegers, who are down a few players after a rough final round to season 68. This is mega inducements though, and the big Nurgs have had trouble with elves and their famous stars before in the Bob Borc Cup. Tight result either way, you'd have to expect, except in the casualties count, where the Jaegers won't be unhappy to have some of their best players miss the game. The Fun Police will be looking to go all the way just like last year, but these aren't overtime games yet.

Image vs Image A somewhat smaller Urban Nightmare have caught almost the smallest team here in High Tea Party for our biggest mismatch and also the match most likely to make one coach terribly sad about the outcome. This is every inducement in the book, and looking for more, with some talent left to make use of it. Elf jouneymen, enjoy your breif time on the pitch, you may even live to tell tales of it if you can find a free apothecary somewhere after the game.

Image vs Image Sacred Spawning of Sotek return after a break and run straight into recent premier contenders Public Service Announcment. They'll be thankful it's not the Glee Club after getting torn up by our champions just before they parked a while. The Lizards are still the worse for wear, time away doing them no favours, but it's a grand team no doubt and the PSA may well struggle to contain them if the casualties don't quickly go their way. Expect a tight match, from what was formerly #2 Lizard team, and #2 Chaos team, at least until they were passed by younger squads in Season 68.

Image vs Image Our regular season back-to-back champions hit the defending BBC champions, Blackwater Glee Club meets Steaked. It must be said, the intervening seasons have been kinder to one of these squads than the other, our legendary chaos squad are almost undefeated along the way, where the dark elfs have struggled to rebuild a fully skilled outfit after continued staff turnover, including the famed Filleted who almost single-handedly won them the last one of these. Still, a few inducements will help ease the inevitable pain, and they do love serving up a fine scoreline to these heavy hitters. Dr Jones, won't someone collect that pearl?

Image vs Image Speaking of pain, neither of these teams should be feeling any, but their fans might. Horrors of Skye and Macabre Morticians take the pitch together for the second time, with their first being a grim affair full of second deaths. Nicolas Clumsytree and Robert Vileorc will be looking for a repeat for their own side of the ledger, and the Morticians don't need a win to keep intact the sort of records that they care for. Could be anyones game depending how the ref sees it, not to mention the inevitable bribery.

Image vs Image Bribery and Corruption featuring the Colour of Money that is. What's better than Goblins? More Goblins! These matchups are ruinous and completely unfair toward the team that has the respect of the referee, and the big ones have to buy their own bribes! How is that fair? Will the madness never end? Expect either the good ones to win, or not, but expect mayhem and murder aplenty. Bloodbowl at it's best, good luck to them.

Image vs Image The closest matchup in the first round is this: Wonga Wonga Whalekillers hit Pink 'n Scabby with barely a thing between the two, former premiers looking after some great legends, and young upstarts headed straight to the premier in their third full season and hoping to get a few easy games here to build a better team for it. This is the old and the young, legends taking on rising stars, could easily go either way, especially if Hungrnir keeps up recent sundae-winning form with the big claws.


That's all we've got time for, Terence, wrap it up.


Thanks Phillip, there's another dozen matches being played too, we'll catch up with those teams as the weeks progress. It's three rounds, you play teams in the 2nd and 3rd who are doing just as well as you have, so getting smashed at least has that as an upside. Expect some of those big hitters to face each other in later rounds as a result, or maybe some goblins instead.

The top eight will go to a knockout, we'll do a full review at that point to look at how they all got there, we're expecting teams to need at least two wins, with good margins or solid casualty advantage, from the three rounds here to progress, or maybe a huge win with two ties, but losing your first one makes the next ones easier, so it's anyone's guess who'll take the early advantage and manage to hold onto it to the knockout.


Top stuff Terence, everyone's hanging out for the matches to start, but this short notice means teams are struggling for travel arrangements and all sorts, who knows when they'll kick off, check with your discordant wizards for notices. One of us is going to be disgustingly happy with that result in the Goblin match, you know.


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Jun 13, 2017 - 16:04 Reply with quote Back to top

Image Our SWL second annual Bob Borc Cup preview, continues. Terence?


Yes it does continue Phillip, we've been over this. Round two kicking off with the Fun Police horribly crushing Bribery and Corruption, what a mess. Someone ought to do something about that team.


The Fun Police just did do something about them, Terence, you said so yourself!


Image vs Image After brutal wins over various agile teams Wings of the Condor are a great match for Striking Thunder Beards!, identical first round match performances full of casualties and scoring. It'll be a great tester for both of them, though you'd have to expect the casualties to flow the way of the Dwarfs rather quickly. Viola is back off rest break, so the score will probably go the other way rather quickly too.

Image vs Image At the other end of the competition Steaked took an honest beating from the Glee Club and High Elvis took a nasty scuff to their Blue Suede Shoes from the Beards!. Expect the champion Dark Elves to overcome the massive inducements here and get back on track for a title defence. But who knows, elves and Wizards ... oh, right.

Image vs Image New World Winers and Diners are our premier vampires and they'll be hungry to feed on Griffon Gate Sentinels. Rough ties first round see them fighting for their very survival in the competition. Lots of ways for both teams to get the ball off each other, lots of ways to hurt the other side, but it'll come down to numbers in the end most likely, and the Vamps have a long bench in comparison. Shame they have a habit of reducing it all on their own.

Image vs Image Perenial battlers both, Madness Mountain Misery tied the premier Vamps and did some damage too, Freezy Trees won and took a fair bit of punishment from the young Krakens. Here they meet for perhaps more of the same, damage dealt by Nurgle and to Norse. Still, the Trees have had plenty of these games go the other way for them when Clark's on form.

Image vs Image A good win each (against unfortunate Magicians and Drowboys respectively) has set Port Macquarie Snowleopards and Domestic Blitz on a fair line to final eight, though they'll both want another win right away to feel confident of that. The Snowleopards went a long way in the first BBC, though the usual toll taken on woodies means they're not quite the side they were, while the Blitz are new to the competition. Can either make it?

Image vs Image Redgum's Revolutionaries and Tusk both modest losses first round (to the Skinks and Leaves respectively, old prem teams), and they've already played their second round to a tie. That'll be the both of them out of the last eight, but will be looking to build on towards Season 69 with a good final performance. Spirited play from the young Orcs, very elf-like for some reason, lots of dodging.

Image vs Image More beaten up elf teams here with Mexican Standoff recovering quickly from their dwarfing to face Dallas Drowboys in their last hurrah, a bit slower after the Blitz cleaned them up. Expect glorious death and violence as only these two rosters know how to bring. Not a backward step, but a good few sideways ones.


Good stuff Terence, I'm glad to see the end of those useless goblins you like so much.


No one's out of anything yet, Phillip, a big third round win could drag most of the teams in this competition right into the final eight, one win in the first two games is enough to at least get into the tiebreakers with a second, and two ties should leave you a lifeline for a top performance against other middling teams at the end. Still, a win here is best, and they'll all be wanting one.


Thanks Terence, the matches are rolling through, keep an eye out, there's some nailbiting stuff and teams are putting it all on the line to hold for a tie and keep themselves alive. That's how those goblins went out, giving it their all, and failing anyway, useless!


Last edited by tussock on Jun 20, 2017 - 07:26; edited 2 times in total

Joined: May 19, 2009

Post   Posted: Jun 15, 2017 - 15:41 Reply with quote Back to top

Welcome to the SWL All Star presentation evening for Season 68. 

It’s our pleasure to announce this season's SWL 'All-Stars' Team, and the representative squads for each level of competition within the SWL. 
All SWL players are eligible for consideration in this team, from the Regionals up to the Premier League, and this season sees a blend of newly discovered talent and some of SWL’s all-time legendary players. Perhaps more than any previous All Star team, we have a line-up tonight which is itching for a fight and ready to win it.
It gives us great pleasure to announce those honoured for their efforts and performances during SWL LXVIII: 

Damien “Shake it Off Halford (C) Chosen Blocker, Blackwater Glee Club
Drew “Dr Jones” De La Rocha Beastman Runner, Blackwater Glee Club
Dain Elf Catcher, Daemon Ex Tesserae
Viscount Arnaud Papillon Vampire, New World Winers and Diners
Wrathnomenias Wight, Macabre Morticians
Robert Vileorc Zombie, Macabre Morticians 
Ephialtes Skaven Thrower, Styx and Warpstones
Forrest Gump Dwarf Runner, Striking Thunder Beards!
Roundabout I Chosen Blocker, Urban Nightmare
Takh’anet the Terrible Anointed Blitzer, Settra’s Sons
Ethelred Human Catcher, Comfortably Average

Before this season, few would have predicted that Damien Halford would climb the podium tonight to receive the rare and illustrious honour of being named Captain of the SWL All Stars. With the recent league-wide crack down on rough play, and particularly on the tactic of leaping onto an already fallen opponent, it was expected that the efficacy of Halford and others like him would wane. Some doomsayers even suggested that the rule changes would end the distinguished careers of players like Halford. And yet, into this season of uncertainty and new challenges, the warrior they call “Shake if Off” lived up to his nickname and discarded the doubts and challenges which might have weighed a lesser player down. Sure, we didn’t see the sorts of games that characterised his early career, games where he could single-handedly demolish teams, but his hitting power was undiminished and he proved that he was still capable of changing the course of a game with a well-placed block. His 8 CAS were an important contribution to the Glee Club’s successful Premier League title defence, and Halford tonight adds the All Star captaincy to his long list of honours.

Alongside Halford on the Premier winner’s podium was the incredible Drew De La Rocha. Rarely has the SWL seen such an athlete. The beastman they call “Dr Jones” is truly a once-in-a-generation player. As strong as an Ogre, more agile than an elf, and with a set of hands so sure that he can pick the ball up under heavy pressure, and hold it against those who might seek to strip it away. He started the season in fine form, with 2 TDs vs the Sentinels, but as the season progressed he showed how he could adjust his game to the team’s needs. With ball in hand he was an unpredictable threat, able to cross the line himself, or to pick out the pass which would expose any hole his opponent left in their defence. This season rightly cemented his legacy as a Legend of the SWL, and tonight we write his name among the Season 68 All Stars.

Where Dr Jones thrives on athletic prowess, his Premier League opponent, Dain, forges his success from an impressive set of skills. Certainly Dain has all the impressive physical attributes we’ve come to expect from the elven catchers, but as he’s learnt the game he’s added several strings to that already powerful bow. He’s incredibly difficult to bring to ground, using his strength and skill to match most blockers toe-to-toe, or using his agility to dodge away and leave his opponent in his dust. When he does go down he’s instantly back on his feet and moving with all of that impressive speed. It has taken him awhile to find his niche in the game. Those who saw his early career might be surprised by this selection, but any who saw his back-to-back break out games this season will not. Scoring three TDs against the Vampiric Winers and Diners announced his arrival, and following that up with 2 more in the 4-1 upset of the Glee Club affirmed that Dain is already an All Star of the competition.

The SWL’s first ever Vampire All Star is Viscount Arnaud Papillon. He was an important figure in his team’s first tilt at the Premier League, and proved his value as a ball-carrier capable of scoring or passing as the context of the game required. He was the only Premier League player in Season 68 to rush for more than 100 yards, a particularly impressive feat given the sometimes irresistible blood lust that could distract him from the game at times. Luckily, the Viscount is a professional, usually capable of ignoring or overcoming those more base instincts for blood. He has amazing agility, great strength, and the capacity to step around or away from his opponent in ways they might struggle to anticipate.

Wrathnomenias is a founding member of the Morticians, and a two-time Conference Representative (in seasons 66 and 67). Many have been watching his progress, feeling that he was on the verge of greatness, knocking on the door of the All Stars without quite being able to take that next step. Season 68 may have been the moment when the Wight put any doubts aside. He was an equal-leader in the Premier CAS-count, with 8 for the season. Long recognised for his willingness to throw blocks, we’re now seeing the benefits which come from his mighty blows breaking through an opponents’ armour, or his tackling technique dragging even the most lithe opponents crashing to the turf. These qualities were most evident in his incredible performance against the elven teams, recording 2 CAS against the Daemon’s and outdoing himself with 4 against the Sentinels. In battle, he can tend to wild, frenzied attacks, and yet he can also help his team-mates, lending his presence to tip the balance of blocking battles in their favour. It’s this balance between personal glory and solid team-play which makes him undeniably an All Star of season 68.

The only Season 67 All Star to feature in this season’s line-up is the fellow Macabre Mortician, SWL's own shambling wonder: Robert Vileorc. The zombie, now an All-Star for the fourth consecutive time, continues to amaze, indeed this season smashed his previous impressive records. He recorded a mind-boggling 53 fouls for the season, a feat achieved in only 67 turns on the pitch. He somehow avoided the angry retributions of his opponents despite raining brutal boots down on their fallen foes. He likewise avoided the ire of the referees, hiding his dirty tactics with a combination of rat-cunning, well-placed bribes, and argumentative coach and sometimes dumb luck. One of his more notable performances was his 8 fouls in 8 turns when he returned to face the team he had once given his life for, the Griffon Gate Sentinels. Coach CDWat must have been fuming to see his one-time journeyman returned from the dead and intent on more death, but we here at the All Star selection panel continue to cheer the incredible career of this plucky little brute.

Ephialtes stepped into this season as a bit of an unknown. He had shown a few of the skills which have now come to define him, but Season 68 was a break-out for the young rat, a season in which SWL records and opposing defences both fell before him. Throwers have always been important in Skaven teams, but although Ephialtes was an original member of the Styx, he wasn't always their favoured ball tosser. He trained hard and developed agility, and since then he has set himself apart. He has since added some sneaky tactics to his game, learning to hold his nerve under pressure and to squeeze out short passes when his opponents can reach him. For all this, it is his 31 completions (and a touchdown) which have made it impossible not to recognise him as an All-Star on SWL's season 68.

The Striking Thunder Beards! often play to stadia full of drunken chanting dwarfs, the crowds chanting and roaring in unison with a single refrain: Run, Forrest, Run! And once again in season 68, Forrest Gump was happy to oblige. He scored in every game this season, and had several games with 2 TDs to his name. He now have over 1,000 rushing yards in his career. Possibly the best Dwarf Runner SWL has seen in a generation, he's got amazing agility and natural leadership skills. On defence he has an annoying habit of stealing the ball away from opposing ball-carriers, the better for him to pick it up for himself and start running the other way.

Urban Nightmare is a Conference-winning team replete with stars, super-stars and legends of the game. Atop this team of luminaries stands Roundabout I, an original member of the Nightmare and the only player to have played in every one of their games. Where his team-mates have received more brutal reward for their chaotic worship, Roundabout has turned his dark rituals and prayers to his uncanny ball-handling. His safe hands are of supernatural size, and his agility is unexpectedly good for a player of his size and strength. A skilled passer and a good runner with potent scoring power, he's showing every sign of being able to regain the form from a few seasons ago which saw him awarded the Silver Slipper and Silver Medallion, and undoubtedly is hoping to convert those to gold when he lines up in premier next season.

Takh’anet the Terrible also rose to fame this season, establishing himself as one of SWL's most dangerous players during the Settra's Sons Conference winning season. With 17 CAS for the season, he's demonstrated his bloody effectiveness over and again, with the trail of broken bodies behind him testimony enough to what he's capable of. He came into this season with 6 CAS in his career, in season 68 he caused at least 2 in every game he played. With all he has learnt this season he stands ready to progress into Premier where his frenzied attack and his mighty blows might give his khemri team a chance at an upset title.

Rounding out this year's All-Stars is the exciting young catcher from Comfortably Average: Ethelred. He is a curious case among the SWL, already a retiree, he walked away from the game uninjured and at the height of his powers. It was in those hazy days following the celebration of his team's Regional title when he announced that he was walking away from the game and no amount of pleading could change his mind once it was set. He takes with him the Bronze Medallion and the Bronze Ball, recognising the 5TDs and the starring role he played in the Regionals this season. To these honours we tonight add the recognition of being an All Star. It is well deserved, and something Ethelred will perhaps tell his children and grandchildren of, some evening long hence, as he rocks his way through a peaceful retirement on his front verandah.

Congratulations go to all those named in the All-Stars Team. This is a particularly brutal line-up, replete with some of the SWL’s most dangerous players, and featuring some proven performers who have returned to their best, alongside an emerging generation of stars and legends. Much remains to be seen in coming seasons as new rules come into effect, many of which might curtail some of tonight’s All Stars, but whatever results from these changes, one thing remains certain: only 11 spots are available among the All-Stars, and for those recognised it is an honour which will remain theirs forever.

A hearty congratulations also to the players selected in their divisional Representative squads: 

LXVIII Prem-Stars
Damien "Shake it off" Halford © Chaos Chosen Blackwater Glee Club
Drew "Dr Jones" De La Rocha Beastman Blackwater Glee Club
Dain Elf Catcher Daemon Ex Tesserae
Count Timothée Beau Pre Vampire New World Winers and Diners
Viscount Arnaud Papillon Vampire New World Winers and Diners
Ailmon Helf Thrower Griffon Gate Sentinels
Wrathnomenias Wight Macabre Morticians
Pepii Dancers the Wars Wardancer Port Macquarie Snowleopards
Robert Vileorc Zombie Macabre Morticians
Love Machine Beastman Public Service Announcement
Exorr Witch Elf Dallas Drowboys

LXVII Conference Rep team
Roundabout I © Chosen Urban Nightmare
Ephialtes Rat Thrower Styx and Warpstones
Forrest Gump Dwarf Runner Striking Thunder Beards
Logain Ablar V Dwarf Runner Asha'maniac
Alejandro Marquez Helf Thrower Mexican Standoff
Takh'anet the Terrible Blitz-Ra Settra's Sons
Tunnel I Chosen Urban Nightmare
Volos Rat Blitzer Styx and Warpstones
Gedney Rotter Madness Mountain Misery
Smooth IV Golem Horrors of Skye
Eztletalpalli II Skink Pink and Scabby

LXVII Rising-Stars
Vance © Human Blitzer Stirland Peasants
Ethelred Human Catcher Comfortably Average
Romesh Orc Blitzer Orcus Maximuss
Henry III Human Catcher Comfortably Average
Blackford Skink Legend of Lustria
Randy Human Thrower Stirland Peasants
Rash Slann Blitzer Croak and Dagger
Chosi Saurus Legend of Lustria
Fundle Orc Lineman Orcus Maximuss
Mankus Black Orc Blocker Orcus Maximuss
Dominic Von'Dangre Vampire NewHaven Nightingales

So that ends another awards post-season. That's all from us for now so we hope you enjoyed the teams as they were announced, we look forward to seeing you all again at end of season and until then... may the riots be many, may your rocks fly true, and may many a star be surfed into the crowd!

Tomay wrote:
Thanks Redgum, you are a legend...

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Jun 20, 2017 - 06:58 Reply with quote Back to top

Image The last round of the qualifier, Terence, who's in the money spots?


Not the goblins, they drew Zons, in the rain, tackle everywhere, you know how that goes.


No one cares about your Goblins, Phillip! On with it!


Image vs Image Port Macquarie Snowleopards got a bye, Slumbering Skink might make them regret that as the great team continues it's rebuilding. Both teams well up on TDs, a tight margin may get them both through, but that won't be the option that either of them want from this classic match up of legends, smash 'em, put the other one out, and have an easier eight.

Image vs Image Further down, famed Invaders the Freezy Trees are still just in it, as are young Egon Schiele All Stars a point below them. This far down though, it's must-win for both of them, as teams below winning would put them out should they tie. The trees will want to make this to mark the passing of Lorax.

Image vs Image Steaked and Forest Magicians at the bottom of the table show this was not a great tournament for Elves, despite one of these being the defending champ. Surely he won't go 3 losses! Very Happy

Image vs Image A preview of S69 Premier here, New World Winers and Diners meet Settra's Sons with the young skellington team and both in need of a big win to progress after two ties a piece. These particular Khemri have done that before, unusually enough, and Vamps are known to for the maddening hunger even against the undead.

Image vs Image Autumns Leaves find a softer touch in High Tea Party for a spot of elfballing. They're well down the draw from suffering some heavy casualties each, but this could suit either of them and a big win has to put them right in contention for the last eight to even knock out a top squad.

Image vs Image The returning Prancing Unicorns meet Striking Thunder Beards! with the only reach chance of progression open to the Orcs, and then it'd need to be an unlikely smashing on the scoreboard. Still, they'll give it their all in celebration of the legendary Luke Skyorcer, while the Beards! have that pearl to chase.

Image, Image, Image, Image, plus a few unmentioned teams, who played out the rounds. Cult of Monroe snuck in some solid results and will likely just miss the cut, suiting the young team fine. Super Orcs have made a big splash for rookies, but beating Urban Nightmare is a big ask to go through. Pharee Markhet would likewise need a big win over PSA, just like Sotek did in round one. Karaz-a-Karik Krakens will face off against the unluckiest elves in the BBC, the Jaegers, with just a huge stack of Tackle and Mighty Blow and nothing else.


How many are still in it, Terence? Word is maybe 26 teams possibly playing for a top eight spot yet?


24 after that first game with the greatest Goblins the world's ever seen going out in the pouring rain in a tight loss. A few wins at the top will put more teams in the running for real, and they'll be keen to potentially eliminate a stronger opponent from the last if they can. Realistically, almost all teams are fighting for the last spot as it stands, two wins first up has left the top seven teams in a dominant position, though you just never know if a blowout will ruin someone's hopes.


Thanks Terence, that sounded almost like a pick! Don't go getting courageous on us, it'll be even more confusing why you like those useless Goblins so much. Southern Wastes League, home of the Bob Borc Cup, last eight next week fans! Not to mention that fringe tournament coming up, we'll get to see the Blackwater Blitz again, legends of old still kicking around, tremendous. Master and Blaster, don't end up in the pot, lads!


Last edited by tussock on Jun 22, 2017 - 07:10; edited 2 times in total

Joined: Jul 08, 2013

Post   Posted: Jun 22, 2017 - 03:55 Reply with quote Back to top

Mixed Emotions at the Prancing Unicorn HQ

Coach Keothi: We are here tonight after our second round of the second Bob Borc Cup to mourn our fallen and yet also to celebrate and welcome new members of the Unicorn Family.

*Glasses, Bottles and Jugs were raised around the room in grizzled, meaty fists*

"To General Obewan Kenobi, a valiant and valuable player who has chosen retirement as he feels his war wounds and wishes to make way for younger blood. To our fallen Ewok, may his memory burn bright in our minds. To Luke, Captain of the Prancing Unicorns and first Legend on the team. May he use the Force to guide you well on the field... And to young Rey Kenobi, daughter of Leia and Han yet named in honour of General Kenobi so that his name will still be visible on the field. His Player Number and Jersey will be proudly worn by Rey, may she do us proud!"

There was a moment of silence as drinks were sculled down, then a throaty roar echoed through the HQ from EVERY Unicorn player... They primal shouts and screams a mixture of mourning, rejoicing and defiance to Nuffle, fickle God of Blood Bowl.

Coach Keothi wiped an emotional tear from one eye
I'm proud of all of you. Fighters and champions all. Legends in my eyes and I'm honoured to call myself your coach. Rest up my beauties. We face the Dwarfs this weekend and our chances of making it to the top 8 mean we need a convincing win.

May the Force Guide Us and Protect Us.

Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Jun 27, 2017 - 04:10 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL second annual Bob Borc Cup preview, bought to you by the insanity asylum that is the Thunderdome, now appearing on our afternoon shows. Two teams enter, one team leaves.

Same here, Final Eight! The best of the best and the luckiest of the rest, again, another four must-see matches. Terence, what's coming up!


Phillip, they're booking stadium times, it's all on soon.

Quarter Finals: FIGHT!

Image vs Image Wings of the Condor beat High Elvis, and the Beards!, and got sacked just short of a win against Sotek. Super Orks tied Settra's Sons, before beating S69 premier squads Pink 'n Scabby and Urban Nightmare to land 8th place.

The Orks have shown they know how to handle a big pile of inducements against our best teams, they'll get more of the same here. Can the Condor, can Viola, handle the wall of power that's coming from these tremendously competitive rookies? Will there be enough elves left to do anything at all if it goes to overtime?

Image vs Image In this instant extended-overtime full replay of the third round, Port Macquarie Snowleopards first out-elfed the Forest Magicians, then got a bye to tie up Slumbering Skink who easily took out the Revolutionaries and the High Tea Party before their draw to get here.

This is huge, there's clearly nothing between the two squads, a 1-1 tie last round, now they'll go to overtime if it's the same, and both teams are in great nick to push it all the way. S68 premier contender PMS with the little tree who could vs legends of old the Skink with possibly just enough diving tackle to hold them.

Image vs Image Premier champions Blackwater Glee Club have been unstoppable of late, destroying the previous BBC champs Steaked, and little premier entrants Pharee Markhet, before the Fun Police said enough and left a dint in a Chosen legend. Freezy Trees love teams like this, beat the young Krakens, the Misery, and the young All Stars to top the swiss while taking a lot of casualties and winning anyway.

Our top two from the swiss, the only team with three wins, and the meanest of the rest. There's inducements aplenty for the Norse even with the missing legend, and a good bit more claw could be on the way for the depleted Chaos. Still, the trees won't want to be hanging out for overtime, because you don't need claws to cut up Norse.

Image vs Image They've been here before, and love the overtime game, SWL Fun Police got a bye from the Jaegers to wreck some fool Goblins, before showing they have what it takes to tie up the best against the Glee Club. Returning in great form to test them is Sacred Spawning of Sotek, trouncing PSA, walking through the Autumn's Leaves, and getting a late save against Condor to go through.

Games like this are so difficult for both teams, massive play-spoiling and destructive power in the big Nurgs against great speed and the capacity to hit back strongly and screen out any sack threat from the in form Lizards, who will also get a few inducements here and may just bring apothecaries to hold numbers.


A good few premier sides missing, then, Terence, but you can't win them all even when you're the best. Super Orks want to rush through, as do the Trees, they'll be playing tonight.


We'll only get the semi-finals match ups after the last game here is played, no looking ahead to give anyone extra nerves, but they can't all play the teams that rolled in casualties, oh, wait, yes they can, that was everyone! These teams can all dish out the pain, and score almost at will, the measure and timing of both will be what decides if they grind into grim overtime for a lightning score attempt, or the game is secured in regular time with some clever sacking plays.


So, it'll be bloodbowl, then, Terence?


It always is, Phillip, it always is. Tournament listings, give you the latest match ups and replays, they'll be looking for more young teams to join the SWL soon enough in the Regions far from these monsters (except the Super Orks, wow!).


And don't forget our sponsor's tournament, Thunderdome! Master and Blaster are putting on a huge show of it, weapons, dirty tricks, something about Morg eating his team mates. That can't be good for them.


Joined: May 29, 2011

Post   Posted: Jul 04, 2017 - 13:49 Reply with quote Back to top

Image An SWL second annual Bob Borc Cup preview, bought to you not by those Donuts, but by Butterfield's Birthday Pie. There's serious competition between Halfling chefs, boiling over in the Thunderdome.

Final Four, Semi Finals.

Who made it Terence? Surely those Chaos were unstoppable?


That's not fooling anyone, Phillip, Glee Club are out, Sotek have gone back to the jungles, Super Orcs finally met their match, and the Snowleopards threw it all away.

Semi Finals: FIGHT!

Image vs Image Freezy Trees meet Wings of the Condor.

The Freezy Trees took the Blackwater Glee Club out behind the old shed and beat them silly in the quarter final. The referee said enough was enough, and the Glee Club are left with a rough start to their premier defence. Our only win-all-the-way team, they've shown they can do it against the best, and there's nothing but left in the BBC II.

Elven Union rely on special players emerging from there handful of catchers, and there's few more special than Viola. They trounced the rookie Super Orcs on the scoreboard, but the missing players won't help here. Ys has been a massive strength for the team for so long now, can they win it with him sitting out? Their coach said this was his best chance.

Both of these teams started in Season 58, played each other in the Trial of Blood and their first Regional. They've both been to the Premier division since, and they've both had their share of Superstars. The only survivor from their first match is lonely old Clark, you have to expect the big fuzzy fellow to take a great joy in seeing even less elves survive this one, not to mention all his younger team-mates helping out. Will that be enough though?

Image vs Image SWL Fun Police meet Slumbering Skink.

Papa Nurgle loves this competition. The Fun Police finally got elfed in the final in the first BBC, after smashing everything they saw on the way there. It's much the same this time thus far, tied up and damaged the Glee Club in the early going, and put out an in-form Sotek in the quarter. Have to be confident against this relatively young Skink squad to do it again, there's not the skills here they just got done beating.

The Slumbering Skink have of course seen it all before, they've beaten squads this mean and worse, it's not like Lizards really need more than just a couple of players left to run it in, though Pouring Rain may make life difficult if those plays are forced. Normally though, like every game this BBC, they are simply flawless in execution of the game, every player meticulously coached on placement, and Nuffle blessing every one of their key plays.

Nurgle and Lizardman, usually if the Lizards can stand and take it a while, they more than have the speed to tie up any hope of Nurgle scoring, and a fair shot at knocking over any Bloater than tries to say otherwise. But these Nurgs are special, tuned for matches like this, and they've had enough of letting teams away with sneaking the ball off them. There's no Wizard here, it's just big bad pain begging for the other team to get in the way.


From 38 competing teams, we dropped 30 after the swiss, and another 4 in the quarters. This will take us to the final two. Norse vs Nurgle? Elf vs Lizardman? Everyone's talking up their chances, but only one of these teams has title-winning history, and they're still a long way from the form that got them those. Norse are the form team here, surely Terence.


Only a fool counts out Elves, Phillip, or Lizards, or horrible monsters like those Nurgs. Of the course the Norse are on top form, but even Elves can put half of them off the pitch in a few turns, this is anyone's competition. It'll take great play and no shortage of Nuffle's blessings to go all the way here.


That and the Thunderdome taking place in the fringes, so much local action.

And don't forget our tournament listings, and the Thunderdome ones. Still time to get in on the new season coming regular season but be quick! Trial of Blood needs blood, get in there.

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