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Last seen 14 hours ago
Super Star
Win Percentage


2023-01-24 20:53:09
rating 5.8


2021-10-15 18:48:14
rating 4.7
2021-10-11 20:26:41
rating 5.3


2020-10-14 20:59:48
rating 5.2
2020-10-06 19:02:37
rating 4.9
2020-09-21 07:58:21
rating 4.8
2020-09-14 20:56:37
rating 5.8
2020-08-25 21:55:48
rating 5.5
2020-07-10 17:18:14
rating 6


2019-10-19 12:48:01
rating 4.7
2019-10-09 21:58:51
rating 4.3
2019-09-30 23:07:04
rating 4.9
2019-09-30 20:22:16
rating 5.3
2019-03-16 18:09:38
rating 5


2018-08-22 18:18:57
rating 5
2018-07-08 09:03:01
rating 5.5
2018-06-10 18:49:54
rating 5.7


2017-06-11 17:20:47
rating 4.4
2017-04-09 18:05:18
rating 6
2017-03-24 18:56:10
rating 3.6
2017-02-14 17:51:30
rating 3.5
2017-01-28 17:34:29
rating 6


2014-12-29 00:08:44
rating 5.8
2020-03-01 23:33:55
30 votes, rating 5.2
How To Reach, And Stay, At Coach Rating Number One In Ranked, Box And Overall.
How To Reach Coach Rating Number One In Box:
1) Be a decent Bloodbowl coach. Unfortunately, unless you are at least above average, all other steps are null and void.
2) Play only tier one teams - people can't dodge you, so make them rue the day they thought of spending an hour of leisure time.
3) Play them at only low rating (below 150, ideally below 130). This has two advantages: firstly, teams have not developed much, so your natural advantage is likely to be maintained, as you won't run into freak teams. Secondly, a lot of coaches with limited time/experience never progress beyond this point, so a lot of games, particularly if you just restart teams all the time, will be against new/inexperienced/poor players. Yes the gains are small, but they will mount up. No-one said this was going to be easy but, after all, this is surely a goal worth achieving.
4) Either make 'friends' with top coaches or find someone who has. For greater subtlety, find a student of the game who has befriended all the top coaches and use their friend list to see who's online and might like to play and then don't activate.
5) Devote a good few weeks/months - this will take time.
6) Pat yourself on the back. You made it. Your work colleagues will have a new-found respect for you.

How To Reach Coach Rating Number One In Ranked:
1) Play only tier one teams. Unfortunately, people can dodge you, but, and here's the real beauty of this system, the ones that do obviously have some idea of what they are doing, so you don't want to meet them anyway. Have the patience of the hunter - after several hours, the rabbit won't be able to resist biting on that juicy carrot and then you can give them both barrels.
2) They're even advertising it as the easier division. Before people discover the 145 club, they generally drop in here first. It's like showing lemmings where the cliff is.
3) Dicings can be a problem, as you have skewed the system so much in your favour that the system will unfairly penalise you with a significant drop in rating.
4) On the upside, rabbits breed quickly and you're not lacking ammunition.
5) People might occasionally tumble as to what you are doing and call you on it. Ignore them - they only wish they had the balls.
6) Be super nice whilst annihilating people 4-0. Maybe they'll walk into the trap again.
7) Pat yourself on the back. You made it. Don't forget to tell your mum when she brings your dinner to your room. She will be justly proud.

How To Stay At Coach Rating Number One In Box:
1) Log in every six months.
2) Take a moment to check out the ratings and bask in your brilliance.
3) Take a moment to run through your teams - you don't want to accidentally activate a team where your 7448 blodge, surehands, carrier is miss next game.
4) Look how many people are activating. There's four, should be okay. After all, I've gained every advantage going. ARE YOU MAD? That's exactly the sort of thinking that costs valuable coach rating points. Alternatively, now is the time to monoactivate that 250 pimped team you stopped using when you started this quest. 175 Goblins? Come to daddy.
5) Check Arresteddevelopment's friend list - see step 4 above.
6) Play one game and disappear for six months, safe in the knowledge that you are still awesome.

How To Stay At Coach Rating Number One In Ranked:
1) Log in every six months.
2) Take a moment to check out the ratings and bask in your brilliance.
3) Take a moment to run through your teams - you don't want to accidentally activate a team where your 7448 blodge, surehands, carrier is miss next game.
4) Ignore all unfair, quite unfair, fair and slightly-in-your-favour offers.
5) Find a cherry that's fit to burst. Less than twenty games on-site that haven't gone well is ideal. Beware the total newbie - what if they have played elsewhere and have some idea what they are doing or, God forbid, are actually good?
6) Gorge yourself and with sweet, sweet juice running down your chin, check out those rankings before disappearing for six months, safe in the knowledge that you are still awesome.

How To Achieve Overall Coach Rating Number One:
1) Do either route above for long enough.
2) Change your pants.

Rate this entry
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-01 23:49:15
lol. Using my friendslist to avoid would probably see you never activating!
Posted by mekutata on 2020-03-01 23:57:19
Two questions:
1)Where can one see these rankings of coaches? I'm always curious to watch some games of good coaches.
(I only know how to access individual coach ratings and their coachpages. Or is "Coach Rating Number One" a title like "Superstar", "Legend"?)
2)How much gold do you make for being coach Rating Number One?
Posted by MattDakka on 2020-03-02 00:04:33
1) you can check the Coach Ranking here and browse them by division:


2) you don't gain gold but something way more valuable: immortal glory and imperishable fame!
Posted by Lorebass on 2020-03-02 00:06:46
Somehow I feel that the very first #1 is a matter of perspective. My neighbor's 8 year old thinks he is the best soccer player ever and will yell down any who say otherwise.
Posted by mekutata on 2020-03-02 00:13:31
lorebass, you could easily change the 8 year old's perspective by publishing a list of best footballplayers in your neighbourhood and put him somewhere close on the bottom.
matt, thanks for the link, eventhough no gold alleviates my motivation
Posted by Seany18 on 2020-03-02 00:20:12
I was worried one of the steps might involve getting better at bloodbowl.
Posted by PurpleChest on 2020-03-02 11:29:46
I am constantly amused by the people who play relentlessly to reach the 'goal' of a high rating, and then suddenly find their lives are busy elsewhere.

Of course dealing with the money, power, fame and sexual advances that come with such a rating is time consuming,
Posted by Strider84 on 2020-03-02 11:30:23
Getting nr 1 = convince Phil to join the box trophy :-)

but yeah Malmir I agree with your points, unfortunately it is very hard to counter with adjusting the ranking formula.

but box trophy helps because the rule with only play tier 1 teams is broken. probably the reason matt doesn't play the trophy?
Posted by badger89 on 2020-03-02 11:46:08
Need to be in the good book with nuffle or I will screw you over game after game. Ps need to have Malmir luck too haha
Posted by MattDakka on 2020-03-02 12:42:04
I don't play the Trophy because:

1) I don't like to play only 4 races for 100 games, I like variety. I could play the 4 races and activate other teams together, but I would risk not to play enough games with the 4 Trophy teams. Moreover, I'm trying to fill the Box grid with all the non-tier 3 teams, so I prefer to play the teams that didn't fill the grid yet.

2) I don't like to cycle teams. After thousands of games I really find boring to start a team from scratch and play it for 25 games then abandoning it before the next Trophy. I could keep the old Trophy teams, true, but I have already developed teams for each of the non-tier 3 races and I don't want to play more than 1 team per race.

3) To the best of my knowledge, looks like that 1 team of the 4 must be a tier 3 team (or tier 1.5 or 2). One of my personal goals is earning as much CR as possible. Since the CR gain is not proportioned to the difficulty of playing a tier 3 team and I'm interested in gaining CR the logical conclusion is avoiding tier 3 teams.

That said, if people like to play the Trophy, good for them.
I know what I like and I don't need the Trophy as incentive to play in the Box, I already did it way before it became popular.
Posted by Mattius on 2020-03-02 13:00:43
Matt, you've never played the trophy. Hence you've just made a tonne of assumptions based on your confirmation bias. If you played it, tried it, then said this, then fair enough.

I keep on saying this not to troll you but more i think you'd really enjoy it and it would be good for you. I always enjoy our games.
Posted by Spence on 2020-03-02 13:02:29
Does anyone good even take CR seriously? It would be odd and surprising.
Posted by FRSHMN on 2020-03-02 13:38:27
Beware of naming and shaming rule enforcement. I can see multiple points of attack that you left undefended.

Rule enforcement might already breakthrough.

Anyways, was nice to have you been part on fumbbl. Take care. o/

Posted by Purplegoo on 2020-03-02 13:39:35
Alex - I do have the best of intentions of doing it every year, real life just torpedos me. :)

181 isn’t difficult to achieve if that’s your aim, you satisfy ‘rule 1’ above and you game B. Or, perhaps just reduce the inactivity threshold and only apply it to R / B? It’s pretty difficult to sit at 1 for long if you have to play in R or B once a month, or whatever.

I so happened to drop off after a good run against good coaches and a newborn happened. I’ll be back, and gravity will happen. :)
Posted by MattDakka on 2020-03-02 13:44:21
I agree CR is not accurate due to Ranked picking and other factors, like lack of rankings decay, so it should not be taken too seriously, but still I prefer to have high CR over low CR.
That way I have a goal to pursue and a way to evaluate my performance.
Posted by Augustine on 2020-03-02 14:26:52
Any result in the box is too unpredictable to actually want to avoid the top coaches, best draw is against the top ranked guys, worst draws are against rookies if cR accrual is the aim, in my opinion. Other than that, solid advice.

I'm sure there are similar metas for bbt and majors that are utilised by coaches who enjoy that particular poison. No one picks 4 stunty teams do they?
Posted by Strider84 on 2020-03-02 14:49:20
haha phil no worries. For me the box trophy counts more than CR but even there there are try hard strategies.

thats why at the end of the day I like the naf games the most because everyone can play with the same, no metagame or preparation needed.

people who do consistently well there I would identify as good coaches.

oh yeah and I have a bet going on with madmatt13 that he can't make it to top 3 so don't let him see this blog. (though not sure if condition 1 is met sufficiently)
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-02 16:26:42
Anyone agreeing with this in terms of thinking it's a good thing to do, or taking it seriously as advice probably should seriously re-examine their priorities.

Hint: if you game CR in R&B via matchmaking to be ranked no1, all you've really done is reduce the number of people you're competing with to a field of 1. Additionally, I don't think anyone actually gives much credence to the top X in terms of specific position.

I generally flick through the top 50-100 every so often and roll my eyes at some of the standings. Others I genuinely laugh out loud at. And then there's those where I just think "well yes, any list of the top 0.5-2% or so is going to have him on it somewhere" - but we all know who those guys are, and I would think that if they were ranked 1 or ranked 1000.
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-02 16:34:33
And in the interests of humour, for box:

alternative to 1300-1550 sweetspotting:


Activate primarily in the NA timezone of 2-5am bbtime, where the player pool is minute, and there is even less chance of running into a good opponent at low tv. As soon as you have a large team, monoactivate it relentlessly, as most draws are a maximum of 4 teams and you can either flat out predict your opponent, or reap continual favourable matches in terms of coach gaps. Most likely both.
Once you have an oppressive, huge team, that you have created by feasting on lower skilled coaches repeatedly, monoactivate during peak times to crush similarly skilled coaches who have been unable to farm as efficiently as you have.
Posted by Augustine on 2020-03-02 17:00:26
There is only one way people should enjoy this site. It's the way the author of this blog prescribes. If you deviate or have the audacity to amuse yourself with your own particular goal to pass your *own* free time you are a mummy's boy/socially needy/some other personal insult.

Because playing a fantasy football board game with little frogmen at high TV obviously brings with it social and personal capital these others could only dream of and puts you into a deserved position to snobbily dismiss others (who you probably don't even know personally)

Certainly it is 'They' that need to reassess their priorities indeed.

Posted by Throweck on 2020-03-02 17:24:54
pfff, I'm only in this for the groupies.

groupies? Helooooooo?

On a side note, it's hard to read anything Malmir writes without hearing it in his accent :D
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-02 18:08:30

It's not a good thing to do, nor good advice because following all the advice above would (a) actually make you worse at bloodbowl by minimizing the adversity you face in matches, and (b) eventually seriously reduce your actual enjoyment and hobby time.

I don't really care how anyone plays, but if people *do* want to get better at BB you would be best to:

1. Play the races you enjoy, no matter what their status tier-wise
2. Play them in adverse conditions as well as optimal - make those rebuilds, don't retire av9 teams before they hit clawzones, step over sweetspots etc, play beyond 30 games so there is the opportunity for tv-gap games.
3. Avoid no one, in ranked actually preferentially play harder games, tv-gaps, better coaches etc.
4. Play regularly, but as and when it suits you, be rested and well hydrated etc.

happy bowling!
Posted by Augustine on 2020-03-02 18:39:13
Well of course I was being sarcastic as it was clearly not offered as advice but as a weirdly needless and personal attack on peoples choice of goal. (it is actually good advice nevertheless is you want to chase that top spot.)

I find the cliquey nature of this site pretty odd sometimes, its why i never engaged with the tournaments or discord. Its a fantasy football boardgame goblins and treemen people no need to get so high and mighty about anything.

* and personally i think you do actually seem to spend a lot of your time caring about how other people play bloodbowl (invariably not the right way from what i gather) more than you spend worrying about their personal improvement - I feel that really doesnt come across as your priority if im being honest.
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-02 18:52:54
You don't engage, how would you actually know anything informed about me? :)

You're more than welcome to your opinion of course.
Posted by Augustine on 2020-03-02 19:00:47
i read the blogs & comments. not really a fountain of positivity.

so many people doing it all wrong... the fools.
Posted by ArrestedDevelopment on 2020-03-02 19:04:32
So you make judgments of tone, without knowing my regular patterns of speech, you read into things and add your own personal projection (wrong, fools etc) without actually knowing my intents/thoughts, and you do all this from a removed position where you wouldn't see me helping people on discord, in 145 club (where I have spent hours over the years helping new players get a start/setup teams/play games). And wouldn't know my own personal level of engagement with the site, or my own motivations for anything I do.

Have you considered you simply might just dislike me?
Posted by Augustine on 2020-03-02 19:18:47
Youre absolutely correct, unnecessarily judgemental from me (exactly what I am arguing against), its hard to judge tone on the internet.

Lets draw a line under it, genuinely nothing personal.
Posted by Verminardo on 2020-03-02 19:52:21
So, just to get this straight, you are the all time top Majors coach on Fumbbl (at least by the semi-official ranking on the forums), you are dominating Box Trophy like Eddie "the Cannibal" Merckx, but you are salty that your CR is currently only Super Star?
Posted by Throweck on 2020-03-02 19:58:06
@Vermi - Having spent time with Malmir, I don't beleive there is any saltiness at all. He's having a joke and a bit of banter as far as I can see.

Unfortunately the written word can be perceived in many ways.

Where was I? Oh yeah...groupies? yoo hooooo! :)
Posted by Malmir on 2020-03-02 20:23:10
Yeah was just poking a bit of fun. Was neither meant to be genuine advice or a genuine attack on anyone so please don’t take it personally or too seriously. I don’t really care how people get their fun.
Posted by Thoriin on 2020-03-03 09:36:57
Good troll Malmir :)
Next: "How to keep your blog in first page of Fumbbl"
Posted by mekutata on 2020-03-03 12:35:47
I have also an advice, dont play pure hobgoblin teams. That will also degrade your CR.
Posted by garyt1 on 2020-03-24 02:13:31
There is a large number of coaches on fumbbl now, and it has been a while since we have gathered together with our pitchforks and mercilessly hunted down any undeserving folks. Let us band together and destroy Malmir and AD! If the dice roll skulls burn them. If the dice roll pows banish them to play with Spiro for ever more!