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2017-01-09 13:31:43
10 votes, rating 5.5
Sluggers Pregame Press Conference - Season Two, Game Two
The following takes place on the cold, wet, wind swept training pitch of the Talabheim Sluggers, in the background the Sluggers are going through various drills, in particular the massive shape of Dirty Harry is prominent as he bellows at the players going through blocking drills, particular Barr and Slug seem to have been singled out for extra bellowing.

Closer to the huddle of shivering, cold wet reporters c9805222 stands there in White Bearskin coat, the head of the bear pulled up as a hood to protect him from the inclement weather. His left hand glitters with... brass knuckles set with diamonds, in his right there is a small hipflask, he takes quick hit of before passing it to his assistant, a small curiously green fellow with shifty eyes, in matching white fox style coat. (thanks to Kondor for the coach styling)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the press, thank-you for coming. As you can see we are having an open training session before this evenings game with -Rotenbach Razorbacks- otherwise know as the Swine Lovers..., now what questions do you have before you leave?

Reporter 1: How come he (points at the figure of Harry) is here?

Well after the shit shower of a game against the Foxes (4 pows on 73 block dice is not the return we want), it seems that our team needs some additional motivation on the pitch, I've always found Harry to be... very motivational. So I've drafted him in as an additional blocking coach for the season.

Reporter 2: so where is the rest of that team?

I understand that they're looking for a particular referee...

Reporter 1: Going back to the off season, what are your thoughts on the draft? Didn't you void a number of picks?

Yes, yes. I was naive, the draft ended in disappointment for both myself and the Sluggers fanbase.

My inexperience certainly cost me in the draft. Those mistakes won't happen again. Still we have a solid team, our strength being able to adapt to any other teams strengths and importantly weaknesses. You've already seen the players gel and our only rookie from the previous season is now a skilled team player.

Reporter 3: We understand that there are rumours that you're position is under scrutiny due to the draft, apparently you were not always fit be making such decisions?

I beg your pardon?

Reporter 1 intervenes, to stop an ugly situation developing. c9805222, how do you feel about tonights game?

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

Reporter 1: er?

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

Reporter 3 blanches.

Reporter 1: Where is this leading?


I understand that Rotenbach have a lot of pigs. I have a feeling they won't be going hungry once we've finished with their team after tonights game...

thank-you ladies and gents, thats all I have time for - you, (c9805222 points at Reporter 3), you can stay we can have an informal off the record chat, regarding this informant of yours.

Reporter 3 stands rooted to the spot as the other reporters take off at a quick turn of pace to the training complex exit, as they reach the exit their path is temporarily blocked as four ogres enter, one of them with a struggling sack over his shoulder.

Ah says c9805222 to reporter 3, look like the pigs will be getting two starters tonight...

*Thanks for reading!*

Rate this entry
Posted by bigf on 2017-01-09 13:39:27
Great stuff, love the snatch reference.
Posted by bghandras on 2017-01-09 13:45:27
Great stuff, great movie reference. So going after a particular referee? hehehe...
Posted by SpecialOne on 2017-01-09 15:18:10
ahahaha! lovely! Just one thing you have forgotten. The 16 pigs is not in a farm behind the local winery, they meet you on the pitch tonight, and they have not been fed for a couple of days... ;)
Posted by bghandras on 2017-01-09 16:11:23
Gotcha! So admitting pighood!
Posted by Matthueycamo on 2017-01-09 16:37:31
So bacon butties free for all specs?
Posted by SpecialOne on 2017-01-09 18:54:55
All Razorbacks were small piggys at some point. Small piggys grow up...