New DSPN Host Dick Vitelf Recaps the Duqueswood University Green Dukes vs. the George Washington Revolution



For game 2 of NCBB season 47, Dick Vitelf takes the DSPN anchor desk. Click the image above or this link to watch the highlights of the Green Dukes vs. the Revolution on the Tube of Thou.

Trancript:

Welcome to DSPN, the Duqueswood Sports and Plants Network. I’m Dick Vitelf, and we interrupt our continuing 24-hour coverage of a blooming Daffodil along the Penrose River to bring you these highlights from the Duqueswood University Green Dukes versus the George Washington Révolution.

Aftter a big W in the first week, the Green Dukes are looking to get off to a super, scintillating, sensational start. Two dubs in a row would be elfsome baby, with a capital E.

But this Revolution amazon team has something to say about that. With sophomore jaguar blockers Maxime Robespierre and Jeanne Marat, this is no cream puff delight, baby.

These ladies were diaper dandies last year. We’re talking nearly 200 blocks and 7 casualties between the two of them. And look at them start the game here by taking out two line-elfs. It’s a dipsy-doo-blocker-oo! They’re scary baby! And Georgette-Jacqueline Danton takes out another one here with a forearm to the throat.

The Green Dukes want no part of these feisty zons early, so they settle back into a column defense here, with Lyric Birdsong playing safety, and sophomore treeman, Mirlin Weatherborn trying to be a space-eater out there.

But the Dukes just can’t get these ladies on the ground. The Revolution’s dodging today was just amaz-awesome with a capital A!

However, late in the drive, Duqueswood line-elf Grindar Redbranch has a chance to bring down the ball carrier. He makes the dodge and blitzes in. He wants to be a PTP-er. He’s saying, hey, look at me, Coach, I can be a superstar, baby! But no. He takes a stiff arm right to the kisser—slam-bam-jam—and he’s down on the turf.

Then, what happens here? This is the Green Dukes’ new approach. Coach Pondripple says, safety first, fellas. No more cage-leaping. He’s calling his war dancers “peace dancers” now, and he’s waving everyone away from the ball.

So Jeanne Bécu doesn’t even need to dish the rock. She goes coast to coast for the score, and the Green Dukes are just happy to get into the second half with both of their war—I mean, peace—dancers still on two feet.

Then here we go with the second half. Down 8 players to 11, what are the Green Dukes gonna do? They got no hope, right? This game is over, baby. O-V-E-R!

But not so fast, ’cause they got senior peace dancer Deathwyntyr Whitebranch, and he’s elfsome baby, a real high-riser, a real sky-walker.

Here he is, penned in by amazons, what’s he gonna do?
He gets a big block from sophomore thrower Gilwin Windhand, who delivers a flying kick to the side of Danton’s head, and slam-bam-jam, baby! She’s dead before she hits the ground.

But still, Whitebranch is a long way from paydirt, and there’s plenty of zons breathing down his neck.

They say after his dislocated shoulder from last year, this kid’s not the same player, he’s not a PTP-er anymore, but he says, no! Like that elven legend Treeroy Jenkins, he takes off all on his own, and look at him go! He’s a superstar baby! This kid is Prime-Time with a capital P!

Whiebranch ties it up 1-1, just like that, I’m telling you this kid is something special, baby! He single-handedly kept the Green Dukes in the game, doing everything he can to bring home that W.

But the revolution still have a 3 player advantage, so what are the Green Dukes gonna do on defense? Coach Pondripple is telling Whitebranch to stay back, but the kid sees something here and there he goes! He says, what dislocated shoulder? What negatrait? I got this!

But no, he can’t bring down the ball carrier.

It’s so sad, really. You have to think, a year ago, Whitebranch makes that play, no problemo.

But he doesn’t give up. Coach Pondripple is on the sidelines, losing his mind, telling the kid not to leap into that cage, but Whitebranch can’t stop. He’s a PTP-er baby! He’s gonna take one last shot to get the Dukes the Dub. He’s looking for a trifecta here—the dodge, leap, blitz.

And look at him elevate. It’s slam-bam, but … no jam because he just doesn’t have the muscle to bring down the ball carrier.

And with Whitebranch on the ground, Birdsong tries a desperation cage dodge, but it’s not meant to be, and Jeanne Becu waltzes in for the winning touchdown.

And like that, the Revolution take the game 2-1.

But there’s a bright side here for the Green Dukes. That’s two games in a row with no deaths. It’s their longest death-less streak in two seasons, baby! So maybe Coach Pondripple is onto something.

Their next game is against the Poli Puerkos, a dwarf squad. That’s a tough match up, but they can’t get down now. The Green Dukes got to take some inspiration from my good friend, the late great Jimmy Tree, and his Jimmy Tree Foundation.

What did he say? “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up!”