38 votes, rating 5.6
(two more steps on the humor quest)
An IRS Audit
At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'
'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'
'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'
'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.
The Funeral Procession
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Be hind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog & said, "I am so sorry for your loss, & this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
''What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked & killed her"
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A poignant & thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."