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Muff2n
Last seen 43 weeks ago
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Archive

2021

2021-09-17 18:10:59
rating 5.4
2021-09-07 13:13:49
rating 5
2021-07-16 15:29:20
rating 5.7
2021-06-29 16:16:18
rating 5.3
2021-06-15 20:49:17
rating 5.5
2021-06-06 11:02:16
rating 5.3
2021-05-28 14:43:34
rating 5.7
2021-05-24 10:16:47
rating 5.1
2021-05-23 17:49:23
rating 6
2021-04-18 20:51:20
rating 5.4
2021-04-07 19:30:59
rating 5.7
2021-03-26 22:54:46
rating 5.6
2021-03-21 22:38:11
rating 5.8
2021-03-05 15:49:18
rating 5.9
2021-02-23 12:33:45
rating 6
2021-01-28 20:06:41
rating 5.9
2021-01-08 21:52:23
rating 5.6

2020

2020-12-18 21:22:22
rating 4.3
2020-12-09 22:08:03
rating 5.6
2020-11-28 22:41:04
rating 5.3
2020-11-25 19:40:50
rating 4
2020-08-07 14:14:47
rating 1.5

2019

2019-12-19 13:35:00
rating 4.4
2021-07-16 15:29:20
13 votes, rating 5.7
BoCK Summer Newsletter


Welcome all ye die hard supporters to what promises to be a successful Summer campaign. The team is developing nicely and should outclass most of the second rate opposition assembled before us. Our marketing department has figured out how to create booklets and newsletters. The portents are not unfavourable. Truly I'm expecting good things.





One year in CIBBL and look how far we've come! Invited to the premier Ghorst Brothers Graveyard Invitational. Yep, certainly happy about that. It's not like we would have preferred the Fan Favourite Specials tournament. Completely understandable that Goblin team 'Filler 7' has more fans... Most likely it's a ploy by the Scions of Neferata to force an immediate rematch. The fools. We were too much for them in Spring, and what's changed? The reason I'm suspicious is that this is supposedly showcasing the abilities of the undead. But everyone knows the Lahmians are overshadowed by their human servants. Quite how they got into this group and not the 'Old teams who should have called it a day long ago' group is beside me.

This week we trekked to Mahrak. That's right, the BoCK were made to travel for yet another away game. To a desert! Absolutely ideal playing conditions for vampires... How do the two teams stack up? Pretty well actually - four Str 4, four guard, four MB each. And true to form, a game of finesse and deftness never once materialised.

The first half was rather back and forth. Not least because I attempted to confuse the opponent by running backwards and forwards over the same ground. Throw in a good helping of 'insists on carrying with a rookie thrall and an suffers from inability to grasp even the basic concepts of an effective screen', and things become random. Enough waffle. Highlights:





Half two was 'boom' followed by 'whack an elf'.





Phew; just in time. There aren't many khemri that can reach the ball in their next turn. Nevertheless Terrible Ivan spies a chance to shirk his usual 'punching bag' role and secure the ball.





That's it. If anyone wants me - though I can't see why they would want a washed up coach - I'll be in the pub.

A battle of styles: The BoCK managed 33 successful blocks vs 9 but only 2 successful dodges vs 24. I don't have the stats for hypnogazes, but that one certainly didn't go our way either. Some our players are still behaving a little strangely...

We join with the BoCK receiving and setting up a tight screen and gang foul all in one. Efficient!





Vima spat out his drink when he saw that. Anything but a double 1 would have had at least a stun, but no, instead I have a wrestler able to sack the ball and we were very lucky that the pickup failed, or it would have been Sylvania spring all over again. It still might be - recovering the ball still won't be easy.





Snakes right back at ya Weresquid. With that trip, Duchess Iselda squirreled the ball away for a speedy touchdown. Would the Scions be able to equalise in the second half? We join on turn 6 as the ladies make their play.





Ahmose delivering an accurate pass and interposing with her diving tackle. This puts Sir Courduin effectively out of range, so will Pitiful Petar be able to bring down Kentetenka?





Yes he would and not only that but Petar collects the ball and runs into the corner. Looks like the crowd are about to play a big part in this game. 50 gold pieces to whomever can throw it over the halfway line!





Ah shoot. Those ladies sure are a handful.
Second half starts with a fizzle - a beauty of a fireball banishment bounces the ball free for an absolute gimmie. Sir Giles scoops up the ball and breaks away.





Or, actually, Sir Giles fumbbles the ball, and embarrassed by the laughter of the crowd heads off to quieten the comedians in the front row. That's the trouble with vampire knights; they never have to learn good emotional control when you can just splosh everything in your path. Fortunately, when the ball bounced from his grasp, one of the spikes embedded itself into Terrible Ivan's back. He didn't feel a thing but suddenly found himself the target of Aperanat and Raherka both gunning for him at once.





As fortune would have it Aperanat took a swing at Ivan just as Raherka was going for the tackle and ended up taking the wrong target out! Ivan was still unsure what was going on or why the team was shouting for him to run for the endzone. In his confusion it took a shove to get him rolling. But then off he was at a ... shambles. Nuffle hasn't blessed him with any talent, least of all speed. So Sir Courduin helped himself to the ball (plus part of Ivan's scapula) and took it over the line.

Would the Scions be able to equalise? Well that all depended on whether Ahmose was able to run the gauntlet.





Ah, she's pretty good she is.

Rar. Spirit hosts. Imba. Urgh. Away again. You know the routine.

BoCK line up to receive. I want that ball in the hands of a vampire asap. Don't fancy unarmoured thrall carrier vs scythes.





Well crap. Fortunately almost all of our games are practice for this very situation!





A helpful reminder that the presence of multiple wraiths is disturbing. And by reminder, I mean it would be another 14 turns before I figured this out. And by figured it out, I mean Immanuel eventually tells me. With Nicolete around this is very uncomfortable.





Actually I kind of like having her around. Maybe I'll let her live a bit longer.





Just kidding! She looks better after Sir Giles has trampled and squashed her (spirit?) frog form.
Yada yada yada, drive is going fine, until the clock begins to run down, and we have to break out of the elf column surround. At this point Gideon manages to shove Iselda onto Xaxdomatzl's blade. Catch it, catch it!





Well at least it hasn't gone too far.





Sir Corduin to the rescue.

Their drive I'm not going to spend my time GIFing. The haters have enough ammunition already. Needless to say that I needlessly created a needless hole in our defences and Arcanius shot though, killing Mariam on the way. She was raised and offered a better contract than her current one. Traitor. At least we were able to force an early score, leaving four turns for the win. 'Should be a nail biter,' said Immanuel. I wasn't so sure. We tend to win our games by - ok Mr. Smarty-pants we don't tend to win our games at all, but of the games that we do win - they are won by solid defence. We've only scored 2 TDs in a game five times before, and never more than that. Despite this, ladies and gentlemen, to a certain extent, I bring you the BoCK, in their own way, putting on a nail biter, after a fashion.

First you begin with a failed pickup and failed catch on a loose bounce. The audience throws up their arms. Excitement from the word go.





Follow up with a failed handoff. Hear the groans, you can tell that this is going to be a classic. I believe at this point the only specators (DaCoach and Ardonite?) left and demanded a refund at the ticket office.





Fumbbl it one more time for luck. People are tugging on their hair. You just had to be there man.





Ok, are you ready? See that ball in three foul appearance tackle zones? Francoise (a rookie thrall) ready to collect and long bomb it downfield? Rasult (grave guard) as the receiver: so slow that she will need to GFI, and that's if her Ag2 ass can dodge away, and then catch a ball. Oh, and the spirit host marking her? Yup, diving tackle.
Dim the lights in your dwelling please. It's time for a 'power play'. Some say that power plays are just a series of self-inflicted AV rolls. Those people are mostly right.





Don't ever let me tell you that I'm not lucky with this team! Another undeserved win on the scoresheet.

This week we blackmailed/bribed/beguiled enough CIBBL officials to agree that henceforth all of our games will be at home. After 9 straight away games, don't be confused by the players in Crimson, that's actually us. The Beasts of Crimson Keep, playing in crimson for once, and I swear it, forever more from this match forth.

The BoCK put in a vintage BoCK performance. Here there are getting up to some of their usual antics that you know and love:





- In quite possibly a new personal best, I left my ball carrier vulnerable to a sacking from a Mv4 Ag1 player on turn 2. Said tomb guardian then catches the scatter. Happens every game at least once.
- We recover, pull out the old side-to-side and wait for a double skulls from the Shields of Stretta. It comes, we break away and boring-boo-WAAC stall till T8 when we walk it in.
- The important plays, such as sacking the ball, are left to the thralls. One of them dies but they do ok.

Khemri were classic, classy khemri.





And now, the real feature story tonight... What the hell was up with Terrible Ivan?! I mean really! Have you ever seen anything like it? It's not normal. So what was it... Mass spectator hallucinations? Performance enhancing drugs? Malfunctioning witches curse? Perhaps a lookalike turned up? A very lucky day (after all we had replaced one of his feet with a giant rabbit foot)?

None of the above! In fact as the players assembled on the pitch the two throw-ras were making fun of Terrible Ivan's mum who had come to watch her little boy play. A strange (stranger than usual) look entered Ivan's remaining eye, and he fell undeathly silent. Thesop The Ancient was dealt with in the first half.





But Hipan The Learned had the ball and was gesticulating, gyrating and gloating on our goal line. Terrible Ivan set off at a stumble down the pitch after him, a tomb guardian jerking and clawing after him. Watching those two decaying players groan and waddle as fast as they could sure was funny. It made people forget that a good coach wouldn't be using a zombie as their only sweeper... And how come a khemri team has so comprehensively out maneuvered us that they can stall for multiple turns?





Payback time?





Ferocious. Ivan was still kicking the remains of Hipan as the final bongo banged. Say what you like about him, but apparently saying something about his mum carries considerable risk!


The final game of the season, and a big one. Not just because we might just win something, but because some of the players are pretty damn big themselves. No expense was spared, and the services of the Black Knight were called upon again.

Unfortunately T1 Sir Giles look a nasty concussion that will take him into retirement. While I always knew the day would come that a vampire would leave us, I was expecting it to be Sir Reynard - he's the crap one. I know that I used to rag on about Sir Giles not doing anything in the early days, but since then he really picked up his game and has been a reliable beat stick. Well I'll schedule a 'recruitment' trip to Bretonia for Lady Lenore over the break.

Anyway, being down on numbers early in the drive means it's time to take it up a notch. Time to give 'em the old side-to-side.





Works like a charm, every time, even though it's the only move I have in my play book, and I make no secret of that. Study this gif all you want opponents; it shall do naught for you. We're sort of like an elf team, except it takes us twice as long to reposition. We'll smack you around on our way to the endzone though.

In the second half the BoCK ran out of steam and couldn't prevent the equaliser.





It'll be a nervous wait for the final matches. We need the Scions to lose their next game. Even if they do score some points, I won't acknowledge their 'position' above us. So far they've managed a paltry two casualties in summer. Isn't it ironic that a so-called vampire team wants to take the blood out of Blood Bowl? Whatever sport they are playing, I don't recognise it!

Let me finish by paying homage to the Black Knight. There will always be a place for him on this team. He was rumbling with half of their team during the first half and gave as good as he got. The cherry on the top of his performance cake was a beautiful jump up takedown at a key moment.







While Duchess Iselda recovers from an unfortunate bony foot to the groin, she will offer Agony Aunt advice to you, our loyal fans. Write below in the comments any questions you have about BB or life, or any tips/advice for the ailing coach Muff2n. Participants could win one of these fabulous prizes (T&C apply*):
- Sir Reynard's spike that broke off his gauntlet and embedded into Narin The Watcher's helm.
- Terrible Ivan's last remaining thumb.
- Got an annoying friend you'd like to prank? Khalida will execute them for ya.

*Messages must be received before the start of Autumn. No elves.


Division table here.

An unexpected win from Mahrak team Accomplishers of Phar's Will saw them jump into first place. And an unfortunate point (only one more CAS though) for the Scions of Neferata saw them nab second place, leaving the BoCK in third. However, the real story is that the region won. Sylvania triumphed over The Haunted Hills and The Lands of Dead. Hardly surprising as it's well known that Sylvania hosts the best teams. Yes, I do rag on about the Scions - indeed they are inferior Lahmian vampires who were completely wrong to have kicked out Lady Lenore for her imagined 'transgressions' - but they are a tough team. A lot of people ooh and aah over the record of the Celestial Divine Wind who only ever seem to win. What they forget is that they have such an easy regional. That's the only reason for their better record. Put them in Sylvania and see how they get on. There's no point inviting them though - they'd never show.

P.S. If you read this then you probably like GIFs, in which case you should check out the Marienburg Magnetites for some hilarity.

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Comments
Posted by bakadon on 2021-07-16 16:52:20
It's sunny, the pub is the perfect place to be. I'm playing whack an elf next, although need to do some tackling practice.

Keep it up enjoy a read when I can't take staring at my rosters anymore:)
Posted by Nobby_Nobbs on 2021-09-04 12:20:33
Dear Duchess Iselda,
On behalf of the catering team of a Skaven team, do you hve any personal recipes to share? The fans are tired of warpstone and cheese, and thought you might have something with a bit more punch to it. Please, give us anything before we become the next meal!
Posted by sokeeffe on 2021-09-07 13:27:48
Dear Duchess Iselda,
Will we ever learn the secret behind Terrible Ivan's name?
Posted by Norn on 2021-09-08 00:42:21
I am discovering your wonderful reviews only now !

The BoCKs have played thrilling, extraordinary games this summer (except the last which was more "normal")

Happy about my (lucky) 1st place, I'll gladly let you and the Scions have the "regional" triumph : we would never team up with disgusting Settra squads to win anything ;)

Posted by Muff2n on 2021-09-09 11:26:16
@Norm
I pretty much only play my BoCK matches these days, so I might be forgetting how wild all BB is... But certainly I have felt that a good proportion of my matches have had crazy moments which has been great fun indeed. I think a lot of credit goes to the roster designer, it's very nicely done in my opinion.